(3) Doctor's Diagnosis
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"AND THESE ARE THE rooms," Adeline says as we arrive at a corridor with iron doors. The atmosphere was gloomy, but at the same time, one could feel hopeful. Maybe I'm just thinking too much of it though.
"For now, we're not allowed to enter five of these rooms, but those at the end are for SWLs so we're required to keep an eye on them as much as we can," Adeline continues to explain.
I stare at the said rooms and don't dare come close to any of them. Adeline mentioned earlier that SWLs are patients that are suicidal. Knowing that somehow makes my stomach churn. It's like knowing that a person is sick, but they don't want to get cured and would rather just face euthanasia.
"Adeline, how long have you been staying here?" I ask as the two of us finally walk away from the unnerving rooms.
"A year and two months; when I was fifteen. During that time it was only me, Mr. M, and the master. Mr. M has been taking care of me and has been teaching me a lot of things during those times," she answers.
I look at her again, and her eyes suddenly seemed distant. I was about to say something about it, but then she blinks and quickly adds, "And the master is kind too."
Somehow, something about that last statement felt off, but I decide not to push her into explaining it to me further. Mr. M told me last night that Adeline has only spoken to him once, so it's safe to say that Adeline is very conscious of others, which is why I have to be cautious around her too.
"Is he kind because he gave you your own art studio?" I ask her instead.
Adeline doesn't say anything for a couple more seconds until we reach the stairs. As we walk down the steps, Adeline touches her chest and nods her head. "He said I have a talent. He saw me use mud to draw on the walls when I was at the greenhouse with Mr. M, so he made me start painting."
"Do you enjoy it?" I ask next, but Adeline doesn't answer me anymore.
We eventually reach the second floor, and I could tell that Adeline was starting to look uncomfortable, so I walk in front of her and show her a bright smile, making her look at me with furrowed brows.
"You know what, I know someone who loves to paint. Her name is Alice. I thought she was good at it, but when I saw your paintings, I realize that she's not so good after all! I was blatantly fooled!" I jokingly say, and Adeline stares at me before finally covering her mouth to hide her laugh.
I smile in relief and move closer to her. I was about to ask Adeline if she could teach me how to paint, but then a quick and high-pitched bell was suddenly heard throughout the manor, surprising me. Adeline flinches at the sound too, and before I can even ask what the bell is for, Mr. M suddenly appears in front of us, his hands and clothes covered in dirt like he was gardening just moments ago.
"Bishop, fix yourself. The master is here. He arrived earlier than I expected. He's been gone for two weeks, so he's probably tired and not in a good mood," Mr. M suddenly tells me, making me widen my eyes from shock.
"O-Oh no, Bishop isn't here," I tell him, and Mr. M angrily looks back at me, grabbing my arm and looking me straight in the eyes, probably checking if I was lying to him or not. But when I reacted to his strong hold, Mr. M immediately let go of me and takes a deep breath. "Call him back. The master has to meet Bishop, not you."
"But—"
"Head to the lobby as soon as Bishop arrives. Adeline, let's go," Mr. M says, and before I can even say anything else, the two rush downstairs, leaving me standing helpless.
I couldn't move for a second, but as the bells continue to ring, I immediately run to my bedroom and headed to the desk where the diary is. Grabbing the pen tightly, I open the diary and write the words: Doctor is here after a two-week trip. Head to the lobby IMMEDIATELY!
My hands start to tremble as I look around the empty bedroom. Letting go of the pen, I close my eyes and try to imagine a door. "Bishop...Oh, Bishop, please come out," I say, shutting my eyes tightly as I desperately try to switch back to him.
I wasn't like Bishop. I didn't have full control over us, and unlike him, I'm not aware of anything that happens when we switch. I just hope he hears me out now because I don't want to get in trouble on my very first meeting with the doctor.
"Bishop, please come out," I desperately say, but nothing was happening.
"I-It's not working."
I was starting to get nervous, and it seems like Bishop doesn't want to come out even if I force him to, so I bite my lower lip hard and decide to just pretend to be him. After having such a daring resolve, I grab the doorknob to face the doctor myself, but then my eyes practically roll backward. I lose my balance for a quick second, and when I steady my footing, I look around and realize that I was back in my bedroom.
"How troublesome," I say, touching my lower lip and wiping the blood off.
Bells were ringing everywhere, and I grab the diary on the desk and read what was written on it. "So the doctor's finally here?" I ask as I put the diary back. "And I was already sleeping so soundly," I added, stepping out of the bedroom with an annoyed look.
As soon as I close the door behind me, the bell stops ringing, and I finally run downstairs.
