"What's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

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XVI. Do Not Read the Label

"Hello?" Sophie answered, honestly shocked that her voice sounded as steady as it was. She couldn't even feel her individual heartbeats as the poor muscle moved at a hum.

"Hi, Sophie," said Elaine. "I am so sorry to call at such an odd time, but I thought that you would want to hear this just as soon as I had come to a diagnosis."

Diagnosis. Sophie's heart all but fell out of her chest and onto the floor. She could see that Noah was reading her face exactly. Sophie braced herself for the words.

"Upon thorough screening, I am confident in my diagnosis of Maddie having Autism Spectrum Disorder," she said calmly, but not apologetically.

Sophie's eyes filled with tears as she looked up at Noah, willing herself not to drop her phone. All feelings of preparedness for this day had fully gone out the window. As much as she didn't want to be, Sophie felt devastated.

Noah rested his hands on Sophie's shoulders, but there was not much that he could do to stop her from losing it.

"Sophie, I completely understand that even though we have been discussing the possibility for weeks, that this can come at a shock, and that such a diagnosis can be very disappointing for most parents." She took a steady breath. "Maddie is what many would classify as high-functioning. She is highly intelligent and articulate. Her limitations lie in how she is able to socially function. Her ability to form social relationships, and how to properly manage her emotions is something that I can help with, and her school can assist with now that we have this diagnosis. I would like to continue to see Maddie once a week, and we shall see how we go from there."

"Okay," whispered Sophie.

"Are you alright, Sophie?" asked Elaine.

"No," replied Sophie honestly.

"Are you alone?"

Looking up at Noah's concerned face, Sophie repeated, "No."

"I promise that this isn't the end of the world," Elaine assured her. "You know more than anyone what a special girl you have. I will do my best to make her life, and yours, a little easier."

"Thank you," Sophie managed to say.

"You have a good evening, now, Sophie. Please don't hesitate to ring my office with any questions." Elaine then hung up the phone.

Sophie's knees suddenly gave way and she fell to the floor. Noah quickly dropped to his knees as well, looking a little lost at what to do.

"She's autistic," Sophie murmured, shaking her head. "I mean, I already knew it, really ... but ..."

"It's not the same as a shrink confirming it," surmised Noah.

Sophie's lip trembled as she felt like grizzling. She felt like such a terrible person for wishing Maddie was different. Of course, she loved her regardless, ridiculously so, but how she wished Maddie's life would not be so hard. She already had it tough with Sophie as a mum.

"I wish she didn't have it," Sophie confessed, her voice so soft she could barely be heard.

"Of course, you do," replied Noah quietly. "No mom wants her kid's life to be any harder than it already is."

Sophie honestly felt like grieving, as though she was mourning the loss of the future that she had once pictured for Maddie. Her future was now foggy; Sophie couldn't see it clearly, as they were both about to step into an unknown. "I ... I don't think I can go tomorrow," she decided vulnerably.

Noah frowned. "Oh ... okay." He nodded. "That's fine, I get that. We can make it for another day."

"No." Sophie shook her head. "No, I can't. Not like this. Maddie needs me to be there for her, and I can't be ..."

"Yes, you can," Noah interrupted firmly. "Maddie is going to be finebecause she is an incredible kid. You start smothering her and fussing over her now that she has a label and you're going to make her feel different."

Sophie blinked and fell back off her knees and onto her backside. She had not been expecting such a harsh truth, but bloody hell if that's not what it was. Truth.

"I'd planned on giving you this tomorrow. I sort of hoped it might have made you like me more, but I think you need to see it now." Noah climbed to his feet and jogged across the bar, back to the stage. She jumped up on the stage and began sifting through his sheet music before he found the piece he wanted.

How was a piece of sheet music supposed to make Sophie like him more? Was he going to play for her? That idea was quickly quashed when he left the stage and walked back over to her with conviction.

