Anthony, Mon Jan 25th 2015

This weekend was amazing. No, amazing doesn't even begin to cover it. This was by far the best weekend of my life. First, I got to spend it with the man I am falling in love with. Then there was all this fantastic sex, three perfect dreamless nights of sleep, and lastly, I discovered that submitting to him was deeply relaxing. Not having any decisions to make, fully trusting him to take them in my place, giving him all the control... all of this calms me in a way I wouldn't have guessed. And after two years and a half of panic attacks and anxiety, serenity is most welcomed. This led to the most productive session of research I have had in a very long time on Sunday afternoon. So the rational part of my brain is happy, even if it still doesn't understand why I like surrendering to him so much.

True, there was a painful moment on Saturday, but with Ethan being the perfect Master that he is, we talked it through. It even led him to admit I was the only one on his mind, which doesn't make any sense, but I won't complain. My heart skips a beat when I remember how he told me that I was perfect enough for him. Or when I recall how he sweetly made love to me after.

I see now that it was foolish to go too far beyond my limits. I still aim at being the perfect Submissive because that's what my Master deserves, but I understand the importance of using my safewords if things go too far now. He wants to know exactly where my breaking points are to be able to adjust his dominance, and I'm thankful for that.

This morning, he made me dress in one of the shirts he bought for me on Sunday. Like all the clothes he chose, it's extremely nice, but super expensive. I don't really like that he spends so much money on me, and from what he told me, this is only the beginning. Really, after everything he made you do, you draw the line at him offering you gifts? the rational part of my brain smirks. Well I get he is earning way more than I do, and one or two presents would be okay, but too much made me a bit uncomfortable.

I abided by his rules all day, texting him when I arrived at the French high school or to ask him permission for my lunch cigarette. When he told me to get some veggies at the cafeteria, I couldn't resist replying with a text saying "Yes Daddy!" That didn't make him laugh very much though, since he answered with a cold "Please address me as Sir or Master, Pet." I apologized immediately, hoping I wouldn't get punished for this tonight. When I arrive at his home, I send him a message again, then ask him what I should do, to try to make him forget the incident. That should put him in a good mood, I hope.

Number of Ethan – 16:12 "Focus on your research if you have finished your work. I should be back around 9 and would appreciate if dinner was ready when I get home. Just order something out if you are not in the mood to cook."

I will definitely prepare something myself! I just check that he has everything I need for what I have in mind then I take a seat at the table in the living room with my notebooks. I set up an alarm on my phone, since I can completely lose track of time when I work on my research and pick my headphones. Remembering I have to ask permission, I quickly text.

Me - 16:23 "May I put on some music while I work, Master?"

Number of Ethan – 16:24 "You may."

He must not be too mad at me for the Daddy incident then, I decide. I quickly scroll my iPod and settle for some quiet movie soundtrack. My mind quickly stops paying attention to the music and I concentrate on the new ideas I had. The numerous new ideas I had. It's almost as if my brain had saved its energy during the day by letting my Master in control and was unleashing all of it right now. I've never been so fast or efficient, this is an exhilarating feeling!

As expected, I don't see time fly by, and I'm soon interrupted by the alarm I had set up earlier. Time to cook dinner for my Master! I'm going for beef stroganoff, so I begin to peel then chop an onion and some mushrooms before searing tips of beef in the pan. The meal is gently stirring and I have just launched the rice cooker when I receive a text from my Master saying he is on his way back. I quickly dress the table then think about how I should greet him home.

After a short inward debate, I decide to stop the gas in the kitchen and go kneel next to the table in display, like he likes it. I will reheat the meal when we are ready to eat, which probably won't be right after he comes home if I play my cards right. I eventually change my mind a bit, and strip down to my boxer briefs then kneel again in the center of the living room. I want my Master in a good mood. Waiting for him in this position is strangely relaxing. I think it takes a good ten minutes before I hear the door open but I don't really feel the time pass.

"I'm home!" I hear him call. "It smells delicious, Pet, what did you... cook?" He suddenly pauses when I hear his voice in the living room. He must have been a bit surprised to see me like this. In a good way, I hope. "That's a sight for sore eyes!" he continues, his voice morphing into his dominant tone that I like so much. "You are so beautiful, Pet. Now I have to ask, do you have something to confess? Is all of this to make up for anything?"

"I'm sorry I called you daddy, Master," I reply honestly. Mental note for the next time I screw up, wait for him exactly like this.

"Is that all?" he chuckles.

"Yes, Master."

