"AND I KNOW THAT IT'S SELFISH, BUT YOU ARE THE ONLY THING THAT'S EVER MADE SENSE TO ME."
word count; 5,355

MINHO wasn't much of the talkative type, well, only when he wanted to be. He would say he preferred keeping to himself, having a low status as to having a major label within the popularity's pecking order of the school was not anything important to him. Just because he wasn't a sociable person didn't mean he disliked everyone around him. His cold exterior brought assumptions to himself as a whole although students didn't know him personally. But, that was a problem they'd have to deal with themselves.

Though he wasn't the type to say much, he was the type to give much. Minho wasn't a selfish person. If people were in need of a pencil or pen, he would be the first person to remove one from his pencil case and hand it to the individual. Minho would say nothing, only give a gentle smile as a way to inform them that they were allowed to use it for the class period. He had one close friend, that being a younger student Kim Seungmin. There were times where the boy would accidentally forget his lunch at home, or he'd simply have no time to make one the night before. So, Minho always bought him lunch without any second thoughts. Although Seungmin sometimes refused due to him feeling horrible for wasting Minho's money, the older boy always dragged him to the cafeteria with a laugh. He was always the type to give a lot, even if he didn't receive the same amount back. His heartfelt full and satisfied to see people happy.

But, his friend Seungmin thought otherwise. He wanted Minho to be selfish at some times, he believed that the older boy would be crushed one day if he didn't get accustomed to the feeling of doing things for himself and not only for others. Minho didn't see the problem with the way he lived, he thought he was doing well and stable. That there were no changes that need to be done to himself since he was pleased with the way he acted. As many times as Seungmin gave him the lecture about, 'needing to be selfish', Minho would only just shrug his shoulders and reply with the same words, "I know." But, in reality, he didn't.

Fast-forwarding to the present day, Minho was in his photography class which was the period after lunch. He was a bit tired, knowing that he didn't receive much sleep from the night before. But, all he had was English after the current period he was in and then he'd be free to go. He sat next to a boy named Han Jisung, they got along well he would say. Jisung was also in the same grade as Seungmin, he was unaware if they knew each other but he never got the chance the ask, even if he wanted to Jisung was busy being in the middle of him and another student. So, their talking time was limited as the other individual on the right of Jisung also occupied his time. Her name being Chang Nari. Her hair was at a medium length, it was a mix between wavy and straight, but Minho was unable to tell if it was naturally like that or she had no time to fully curl her hair in the morning. It was a light chestnut color that went well with her complexion, overall she was a sweet person and Minho was able to say that he enjoyed talking to her.

The older boy was dozing off, he had no motivation to be in class nor strength to keep his head up as a full stomach and lack of sleep made no good combination. He rested his head on the table, closing his eyes for a small bit. That was only until Jisung tapped his shoulder, tilting his head for their eyes to meet at the same level, "Are you okay?.." He questions quietly in order for their teacher not to hear, there was an explanation going on about a group project that would be assigned today. But, Minho was exhausted. "..tired I see," Jisung adds shortly, Minho nods, "it's okay, I'll cover for you if Ms. Kim calls you out."

The sides of Minho's lips slightly curl up, Jisung displays a gummy smile as a response to Minho's small action, "You don't have to do that Jisung.." Minho shortly lifts his head, putting his elbow down his left hand's palm blossoms as he places his chin on the surface of it. "It'll get you in trouble."

Jisung shrugs, "You get in trouble for some people, why can't I-"

Nari tugs on Jisung's shirt which cuts off his sentence, her pointer finger is extended and it's directed to the front. There, Ms. Kim is tapping her foot on the classroom's tiled floors with her hands crossed. They were in the middle of a small lecture, well, sort of lecture. Jisung awkwardly smiles, "Sorry.." After his apology is said, she turns back around to continue her explanation.

"See, I told you," Minho's voice is fainter than before, "don't do that."

"You're not the boss of me." Jisung jokes.

"I am older."

"Well-" But, Jisung felt another tug in the same spot so he turns his head to Nari once again. Nari raises her brows and places a finger in front of her lips, implying that he should keep quiet. He assumed she didn't want him to get in trouble again, so he bites his lip nodding. "Yeah...okay."