Noah held out the music to her, and Sophie took it, confused. She couldn't read music, and so all the notes, flourishes and treble clefs were lost on her. But the title she could read.

Mother & Daughter, she read.

Music by Noah Bentley and Madeleine Cartwright.

Sophie's mouth opened, but she could not think of what to say as she comprehended what she was reading. This piece of music was written by Noah and her baby.

"You gave her credit?"

"A diagnosis doesn't mean there is anything wrong with her. Some thingsaregoing to be a little harder. And that's where you can help. But you celebrate the good, Sophie. And there is a lot of good in that kid's future." Noah smiled. "And of course, I gave her credit. I couldn't have written that piece without her."

Sophie clutched the music to her chest as happy tears began to fall. "I did tell you that I cry all the time," she reminded him. "Do you still want to go out with blubbering me tomorrow?"

***

"Ow, bleeding hell!" Sophie swore as she stubbed her toe on the foot of her sofa as she folded the bed away. She nearly spat her toothbrush out of her mouth as she raced to brush her teeth and arrange the cushions on the sofa at the same time.

She had barely slept. She had been up late after work tidying and had woken up early to tidy some more. She had scrubbed and dusted every surface of her tiny flat ... and had shoved washing into wardrobes and dirty dishes into the oven and Maddie's toys underneath her bed.

Sophie arranged a throw rug on the sofa to look casually strewn and placed a teacup just so on her little side table, in an effort for the cleanliness to look lived in, and not so obvious that she had tidied because there was a guest coming.

Maddie was happily eating her Weetabix in front of the television. Sophie quickly raced into the bathroom to spit out her toothpaste and to pull the rollers out of her hair. She teased and combed her hair, and sprayed it when the casual, no-effort-but-took-hours curls fell just so.

Sophie checked the time on her phone and saw it was nearly half past nine. Oh God, he would be here soon, and she hadn't even decided on something to wear. She didn't really have any outfits nice enough for a date.

Most of her clothes were either work things or pyjamas.

There was a sudden knock at the door, and Sophie swore again under her breath. That had to be Holly. She knew the door code to her block of flats. She ran from the bathroom and pulled the door open.

"Babes, you look gorgeous!" Holly exclaimed.

It didn't escape Sophie's notice that Holly was in her work outfit from last night. She must have spent the night with the swimmer. But Sophie was still grateful she had made it on time. She was, however, holding a dry-cleaning bag over her shoulder.

"I haven't started my makeup, and all of my clothes are pyjamas," Sophie complained.

Holly held up the dry-cleaning bag. "My date outfit from last night. I thought you would need it, so I didn't wear it. Not that I needed an outfit for long anyway." Holly winked and strutted confidently into Sophie's flat. She laid the bag out on Sophie's sofa and unzipped it, pulling out a gorgeous, black figure-hugging minidress. It was plain, but it didn't need embellishment to know that it would look amazing on Holly.

"Are you mad?" Sophie hissed. "I don't want all of London to see the skin folds I have left over from having her." She motioned to Maddie who was blissfully unaware of their conversation.

"You exaggerate," Holly said dismissively. "Pop on a cute cardigan and this is absolutely a banging day dress. This little number has never failed me," she said wistfully. "She's gotten me two football players from Leeds United, one b-list reality star, and a guy who could have been Zac Efron's long lost twin brother."

Sophie rolled her eyes but couldn't help smirking. She loved how confident Holly was. "Will you zip me up?" she asked.

Holly grinned.

Sophie had to suck it in, but Holly did manage to get the zip up. It was tight, really tight, but it did hold in any unsightly features and make Sophie look a lot more like she had an hourglass shape. She added a cream coloured cardigan and a pair of plain ballet flats and was satisfied that she was ready to go.

Ready to go on her first date in nine or so years.

But before she had time to start panicking, her phone rang. Sophie saw that it was Noah calling. Holly squealed in excited delight as Sophie answered.