The manor is quiet, and as I was making my way to the first floor, I spot Adie and Lino standing in front of the main entrance, looking all serious. I immediately walk to their side, and there I spot the infamous plague doctor, the myth himself, Giovanni de Vincenzo, standing in front of the entrance.
"Shit," I curse, stopping beside Lino who was moments away from hitting the back of my head since I was sweating after running all the way here.
Dr. Giovanni doesn't say anything as he approaches the three of us. He was tall and a bit lean. He was wearing a black suit and a pair of black leather gloves too, and of course, the mask that everyone seems to be afraid of, which looked like a bird's beak.
He got closer to us, and I could instantly smell alcohol and women's perfume on him. His presence was no doubt intimidating despite not being able to see his face.
"Welcome back, young master," Lino says before respectfully bowing to him. Adie does the same, so I had no choice but to bow too even though I didn't want to.
The doctor remains silent as we stood back up. He then looks in my direction and suddenly shows me his suitcase. I stare at the suitcase with furrowed brows, making Lino angrily nudge my side. I finally got the picture and instantly grab it from his hand. After that, he turns around and starts walking away. With a surprisingly low voice, he says, "Follow me."
I didn't know why but I flinched like a bitch when I heard him speak. I look back a Lino and Adie, and Lino angrily looks at me and mouths the words, "Just fucking go."
"Okay, okay," I stubbornly say before following behind the plague doctor slash master of the manor.
We head upstairs in awkward silence, and even though I don't usually act this way, I couldn't say a single word to him. I couldn't even think of a clever punchline that would break the ice. It's almost like I'm afraid of him even though I just met him.
"Bishop?" He suddenly calls out, and the way my name rolled out his tongue made me shiver.
"Y-Yes," I answer, almost cursing at myself for stuttering like that. Like, why am I suddenly acting like this? He literally only said a single word. It's not like he's interrogating me.
I waited for him to add something since I thought he only called out for me, but I'm guessing he called my name to see if I actually am Bishop. It would make sense though since he hasn't met Winter or my other alters yet.
After a few more steps, we finally reach a door. The doctor pulls out a key from his pocket and opens it. I was expecting it to be his bedroom, but when I followed him inside, I was surprised to see that we were actually in a well-maintained office, or more like a counseling room.
"You can place my suitcase at the desk," he says, and I immediately head to the desk that's filled with folders and books.
The doctor, on the other hand, takes a box from the shelves of boxes and pulls it out before telling me, "You can take a seat."
I place the suitcase on the desk like he said and take a seat on the sofa while doctor Giovanni starts pulling out different files from the box. I didn't really say anything, but then he says, "If you're wondering, your mother sent me these. They're your medical records."
"Oh..." was the only thing I could say as I watch him pull more paperwork from the box.
Doctor Giovanni continues to look through the folders and starts scanning through them one by one. Afterward, he takes a notebook and pen and takes a seat on the sofa that's directly adjacent to where I'm seated.
"So, shall we begin?" He suddenly asks. I awkwardly scratch the back of my head and tell him, "I heard you just came back from a two-week trip. Shouldn't you rest first before doing this? You might diagnose me wrong."
The doctor was silent as soon as he hears my question. I couldn't really see his face thanks to the mask, but I could tell that he was staring back at me with an unimpressed look.
"You shouldn't concern yourself with my well-being. That's supposed to be my job," he finally answers, and I decide to just shut my mouth because it seems like whatever I say wouldn't matter to him.
"Alright, let's begin by asking if all of you are comfortable with truthfully answering personal and medical questions. Do you give me consent to ask you such questions and to record or note them down?" He asks straight off the bat.
Seriously, this isn't how I thought our first meeting would be.
"I'm not sure about the record part, but the note-taking is fine..." because why not? I can't really answer for the rest of them, but we're already here anyway. I'm pretty sure all of them are well aware of why we're even here, to begin with.
"Okay then," he says as he opens his notebook to an empty page. "Now, if we arrive at a question you don't wish to answer, you don't have to lie and make something up for the sake of answering them. Instead, you say the words, 'I don't want to answer that,' or 'I'll answer it next time.' Rest assured, anything you say or do here will not leave this room, is that understood?" he asks next, and I nod my head in response.
Doctor Giovanni sits straight, stares at his watch, and waits for a couple more seconds before clicking it. He then looks back at me and says, "It's nice to finally meet you, Mr. Bishop Lancaster. My name is Giovanni de Vincenzo, but you can call me doctor Giovanni, or any nickname that would make you feel comfortable."
"Will doctor Van be alright then?" I ask, and the doctor nods his head and starts asking me the serious questions.
"When did you first get diagnosed?" he finally asks.
I didn't even think about it as I automatically answer, "I don't know the exact year, but I was diagnosed when I was fourteen by a doctor named Harvey Steward. It went on for eight years."