"I see someone is in a mood for some appetizer then. Look at me, Pet!" I obey and see that he removed his jacket and is now slowly unbuttoning his shirt, revealing his perfect chest. My semi-hard quickly grows.

"Keep your hands behind your back, Pet, and remove my pants." This reminds me of the first time I submitted to him, and it plays out in a very similar way, him taking a bit more control over my mouth than he had dared that night. When I have swallowed all of my appetizer, I am painfully hard. I hope he will let me come before dinner.

"Wait for me on your hands and knees on the couch Pet." I comply, wondering what he has in mind. "We will continue your training with edging, Pet," he says when he comes back. Damn! It looks like I'm going to be very frustrated when I eat. I see he hasn't dressed, and that he has a medium size plug and some lube in his hands. "You will wear it for dinner, then get your reward. Of course you will safeword if needed, won't you Pet?"

"Yes, Master." He walks behind me, lowers my boxer briefs just under my butt and begins to kiss my pucker hole. Crap I forgot to properly prep! "Mmmaster, I'm sorry, I'm not... clean." Gosh, it's so embarrassing to admit that! Plus it was in the rules, so I am going to be in trouble! Oh and I wasn't supposed to talk since he didn't ask a question... I just keep on making mistakes!

"Ssshhh Pet!" he replies, and begins to insert a finger in my hole. "You are not in trouble, thank you for telling me. I will use a condom anyway since we haven't gotten tested yet. I made an appointment for that tomorrow at 4:30pm by the way, so you should be able to go with me after your last class." While he talks as if nothing was happening, he adds a second finger and begins scissoring my hole. Of course that makes me moan. "In the future," he whispers, "you should prepare yourself if you decide to wait for me in such a sexy position. Otherwise I will always give you the time to do so before playing with you."

Trust me, it was so humiliating to have to tell him that I don't plan on repeating this mistake. His fingers leave me, and are soon replaced by the plug he brought. Like last time, I feel extremely full, and the fact that it's brushing against my prostate doesn't do anything to calm my erection.

"No let's go and eat the meal you prepared, Pet. I would prefer if you were naked, but if you are more comfortable keeping your boxer briefs on, you may do so."

Just like this, he goes to wash his hands, sit at the table in all his glorious nakedness and drops a condom and the lube he had next to his plate. That man is just so hot! Of course, I remove my underwear completely since he prefers me naked. Then I go to the kitchen, to reheat the beef. Like last Saturday, at every step, the plug in my butt sends waves of electricity in my body that make my mini-me leak precum. I still manage to serve dinner without breaking or spilling anything.

"That's delicious, Pet" my Master says after a few bites. I think I did alright, but I can't really focus on what I'm eating, so I'm not entirely sure. Between the thing in my ass and my naked man in front of me, it's already difficult to just breathe. Soon enough though, dinner is finished.

"Come and sit down Pet!" my Master calls after I finished cleaning the table. When I return to the living room, he has turned his chair away from the table, and I can see his magnificent shaft covered by a condom. He is staring at me hungrily, so I guess it's pretty clear where he intends for me to sit. As I move near him, he quickly removes the plug in my ass, and I straddle him, both my hands on his shoulders, before I impale myself slowly on his member. I take my time, since, for once, he lets me in charge, and there is no pain left when I finally manage to have him completely inside me, just pure ecstasy.

"Move, Pet!" he whispers in my ear. Of course I comply, and begin to move up and down. It's not as easy as it sounds, since my feet barely touch the ground. Soon though, my Master claims back control as he stands up with his hands cupping my ass. I wrap my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist, as he starts to pound very fast into me. God that's so hot! At some point, he slams me against a wall and uses the support to thrust into me with even more strength. He is grunting like a wild animal, and I'm just a moaning mess. Each of his pushes sends a wave of pure pleasure through my body. At some point, I manage to beg for my release, so he moves us back to the table and lies me on it. He can then use one of his hands to stroke my shaft, still pistoning into me.

"Please... Maser... let me come!" I manage to shriek.

"Not yet, Pet! Hold it a bit more" he replies between his grunts.

I don't know how I manage to hold on, still begging. But soon I hear a "Come for me Pet!" that seems like a direct signal to my balls. Pleasure courses through my body while I spill my release on my chin and abdomen and I hear him climaxing as well. He gives a last few powerful thrusts inside me before he leaves to throw his condom away and comes back with a washcloth. He starts with licking me before washing my body.

"This was amazing, Master," I say, still catching my breath.

"Such a good boy!" he chuckles back.