"Hi," she said breathlessly.

"Hey, I wanted to be a gentleman and knock on your door and everything, except I have no idea which doorbell is your apartment as the numbers seem to have rubbed off and your building is serviced by a combination lock." He laughed at himself.

"Why don't I come down?" Sophie suggested. That way Noah wouldn't have to walk through the halls of her block of flats and see the awful graffiti and the cigarette butts and every other charming addition that made it such a nice place to live. Not giving him a chance to respond, Sophie added, "I'll be there in a minute."

As soon as she hung up the phone, she gasped. "Oh, God, we spent so much time forcing the bloody zip up on this dress that I forgot to put on makeup!" she cried.

"I have lip balm," Holly offered. "You might need it." She made a kiss face.

"Oh, sod it. He's used to me looking like a tired mum." Sophie went over behind Maddie and kissed her on the top of her head. "Will you be good for Holly?" she asked.

"Yes, Mummy," replied Maddie with a smile.

"We're going to have loads of fun, aren't we, Mads?" Holly urged Sophie out the door. "Babes, seriously, have fun. You deserve it."

"Thank you," Sophie said gratefully. She grabbed her handbag and keys and locked the door behind her. She flew down the flight of stairs and reached the entrance door in a matter of minutes.

Noah was waiting out on the footpath looking ever so dapper. He was wearing dark trousers and a button-down blue shirt, with a smart navy blazer. His dark hair was combed out of his face, and he looked a little nervous.

Sophie pushed open the door and stepped out onto the path, and Noah turned at the sound of the squeaking hinges. The moment he saw her, he grinned, looking terribly pleased, and Sophie was suddenly very glad that Holly had talked her into wearing this dress, and that she had been able to suck her stomach in enough to be zipped into it.

"Wow, you look beautiful," he remarked tenderly.

"You look very handsome yourself," she returned the compliment, tucking one leg behind the other as she stood before him.

Noah produced a single pink rose from behind his back and met her with it. "I didn't know what kinds of flowers you like, but my dad always buys pink roses for my mom and they make her smile, so I thought I'd see if it worked on you."

Sophie grinned as she accepted the rose, bring it to her nose as she smelled the beautiful perfume.

"Ah, it works," he observed, satisfied.

Sophie laughed lightly. "I've never been given a flower before," she commented. "I don't really know what sort I like. This is very beautiful though, so maybe pink roses will be my favourite."

"Got it," he replied, as though he was committing it to memory. "How are you?" he asked, his tone changing.

Sophie knew exactly what he was asking. "Okay," she said truthfully. "I am okay. I needed to be shocked, and I needed to have a little grizzle about it. I haven't told her yet, but ... no label is going to change how brilliant she is, is it?"

"Not at all." Noah offered Sophie his hand, and she placed hers in his, lacing their fingers together effortlessly.  

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Hope you enjoyed it! 

Another tiring week!

But I've been reading "The Stowaway" this week for the first time from start to finish. Yes, I read my own books hahaha. I've always shamelessly said that I write books I want to read. But I found myself laughing at my own jokes in the book and I'm thinking, "God I'm funny, but also so lame to be laughing at my own jokes" ............. I haven't left my house in like 17 days :/

But today was a very significant day for all Australians and New Zealanders. It's Anzac Day. The day we remember our soldiers landing, and many, many falling, at Gallipoli on this day in 1915. My own Great Great Grandfather was among them, and he was wounded on this day. 

We celebrate and commemorate this day differently this year. There were no dawn services and no special Anzac Day football match where 100,000 people stand in silence and solidarity as "The Last Post" plays throughout the stadium. But we still remember. 

I've put a Youtube video up of what they did instead of the game today. A lone bugler went out into the middle of the great MCG and played "The Last Post". Haunting. 

They grow not old as we that are left grow old. 

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. 

At the going down of the sun and in the morning,

We will remember them.

Lest We Forget.