Marian's POV

I texted Seth telling him na hindi ako makakapunta sa condo unit dahil masama ang pakiramdam ko. It was partly true. I had been feeling emotionally off since this morning. I just wanted to hibernate, just sit in the living room and watch movies the whole day. Pati nga sa flowershop hindi ako nakapunta, tinawagan ko na lang si Flor at sinabi kong siya na muna ang bahala doon.

I couldn't stop crying like crazy in every movie I watched today. I was on my third movie, 50 First Dates. It was supposed to be funny but why was I still crying? Nandoon na ako sa part na pinanonood na ni Lucy ang video tungkol sa accident niya, and it had me sobbing like a baby, when the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anybody today. Magsasabi naman sina Betsy kung pupunta sila dito. With a groan, I paused the movie and got up from the couch. I walked to the door and opened it to find Seth standing there.

"What are you doing here?" Agad na tanong ko.

"Just checking on my sick friend." He answered. Seth looked at me straight in the eyes with a hint of concern. "Are you okay?"

I chewed my bottom lip, feeling my emotions bubbling up again. I felt like crying again. "Do you want me to tell you the truth or do you want me to lie?"

His brow furrowed in confusion.

I let out a sigh, holding my tears in. "I'm not okay. I feel like crap today. I just want to cry and watch movie and eat. I don't know what's wrong with me. Seth, nababaliw na yata ako."

He suddenly burst into laughter. That asshole! May nakakatawa ba sa sinabi ko? Nagdadrama na nga ako tapos tatawanan pa niya ako?

Inis na hinampas ko siya sa dibdib. "Ano'ng nakakatawa?"

"Matagal ka na naman kasing baliw." He chuckled.

I frowned and was about to close the door nang iharang niya ang sarili niya doon. He pushed it open and walked inside my house. And then he wrapped an arm the back of my waist. I tried to push his hand away from me but with his firm hand, he just pulled me closer to his side. "I was just kidding. Wala rin naman akong gagawin. Let's watch the movie together."

He took me to the couch. Nahiga siya doon at hinatak niya ako sa tabi niya at napahiga din ako. We laid down, spooning on the couch. Oh my god! I could never just get used to him. Ilang beses na kaming nagtabi pero ganito pa din ang epekto sa akin. I felt butterflies having a blast in my stomach.

Inabot niya ang remote control na nakapatong sa coffee table at pinlay ang movie. He rested his hand on my waist after putting the remote control back down. I could feel him breathing, the rise and fall of his chest against my back. I could smell him. His manly scent mixed with his expensive cologne invading my senses.

You're just buddies, remember? I reminded myself. He would never see me the way he sees other women. Kaya nga kaya niya akong tabihan ng ganito nang hindi pinagnanasahan. Because we're just buddies. Kahit kailan hindi maaattract sa akin si Seth.

But it felt nice having someone just having him here for me. His presence, even though it confused me, lightened up my crappy mood. I could just easily close my eyes and pretend we were couples.

Tahimik kaming nanood hanggang sa matapos namin iyon.

"Kaya mo din bang gawin iyon?" Tanong ko sa kanya after turning off the tv.

"What?"

"Yung mga ginagawa ni Henry para kay Lucy. Can you see yourself doing that for a woman?"

"Drew Barrymore's hot as hell but I think it would be exhausting. I don't want to wake up everyday to my wife freaking out because she thought a random guy is sleeping in her bed."

"Kahit mahal na mahal mo?"

"I don't know. I've never really loved a woman besides my mother. But what I do know is that love makes you stupid, I've seen what it did to my father and my friends. Kaya hindi ko din masasabi."

"So you do believe in love." I smiled.

"Of course, but it's just not for everyone. Katulad natin."

"Natin?"

"Oo, natin. You want to find love and settle down. I don't want to find it because I don't think I'm ready for it."

I shifted, turning to my back so I could look at him. He was on his side with his head propped up with an elbow.

"Pero hindi ka ba nacucurious kung ano ang pakiramdam ng mainlove?"

He shook his head and looked at me like I said something stupid. "Why would I want to be tied down when there's so much I can do with my life?"

"Kailan ka magiging ready?"

"Kapag nagawa ko na ang lahat ng gusto kong gawin. Maybe when I'm 50." He chuckled.

"Paano kapag nalaman mong may naanakan ka pala?" I swallowed.

"Fuck no! Don't say bad words." He gave me a scowl. "Hindi mangyayari iyon. I'm always careful when in comes to things like that."

"Paano lang?" I bit my bottom lip. Paano pagmay nabuo nga? Paano kung buntis na nga ako ngayon?

"I honestly don't know what I would do. I want more to life than changing diapers. I don't think I'm ready for that. Ayoko pa magkaanak."

Kawawa naman pala ang magiging baby natin kung sakali. Hindi siya tatanggapin ng daddy niya.

"What about you? Bakit nagmamadali ka na? It's as if you women only live for love. You women convince yourself that some God put you here on earth to be with that one person."

"And you live for sex." I rolled my yees.

"I live for myself. I can do without sex. It just makes everything more fun but I can live without it." He shrugged.

