Marian's POV

It took everything I had not to let my tears fall in front of him. But as soon as the door closed behind me, my mask of strength came crashing down. My shoulders collapsed as though the weight of the world fell on me. Awang-awa ako sa sarili ko. Tinaboy niya lang ako na parang wala kaming pinagsamahan. Na parang kailan lang hindi niya ako hinalikan, hindi kami nagtabi sa iisang kama, hindi siya nakatulog habang yakap ako... How could he easily get rid of me like that?

Hindi ko naman ineexpect na tanggapin o akuin niya ang bata. I knew Seth was allergic to commitment of any sort. But to get rid of me like that? To look at me like I was the most disgusting human being on the planet?

My feet brought me to church. My mother once told me that churches were a place for broken people who wants to be whole again. I felt broken, crushed, smashed, in my heart, in my soul, everywhere.

I prayed. Katulad nga ng sabi ng mama ko, if something gets too hard to stand, kneel. I thanked Him for this life inside my womb and asked for strength.

Pagkatapos kong magdasal nakita kong may ilaw ang ibabaw ng confessional booth. I went in and knelt down. "Bless me father for I have sinned." My voice quivered as tears welled up my eyes. "Father, ninakaw ko po ang semilya ng kaibigan ko."

"Ano?!" He asked, losing the tranquility in his voice.

"N-ninakaw ko po ang semilya ng kaibigan ko at pinasok ko po sa akin. Tapos po nagpregnancy test ako, positive po ang lumabas." I sobbed. "Buntis po ako, father, pero wala siyang alam na siya ang ama. Nagsinungaling ako sa kanya, sabi ko nakipag-one nightstand ako."

It took him awhile to speak again. I could see from the mesh screen that was seperating us that he was shocked and was struggling to think of something to say. "Anak, bakit mo naman ginawa iyon?"

"Natatakot po kasi akong tumanda mag-isa. Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya."

"Masaya ka ba ngayon?"

I answered him with a louder sob. Masaya ako sa blessing na ibinigay sa akin pero hindi ako masaya sa mga nangyayari ngayon.

"Wala akong nakilalang tao na hindi ginustong maging masaya. Akala mo kapag nakuha mo na ang isang bagay, kapag nagawa mo 'to, kapag narating mo 'yan... magiging masaya ka na. This is the compulsiveness that keeps us going but it's also the way to spiritual exhaustion. Katulad ng ibang mga emosyon, katulad ng lungkot, takot, galit, panandalian lang yan. Happiness is not a destination. Minsan sa kagustuhan natin na maging masaya, we do the wrong things."

"Hindi ko na naman po maibabalik ang ginawa ko and I don't think I want to, I want this child badly. Am I bad person, father?"

"Hindi, anak. Tao ka lang."

Seth's POV

Even when the alcohol started getting to my head and blured all my thoughts together, her face was still as clear as the day. No matter how much I drown myself in alcohol, memories of her stayed afloat. I was starting to feel something for her and then I found out she was pregnant. I hadn't fully taken in what I was feeling for her tapos malalaman kong buntis siya sa ibang lalaki.

I felt like lead on and just absolutely stupid. All those kisses, does it even mean something to her? Ginawa niya din ba iyon sa lalaking naka-one night stand niya? I had placed her on a pedestal, seperating her from the other girls I'd been with. I thought Marian was different but I was wrong...

"Tama na 'yan." Wayne took the glass of whiskey I had in my hand. It was guy's night out tonight and we were at Wayne's lounge bar. The guys were sitting on a table, talking about their families and their children, basically something I couldn't relate to.

"What the fuck." I scowled.

"You're drunk." He said.

"What gave you that idea." I smirked.

"Look at you, you can't even keep you head balanced." He said, shaking his head.

"One more... I just need one more drink." I said, leaning forward so I could reach my glass. Lalo niyang inilayo sa akin iyon. I tried to reach it but I was knocked off balance and landed on the floor with a loud thud.