Doctor Van notes it down and asks next, "Are you aware of how many personalities you have?"
"Before I answer that, can I just say that I prefer to call them alters or identities? Personality is just a bit..."
"I understand," doctor Van quickly says, and then he corrects himself and asks again, "Are you aware of how many alters you have?"
I grin at the doctor's consideration and finally answer, "I honestly only know of Winter, which is the young one. Dr. Steward said I have four more, but I only ever conversed with Winter. If that makes any sense."
"So you're only aware of the little one. That's common since hosts usually aren't aware of most of their alters," doctor Van tells me.
He writes something down in his notebook again before looking back at me. "Do you know what must have triggered this disorder? What happened when you were younger that made your alters appear?"
The question instantly puts a frown on my face, and I immediately tell him, "I don't want to answer that."
True to his words, doctor Van doesn't force me to answer the question and just nods his head in understanding. He then takes a folder and opens it up before asking next, "Will it be alright if I talk to Winter?"
"Are you bored of me already?" I jokingly ask with a flirtatious tone, but doctor Van doesn't react and patiently waits for me to actually call for Winter.
Since there's nothing much for me to do, I scoff at the dry response and decide to just get this over with. Like always, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The room is silent and warm around us, and as I hear cracking sounds from the burning house that suddenly appeared behind me, I immediately open my eyes as I gasp for air.
Touching my chest that's beating fast, I look around at yet another unfamiliar room. And when I looked at the front, I almost jolted off my seat when I saw a man sitting in front of me.
It was the plague doctor.
"Winter? Winter Hollow?" The doctor suddenly asks with a surprisingly comforting tone.
I touch my arm and immediately sit up straight before nodding my head to answer him.
The doctor has a mask on so I couldn't really tell what face he was making. But then he lowers his body a little, almost like he was leveling me instead of looking too uptight. I can tell he's trying to make me feel comfortable.
"It's nice to meet you, Winter. I'm doctor Giovanni de Vincenzo, but Bishop said he prefers to call me doctor Van. Is that alright with you?" He asks, and I nod my head again to answer him.
"Do you know why you're here, Winter?"
"Yes."
"Did Bishop tell you?" he asks next, but I shake my head to tell him no.
The doctor tilts his head to the side and writes something down. With his head still focused on the notebook he's holding with his other hand, he asks, "Did someone else tell you, or are you able to remember the things that happened to Bishop?"
I look around the room again before fixing my eyes back on doctor Van. "W-well...Autumn told me."
As soon as I said the name Autumn, doctor Van immediately wrote it down in his notebook, as if he'd forget if he didn't do it now.
"Autumn? Is this another alter?"
I nod my head and explain, "Yes, she is. She's our caretaker, and she's also the oldest among us. When Bishop was talking to you, she was telling me what was happening so I'd be able to know."
"I see. Then is it possible to talk to Ms. Autumn?"
"No, she doesn't want to. Autumn is seventy-two years old, and most of the time she's tired and is resting, which is why she rarely comes out. It's actually been a while since I was able to talk to her. She must have known I needed her help," I explain to him further, and doctor Van nods his head again and writes it down in his notebook.
After about two minutes, the doctor puts down his pen and looks back at me. "Okay, then let's go back to my other question. Do you get to remember what Bishop does when he's in control? Or is Autumn the only means for you to know them?"
"I only know because of Autumn, or some subtle hints I get when I come out. I can't see what Bishop does, but he can. But he says when we switch he goes to sleep, so he doesn't usually see what I'm doing. That's why I always write in my diary, so he'd know what happens when he wakes up."
"So he's watching us right now, assuming he's awake."
"Probably."
Doctor Van writes something down again, but it was shorter than earlier.
"How many alters are there in your system, Winter?" He continues to ask.
I pause for a moment and try to remember them again. When I was sure, I look back at the doctor and answer, "Five, including Bishop."
Without looking back at me, doctor Van doesn't even stop writing as he asks, "Can you name them for me?"
I pause again and put my fingers up to enumerate them one by one. "Well there's me, Bishop the host, Autumn the caretaker who takes care of us, me especially, and then there's Alice and Krimson. That's five in total."
Doctor Van doesn't say anything and starts writing long notes in his notebook. It took him a couple more minutes before finally looking back at me.
"Alice and Krimson, what do they do?" He asks next, which I already expected.
"Alice is the strong one. She only comes out when she believes something traumatic or scary will happen to us. She's like our protector, and none of us can call her out," I answer.
"And Krimson?"
The next question makes me flinch, and I honestly didn't know what to say when the doctor told him that. I know that I'm not supposed to lie to him, but I have to answer his questions since he's here to cure us.
"Winter, you don't have to answer the question if—"
"Krimson is the scary one," I immediately say, making the doctor pause.