"Whatever we live for or what we believe in, at the end of the day, isa lang naman ang gusto natin di ba? Ang maging masaya. We all just want to be happy. Everybody just has different perception of happiness. You know, for the past weeks, I'd been daydreaming of becoming a mother. A vision of me holding a baby in my arms, rocking and singing while the little baby cooed. That's what happiness is for me."

I saw how his face softened. We fell silent for a few moment as he stroked my hair. We just looked at each other. Eyes. Those friggin' eyes. They were so beautiful. I didn't want to fill the silence with words. The silence felt pure and deep and honest. It was so soothing.

"Want me to show you a different kind of happiness?" He asked, all of a sudden. Bago pa ako nakasagot ay tumayo na siya mula sa pagkakahiga. "Come on, let's do something stupid together." He held me by my hand and pulled me up.

"Teka, saan tayo pupunta?" I asked, as he dragged me out of my house. He shoved me inside his car, in the passenger's seat and he went around to the driver's side. He started engine and took off.

"Think of one stupid thing you've always wanted to do." He said, his eyes fixed on the road.

"I can't think of anything." I said.

"Come on, you've never thought of doing something stupid in your whole entire life?" Tumaas ang isang kilay niya. He wasn't convinced.

"Well... I've— I've thought of getting a tattoo when I was younger." I answered. Hanggang isip lang naman iyon. Bukod sa takot ako sa karayom, takot akong mag-iwan ng marka sa katawan ko na pagsisihan ko balang-araw.

"We'll get you your tattoo." He grinned.

"What? NO! I don't want to get a tattoo!" Mariin na protesta ko.

"Yes, you do. You just said it." Nakangisi pa rin na sabi niya. "You know what's wrong with you? You're living your life in fast forward. You always think of the consequences, of what will happen in the future. You think so much of the future that you forget the now. Paano kung hanggang bukas na lang ang buhay mo? It's okay to do what you've always wanted to do because someday we're all going to end up in the ground, we'll all be gone. Might as well enjoy the now, right?" He turned his head to me. "So, do you want to get a tattoo?"

"I— I guess so..." I said, still a bit unsure. But his speech, at that moment, made perfect sense to me.

I got a small Yin tattoo below my left pinkie toe and Seth had the Yang tattooed below his right pinkie toe. I almost jumped out of my seat when I heard the sound of the tattoo machine but it didn't hurts as much as I thought it would. Nagandahan naman ako sa kinalabasan.

When we walked into the tattoo shop, hindi ko alam kung ano ang ipagagawa kong tattoo o saan parte ng katawan ko ilalagay iyon. The tattoo artist thought Seth and I were couples so he suggested the yinyang symbol tattoo. Seth liked the idea of it and so did I, kaya yun na lang ang pinili ko. He ended up getting himself tattooed too. Kapag pinagtabi ang left at right foot namin mabubuo ang yinyang symbol. He said it was a sign of our friendship. So we could have something to remind ourselves of each other.

Anyone would say what we did was stupid and impulsive but I didn't care. I was happy with our matching tattoos. What was important was the now, right?

"Does it still hurt?" Tanong niya habang nagmamaneho na pabalik sa bahay.

I smiled and shook my head.

"Did you like your tattoo?"

"I love it." Masayang sabi ko.

"I love mine too." Ngumiti din siya. "Do you trust me?"

"Huh?" Takang tanong ko.

"Do you trust me?" He repeated.

"I— yes..." Yun na lang ang nasagot ko.

"Buckle up, you're up for a crazy ride." He said before flooring the accelarator pedal. He turned up the music volume in full blast as the song "Fast Car" played. I screamed and he just let out a careless laugh. Sa sobrang bilis ng kotse, pakiramdam ko parang lumilipad na kami. It was as if my body was living my soul behind. He took my hand and held it while the other one was on the steering wheel. And I wasn't scared anymore. Nawala lahat ng takot ko. It was the now. What was important was the now. Everything around us was a blur of colors. All I could see was him and his face. He was stunning. It felt like we were in an another dimension, in our little world and I couldn't feel a thing except his warm hand on mine. I had never felt this alive before.

That night I experienced euphoria in a whole new level. So this was his kind of happiness. The impulsivity, the wildness, the sponteneousness... I loved it.

The car stopped in front of my house. Sandali kaming tahimik na umupo doon. Bago ako nagsalita.

"Thank you, Seth. I really had fun." Sabi ko sa kanya. "If this was a date, this would be the best date I have ever had."

Humarap siya sa akin, seryoso ang mukha. He brought his hand to the back of my head and pulled me to him. He crashed his lips to mine. Napasinghap ako sa gulat because I wasn't expecting this. He nibbled on my lower lip. I felt a heat spread through my entire body. I opened my mouth for him and that was when he pulled away, his breathing loud and labored.

Narinig ko ang marahas na pagmura niya nang masandal siya sa kinauupuan niya. I just looked at him shocked.

"I— I'm sorry." Mahinang sabi niya.

Sorry? He was sorry for kissing me. Was it that bad? I felt hurt and embarrassed. Asshole! I slapped him on the face. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya sa pagkabigla. I tugged on his shirt with my hands and pulled him to me.

I kissed him. Mimicking the kiss he gave me seconds ago before pulling away. "Now, were' even!" Sabi ko bago ko nagmamadaling binuksan ang pinto ng kotse at tumakbo papasok sa bahay.

Mother of Christ, what just happened?