"FUCK YOU!" I shouted in anger as I felt pain shooting throughout my body.

"Is he alright?" Narinig kong tanong ni Tristan.

"What the fuck happened?" Axel asked.

"He's drunk." Wayne answered, nonchalantly.

Lumapit sila sa akin and when I looked up, I saw the four assholes standing around me just looking at me. I winced in pain as I struggle to get up. Phoenix took my arm and brutally pulled me up. Napamura ako sa sakit. My whole body was sore from the fall.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Phoenix asked with arms folded to his chest.

"Kanina ka pa parang wala sa sarili mo." Tristan butted in.

"I'm alright." I said, waving my hads at them. "I just need a drink."

Limping, I went back to the bar and sat on the stool. I reached for my whiskey and downed it empty.

"What's going on?" Tristan gave me a pat on the back before sitting next to me. "Having a rough day."

"Marian's pregnant." It came out of my mouth like vomit.

"Holy shit! Our Seth here is going to be a daddy!" Axel announced with a huge, annoying smile on his face.

"Kaya pala parang problemado ka." Sabi ni Wayne.

"So what's your plan?" Phoenix asked.

"Pinaalis ko na si Marian." I said, hailing the bartender with my hand and ordering another shot.

"What?" Phoenix's brows furrowed. "Why did you do that? Ano'ng plano mo sa bata? Gago ka wala kang balak panagutan?"

"It's not mine." Marahas na anas ko bago tingungga ang isang baso ng alak.

"Kanino?" Tristan asked.

"I don't fucking know!" Anger spread throughout my body. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa baso. I knew if I put more pressure on it, it would break.

"Kaya pala nagkakaganyan ka." Naiiling na sabi ni Tristan. "If only you'd just been honest with your feelings for her."

"What are you talking about? Ano'ng nagkakaganyan? I'm having fun here." I said.

"And getting drunk is your idea of fun?" Wayne smirked.

"Oh shut up, you fuckers. Ano kayo mga magulang ko?" I snorted.

Nagpalitan sila ng tingin at napailing. I didn't care. At that moment, what they think didn't matter to me. I just wanted to numb my feelings.

"Nongnong." A little kid's voice woke me up. A finger pulled my eye open and saw a blurred vision of a tiny face before my heavy lid closed again.

"Yvo, what are you doing there?" I heard a familiar voice of a woman. I forced my eyes open and groaned when I felt like my head it was being squeezed or something.

"We've already had our breakfast and our lunch and soon it'll almost be dinner. Why is nongnong still asleep?" He had his head turned away from me as he spoke to his mother, Andi, Tristan's wife.

"He just needs alot of sleep. Mamaya gigising din yan." Lumapit si Andi sa anak at kinuha ang kamay nito.

"Is he okay, nanay?" He asked in a concerned tone. Andi picked him up and carried him.

I let out another groan as I sat up. Napatingin ang mag-ina sa akin.

"See, gising na siya. Your ninong Seth is okay, right, Seth?" Andi asked, looking at me.

"Yeah, whatever." I answered apathetically, massaging my temple. "What happened?"

"You were passed out drunk last night kaya inuwi ka na ni Tristan dito." She answered. "Gusto mo bang paakytan kita ng painkiller?"

"You must have drunk alot of soda. Sabi ni tatay it's not good to have alot of it, it'll make your tummy hurt."

"Right. Kaya ikaw huwag kang masyadong uminom ng soda if you don't want to end up like me." I said, forcing a smile before turning my attention to Andi. "Yes, please, a painkiller will help."

Tumango sa akin si Andi. "Sige, paakyatan na lang kita. Magpahinga ka muna d'yan. Do you want something to eat?"

"No, thanks. I just need some painkiller." I answered.