Minho who watches the scene go down feels a bit disappointed that Nari ended their conversation like that, but, it was reasonable as Jisung could end up in detention if he's caught talking again. So, he doesn't budge at the boy and tries his best to set his attention towards Ms. Kim. After about three minutes, her presentation ends. Minho who's lips slightly part is hit with the fact that he didn't pay attention during the span of the time that she was up there. Well, guess Jisung and him would have to rely on Nari for this. All the groups gather together, discussing about the project that Minho had no clue about. Nari filled them in on everything, they had to create a story that brings representation to a group with compiled pictures taken by themselves.

"Maybe we should bring more attention to the lgbtq+ community," Jisung suggests, which caught Minho's attention. "Personally I would like to bring more attention to the group, but if you guys aren't up for it I'm okay with that."

"That would be good, I don't think anyone else in the class would tackle it." Minho shortly says, Nari nods her head slowly which gave the idea to both boys that she was alright with the concept.

"Alright cool then!" Jisung says with a smile, punching his fist into the air. "If you're wondering why I'm so excited, it's because I have someone close to me who is apart of the community. You know it feels good when they get proper representation in things, so once we're done with this I want to show him."

"Is it alright if I make the concept? You know the whole storyline." Nari questions with a gentle voice, Minho examined the girl who had her eyes trailing everywhere else except towards them. It was either she was shy about the topic or was uncomfortable by it due to her body language, but Minho didn't want to immediately assume her thoughts on the topic. "I'll have it done by tomorrow so we can start shooting."

"Yeah sure," Jisung shortly responds to her request, "that's really sweet of you to do Nari, that way we'll be ahead of everyone and get our project finished early if our photos are good." The younger boy doesn't seem to notice the weird aura that surrounds the girl, but Minho still decides to say nothing.

After getting their plan settled, Nari and Jisung talked for the rest of the period while Minho stayed on the sidelines. He didn't want to interfere, more of he didn't really know what to talk about when it came to Nari. Sure, he did say she was a sweet girl, she also seemed to have a gentle kind soul. Plus she was easy to talk to. But, something about her made Minho feel a tad off, maybe it was because of the certain scene he saw earlier? He didn't know. Though time passes by and it's time for their next class, aka their last class.

"Hey Minho," Jisung calls before the older leaves the classroom, he's still packing his bag so he multitasks as he listens to the younger. "Do you want to hang out after school? If you're not tired of course."

Nari hears his offer and jumps beside the brunette cutely, "Oh! Is it okay if I join?" Jisung tilts his head down and smiles, "guessing that's a yes."

Minho looks at Nari, then to Jisung. Now he had a small feeling of what was going on here. One, he'd obviously be third-wheeling with the two since it seemed to be that Nari was crushing on Jisung. Two, Nari was obviously crushing on Jisung. "No, it's fine.." As Minho rejects his offer politely, although it would seem nice to hang out with Jisung, it wouldn't be as comfortable and fun if he was just left out for most of the time. "But, you two have fun." His last words brought subtle pain to his heart, he gives them a small wave and takes off to his next class. He should've looked back to catch Jisung's expression, but he didn't.

Minho scrunches his nose, trying to figure out the weird emotions that filled him. "Huh," Is all he can say, "maybe I should tell Seungmin." As that always was his go-to plan, consulting the younger boy about his small problems was always the right choice. Pulling his phone out of his pocket while he walked to class, he texts Seungmin real quick before he enters his next period.

minho: I feel weird,
boba after school so
we can discuss

seungmin: on it

And with that said, Minho and Seungmin would see each other after school for their important meeting.

♡

"What do you mean you feel weird?" Seungmin questions as they enter the shop, their classes had finally ended and fifteen minutes later they found their way to their favorite boba shop. "I mean, can you describe it at least? So we can figure out if this is a problem."

"I definitely don't think it's a problem, I've always liked being around Jisung. He's one of the few people I can be comfortable around and talk to." Minho explains as they get themselves in line, "It's kinda..indescribable. He asked me if I wanted to hang out with him after school if I wasn't tired. Weirdly after we talked a bit in class during Ms. Kim's presentation, I felt a bit more energized. But, Nari wanted to join so I turned him down.."

