3 months later:

It's been the longest three months of his life. Each day felt like a year. He was barely holding on the hope that she was meant for him. That she will forgive him. That she loves him.

Each night he torture himself by remembering all the details about her that he never focused on. Each night he lays in bed with his mind and soul consumed by her. Her beautiful eyes used to showcase so much. He had often seen her eyes brightening and they would wrinkle at the end. Her forehead scrunches whenever she is thinking about something or wondering in her world. He would often stalk her around the hospital whenever he had time on his hand.

This was one of the reason he asked Kabir to find more efficient doctor so he could stalk in peace. After the incident where she was locked for hours in basement he was paranoid. He even had his guard dress as staff and roam around her when he wasn't there. Even though at first he used the excuse of her safety slowly it changes into his newest obsession. He would find ways to be free just so he can hide and watch her. Especially whenever she takes a nap in between long hours. He loves sitting by her side mesmerized by her.

He would often try to put his coat or bring a spare comforter for her. He would constantly worry that she wasn't comfortable enough. He even got a couple of pillows on the bed she always uses and restrict anyone else to do so. He didn't like how she never uses his office even when he said it was fine with him. He doesn't blame her. He was an idiot.

That's pretty much how his memories goes every night. He would start from remembering something beautiful to turning it back to something bad.

Which is why he took a extended vacation from the hospital. He couldn't work when he was losing his mind. He was losing his life (her) in front of his eyes. Even when he was trained and he trained himself to never react, he cannot do that when it comes to her.

He had tried reaching Kabir uncle through all means. He went to his office, his house and every place he could possibly think of. Kabir never met him. He would just struggle and fight his guards and then get thrown on the street. He would often get hurt in the process but he never stopped. His father told him that the day he was ready to let her go only then he should quit all his efforts. He was ready to let her go. The thought alone pierce his heart and spread a new wave of pain.

He heard a loud thunder outside that jolt him out of his thoughts. He heard his phone ringing and he looks at the clock that shows it's 3am. He picked his phone up and his heart almost stopped.

Kabir is calling him.

He immediately answered the call ready to say something but stopped when Kabir spoke, "You know she is afraid of thunderstorms" His breathing hitched, "It reminds her of the time she was alone and trapped all alone. Her bastard father used to be worse in these days. I heard this thunderstorms is the longest of them all".

That's all he heard before the line went dead. He barely was able to hold his heart hearing all that and before he could beg, Kabir was gone. He understands that the only reason Kabir called him was to hurt him. To show him how even if he desperately wants to reach her, he couldn't.

The tears he had been holding on came to life. As he heard the loud roaring outside he felt his heart squeezing in pain and the sound of his pain drowned by the loud sound of the thunderstorm.

He heard his phone ringing again after a couple of minutes. He saw Kabir number flashing again and he immediately answered not allowing Kabir to speak, "Please. Please. You can hurt me as much as you want. Please, let me speak to her at least. Just this once. Just one time-".

"Ehan".

His heart stopped. It was a moment where he thought this was another cruel joke of Kabir. That he was imagining this. Because there is no way she was on the other side.

He choked on his tears, "Jaan? Is it really you? Is it my Ziva?"

He started crying again. He heard crying from the other side as she hicupped once in a while and he knows it's her. It was his wife. But even when he was desperate of one sign of her he couldn't process that it was actually her.

"Meri Jaan, God, I miss you so much. I am so sorry, Ziva. I am so sorry. I hate myself for hurting you. I hate everything I have done to you. Please come back to me. I promise I will make it up to you all my life. Please, Jaan, just come back to your Ehan".

She sniffs, "I am scared".

His heart cracks, "I am here. I am right here. There is nothing that will harm you anymore".

She stayed quiet.

"But you hurt me".

A knife went straight through him, "I did".

"And it hurts me so much. I didn't do anything. It was my father, yes, but I was a child. What could I do in the basement?"

"I know". He was ashamed of himself

"And I am very angry at you too. Even if I miss you I am still angry".

He couldn't help the smile that comes to his lips as his shoulder relaxes hearing that she indeed misses him.

"I will spend every day worshipping you, baby".

"Dont say things like that". She said angrily and he couldn't imagine how beautiful she must looks right now and just how adorable she must be

That thought hurts too.

Because he couldn't see her. He couldn't touch her.

"Are you feeling ok? Are you eating well? Sleeping well?"

"What answer will hurt you more?"

"It will hurt me regardless. Because even when I wish I was the one taking care of you, I can't. Each night I lay awake wondering about how much time I wasted in my stupid ideas when I could be holding you in my arms. I hate myself that I can't even remember how it felt holding you. I hate myself for not loving you properly. For not knowing what makes you smile or what makes you blush or if you can even blush. How would you look when you do? I hate myself so much that any answer you give will hurt. And I hate myself to the extent that hearing your voice only makes my desperation hurt more".

She sniffed.

"Don't cry because of me, Jaan. Never me. I am not worthy of even your tears". He couldn't help the ache of his heart, Please, don't cry".

"I miss you. I know I shouldn't. You hurt me and I feel like missing you is only because I am a easy person".

