Been working on this since last week through the moving to my new place and I completed this chapter on my phone with my data lmao! No WiFi before next week so don't expect much from me for the days to come!

I was wrong. It's not easy at all.

I've spent my whole life connecting so deeply to subjects that it's now automatic. I try to pull back before I immerse myself completely, but my soul rejects the attempts.

Happy. So happy. My owner stares at me with a huge smile on his face and he looks just as happy as I am, this is the best day of my life.

"You want me to throw the ball, buddy?" my best friend asks and I shake in place, try to convey my approval as I jump on him. Go on! Throw it! Now!

He grins and turns towards the wide space of grass. Oh he's going to throw it! I get ready to run, eyes focused in the sky where I just know it's going to appear. But as I wait, there's nothing. Curious and confused, I turn around to see him bursting into laughter before he quickly throws the ball away.

I was tricked! I spin around to see it flying through the sky and I rush towards it as fast as I can. The feeling of freedom that overwhelms me as I run is one I never want to get rid of, the wind caressing my fur and my ears pulled backwards to avoid the air getting inside. I jump and manage to catch the ball with my jaw before falling back on my paws.

I did it! I turn to stare at the man who I love very much and watch as he cheers me on, proud as he motions for me to come back. I made him proud! This is the best day of my life! I'm so happy! Let's do this again!

I manage to force myself out of the memory with much less difficulty than before, but it still takes me a moment to get my bearings back. I'm not a dog, I'm a human. I turn to Seo-joon, the smile I could see on his younger face one that doesn't seem to exist anymore.

He seemed a lot happier, softer so I'm guessing a lot of things happened to make him into what he is today. Life changed us all. I sigh, discouraged and Taehyung hugs me from behind, a kiss pressed to my temple in encouragement.

"It's hard to get rid of habits that are deeply anchored" I mumble, watch as Namjoon crouches next to me to squeeze my knee as he gazes at the picture, deep in thoughts. "What do you think about when you're about to connect to a picture?" he asks and I frown.

"I mean, I think about connecting to the picture? That's... fundamental" I say and he shoots me a look that makes me grin sheepishly. "Okay, okay, sorry... I guess I think about what is beyond the surface to see into it, into the memory it holds to find out everything I can- oh" my eyes widen and I take hold of the picture again.

Taehyung stays in place, his arms connecting around my shoulders and to my front, a contact to reality that helps me focus only half of my attention on the dog. What if... what if all I want to know is what the dog is thinking about? No emotions, no physical immersion, only hearing the thoughts. Would that work? Can I even do that? It somehow feels wrong, like I would deny something essential to my soul.

Extending my soul once again- No, that's not right. Can I try to extend only the smallest part of it? To control how much of it transfers to the picture? It's worth trying. It feels unnatural, but I try to push and pull at the same time, a connection made to the picture and-

I'm overwhelmed by the sensation of the ground under paws, the wind blowing around me, out of breath, tongue sticking out of my jaw, strong emotions, too strong, too much, I can't process them all from the darkness in which I'm engulfed, no light, no sound, only feelings and physical contacts with a reality long behind us.

Managing to pat the hand on my knee, vertigo taking over and making my thoughts blurry, Namjoon's ability slowly puts a barrier between my soul and my ability to disconnect the two of them, something he was taught earlier, slow enough that it doesn't come as a shock and I am brought back to reality, feeling like I'm going to throw up.

I shake my head, unable to open my eyes just yet. "I'm going to be sick" I let out weakly, sounds coming back and making my brain panic a little as something is put on my lap between my hands. My stomach empties itself, a hand rubbing my back in soothing motions until the sickness fades, breath unsteady as I try to come down from a rush of overwhelming sensations in such a short time.

"Take your time, it's okay" I hear Taehyung's voice from behind me as the object now holding my vomit is taken away from me. "Breathe in, and out, slowly" Namjoon adds, their voices helping me connect back to a reality I know well. I open my eyes, take a moment to adjust to something that seemed like it didn't exist anymore just a minute ago.

