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"LET'S END THIS. WHATEVER we were about to start...let's end it now," I say, staring at the floor while my hands tremble. I didn't want to look up and see his reaction. Will he be hurt? Will he look disappointed, relieved, or indifferent? What kind of face are you making now, Mateo?

     The only thing I could hear was my heart beating fast, as well as the priest who was doing his sermon behind us.

     "P-please...please say something," I say, clenching my hand.

     Teo was quiet for a while, but then he called out my name, making my entire body tremble. How can one man make me feel this way simply by hearing my name come out of his mouth?

     "Bishop," he calls out again, and I finally lift my head up to look at his face. I thought Teo would look sad, but to my surprise, he looked calm, almost like he was trying to understand my feelings. Such a reaction made my heart ache even more. How much more will Teo prove that I don't deserve him?

     "Bishop, how will I give you an answer if you're not even going to look at me," he says, pulling out a handkerchief and reaching out to wipe the tears in my cheeks that I wasn't even able to realize.

     When did I start crying?

     "When you say something so serious, you have to tell me why so I'll understand," he says, and I immediately push his hand away.

     "Teo, just leave me alone. I don't want to see you anymore. I don't—"

     "Don't what?" he interrupts, and now the expression on his face becomes serious. "You don't love me? Is that why you want me to leave you? Is that why you want us to stop?"

     The question startled me. I wanted to immediately tell him yes, but all I could do was bite down my lips in shame. I can't admit my feelings for him. I'm not allowed to accept and acknowledge my feelings for him.

     "Is it because of Claudio? Did he say something to you? Do you want me to talk to him? Has he been hurting you?" Teo continued to ask, and I finally covered my eyes and let the tears stream down my face.

     Why can't I just tell him to leave me? Why can't I tell him that I don't love him—that I don't want to be associated with him anymore? Why can't I even speak? With all the alters I have...why can't one of them tell me the right words to say?

     "Teo..." I called out, and that single word was enough for Teo to grab me and pull me towards him. He wraps his arms around my fragile body, and everything around me fades instantly. His warmth became so familiar that I cried even more as I buried my face in his chest. Teo doesn't say anything, but he caresses my head and comforts me. In an event like this, I should be the one who's comforting him, but instead, I ended up saying something so hurtful.

     "Bishop, if you're afraid, I am here. If there are monsters you wish to face, I will stand by you. But if you want me to leave, then I will. Just tell me the reason, and I will let you go and never turn back," he tells me, and his words hurt me more than I thought they would.

     I swallow the lump in my throat and hug him back, holding onto him like I don't want to let him go. "I'm scared," I finally tell him. "I'm scared of disappointing you. I'm scared that if I hold onto you and show you who I really am, you'll be disappointed, and I don't want to see such a look on your face."

     "And why would I be disappointed in you?"

     "Because I'm not who you think I am," I say, lifting my head to look at him. "The person you see before you...that's not even me. Honestly, I don't even know who I really am."

     "Then show me," Teo says, reaching out to cup his hands on my cheeks. "Show me and make me understand. Because how can I be disappointed at something that I know nothing about?"

    "But Teo..." I whined like a child, hugging him even tighter, making him chuckle.

     "If you can't, you don't have to force yourself. But as long as I don't know what you're so scared of, don't ask me to leave you. I'll be the one to say if I'm disappointed or not. Sounds fair?" He asks, wiping my tears away and brushing my hair back with his fingers.

     I can't win against him. He's too good to me.

     What should I do now? Should I just let things continue and let fate decide? Have I always been a fatalistic person to just let destiny do its own thing? I thought breaking things off with people would be easy, but why is it so darn difficult? Why can't I muster up the courage to let him go?

     "You win," I whisper, and Teo finally smiles.

     "Being with you was never a loss," he replies, leaning close to kiss me, but I immediately look away from him.

     "Alright, we should head back. This is still your mother's funeral. I don't want to be rude," I say, but Teo suddenly grabs my waist and pushes me against the wall just behind the altar.

     "Teo, what are you doing?" I asked, trying to push him off me, but Teo wouldn't let me go.

     "Before that, may I kiss you? I've been longing for it ever since we parted ways," Teo suddenly says. I wanted to decline him and remind him that his dead mother was literally just behind us, but like earlier, I couldn't say anything. Whenever I decide to go against him, my voice stops functioning.

     "May I?" He asks again with a much lower and deeper voice, making me gulp.