"Do you not like Nari?"

"No! It's not like that," As he immediately clears up, Seungmin only nods at his response, "It's just..I always third-wheel whenever they're talking or are together in general. I just didn't want to spend my time watching Nari and Jisung act like a couple."

Seungmin raises a brow, "Are you sure that you're not bothered by the fact that Nari and Jisung act like a couple?"

Minho doesn't respond, he has to think about his answer for a couple of seconds before saying anything. He really has no clue, in all honesty, he doesn't. Him, bothered by the fact that his two peers in his class may be potentially dating? Should he be bothered? "I mean..should I?"

The younger boy playfully punches his arm, "That's why I'm asking you. How about I ask you this, do you like Jisung? Let me define like, like as in romantically interested in him."

Romance? Love, loving Jisung? "Woah Seungmin, you should have let me prepared myself because I wasn't ready."

"Well, you got time because we're up to order." Seungmin states, pointing to the open register. As it was Seungmin's turn to pay this time, he sweetly says his order and Minho says his. They would switch each time they went to the shop, if Seungmin paid last that would mean the next time Minho would have to. Then, the cycle went on. After Seungmin gives the cashier his card, he signs the receipt and they're off to a table to wait for their drinks. "You got your answer?"

"Well..I don't know." Minho answers without confidence, he was really unsure. He wasn't the type to think about relationships although he was in high school. It just seemed like something that would pop up during the right moment. "I mean..do you think that this can be the beginning of my surfacing emotions? That's why I felt that weird pangy feeling in my heart."

"You never said anything about a pangy feeling!" Seungmin tells, shocked by his lack of details, "Minho, that is a high possibility. But, just see how it plays out for the next couple of days. Maybe your heart is trying to say something to you. Like a warning, if you don't act quickly."

"Yeah but if that is the case, what is the consequence if I don't do anything?"

Seungmin's shoulders lift, his hands do too. His palms faced up and as his expression was the definition of uncertainty, "I don't know, that's why I'm gonna tell you this again. Be selfish for once cause maybe it'll help you in the end."

♡

It's Wednesday, once Minho enters his photography class he already catches Nari and Jisung talking at their designated table. His eyes noticed the camera already set on the table's surface, so he was sure that they were just waiting for him. Once he got to his seat, he greeted both of them and took off his bag. Placing it beside one of the table's legs that shortly slouched down. "Are we ready to go?" Minho questions, standing beside Jisung who's in his seat still. "How'd your hangout go yesterday?"

"We went to the nearby cafe. Jisung bought me a slice of cake," Nari informed with a small smile, "And yes, we are. I'll fill you in with the story-line. Basically, Minho, you have a crush on Jisung but are too afraid to express your feelings to him. Well, I kinda gave you that character cause you seem like that type of person in general. Jisung and you will portray the idea that you're both already interested in each other. But, since Minho is not out and Jisung is afraid of the idea of being judged and humiliated. He loses his connection with you Minho and goes to me instead. Our slogan can be like, let love be love!" The younger girl seemed quite proud of her work, but Jisung doesn't seem too pleased with the idea.

"I mean, sure there... I kinda wanted the representation to be a bit bolder but since you seemed to work so hard on it, I'm okay with it. Let's cross out fingers and hope that the class doesn't see it as some k-drama ad." Minho had to agree with Jisung's input, but he didn't want to say anything as Nari would most likely be disappointed in her own work. "Alright, let's get moving!"

Once all the teams were settled, they were able to roam around the campus to shoot their photos. The only rule was that they had to be back before the bell rang to take attendance because it was a possibility that students would try and skip school. "What should the location be?" Jisung questions to both of his peers, Minho who stands beside him while he walks doesn't say a word. "No clue Minho? It's okay, me too."

"How about I take some with you guys looking out the windows?" As she suggests the idea, which wasn't too bad. At this point, Minho was just following along. "Minho you can be the one looking out the window and Jisung you can walk by him without looking back."

