33. Aye
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Thank you, beautiful!
And enjoy, lovelies!
You have this incredible artist to thank for the steaminess in the next chapter, for the inspiration went crazyyy. So much so, I was delayed with uploading this one because I fully rewrote that one
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Caspian
Alistair's body felt like an animal in heat.
Constantly.
And when I say constantly, I meant it.
I was pacing around the open room of our chambers, trying to decide how I would approach his crew if they were to come to me with any issues. I still knew such a minimal amount about his leadership, and though I was learning quickly, I wasn't learning quickly enough. At least not with this current predicament that presented itself.
Luckily they wouldn't expect me present for most of the day, however Cael did insist that at some point I would need to make rounds. While I wanted Cael's assistance with this, he was busy scouring every book in his personal library, and the study, to figure out what this was.
I, on the other hand, was trying to figure out how Alistair both lived like this, and did nothing about it. At least.. well... I felt my face heating a bit when I thought of how little I knew about that too. I knew I had shared a room with him each night in Gatvia, and he hadn't brought anyone to his private quarters for the duration of the trip.
For a moment, I contemplated finding relief myself, but then that somehow felt like an invasion of his own privacy... to touch mys- well, to touch Alistair. This was by far the strangest course of events to ever occur to me, and now I didn't know what to do.
Cael was correct about us not knowing how to use each others magic, and yet Alistair felt different. It felt like he was magic. Like magic itself had attached and held on to every molecule in his body. I had never seen this before, let alone felt it. A piece of me understood Alistair now, and in ways I didn't think I could.
For all the times I assumed he was fighting with every bit of him, I now realized that he was holding back. To have magic as strong as this, that it could become you... it was almost unfathomable.
He was so in tune with his ship, I could feel her heartbeat much clearer. Even with this patch, my vision wasn't blocked in the slightest. I could almost sense where things were without seeing them, and if this was what even a fraction of Alistair's body could do, I couldn't imagine what he was when his mind was in the right vessel.
This patch was something I was struggling to understand. The only reason my finger stayed the farthest from it, was due to the look of sheer panic on both Alistair and Cael's face when I went to remove it. Whatever warning Cael specifically gave, I was willing to heed. I may not have felt this way the night I was captured, however I now wished no wrongdoing on Alistair's men.
I didn't want to put them in anymore harms way, for my decision making skills as I pretended to be Alistair would most likely do enough damage.
There was also another feeling I felt by being in this body, and it was unique to even I, someone who had been kissed by death itself. Someone who shattered their immortality, with no way of regaining it... and all for nothing.
That feeling was hollowness. Pure hollowness.
Alistair had lost something too, something that wasn't only only taken, but carved out of him. Something that in its wake, left nothing but a chiseled empty pit. This feeling felt like it should bring me to tears, and yet Alistair's body wouldn't allow it. I couldn't force those salty drops to fall, even if I felt something so chilling, crying felt like it should've been second nature. This body held my mind and my emotions, yet somehow I still felt like I was the one that was being held captive.
I hadn't asked the Captain about what this was because I didn't have the slightest idea myself. That, and frankly I didn't want Alistair to ask any more questions of his own.
He could feel the shattering of my immortality, yet he hadn't known what it was. I had lived in my own body for so long, its affects no longer shackled me... yet I still recalled the devastation of the night it was shattered. I still recalled the choices I had made that horrifically proved to be of no help. Of no use. I still recalled my regrettable actions.
And my heart ached for Alistair, and that familiar feeling now being cast onto him. No living soul deserved to feel the damnation of my own.
And thus, this was a terrible position for the both of us to be in.
The Captain had left me alone to attend to the duties that I were to do myself had I woken up in the right body, and judging by his demeanor shortly before he left, he wasn't the most joyous about it.
Cael had insisted he make his rounds as I eventually would mine. Neither pirate wanted to raise any suspicion, to which I understood. This taking place right before our next battle was the worst of timing.
And so I found myself here, pacing the floorboards of our private chambers.
And then, without any warning, I found myself at the ledge of the top deck, staring out onto the main deck down below as Alistair's crew continued their work.
My hands reached forwards to brace myself, yet whatever had just happened was fluid. It moved the plankwood below my feet, however more damage was done to my heart.. rather Alistair's, as fear quickly took over.
"Captain!" Snips called. I was still trying to figure out how I had made it from Alistair's chambers to the top deck, but as Snips quickly approached, climbing the wooden stairs from the main deck, I realized I had a lot more to worry about than just this sudden teleportation.
I had no where to turn to but Snips, and so that was what I did.
"The ship has slowed." Snips noted. I truly had no good response to that, so I found myself nodding. "I'm positive you know more than I, I just assumed we'd be ready to reach Gaelick as soon as possible."
I looked out from our position on the top deck, down below to Alistair's men. I was trying to mimic the stance Alistair had rested himself into whenever he was overlooking his crew, however I didn't feel anywhere near as convincing. I was just looking for a moment to decide how I would answer Snips, yet all that fell past my lips was "Aye."
I could already hear the complaint from Alistair once he found out about this conversation. And I would subsequently never hear the end of it, knowing that man.
"Finn wants to build another counter because apparently the large open kitchen doesn't have enough leveled space. Do you approve?"
Oh shit, I thought to myself. He was still speaking. And I had heard none of it because I was still trying to decide how Alistair leaned against the top deck's rail whenever he looked to be pondering something.
"I-... uh, aye?" The look from Snips as we finally locked eyes again, told me that whatever I agreed to was probably not good. I should've known that this was likely what Alistair's interactions with his crew would be like, considering he was the Captain and all, but I was utterly damned if any others asked me even a shred of a question pertaining to this bloody ship.
