"If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you're allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind." Shannon L. Alder

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XXX. Song of Joy

Regardless of the fact that she was not religious, Sophie really enjoyed attending Joy's church. She got a wonderful feeling of community and spirit, as well as overwhelming excitement for the holiday.

The Bentley family occupied an entire pew, and Joy seemed to be stopped by every second person to be kissed and wished a merry Christmas.

The church itself was modern with a large stage area for the preacher and the band, with several microphones on stands. There was seating enough for five hundred, and on Christmas Eve, it was standing room only.

Sophie sat in between Noah and Maddie for the sermon, but Noah disappeared as soon as the hymns were to start. Sophie could remember Noah telling her once that he had learned to play the piano in his mother's church, and she wondered if the piano in the corner beside the stage was that very instrument.

Sophie chose this moment to quickly fetch the noise cancelling headphones that she had brought for Maddie to use on the plane from her bag. She didn't really know the extent of Maddie's sensory sensitivities, or if it was just a reaction to her new environment, but she didn't want the sudden music to be overwhelming for her.

Noah made his way down the right-hand aisle to sit down at the piano and Vanessa jogged up onto the stage.

Sophie gasped as she hadn't even noticed Vanessa leave her seat with Noah. There was very brief applause and a murmur of excitement within the congregation when they saw her, but Vanessa held up her hand to stop them.

"When I sing in this church, I don't do it for praise, but I do it so He can hear me," Vanessa said into the microphone, holding her hand over her heart. "I asked our pastor before the service if I could sing this song to you all. It's my favourite song to sing at Christmas, and it's especially important to me and my family right now." Vanessa smiled knowingly. "Can you please turn to page twenty-three, "Song of Joy"?"

Sophie grinned as she fetched the book of Christmas hymns from the pew in front of her and flipped to the carol.

The orchestra made up of high school aged musicians, as well as Noah on the piano, began to play a tune that Sophie immediately recognised as Beethoven's Ode to Joy.

Vanessa pulled her microphone off the stand and began to sing.

"Come, sing a song of joy
For peace shall come, my brother
Sing, sing a song of joy
For men shall love each other

That day will dawn just as sure
As hearts that are pure
Are hearts set free
No man must stand along
With outstretched hands before him

Reach out and take them in yours
With love that endures
Forever more
Then sing a song of joy
For love and understanding."

Sophie had heard Vanessa sing hundreds of times on television, on the radio, on YouTube, but she'd never heard her live before. She was floored at the crystal-clear power she projected with ease right up into the church rafters. She walked across the stage like a seasoned pro, smiling and engaging with every audience member as though she was speaking directly to them.

People stood in the pews, singing along with her, and Sophie happily joined in. Joy had shuffled along the pew to be standing beside her in Noah's absence, and she sang loudly and cheerfully, too, taking Sophie's hand and swaying with her as they did.

Sophie could have quite easily spilled happy tears in that moment.

When Song of Joy finished, the congregation didn't clap, which Sophie thought was oddly respectful. It wasn't a concert, and as Vanessa had said, she wasn't singing for praise.

"The next song is my very favourite Christmas hymn. I used to sing this song in my church as a child at Christmas, so can you please turn to page twelve, "The Holy City"?"

Sophie flipped backward to find The Holy City. Funnily enough, it was one of her favourites, too. The chorus was rousing, and she often found herself singing along on television at Christmastime.

"But before I start, I want to invite my new friend up here to sing this song with me," Vanessa said into the microphone. "Miss Sophie Cartwright is here visiting us all the way from London, England, and she has the most beautiful singing voice."

The only thing stopping Sophie from shitting her pants right in that moment was the very fact that she was in a church. She completely paled and her eyes widened. Vanessa had found her face in the crowd and was motioning for her to come up on stage.

What? If they wanted a rendition of Memoryor I Dreamed a Dream then Sophie was your girl, but a Christmas hymn where the lyrics honestly blended into themselves that she made a lot of them up as she went? Oh dear.

"Oh, my goodness!" cried Joy. "Yes, go on. I've been desperate to hear you sing. Go on then," she urged.

Sophie gulped and moved past Maddie into the aisle and walked up towards the stage. She felt hundreds of curious eyes on her as she climbed up the carpeted steps onto the stage towards Vanessa. Sophie caught Noah's eye at the piano, and he winked at her. She wondered if he was in on this.