"Ah, k-drama feels.." Jisung whines but still listens to the plan. "Let's hope there's no miscommunication with the poster. Because it'll be bad since we want this to have a positive note."

"Don't worry, we won't." Nari reassures, getting herself ready to take the shot. For the next thirty minutes, Nari takes shots of Jisung and Minho. Ensuring that they're perfect so they wouldn't have to go out of their way to take them again. Once they're finished with that, Nari hands the camera to Minho gently. "Now it's Jisung's and I's turn."

As their location changed, they found themselves in a popular area outside that students usually crowd during lunch. Jisung makes his way towards the area first, only because he wants to find a suitable setting that matches the vibe of their previous photos. While he's doing so, Nari and Minho walk together slowly. "Minho, can I tell you something?"

Minho tilts his head, "I mean, you can. As long as you're comfortable saying it."

"If i'm asking that mean that I am," Nari stops in her tracks, letting out a small laugh. "I just want to say that I really like Jisung, I may look a bit clingy or whatever. But, I really like him."

Now that wasn't surprising, Minho had already expected it. "Oh, you do?"

She nods her head vigorously, wide smile plastered on her face. "A lot, probably ever since the beginning of the year. Will you help me out here? You know, tell him to get closer and act all 'coupley'."

Unexpectedly the request hurt Minho a bit, maybe because he was only being used for her own benefit. But, what could he do? Crushes were crushes, he couldn't deny her since she did ask politely. "Oh..sure."

"Great! Come on, let's take them before class ends." She says, running towards Jisung. But she also looks back at Minho who's still standing in the same spot, motioning to follow her.

Once they catch up with Jisung, they decide on a grassy setting under one of the trees. It was slightly shady, but there were elements of sun that helped with the lighting. Nari and Jisung sat next to each other, Jisung who pressed his back against the tree tried to get comfortable as he realized Nari was invading his personal space a bit. He did like Nari, well to be clear as a friend. She was outgoing, sweet and polite. A nice girl who he was able to talk to with ease. But, he was wondering if Nari consumed those messages in a different view. His kindness wasn't the same as being romantically involved with her. He didn't know, nor didn't want to ask as it would make things awkward.

"Jisung, can you scoot a bit closer to Nari? You look a bit awkward." Minho gestures with his right hand to get closer, Jisung who has to comply does what he says. After a few shots, Minho takes a look at them and he would say, they did look like a real couple. "You guys look good together." The words come out automatically as he doesn't think about the consequences. Jisung who shifted in his position sits up,

"We're not, but the picture must look really good to make it seem like it." He compliments, walking towards Minho. Nari who pouts follows the boy and takes a look at the pictures herself.

"Wow, we do look like a real couple." She says, trying to act amazed although that's what she was secretly wishing for. "Maybe we should—"

"We should get going?" Jisung tries to guess what she's going to say, but he knew it was already going to be related to the idea of them being together. "Seems like a smart idea, class is going to be ending soon and we still need to take attendance." The brunette is the first to head off, Nari and Minho watch him leave without another word.

"Ah! I think I was too obvious." Nari whines, playing with her hair to ease her stress. "Do you think I was?"

"Um..I don't know?" Minho responds, "But lets get going okay? Don't worry about it too much."

She sighs, "Well, if you say so. Maybe he just doesn't want to be marked down."

"Yeah."

Shortly, the two meet Jisung in the classroom who's occupied his seat. They sit down in their assigned seats and wait for Ms. Kim to read out the attendance sheet before they can start packing up. Minho, who's eyes seem to be set in front, loses his focus as Jisung taps his shoulder.

"Hey..you wanna go out today? Sorry if this is always last minute, but this is the only period we have with each other." Jisung questions once again. Minho knew that there was no harm in doing so, hanging out with Jisung would make his day a bit brighter. But, he can see Nari's stare over Jisung's shoulder. Assuming she heard his offer, he can only gulp.

"Oh..I have to tutor my friend after school..but maybe Nari would love to go with you? Since you guys went out yesterday."

Jisung's excited expression falls, he doesn't want to turn around and allow Nari to see his disappointed facd. So he smiles, scratching the back of his neck. "Oh..well okay.."