To my surprise, Snips had no lip to give, instead he nodded his head in acceptance. The words that fell past his own lips however, made me realize just how closely this man's crew knew him.
"Caspian is growing on me, Cap, as he surely is you, however you might be spending just a little too much time with him Your mannerisms are starting to resemble his."
I damn near froze at those words, but I attempted to ease my stress, giving Snips a smile as he started to take his leave. If you were to ask me, I could not promise enough that I thought heavily about my response, and yet the only thing that could fall past my lips was "aye."
Alistair was surely going to kill me now, but it was too late to take those words back. Instead, all I could do was breathe a heavy sigh of relief when Snips started his descension to the main floor again. Whatever damage that had been done, was done.
My eyes found Alistair who had been helping Coop set up a few beams. He was pouring sweat from the heat of the now setting sun, but he looked to be carrying casual conversations with his men, and all supposedly without them knowing it was him. I had tried to make my way quietly down from the top deck, but once Alistair's body- well, my body turned, and his- rather my eyes found his, I knew it was too late.
The look Alistair gave me as he quickly cut across the main deck towards me, said it all.
I had promised him I wouldn't wander, yet I didn't know how to explain to him that this was his doing. His body's. And it didn't help that whenever I saw Alistair, my body- his body, reacted. I felt flushed, a feeling that was all too fucking bizarre to feel for my own build.
I needed out of his now.
All I could pray was that Cael was right about this being temporary.
"What are you doing out here?" He demanded as he approached my position against the wooden rail of the top deck. "I told you to stay put."
I did my very best not to grow with irritation, for if these last few moments taught me anything, it was that Alistair's body was as predictable as a sudden storm. Anger might bring me to the bottom of the fucking ocean, there was no telling with it.
"Had I known my whereabouts weren't completely up to my own decisions, I wouldn't have agreed to such an order." The irritation in Alistair's voice as my words fell past his lips, almost felt natural.
I wanted to laugh at how second nature agitation must've been for it to slip through so easily, but I held that to myself. That would've been the final straw for the man that was forced into my own death defiance of a body, only to do my tasks out of necessity of keeping whatever had occurred between him and I, secret.
He'd surely throw me over the edge of this damn ship.
His- my eyes still held some anger, but I watched as they softened slightly with my words.
"I thought that wouldn't affect you, considering you barely know anything of my magic."
I felt my own demeanor soften some. "Well I'm not sure there is much I can explain correctly, however these feet were firmly planted in our private chambers mere moments ago. The next thing I knew, I was out here."
Alistair pondered that moment, as his hands brought the hem of his shirt up to his forehead to wipe the sweat. I finally decided that if I were to fully process this switching of bodies, I would need to disassociate myself completely from that being my body.
At this point, it was technically his until this magic ran itself through.
And once again, that simple action made me hard below the belt, something so unnaturally wrong for far too many reasons.
"How do you live like this?"
I was more or less voicing my concerns to the clear air itself, however Alistair quickly returned that with "I can very well ask you the same."
My gaze finally broke from his, this body forcing unholy thoughts on a mind that had no business thinking them. Was this how Alistair's body always reacted when he saw me? And what sorcery could he possibly have, to be able to ignore it all so well?
"When was the last time you bed someone?"
This question had been quite invasive, however I so desperately needed to know. It felt like Alistair hadn't attended to himself for years.
"When was the last time you had?" Alistair countered. I knew that was just his genuine curiosity because my body did not react like this. More often than not, I didn't find any attraction with anyone, let alone another man.
"That is none of your concern. The situation at hand is in relation to your body and its inability to go soft... down... well, down there."
That made Alistair laugh abruptly, which only further infuriated me, yet the sound of my laughter also further stimulated me. I needed to put as much space between my body and his, yet that plan immediately fell through once I noticed Snips had started climbing these steps again, bringing with him information Alistair would very soon not take kindly to.
"Caspian." Snips gave who he thought was I, a brief nod, to which Alistair returned it as me. "I came to discuss final plans for the additional counter in the kitchen."
As soon as those words left his lips, Alistair's eyes darted to mine, disapproval laced in every crevice of the look he was giving me.
Shit.
"I uh-" I started, to which Alistair cut in, forcing Snips gaze back towards him. "I have agreed to assist Alistair and Cael with potential new routes. Why don't you and the Captain continue this conversation after?" He suggested, to which Snips calmly nodded at.
"Aye," he spoke, giving myself a nod as well. "I'll come find you shortly before supper. I take it you two will be joining us?"
I hadn't looked to Alistair in time to see he was clearly telling me to decline this request with his eyes, however something inside me couldn't bring myself to. I could tell Snips was genuinely excited to have his Captain there, and so I found myself completing this conversation with one last "aye."
Once Snips had finally taken his leave, Alistair immediately grabbed hold of my arm, forcing me down the top deck's stairs towards our chambers.
"Where- what are you-"
"We're going to straighten a few things out before you agree to any more nonsense I'll surely find hard to get myself out of." Was all that Alistair replied with, before he continued to pull me towards the direction of privacy.
••
And now for some art that literally made my jaw freaking drop
Mark my words, if this book ever makes it big, a collaboration will absolutely be in the works to get prints made for anyone who wants them if the artist is okay with me buying stock... because these are bloody spectacular. F that, I might just make one a new book cover if the artist allows it. I cannot wait to support more of your work, m'love. You're incredible through and through xoxo
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