"Vanessa, I don't know the words properly," hissed Sophie quietly.

Vanessa blocked her microphone with her hand before she smiled reassuringly. "So long as you've got the Hosanna's, you're fine," she promised. "If you just want to jump in on the chorus, that's fine, too. That's what everyone does. I just wanted to sing with you." She motioned to one of the other microphone stands.

Sophie went and collected another microphone and she came back to stand beside Vanessa. Looking out over the congregation, she could see a sea of uplifted people. They were happy and spirited and wouldn't care if she mucked up some lyrics. Sophie decided to get out of her head.

The music started and Vanessa held Sophie's eye as she began.

"Last night I lay asleeping
There came a dream so fair
I stood in old Jerusalem
Beside the temple there
I heard the children singing
And ever as they sang
Methought the voice of Angels
From Heaven in answer rang."

As she sang the last lyric and the music lifted, Vanessa nodded and Sophie knew the next two words at least. She lifted her microphone to her mouth and sang. To her relief, the people began to join in, too.

"Jerusalem, Jerusalem!
Lift up your gates and sing,
Hosanna in the highest.
Hosanna to your King!"

The hymn continued to build and build and build, and Sophie found something extra in her lung capacity to find the power.

When they got to the final chorus, Sophie took one final deep breath.

"Jerusalem! Jerusalem

Sing for the night is o'er

Hosanna in the highest

Hosanna for evermore!"

As the musicians finished, Vanessa hugged Sophie, and Sophie exhaled a delighted cry. They both bowed to the musicians and descended the steps to return to their pew.

Joy received them both, kissing their cheeks. "Oh, you two were spectacular!" she cried. "You are doing that again tonight when we get home because that cannot be the last time, I hear that song sung by you both. But what am I talking about? You'll definitely be singing that song again at church next year. I'll insist on it."

The certainty in which she spoke comforted Sophie, who was still feeling a wave of exuberance over what she had just done. Would she and Maddie be here next Christmas with them all? She bloody hoped so.

***

"Mummy, does Santa know where we are?" Maddie asked Sophie in a concerned tone as she tucked her in.

Sophie sat on the edge of Maddie's trundle and stroked her forehead comfortingly. "Of course, he does, sweetheart," assured Sophie. "Santa is magic. He knows where allthe good boys and girls are." Leaning down, Sophie kissed her hair. "Come on now, it's time to sleep. When you wake up, Santa will have been."

"I took my headphones off when you were singing, Mummy," Maddie told her, seemingly very proud of herself. Smiling, she said, "You were loud and good."

Any sort of compliment from Maddie made Sophie feel very chuffed. "Thank you, my sweetheart," she said gratefully.

Sophie kissed her one final time and left the bedroom, closing the door quietly. She had purposefully removed the suitcase with Maddie's presents from Santa earlier that morning so that she wouldn't be sneaking into the bedroom when Maddie was sleeping. She had stashed the suitcase in Noah's bedroom, which was an homage to everything early 2000s.

Downstairs, Joy had made coffee and a tea for Sophie, and there was a tin of fudge being passed around. There was a Christmas film muted on the television, and everyone was sitting on the sectional in their pyjamas.

Sophie spotted Tally sitting with the plate of Christmas shortbread that Maddie had left out for Santa, and Vanessa was munching on the carrot that had been left for Rudolph.

"It's been so long since we've had the illusion of Santa in this house," said Joy excitedly as she darted over to the hall cupboard. "Noah, get over here. I need your height!" Joy demanded.

Noah placed his mug down on the coffee table and jogged over to reach up onto the top shelf of the cupboard. He began to lift down parcel after parcel. There were at least two dozen perfectly wrapped gifts of all shapes and sizes that had quickly formed into a pile that any child would be delighted to see on Christmas morning.

"Oh, Joy," Sophie gasped. "Really, I hope these are not all for Maddie."

Joy frowned. "Well, of course they are!" she exclaimed. "I've finally got a grandchild to spoil! I'm so excited! I might have gone a little overboard but it's not like any of those four have done anything before now to give me a grandbaby."

"Ma!" shouted Tally defensively, her mouth full of biscuit. "I just got engaged!"