     The two of us stare into each other's eyes for a while as the priest behind us continues to recite a verse. For a time, I felt like everything would stop, but then Teo leaned closer and then moved his nose to mine so they could touch, making the two of us giggle like we were teenage lovers.

     "I like your natural eye colors better," he whispers, and right after, he presses his lips on mine, and everything again becomes magical. I felt like I wasn't in Capo di Monte. I felt like I wasn't bounded by a sadistic plague doctor. For a moment...just for a quick moment...I felt like I belonged to someone who desired me in a way that did not hurt.

     Mateo filled my heart with so much pleasure and delight. He made me feel alive and whole. He tasted sweet, and he was gentle and cautious for a while. Obviously, he didn't want to be too aggressive, so to reassure him, I pushed myself deeper against him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pushing my tongue inside his mouth.

     When Teo saw the invitation, he took it with no hesitation and started kissing me more aggressively. We exchange salivas as his tongue dominates me. His hold on my waist tightens, but then it travels down and caresses my thighs. Everywhere he touched felt like it was burning, and all I could do was give in to him. I wanted him to devour me. I wanted him to know that everything belonged to him.

     "We should stop," I managed to say after pulling my lips away from him.

     The two of us were panting heavily while our eyes continued to stare deeply into each other. Despite what I said, our eyes didn't lie. I could tell that he wanted to touch me more.

     "I was scared too..." He suddenly tells me. "When you told me to end things, I was so scared too," he then reveals, and at that moment, my entire body gives in. I kissed him again, and Teo gladly took me. He kisses my lips and then my neck, his hot tongue making my entire body shiver. After a while, he lifted my leg up and pressed his lower body against me, making me bite my lower lip so I wouldn't release a moan.

    "Mateo..." I whisper to him.

    "Amore Mio," he answers. 

     I bury my nails in his back as Teo pushes me further into the wall, his hot breath making the hair on my skin stand. "I want to feel you inside me," I whisper to him.

     Teo grits his teeth as our bulges press into each other. "Not yet," he whispers. "For now, this will have to do."

     Teo doesn't explain further, but he unzips my pants and pulls out my cock with no hesitation. Right after that, he pulls out his own and then grabs both of them, gripping onto them together. The contact made me shiver even more.

     "It feels so good, my love," I whisper under my breath as Teo starts moving his hand. When I thought that I was inches away from cumming, Teo suddenly lets go of it.

     "Everyone, please rise," the priest suddenly says, and at that exact moment, Teo grabs my other leg and lifts me off the floor, my back pressing against the wall for support. I could hear the people rustling behind us, and the thought of having a crowd of people just sitting there made my heart beat even faster.

     I hold onto Teo for dear life as he presses himself against me. He then started thrusting onto me, almost like he was fucking me. The friction between both of our members rubbing against each other made me lose all my reason. I didn't care that we were inside a chapel. I didn't care that we were behind the altar doing such a sinful act while his dead mother lay inside a coffin. I didn't care about any of that. All I wanted was to feel more of him. Like a fool who can't even push him away, I was thirsty for his touch.

     Teo continues to rub himself against me. And then, the choir starts singing, and the music coming from an organ echoes inside the chapel. As the choir got louder, I finally let out a moan; a moan that matched every beat and every lyric.

     After one final thrust, my body shivers, and all my pent-up desires inside me ooze out. Teo presses his lips on me again, and soon after, the choir stops, and everything becomes completely silent. All I could hear now were our heavy breaths while our sweat trailed down our foreheads.

     "That was quite naughty of us, don't you think?" Teo suddenly says as he gently puts me down.

     "Naughty?" I ask back, holding onto my laughter and looking down at the floor where white liquid can be seen. I immediately stepped on it to destroy the evidence before looking back at Teo. "Naughty isn't even the right word. You almost fucked me at your mother's funeral."

     Teo chuckles while he zips our pants back. "My mother stopped loving me. When she discovered that I did not want to marry the woman she liked, or any woman, in particular, she shut me out. If my father could still speak, I believe he would have reacted the same," Teo suddenly explains to me, which is quite a surprise.

     No wonder he wasn't very excited about his mother's birthday party.

     "I believe she's bawling her eyes out right now after seeing us. That is my final rebellion against her," he then says, and I reach out and touch his cheek.

     "Your family does not deserve you."