The rest of the evening is spent in a quiet fashion. When we are dressed again, me just in my underwear since he prefers it that way, he sits on the couch and makes me practice kneeling in front of him a few times. After this little training, he pulls me on his lap and we watch a bit of TV. Just before going to bed, we have our usual daily discussion. I don't have anything to say apart from how hot what we did was. He praises me for my perfectly respectful attitude, and tells me his answer to my text at lunch was a gentle reminder for keeping it that way. This closes the Daddy incident and we just go to bed, him telling me how proud he is of his good boy.

Like every night since I began to live here, I snuggle against his hard chest. I can smell his usual musky odor, mixed with sex and he is gently caressing my shoulder with his arm. Unlike every night since I began to live here though, I don't immediately fall asleep. I hear my Master's breathing become more regular and heavier, so he definitely dozed off, but for some reason, I don't. I try to calm down my mind, by beginning a very complex math proof in my head but at the end of said proof, I'm still widely awake. Fuck! I thought I was done with this. I try to relax in my Master's side, focusing on his respiration, but that doesn't work either.

After two hours of laying down awake doing nothing, I decide to get up for a bit. In this situation before, I used to give in to my fantasies and jerk off, but that's forbidden now. And then of course, I used to drink. At that thought, my mouth begins to water, and I start thinking of how nice a cool beer would be. I noticed there were some in the fridge earlier, when I was cooking. But then, that would be breaking rules as well.

Soon though, it's the only thing I can think about. A beer with a cigarette on the balcony. That would calm me down, surely! And my Master would never know, since he is sleeping. After this, I'm sure I would be relaxed enough to sleep through the night. This scenario turns into an obsession, and after having this only thought in my mind during half an hour, I finally give in. I dress up, get a cigarette in my pack and a beer in the fridge and make my way on the balcony.

The first sip and puff are heaven. That calms the compulsory feeling I had. The second sip and puff keep on relaxing me. At the third though, my addictions being now satisfied, I begin to worry about my Master's reaction. Shit! I'm breaking two major rules, I need to stop. I take a last sip and a last puff before crushing the cigarette in the ashtray and going back inside, with the beer in my hand. I stop dead in my track when I see my Master's eyes black with anger and disappointment.

"You. Are. In. Deep. Trouble. Pet!" he says with his full dominant voice. Each word is like a blow and makes me take a step back, until I reach a wall. How could I have been so stupid and ruin everything like this! Now it's sure he is going to leave me, and I just break into tears.

"Crying won't get you anywhere this time," he responds coldly, "so I suggest you get a grip on yourself, put this beer in the kitchen, strip down to your underwear and meet me in the living room."

I can't build my walls, like I do with anybody else, around him anymore. I do as he instructed, but I'm just a pitiful wreck when I walk into the living room. My Master is sitting in the couch, so I just approach, head lowered, and kneel by his side, like he taught me. I can feel his eyes boring in my skull, while I sob quietly. He doesn't talk for what seems a very long time, during which I ponder on the horror of what I just did. I can't believe I could fuck up like this all my chances at being with this man.

"Look at me!" he eventually barks. Of course I comply. "I know you have your own insecurities, Pet," he begins gently. "I won't leave you if that's what you think is going to happen." I relax a bit when I hear these words. "But," he continues more sternly, "this was a serious breach of my trust and the rules, so you will be punished. Now explain!"

I quickly blurt how I was unable to sleep, how I thought that this would help relax me, and how I realized my mistake after the first sips and puffs. I'm still not capable of controlling all my tears, so I'm not sure he understands everything I say.

"I see," he replies icily. "Now could you explain to me what would have been the right thing to do?"

"Just waiting for it too pass and waiting in the bed?"

"Wrong again, Pet." It seems I can't do anything right tonight. God! Could I be more pathetic? "You should have woken me up and told me about your sleep problem. Together we would have found a solution and I'm sure we would both be sleeping right now."

"I didn't want to bother you Master," I reply. Who wants to be awoken in the middle of the night like this?

"And look where it led us, I'm still awake in the end, and pissed as hell," he replies angrily, making me stiffen. "You are offering me the wonderful gift of your submission," he adds more gently, "so the least I can do is make everything I can for you to get better. I don't care if that includes you waking me up every night, is that clear?

"Yes, Master." Could this man be any more perfect?

"Now you are going to get punished. Can you tell me why?"

"Because I smoked and drank an alcoholic beverage without your permission," I reply.

"And because you didn't communicate with me about a problem you had, Pet," he adds. "Let me be clear, at the moment you feel like you need a drink or a smoke like this, you should tell me about it, regardless of the time! I will always help you find way to surmount your addictions if you let me. But I can't do any of that if you don't!"