"Take it easy, that wasn't such a good thing just now" I hear Rain say and I look up to see him gazing at me with worried eyes. Namjoon turns to him. "What do you mean? What happened?" he asks as he holds a protective stance next to me, as if that would protect me from myself.

"She tried to control the range of her soul that connected to the picture, but that resulted in a lack of senses. It was like sight and sound didn't exist anymore in the world in which she threw herself, only the physical sense. Vertigo resulted from being overwhelmed and confused by an impossibility to use senses that normally exist for her. It wasn't a result of the subject not having them, it was more like being cut from a part of yourself. Whatever you did, dear, don't do that again" the doctor explains, his ability more than impressive as he explains exactly what happened to me.

Someone sets a glass of water on the table in front of me along with a napkin and I thank them as they leave. Wiping my mouth first and then downing the glass of water in seconds, not caring about anything else other than hydrating my body, I set it back down and sigh as I lean back on the chair, Taehyung's breath hitting the top of my head as he starts massaging pressure points in my neck and shoulders.

"I think that should be enough for now, don't you think, bun?" he asks and I press my lips into a tight line, feeling more than useless right now. This is much harder than I thought.

"Don't feel bad about not being able to successfully do it the first time, we'll practice a little at a time. If you want to stop now, then that's what we'll do" Seo-joon says from his chair on the other side of the table, facing me.

I shake my head. "We didn't do anything yet. Let's stop the training and do at least one picture, we'll see after that if I can handle more" I say, Taehyung's hands squeezing my shoulders, nervousness filling the bond. I put a hand on his while the other goes to get Namjoon's and I smile.

"It's okay. It's just information. Since it won't be in a situation of pain, I don't think it'll put my body into shock like the other times" I explain, watch as Namjoon bites on his bottom lip before he nods.

"Alright, but don't overdo it. Find a way to tell me if you need to stop" he says and I smile with a hum. "Will do".

Yoongi's POV

She doesn't care about her health. She's going to hurt herself again. The burden of her soul a gigantic pit without end that drags her down. She needs to stop, but she won't listen. Why won't she listen? I don't want to lose her again. I love her so much, I can't lose her.

That's all that goes through my mind, an echo of an echo that never stops as I curl up in bed, barely registering Jimin and Hoseok's presence by me. What if something happens again? What if we lose her again? What if her heart gives up, what if her ability acts up and becomes out of control? I don't want that. I need her.

It's so hard to keep breathing, my heart hurts from beating with too much strength and the pain that fills my chest, I'm not sure if it's a physical or emotional one, but I don't like it. I want to break out of this cage, but it won't budge. I'm trapped within myself. Trapped in a world of worry, of anxiety, of painful love and of possible loss.

A headache threatens to add itself on top of the list and I don't know if I can handle more. I groan, my head tucked between my arms, hoping I could simply shut down, wake up only when she's safe in my arms so I can never let go ever again.

But she won't listen. She thinks we're trying to control her when all we want is for her to be safe, healthy. What can I do to make her understand? I don't want her to hate me, I don't want her to avoid me. It would break my heart if she distances herself from me. Feeling sick already with the simple thought of her not wanting me anymore, my breaths become louder and shorter, fueling a panic with every passing seconds.

Then a hand settling on my neck causes a sudden freshness, like a cold breeze in a humid summer day, a cube of ice in a glass of warm water finding a way into my cage and dimming the echo that hasn't stopped since I fled that room. The headache that was slowly forming fades away completely and my breath becomes easier, lighter and less suffocating.

Hands on both of my cheeks make me want to open my eyes, but it's so hard. "It's okay hyung, take your time". Jungkook. I lean into the touch of my younger soulmate, his ability a blessing as I start to calm down, my loud thoughts now gone.

"Just like that, you're doing good, hyung" Jimin whispers, his hand on my arm bringing with it a wave of caring and loving gentleness that can only be him, his own emotions transferred to me.