"I'd love to go with you Jisung." The girl accepts, although Jisung didn't even ask. "Meet you after school?"

Jisung nods, "Yeah..after school."

♡

After school, Minho immediately heads home. Why'd he decline? He knew he wanted to hang out with Jisung, why did he allow Nari to get in his way? Was it because she was just so sweet, so pure and kind that it made it hard for Minho to not help her out with Jisung. He did want time with Jisung, he really did. But, she was always in the middle of them. Jisung himself didn't seem to enjoy it either, but he didn't want to assume his own personal thoughts on the girl.

Once he arrived home, he dashes to his room to scold himself even more. Minho drops his backpack onto the floor, groaning as he couldn't take the frustrating feelings that were difficult to comprehend. "If you keep rejecting him..he might just stop asking. But, it's only the second time? Maybe he'll ask again..I don't know.."

Minho looks at himself in the mirror, standing in front of it like a sim waiting to be given a command. His hands crawl into his brunette locks, tugging on them harshly he shouts at himself again, "You're so stupid! So dumb!" Though degrading himself wouldn't bring much of a difference, he began to acknowledge the fact that Seungmin was right.

He had to be selfish.

The boy takes a deep breath, clutching onto his shirt. "Why are you getting so irritated?"
He questions to himself softly, wanting to come to a conclusion. "Do you like him? He's always been a good guy.." Minho flips back to the moments of him and Jisung in class. There were many memories he held with Jisung, in fact he was the first person (other than Seungmin) who he voluntarily opened up to. Jisung radiated positive energy, a ball of sunshine that made a lot of people want to stay around him.

Jisung was the first person to also understand him and his quiet self. People always assumed that Minho was a cold-hearted person due to the fact that he never really said much. But, Jisung never believed that stereotype put on him. Minho was able to be goofy with him, thus one time in class they had to a project where it the images had to focus on a surplus of an item in their photos. Their group had picked glasses, which led to their tummies hurting due to the funny poses they decided on. Plus, Jisung kept accidentally poking Minho's eyes with the temple tips, not the greatest feeling but a funny memory. Jisung was also not afraid to tease Minho, he always did whenever he found the chance to. Minho knew that he was never serious with his joking words, but as revenge he'd pinch Jisung's cheeks until he apologized.

Jisung was one of the only people who understood him properly like Seungmin, the one person who made sense to him. Yeah, maybe he did fall for Jisung but denied the fact due to Nari being the way. But, this time he wouldn't let Nari get into their picture.

He wouldn't allow her to affect his choices.

♡

The next day, Minho waited until the end of the period just to hear the same words again. Though it was slightly driving him crazy, he finally got through the period. He packed up his materials, Jisung who turns his head towards him is about to tap on his shoulder. But, something stops him.

"Jisung, remember café after school, okay?" Nari reminds, giving him a small smile before leaving the classroom.

Jisung doesn't respond since Nari left without allowing him to say anything. Minho can visibly see the dissatisfaction in his face, he was disappointed and it was clear. Minho didn't understand why he didn't say anything to Nari about it. "Did you want to ask me something Jisung?" Minho was waiting for the moment, but it seemed like it wouldn't happen today.

"I—It's not important."

Jisung quickly dismisses himself from the classroom, not saying another word to Minho. "Well, that's a bummer. It's Friday tomorrow, maybe we can go out then."

♡

Friday, fifth period photography class. The period is about to end soon and Minho is going to ask Jisung to hang out after school. He was wishing things went smoothly, if not there was always next week. The bell rings, which is Minho's cue to bring up the offer to Jisung. "Hey Jisung," The brunette says while the boy is stuffing his notebook into his backpack, "want to hang out after school?"

"R—Really? Yeah I'd—"

"Jisung, we have that thing to attend after school remember?" Nari reminds, Jisung clenches his fist, hating how the girl acted as if she was his calendar. In fact, the thing they had to attend was far from Jisung's interest, a double date. He only accepted because he knew one of the guys would spread rumors if he denied her offer. "Jisung."