The whole speech is delivered in a very detached and frosty voice. I would have preferred if he had yelled instead of this cold anger. Again my fears of losing him have made me do something stupid.

"I'm really sorry Master," I reply. "I get that now."

"So you understand why you will get punished?"

"Yes, Master." I'm not even scared by whatever sanction he has in mind for me. I'm too busy drowning in my shame. I don't care what he will do as long as he forgives me, eventually, and calls me a good boy again. I'm suddenly reminded of what Zach told me the other day, about how my Master's disappointment would be the worst punishment. He was so right!

"You will get thirty spanks, Pet," he explains. "Ten for not waking me, ten for the extra cigarette and ten for the drink. Since it's your first punishment, I will only use my hand, but know that, in the future, something as serious as this would get you the paddle! Furthermore, you are grounded until further notice. This means no more privileges until I think you have earned them back. Since I can't trust you, you will hand me your pack of cigarettes, and I will give you your daily allowance myself. I'll also remove the beers from the fridge and hide them. This will go for as long as I feel I can't trust you. Is everything clear?"

"Yes, Master," I whisper. This is no more than I deserve.

"Good. Now lay on my lap your head on one side, your knees on the other, your hands grabbing the end of the couch."

When I take the position he ordered, I feel him lowering my boxer briefs to expose my butt. This position is so embarrassing. I have never been spanked before, not even by my parents.

"You will count aloud. During the first ten, you will say I will wake you up next time I can't sleep Master after the number counted. During the next ten you will say I won't smoke a cigarette without your permission again Master. And during the last ten, you will say I won't have a beer without your permission again Master. Is that clear?

"Yes, Master."

"You remember your safewords?" he asks, his voice a bit softer.

"Yes Master." God this is so humiliating!

The first slap hits me by surprise and I yelp. Then I remember to say "One, I will wake you up next time I can't sleep Master." Then the second slap comes, and the next. His strength increases each time he hits. At the tenth slap my butt is on fire, but not the kind I usually enjoy. At "Fifteen, I won't smoke a cigarette without your permission again Master." I can't hold back the tears in my eyes anymore, though I don't know if it's because of the disappointment I saw in his eyes earlier, my shame or the pain. At "Twenty two I won't have a beer without your permission again Master." I begin to ponder using my safeword. But this is a punishment, so it's not supposed to be enjoyable, and to be fair, I'm not really at my limits. This thought makes me hold until the end of the spanking.

"You took that very well, I'm proud of you, Pet," he tells me after I have said "Thirty I won't have a beer without your permission again Master."

"Stay like this Pet," he adds after he moved on his left while sitting and stood up. I'm still lying on the couch, crying. Is he going to make me sleep here? That would be horrible, but he has every right to do so if he wants me to. Replaying the events of the night and our conversation in my head, I'm starting to feel very sick with myself. How could I yield so easily to my addictions? For once, the rational part of my brain doesn't find anything weird in what just happened and scolds me. I completely deserve this.

I don't dare looking up when I hear my Master's steps coming back. I feel him rub something on my buttocks that eases the sting.

"This will soothe a bit of the pain, but you will still feel it in the days to come. The soreness should be a reminder of the cost for breaking the rules," he explains to me, gently massaging my ass.

"May I say something, Master?"

"You may, Pet."

"I just wanted to express again how sorry I am, Master. I fully realize how wrong what I did was, and I'm ready to take any other punishment you see fit." He sighs and puts back my underwear, then sits down and makes me sit on his lap. God! My ass is definitely sore, I almost yelp in pain when it comes in contact with his thigh.

"You have had your punishment Pet. As I said earlier, you are grounded for a while since you have been a bad boy, and you will have to regain my trust, but you were corrected for your misdemeanor."

"Does that mean, you forgive me?" I ask with a little voice.

"Not yet Pet, but I will. You had your physical punishment, now it's time for a more mental one. I'm still mad at you, so be on your best behavior, accept your grounding without complaining and I'm sure I'll forgive you in no time. Now you are going to make us some chamomile tea, and we will try to go back to sleep. Understood?"

While I prepare the tea, he puts away the beers that are left in the fridge, and he asks for my cigarette packs. I should be embarrassed, but I am actually relieved that he is taking control of this as well. I have seen I can't really trust myself, and I know that I can definitely trust him. We drink our tisane while he reminds me of what my grounding implies: no calls, texts or time with friends, no music, no TV, no dessert. Just work, research and chores. He also tells me that the cigarette I smoked tonight will be removed from the number I'm allowed tomorrow. Again, this is no more than I deserve, so I agree with a small "Yes Master."