     "Sometimes I don't even want to be a Ricci," he then jokingly tells me, and the way he said it made me feel relieved for some reason. For a moment, I didn't really care if he knew about what his father did in the past, but his wanting not to be associated with them anymore was a good thing.

     "Anyway, we should head back. She's still my mother after all," Teo then says, and I nod my head as the two of us go back to the ceremony, pretending as if we didn't just commit one of the greatest sins a man can ever commit in the holy grounds.

...

Mateo and I were standing near a tree, watching his family cry over his dead mother. They lowered her coffin earlier, and now they were throwing flowers in the hole. I thought it was normal for a while, but then I noticed that they were actually throwing dead roses.

     "In this town, it is a tradition that if the wife dies first, the people will drop dead roses. It signifies the husband's love that died," Teo explains to me, the two of us standing at the very back.

     "And if the husband dies first?" I then ask.

     "We throw in red roses, which will eventually die. The reason for that is because wives love longer, so once the roses die, the love is said to have also died," Teo explains further, making me cross my arms. For some reason, that explanation felt a bit strange.

     "If I die, will you throw red or dead roses?" I asked, which was a question I didn't really take seriously, but Mateo ended up looking so worried about it. So instead of forcing him to answer it, I laughed and brushed it off.

     The two of us continue to watch them cry over the grave. Even Claudio was there, comforting this older woman, who I can only assume is Teo's aunt. Such a good actor indeed. I should give him an award.

     While the two of us quietly stood under the tree, a woman approached us. It was Isabella, the beautiful courtesan.

     "How are you feeling, sir Mateo?" Isabella asks, standing beside him.

     "I'd say I feel sad, but that would be too pretentious," Teo answers, and all Isabella could do was nod her head. She must already be aware of Teo's feelings for his mother.

     "How's my brother?" he then asks her.

     "Sir Claudio has been with him. It's a good thing he's there. Out of everyone here, he's the one who understands him the most," Isabella then explains, making me look back at her.

     "What do you mean by that?"

     "Oh, I didn't mean to be rude to your master. It's just that sir Claudio is adopted, is he not?" Isabella suddenly reveals, surprising me. Did people in town know that he was not the real son of the Romano family? Did they know that he's the son of the plague doctor?

     "Everyone knows he's adopted?" I ask, and even Teo looks at me, surprised that I wasn't aware of it.

     "Well, yes, we are aware. But that doesn't really matter. The Romano family treated him as their own and raised him well. Like his adopted father, Claudio also proved his worth by becoming a successful doctor. The town adores him just as must as they adore his adoptive family," Teo then explains to me, which only confused me even more.

     So everyone knows he's adopted. Did the Romanos adopt him after they killed his real father, or even before that? But that wouldn't make sense now, wouldn't it? The more I dig deeper into his past, the more I end up getting confused.

     "Anyway, after this funeral is over, I'm returning to my hometown, at Orta di Atella," Isabella then says to us, and this surprised Teo.

     "You're going back? But what about my brother?"

     "I love your brother Mateo, but he treats me as nothing more than his prized courtesan. Besides, people are also talking about the return of the infamous plague doctor. I would not want to stay here any longer. You should trust me on this one, Bishop," she tells me, making Teo block my view from her.

     Maybe the thought of me leaving town is not something Teo wants to hear. But I guess it's good that Isabella decided to run away now. I don't know what will happen to Capo di Monte in the future.

     "I will miss you dearly, Bella," Teo then says, and Isabella smiles and nods her head.

     "I'm just going to be a train away. If you want to see me, you can just ride one. You can bring Bishop if you like."

     "A train? I haven't ridden a train before," I then say out of the blue.

     "Really?" Teo asks, shocked by the new information he found about me.

     "That shouldn't surprise you so much," I reply, making both him and Isabella chuckle.

     "Well then, if you're free, let's ride one together and maybe even visit a nearby town. Just you and me," Teo says, grabbing my hand and holding onto it tightly.

     I glance at our hands that are intertwined together, and then I glance at Claudio, who is still busy comforting the grieving relatives. When it looked like he was busy, I looked back at Teo's face and smiled at him, squeezing his hand that I no longer wanted to let go.

     I know this is wishful thinking, but let me pretend for once. Let me pretend like there will ever come a day when I'll be able to run away with him. Let me pretend like there will ever come a day when I will be able to show him everything that I was so afraid of showing.

     "I'd love that."

to be continued...