"Yeah." He firmly says, "I remember." His voice is monotone, but Nari can't seem to sense the fact that he was deeply annoyed by something.

"Okay, see you after school!"

She's out of their sight again, Minho tries to make light of the situation and puts a hand on Jisung's shoulder. "Hey, lets hang out Monday? After school, I know it's a bit far but I'm a patient guy."

"Minho.." Jisung has so much to say, but he can't. "I just..."

"No it's okay! You and Nari seem to be hitting it off really well." He had to admit it to himself now and not bottle up his emotions, Minho was jealous. Jealous by the fact that they acted like a real couple when they weren't. He was angry by what he saw in front of him, Jisung's liveliness was being sucked out of him and Minho didn't enjoy it one bit. He was unhappy, it was obvious that Jisung was in a tough position. But, he had no control over what was happening between him and Nari.

"But..it's—" Jisung tries to explain, Minho listens closely but the younger only shakes his head, "never mind..Monday it is."

"Monday." Minho confirms with a gummy smile. Before Jisung can leave, Minho tells him one more thing, "it's okay to be selfish and say no Jisung, just saying."

♡

As Monday comes around, Minho walks into class with his fingers crossed. He hoped that nothing was planned over the weekend, meaning nothing planned between Nari and Jisung that'll happen after school today. Taking his seat, he notices how Jisung's head was pressed against the desk. Which was an unusual sight as the boy would greet him or say something odd to start off the period. "Jisung..you alright?"

He lifts up his head, only shrugging as a response. The boy then puts his head back down into the resting position he was in before. "Jisung?.."

The brunette doesn't respond, only silence is what he's given and Minho can feel in his gut that something went downhill for him. He doesn't know what, but he knows it'll hit hard for him too. He has to wait after class, which sucks since the period is way too long and he needed answers now. Jisung's mood was low the whole period, pouty face while Nari poked at him time to time. He didn't seem to be enjoying anything at the moment. Minho wanted to ensure that he was okay.

The bell rang after the forty-five minute period
ended. Minho turns himself towards Jisung, "Hey Jisung, we're still—"

"Jisung, remember our date after school." Nari says, giving him a kiss on the cheek before leaving. "Bye, love you!"

The scene that Minho witness left him shocked, Jisung himself didn't have any reaction but was on the verge of tears it seemed. It was visible that he had built up anger, Minho himself had no words. He felt something inside of him shatter, it hurt a lot. A lot wasn't a strong word to explain it, but the pain was far from endurable. "Y—You're dating?"

Jisung nods.

"Do you want to talk about it? Ms. Kim doesn't have another class and we can skip our last one. You know I'm here for you Jisung.."

"I—I'm so sorry Minho.." He says shortly, allowing his tears to flow down. Minho immediately pulls him into a hug, he couldn't keep his emotions inside anymore. He didn't like Nari, he was in love with Minho. But, ever since the "double-date" that happened on Friday, Jisung was threatened by many of Nari's friends that they had to date or else he'd face hell for the remaining time of his high school career. He had to accept her, especially since she confessed in front of the many people that came who he was never informed about. "It hurts so much!"

"Jisung..what's wrong? Tell me so we can figure this out together.."

"I—I don't want to be with Nari! I'm basically forced to date her because all her friends expected us to get together. I—I never wanted that!" He cries, clutching onto Minho tightly. "I—I want to be selfish. Real bad and say no to everything she tells me. I just can't because I'll be threatened by her friends! I'm scared to do something wrong and make them angry"

Minho strokes Jisung's head, he also rubs his back to try to calm the boy down. "It's okay to be selfish Jisung..it really is. You should work this out together. If any of them hurt you tell me, I'll beat them."

"B—But Minho! I want to do things with you only! Not her! And I know that it's selfish but..you are the only thing that's ever made sense to me!" Jisung finally confesses, but to make things more clear. He looks into Minho's eyes, his own being glossy and red. The younger's lips tremble as he admits his true feelings, "Minho.. I love you, not Nari. B—But we cant be together! I—I know that this is rushed..but I'll see less of you, I'm not gonna be able to see you outside of school cause she's always on my tail. Minho..please..I—I don't want that!"

END