I gulp and look around cautiously, afraid that someone might hear me. When I knew that I was safe, I lean closer to doctor Van and explain to him in a softer voice, "Krimson's the one who doesn't cooperate with us the most. He...he says mean things to us, and he's violent. Thankfully he rarely appears, just like Autumn and Alice. That's why I only really talk to Bishop. Bishop is kind to me."
Doctor Van was writing something in his notebook while I was talking, but when he heard my last statement, he stops and looks back at me.
"He's kind to you?" He asks, and I immediately nod my head.
With a sad smile, I tell him, "He wants to help cure me. Bishop has wanted to kill himself multiple times but he stops himself because he doesn't want me to die too. Even though he acts like he's annoyed by me, he's done a lot of things for my sake, which is why I always do my best whenever he gives me the chance to come out."
The doctor must have been surprised by what I said because he doesn't say anything for at least ten seconds. After letting it sink in, he clears his throat and looks down at his notebook again. "Do you know what happened in the past? Any trauma that you think caused you to appear? Or a reason why Bishop would want to kill himself?"
As I hear the question, I furrow my brows and think about any traumatic experience that might have happened in the past, but I couldn't really remember anything clearly.
"I...I'm not sure. I don't remember any traumatic experience," I honestly say, and I think he knows that I'm not lying to him because he doesn't ask me any more questions.
Doctor Van adjusts himself in his seat again and closes his notebook. "Thank you, Winter. You really helped me a lot," the doctor says, and I could tell that he was giving me a small smile because of how his voice changed a little.
So I smile back at him before closing my eyes and letting the warm atmosphere consume me. "I'm done now Bishop," I whisper, and a door appears in front of me in an instant. I take a deep breath and walk towards the door. I reached for the doorknob, but when I grabbed it, I felt the burning heat, instantly making me open my eyes back.
I look up and see the doctor staring at me, probably with great curiosity.
I take a deep breath and brush my hair back with my fingers before comfortably lumping myself on the sofa. "Can't believe he actually mentioned Krimson. That kid is too afraid of him so I thought he'd keep it a secret."
"So you haven't really met Krimson yet, Bishop?" doctor Van asks me, making me look back at him.
"Nah, I blackout when he comes out," I casually answer.
I was expecting him to ask me about it further, but he doesn't say anything about it anymore and looks back at his watch before clicking on it, just before grabbing another folder.
While looking at the contents of the folder, he says, "There hasn't been any research on how many identities there are for an average person, but five can be a handful. To be honest with you, you cannot remove alters, and you cannot fuse them all together either. There is now a permanent system inside you, but unlike what others think, this can be an advantage."
Advantage?
"The best I can do for you is help organize your system so you can live together harmoniously. We'll start with system mapping first to better understand all the alters. There might even be one or two more alters that your old doctor wasn't able to meet, but I'm impressed that he was even able to identify five within eight years. Most of the time it takes a couple more years to even meet three," doctor Van explains to me before standing up from the sofa.
He heads to his desk and places his notebook and the other files in the other folders. He then takes another notebook from his drawer and writes something down. "We'll have your session every Wednesday. We'll conduct it here so I can hopefully observe all the alters to fully be familiar with them."
I wasn't sure if he was expecting me to answer, but I just nod my head even though he wasn't really looking at me.
"So, are you telling me you can cure me?" I then ask him, and doctor Van immediately closes his notebook and looks back at me.
"As I was saying, there is no cure for personality disorders, or whatever you wish to call it. But if we can fix the system, there's one solution that everyone may agree on, and that's allowing you to freely own this body while they continue living in their own world in peace. This can be a difficult task as it needs the consent of all the alters, and it seems like you have an alter that can be a problem to that," the doctor explains, and that instantly made me stand from my seat as well.
"N-No...that's not what we agreed on," I immediately tell him.
Doctor Van takes a deep breath and puts all the folders back inside the box.
"Your mother told me to get rid of Bishop and keep Winter. I hope you're aware of how ridiculous that is," he suddenly tells me, making me clench my fist in anger.
"Then what's the point of me coming here? I don't want you to cure me, I want you to cure Winter. Can't you do that?" I insist, even though I know that he's right.
Doctor Van doesn't say anything and walks in front of me, instantly towering over me. I was expecting him to at least make up a lie so I could give Winter some sort of fake hope, but doctor Van doesn't answer me at all and says instead, "I don't want to answer that."
"B-But-"
"I told you, we don't lie when we're in here," he says with a low voice, making me gulp at how dominating his presence is. I couldn't even say anything anymore after that.
"Session's over. Now get my suitcase and follow me. I'll tell you what your role is in this manor. And whatever it is, you're not allowed to complain. That's your doctor's payment after all."
to be continued...
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