Anyone with his ability would normally also give negative emotions since it's nearly impossible to not have any, especially not with the worry we have about Y/N, but with Jimin, it's only ever been gentle and loving emotions, calm and soothing. That goes to show how pure and sweet he is. I could never do that.

"Y/N's part of the bond is still fine. Worried, disappointed even, but fine. She's not hurt, hyung" Hoseok soothes and I let these words sink in. She's not hurt. Thank goodness.

I slowly allow myself to focus back on the bond, opening up to it and allowing the links connecting me to my soulmates to beam again. I can feel every single one of them again and I focus on Y/N. She's tired, exhausted even and Taehyung and Namjoon seem worried, but nothing alarming. I sigh in relief.

I open my eyes to see them three around me in bed, postures relaxing once they see that I'm coming back from the cage that kept me prisoner. "How are you feeling, Yoongi-ah?" Jin asks as he enters the room with a glass of water.

I accept the glass and sip it a few times before looking down with a disappointed sigh. "I acted like a real ass with her earlier". "You know her, she won't let that stop her from loving you" Jimin soothes but I shake my head. "She'd have every right for being mad at me. I lashed out at her and left like an arrogant loser" I continue, a wave of guiltiness haunting me.

Jin waves a hand and allows his ability to wash over me to kick out the guilt.

"None of that now. It's been a few hours already and they should be back soon. Moonbin and MJ went themselves to see how things are going and Jinjin, Sanha and Rocky went to get something to eat at the cafeteria, it's getting late and we all need to eat something. I'm sure Y/N will want a strong hug from you and she certainly doesn't need any negative emotions reaching her from the bond, she seems anxious enough" he says, mother mode activated as he flits around the room, cushions put back in place and clothes picked up from the floor and thrown in the hamper before motioning for me to drink some more water so he can take the glass back.

I don't resist and empty the glass, the fresh liquid giving life back to my organs before he takes it back with a satisfied nod of the head, bond content with the little he can do to help. I huff a little smile and allow Jungkook to come snuggle in my arms, his cute concerned pout melting my heart.

"I worried you, didn't I?" I murmur, feel him nod his head against my chest, his arms holding onto me tightly while Jimin gently caresses his back with a smile. Hoseok kisses our cheeks before miming that he's going to join Jin, his body making its way off the bed and out of the room.

We stay in silence for many long minutes and I take that time to think about what I should do once Y/N comes back. Waffle has been a whining mess since we came back and he'll most definitely jump on her and kidnap her for a while, so that should give me enough time to find enough courage to be a man and apologize. She's never really seen that part of me before so she must have been taken aback.

Unwilling to fall back into a depressive state, I try to focus on the positive side. My soulmates are with me, they're supportive and loving, more than I could ever hope for. They've helped me step out of my shell, be more confident, but I still fall back into that state sometimes, which I know is normal. When you know about it.

The door to the suite suddenly opens and I hear Namjoon's voice first. I tense up, Jimin reacting quickly to calm me down as much as possible while Jungkook looks back at the bedroom's open door.

"Waffle, you'll have to calm down a bit there bud, she's really tired. Hm? Yeah, I think so, but she threw up a bit earlier, we should give her some time to rest" Taehyung explains, an answer to a question I didn't hear, his words setting off Jungkook who hurries to his feet and out of the room.

Jimin and I can hear some giggles, probably due to Jungkook fussing over her and the bond feels brighter, as if it finally got rid of a dark cloud we didn't know was covering our heads. Jimin gets out of bed too and offers me a hand to help me follow behind, but I hesitate.

"Do you think she's mad at me?" I ask, concern very badly hidden in my voice. Jimin smiles softly at me, eyes creasing into crescents, a look that I love seeing on him as he cups my face.

"Yoongi hyung, love, she's going to be very happy to see you, I just know it" he whispers before offering me a hand again, leaving me the final choice of whether I get out of bed or not. I breathe in deeply before accepting the help and he pulls me up to my feet, knees shaking a little from having been curled up for too long.