"Yes, Tally, one less thing I can nag you about," Joy shot back. "But do I hear the pitter patter of my grandchild's angelic feet? No!"

Vanessa giggled.

Sophie lowered her voice. "No, it's not that," she said, regaining Joy's attention. "It's just that I would worry Maddie will think that Santa doesn't like her as much next year than he does this year if she doesn't have the same pile. She's the sort of child who would notice that sort of thing and bluntly announce it."

"Sophie is Maddie's mom," Noah added, standing by Sophie's side.

"Oh, God, please do not think I am ungrateful," Sophie pleaded, realising how this all probably sounded.

Joy scoffed. "Oh, honey, no," she said, shaking her head. "I thought this might be a problem, so I did use different wrapping paper just in case. Can I add the candy cane gifts to Maddie's Santa pile, and the snowman ones will be from John and I?"

Despite Joy's graciousness, Sophie did feel terribly bad for not accepting the presents as they were meant. Joy was excited and wanted to make Maddie's Christmas magical. Sophie just wanted to keep allof Maddie's Santa Christmases magical. She would never forgive herself if Maddie worked out that her pile was smaller next year because she was Santa.

As they arranged the Santa pile together, Joy asked Sophie, "How old were you when you had Maddie if you don't mind my asking?"

"Eighteen," Sophie replied tentatively.

"So young," remarked Joy, though she, of course, did not sound judgemental.

"My parents thought so," confessed Sophie. "Everyone thought so."

"People and their opinions." Joy rolled her eyes. "Do you know, I was twelve weeks pregnant when I married John. Wedding was planned in a month. My parents couldn't stomach the idea of a baby born out of wedlock. Haley was the first ten-pound preemie in Northern California." She laughed lightly.

God, Sophie was glad that she hadn't married Beck. Not that he'd asked, or her parents had insisted, but she couldn't even beginto imagine the shitshow her life would have been had she actually stayed with him.

"And can I ask about Maddie's father?"

"Um," Sophie said hesitantly. "Well, he was my first boyfriend, and I picked him as an act of rebellion, I think. He was someone that my parents would have hated." And they did hate in the end. "We were together for all of five minutes before I was pregnant, and he didn't hang around for long. His parents are involved in Maddie's life on holidays and that is when Maddie sees Beck. Maddie's aware of him but she has no interest in a relationship with him. And vice versa really."

"Jerk," decided Joy.

"Absolutely," agreed Sophie. "But he did a number on my self-esteem. He honestly has been doing so for years. I think I spend far too long worrying about what other people think of me," confessed Sophie.

"But you know what they say, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and most of them stink," Joy added poignantly.

Sophie nearly choked on an unexpected laugh.

"Worry about the important people, Sophie," encouraged Joy. "You've got a great kid, and a wonderful man, even if I do say so myself."

"I would have to say I agree with you." Sophie smiled.

"Noah is a very special person, and I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom. He's never really been understood or appreciated by anyone outside of this room. He's had horrible girlfriends who have just used him." Joy stopped herself and took a breath, calming herself down before she got agitated. "But he's different around you, and you him. I can see it's just the beginning of something very real, and very lasting. And it honestly warms my heart to see him understand and relate to Maddie. I only wish that there had been someone like that to help Noah when he was Maddie's age."

"You can't know how grateful I am for Noah," insisted Sophie. "He honestly saved me, saved us both. I am so relieved that Maddie knows what it's like to have a male figure in her life that cares and takes an interest in her." Adding quietly, "And I can honestly say the same for myself."  

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Hope you enjoyed it! 

I had to include my very favourite Christmas songs of course. You can bet that I was singing as I typed the lyrics hahaha. 

I finally joined the party and watched Killing Eve! Totally unlike anything I would normally watch but I loved it! Recommend if you haven't seen it yet. 

I also watched the new Eurovision movie on Netflix and loved that! Had me in stitches it was so good! 

I'm sleeping on just my mattress on my floor tonight as I've bought a new bed and only a piece of it arrived today hahaha. My bed frame is finally kaput. It's not been right since we moved house and the slats are all broken. Last night I had to sleep horizontally on my bed right up the top where my pillows are just to sleep on a part that wasn't broken lol. 

I hope you all are safe and healthy! 

Vote and comment!