Lumabas si Andi na karga-karga ang anak niya at isinara ang pinto. My body limped against the headboard and let out a sigh. I thought of Marian and the baby. She was carrying another man's child inside her. And there was nothing I could do to change that. I tightly closed my eyes forcing my mind to forget the day I found out about it, erase her from my mind, forget I ever met her. But it doesn't work that way. The scenes just kept replaying in my head, it was enough to make any man lose his sanity.

"You okay?" Tristan popped his head through the door.

I gave him a thumbs up. He walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed, holding a glass of water and some painkiller pills. Inabot niya iyon sa akin.

"Thanks." I said before taking two pills and washing it down with a glass of water.

"Are you sure it's not your kid?" He asked all of a sudden.

My eyes shot up at him with a sharp glare. "I already told you guys, i'm positively sure it's not mine. Marian and I had never fucked!"

"Keep your voice down. My son might here you." He frowned. "Di mo naman pala anak. Bakit parang namomroblema ka?"

"Ano bang pinagsasabi mo? Sino bang namomroblema?"

"We know you party alot and you drink alot but never to the point of passing out. We've been friends since we were in college. Hindi mo kami maloloko. You have feelings for Marian!"

"Enough with that talk. My head's already hurting enough. Thank you very much." I sarcastically said.

"You don't like hearing the truth, do you?" He smirked, shaking his head.

"I'm going home." I said getting on my feet.

"Nasa parking lot ng bar ni Wayne ang kotse mo." Sabi niya.

"I'll borrow yours."

"Feel free." He said.

Lumabas ako ng bahay at hiniram ko ang isa sa mga kotse ni Tristan. I was driving home with a pounding head and a heavy heart when I passed by a church, the church Marian and I go to every Sunday. Nagdadalawang-isip na huminto ako sa harap ng simbahan. It was if my body had a mind of its own and it brought me into the church.

I wasn't brought up with a strong religious upbringing. I could count in one hand how many times my parents took me to church. When I had my first holy communion and at my parents' godchild's wedding. I do believe my parents believe in God but they just didn't have strong religious belief, you could say that they were more likely to go with science than faith. Me, well I just go with the flow. But that changed since Marian. Without her now, I just feel, i don't know... lost?

Nakita kong bukas ang ilaw sa ibabaw ng confessional booth. I found myself going inside the booth and sat there.

"Do you believe in God, father?" I asked.

I heard him cough if trying to dislodge something in his throat. "Wala ako dito kung hindi ako naniniwala sa Diyos."

"I don't know what to believe in anymore. I want to tell you something, I met a girl and she made me believe in God. She sparked my faith in an all knowing, all loving, all powerful redeemer." I chuckled, shaking my head. "And now she's gone... Pinaalis ko siya."

"At bakit mo naman ginawa iyon?"

"Because she's pregnant from a one night stand. She doesn't even know who the goddamn father is. I thought... what we had was special. Akala ko pareho kami ng nararamdaman. Nothing makes sense on this goddamn planet anymore."

"Nang malaman mong buntis siya, nagbago ba ang damdamin mo para sa kanya?"

I paused. Kinapa ko ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. And nothing, absolutely nothing had changed I feel about her. Yes, I was mad but I still... loved her. Hell, yeah! Why deny it now?

I love her...

"Anak, minsan may mga bagay na alam na ng puso natin pero hindi pa kayang tanggapin ng isip. Siguro nga tama ang sinasabi nila na mas matalino ang isip pero, hijo, mas malakas ang puso. The mind is weak and is always ready for the 'but what if' scenarios, it wants something it can easily predict because it fears what it doesn't understand. I know you want to question everything but it pays to have a little faith. He has a reason for allowing things to happen."

"What am I going to do, Father?"

"Do you love her?"

"I..." I sighed, defeatedly. "I don't remember falling in love with her, father. I just remember holding her hand and realizing how much it will hurt when I let her go."

"Sa tingin ko, nasagot mo na ang tanong mo." I could sense the smile in his voice.