"Where's Yoongi?" Y/N asks and my heart skips a beat. "In the bedroom" Jin replies and I stare at the doorway with wide eyes as she appears, a tired goddess who has my heart and soul and anything else she could ever desire from me.

Jimin gently squeezes my hand before reaching her, a tender hug with a kiss pressed to her nose before he leaves the room. She smiles at his back before turning to me, eyes growing hesitant, teeth going to bite on her bottom lip and it breaks my heart to know that she could be uncomfortable with me, the bond telling me exactly how she feels right now.

I open my mouth, about to say something but shut it when she does the same. I don't want to repeat the same mistake as earlier.

"Can I... can I hug you?" she asks, eyes looking down as if afraid of rejection. As if I would ever reject her. Heart both melting and breaking at the sight, her words shaking me to my core, that she feels like she needs to ask instead of simply taking it, I sigh softly and make my way to her, stopping only a few centimeters in front of her.

"Snowflakes, look at me" I whisper, the urgent need in me to see her eyes on me, to be allowed that gift. Slowly, she looks up from the floor to meet my eyes and I can see the glassy look they have, bond trembling, not from fear, but from guilt, an echo of mine and I realize that we must both feel like we're at faults for what happened.

"Oh, look at you... come here, baby" I whisper, a thumb going to wipe her cheeks clean before she dives in, her arms sliding around me and squeezing me tight before I do the same to her, my cheek pressed against the top of her head as I keep her as close to me as I humanly can.

"I'm sorry" she sobs, her head setting right under my throat, her ear settled where she can hear my heart, as if needing the comfort it can bring. I squeeze her body and close my eyes to keep in the tears that threaten to flee.

"I'm sorry too... so sorry, snowflakes. I didn't mean to react the way I did" I whisper, a lump forming in my throat at the sound of her crying. I did that to her. Not anyone else but me. I could've done so much better earlier, I could've taken the time to listen, to think, of course she would do her best to get her best friend back, yet there I was, thinking only of myself.

She shakes her head and sniffles, a hiccup breaking through her tears. "I was so scared that you'd hate me when I felt the bond disconnect, as if you didn't want me anymore" she whispers, her emotions a wave of hurt that hits me with strength before it dims as she remembers where she is right now.

"Never hate you, never. I'm sorry" I force the words out, throat hurting from how tight it is as tears finally run free from my eyes. I kiss the top of her head and pull her closer into my hold. She relaxes, relief washing over the both of us and I know then that we'll be fine.

It'll take some cuddling to get totally over it, I know her enough to know that she'll need it, but I'm more than ready to provide. It's going to be fine, I'm going to be careful and not let this happen again.

"Why don't you rest a little? You're exhausted" I whisper, feel her nod before she pulls back from the hug, leaving me feeling cold.

I look down to see her red eyes staring at me and I feel my own tears burn my eyes as they flow, the sight of her sad face breaking me apart.

"Can you stay with me? I think we both need it" she offers, her fingers going to my cheeks, the warm touch making even more tears run free, a longing need in her voice and in the bond that has me nodding right away, unable to wish for anything else at the moment.

"Of course" I answer with a trembling voice before scooping her up in my arms. I walk back to the bed with her arms wrapped around my neck before lowering us both in the middle of one of the two mattresses.

Locking her within my embrace, legs intertwined together and her breath hitting my neck, I run a hand through her hair, knowing that this is an easy way to her heart.

It doesn't take too long before her body sags against mine, body free of resistance as her muscles finally relax after being so tense, bond peaceful and content, soothed.

I sigh in relief, knowing that I could make her feel like that. Not someone else trying to fix my mistake but myself. I kiss her forehead and lean back against the pillow, myself growing tired after the panic from earlier. That shit's exhausting.

"I love you, snowflakes. For now and forever" I whisper before dozing off.