Then we go back to bed. My Master asks me to lay on the bed face down. He begins to gently massage my shoulders and my back.

"This is certainly not a reward for what you did tonight, Pet," he says, "but I want you to be able to sleep, so just relax. Don't think too much about the grounding right now, if you behave properly, this will be lifted in a few days. Don't focus on anything, try to keep your mind clear. Remember how you were a good boy today, I'm so proud of you when you are a good boy."

I concentrate on his voice, evening my breath. When he begins to rant on how well I am learning to be a submissive, how good I can be when I apply myself and how proud he is of me, the warm feeling of his hands spread through my whole body, and just like that, I finally drift to sleep.

* * *

The next day, when I wake up, there is hell to pay. First, I remember how disappointed my Master was last night. After a night of sleep, I cannot fathom what possessed me to act like this and I feel deeply ashamed. Then of course, my butt is very sore. But that's not the worst – or what woke me up for that matter. If you have ever passed your hands on the stubble a man gets on his chin just after not shaving for a day or two, you get how itchy it can be. Now imagine that feeling each time my balls brush against my thighs, my shaft against my balls or between my buttocks! It's as if my whole privates have been covered by itching powder.

Now I get what Zach meant the other day, and I rush to retrieve his small package. When I open it, I find a small note and a soothing lotion.

Dear Anthony! This should help with your little problem. You should shave tonight, and I promise this will get better with time. For now just apply the cream generously wherever you need it. Zach

God I love you Zach! I hurry to the bathroom with his lotion, but backtrack soon. I'm grounded, and I'm pretty sure I should ask permission before using it. My Master has woken up and looks at me with an interrogative expression when I come back to his room.

"Hum, Master?" I ask shyly.

"What is it Pet?"

"I hum, I was wondering if I could use a cream that Zach offered me last Saturday when we met."

"If it's for your sore ass, the answer is no, Pet. Feeling it for a few days is a part of your punishment," he replies sternly.

"It's not, Master. I'm hum, all itchy... down there, and it's to help soothing that." This is just so embarrassing!

"Oh! In that case, yes you may," he responds, almost laughing. Of course he had to make fun of me. I'm as red as a tomato when I run to the bathroom. Fortunately, the cream really helps reducing the itching to a bearable level.

"How are you feeling, Pet?" my Master asks as he joins me in the bathroom.

"Better Master, thank you. I know I'm grounded, but could I send a thank you text to Zach?"

"No you may not," he replies. Someone was not joking around when he said I was grounded apparently. But I don't complain since it's well deserved. "If you want however, I will tell Zach that you are thankful for his gift, but couldn't tell him yourself since you were grounded," he adds. That would mean admitting to Zach that I already fucked up, which would be a bit embarrassing. But again, he really helped me with this cream, so I'll swallow my pride, just for this time.

"That would be kind of you, Master."

"It's settled then, now go in the shower." I go kneel there. He didn't ask me to do that, but I have to work my way back in his good graces. I feel him softly pet my hair when he enters the cabin with me. "Since you are grounded, Pet, you won't be allowed to cum today," he tells me. "I would understand if you don't want to play and get too excited."

"I am the one who is grounded Master, you are not," I reply meekly.

"Nicely phrased, Pet," he answers. "Now let's see if that beautiful mouth of yours can do other nice things," he adds huskily.

As always, after swallowing the whole of my Master's release, I'm painfully hard. I take deep breaths, telling myself it will go away in a few minutes. I just hope he won't tease me this time! When we are both clean, he takes the shower head and turns the water icy cold before spraying a bit on my cock. It's a bit painful but very efficient at making it shrink to its flaccid state. I guess cold showers aren't an urban myth after all.

We finish our morning routine, and I prepare some coffee for the both of us. My Master gives me one cigarette and reminds me of all the rules for today, as well as our appointment this afternoon. I also take the soothing lotion Zach offered me, in case the itching comes back. When I arrive at the high school. I see I have one text from Zach, that I don't read. I feel it would be cheating. At lunch break, my phone rings but since it's Paul and not my Master, I let it go to voicemail. Of course he tries two more times and sends texts of his own.

This is going to be a long day, I think to myself.

Published on May 29th 2017

Well I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. We'll see what Ethan has to think about that in the next chapter. Oh and remember all the times I said he was very strict or very controlling? We'll definitely see that! Remember that this how he is before you hate him too much ;-).