"I miss you too. So much that some days I can't even breathe properly. I know I shouldn't when all I did was hurt you. I am that selfish. You can be too".

"Do you think... that we will ever meet?"

"Do you want to meet me?"

"I don't know" She replies, "I started going to a psychiatrist and I am still working on myself. Its hard some days I can't stop crying".

"I went to a psychiatrist too. It is hard. We cry because we have parts that need a good cry before they heal forever". He said softly, "How about you meet me when you are sure that I am someone who is worthy of you".

"How will I know that?"

"You will know".

The rest of the night she didn't talk and just listen to the sound of his voice. She might already know that she needs him. It wasnt some complusion for her. It was the fact that the man was trying to look out for her.

She wanted that life. A life filled with someone who values her and put her above everything and everyone else. She had seen enough men in her life. Thankfully, she found Kabir at a dark corner and he showed her that even when he was filled with darkness, he could be a gentle and supportive man to his family. He showed her that the man who wants to step up will do so against all odd.

She spent a very long time in loneliness. It was a time where she had no idea if the day ended or if it just started. That part of her life was a past. She needs to put that behind her. She needs to confront and be done.

That is why she spoke to Kabir after a week of speaking to her husband.

"But I want to see them" She was referring to his parents

"No" Kabir said, "Do you have any idea how bad that can be? What if they misbehave for something that was not your fault! You shouldn't be carrying burden that's not yours. It should be your father".

"But he is no more" She whispers

"Exactly! When he died - no - when I killed him everything he had done was put to an end. If someone wants to carrying his doing and hurt someone merely related to that man is their problem not yours".

She sighs, " I know what you mean. I know you mean well. I am not going to apologize to them".

"Then what?"

"I just want to tell them that I Iove their son. That when I am ready I will be back to start a life with him".

"What are you planning to achieve?"

"I am just trying to see who is with me and who is not".

"Are you sure?"

"Yes".

She didn't expect his parents to be this calm. She thought they will be mad at her. Kabir suggested the meeting to be in one of Usman's hotel for privacy and protection.

"How are you doing?" His mother asked smiling softly, "You look beautiful".

She has tears in her eyes as she gazes at the woman who was tormented for no reason.

"I am so sorry". She said sniffing, "If I could've helped you, I would".

His mother takes her hand in her warm hands, "You were not responsible for my protection, beta. We were supposed to protect our children. You were just a child".

"Still I knew-".

"None of that. You want to speak to us so here's the deal". Usman said and she rarely ever hear his voice, "Your father was a bastard and he paid for what he did to my family. If I had any intentions of taking revenge from a child for what's her father had done I would have done it already". His eyes softens, "I hate that my son didn't understand this until it was too late. Your young shoulders shouldn't have a burden of a grown adult. You need to set yourself free of this guilt. If we hate you you wouldn't see us like this but we don't and that's a fact. It's not because you are with my son, it's because we understand exactly how it feels to be burdened by someone else sin and trust me they just wipe your happiness".

"So you don't hate me? You want me to stay with your son?"

"I wouldn't want you to stay with my son if it doesn't make you happy. I have a very beautiful daughter and never in million year I would want her to be with a man who hurt her and break her heart. You are just like my daughter. I want you to decide if you want to stay with my son and if you don't want to, we will respect your decision too".

"I want to stay with him". She mumble and she saw smiles stretching on their faces

"We have a surprise for you then". His mother said as she gesture her to turn, "In few seconds, turn around, ok? We will leave now and we hope to see you soon so we can finish your wedding".

She nodded a little confused.

Just as the door close behind his parents she felt her husband presence. It was something she started to realize now. She can somehow sense him when he was near. She thought it was weird at first now that she was coming to know her feeling she understands that this was just a part of being in love.

She turns around to look at him to make sure she wasn't imaging him. Just as her eyes collided with his eyes a sob leaves her body.

She missed him. So much.

"No no no". He panic as he went straight to her pulling her body to his body, "Dont cry. Please, meri jaan. I am sorry. I can leave if you want".

She cries harder.

He wrapped his arms around her cooing her into his hold. She felt his strong and warm body wrapping around her in a soft comforting blanket and in that moment she had that clarity. She felt safe with him. She always felt safe with him.

"Please stop crying. I don't think I like when you cry".

She chuckles, raising her head to look at him, as she shyly smiles, "I missed you".

He could have sworn he felt his heart stop at her words. Now that she was in his arms he can believe that this was not a dream, that she was here and she was allowing him to hold her. He raise his hand wiping away her tears as he drops his head to her neck inhaling her scent. He was almost too close to forgetting her scent. Her scent was vanishing from all the things he had of her. No matter how much he tried to keep it.

He kissed her shoulder, "I missed you so much more. I have so much I want to say and there were so many things I kept reminding myself to say yet now I don't remember anything. No, nothing I have to say to you makes me worthy of you".

She felt his tears soaking through her dress as his face remains buried in her shoulder.

"Don't cry. I don't think I like when you cry".

He chuckles and she can still hear his tears.

"I am just so sorry that I hurt you".

"I want something other than apology".

"I will spend every day of my life apologizing to you". Tears fills his eyes, "Just one chance. I need just one chance".

"Ok".