Mabel's Guide To Dating

-Camera's POV

*sitting down in a table surrounded by plushes*

Mabel: As we all know, I am a dating expert. In fact, I can't get the boys to leave me alone!

*static, then shows Mabel out the window holding a cardboard cutout of a boy*

Mabel: "Mabel, I love you so much, baby!!! Why won't you let me into your life?!?"

*static, then shows Mabel back at the table*

Mabel: You know what you did, Zac!!! *focuses on the camera* Today we're gonna test the date-ability of three of Gravity Falls's swingin-est bachelors!!!

*shows Soos, Dipper, and Stan each sitting in a cheer*

Mabel: Soos!!!

Soos: *facing the side* Get ready to fall in love, America!!! Am I- am I looking at the right camera?

Mabel: Dipper!!!

Dipper: Who are you even making this for?

Mabel: Grunkle Stan!!!

Stan: I'm only here because you promised bacon!

Mabel: Eh! *throws bacon at Stan*

Stan: *catches the bacon in his mouth and eats it* I'm pacified.

You: To be honest, they all suck at dating, but my money's on Soos.

Mabel: And now for a simple nine-thousand question dating quiz!!!

*static, then shows each guy answering a long paper*

Stan: "Should men always pay for dinner?" What is this, Russia?

Soos: "How many kids would you like to have?" Seven, preferably! That's one to love every day of the week!

Dipper: "How do you treat a gal?" Hm, well hovering nearby and laughing at everything she says, obviously! *writes on the quiz* Nailing this.

You: ... oh boy.

Mabel: While they're busy working, we give you: animal dating!!!!

*show three clips of Mabel forcing animals to get together as she gets hurt in the process, then a cardboard cutout square with the word Results and shows the three bachelors each in their chairs*

Mabel: *holding a list* Grunkle Stan, on a scale of one to five, you scored a three.

Stan: Yes!!! Yes!!!

Mabel: This will limit your dating pool to widows, lady plumbers, and convicts.

Stan: I still consider this a victory!

Mabel: *walks over to Dipper* Dipper, your score is-... eesh!!!! You know, scores don't really matter, you should just focus on being you...!

You: Yikes, he failed that bad?

Mabel: *walks to Soos* Soos, on a scale of one five, you scored-... a twelve?!?

You: I knew it!!!

Soos: My grandma was right all along!!! I am the world's most perfect man!!! *raises his arms as pigeons land on him*

*a cardboard cutout square that says Final Thoughts and shows Mabel on the table again*

Mabel: Love is all around us, and if it seems that you two aren't the perfect fit, force it!!! Oh no, the squirrels, they're back!!! *gets attacked by two squirrels*

*static*

Mabel's Guide To Stickers

*Mabel is sitting on a chair as Dipper laid in his bed reading a book and you were on your bed/mattress playing with a tiny fireball*

Mabel: Throughout history, stickers have been the backbone of many great civilizations!

Dipper: No, they haven't.

Mabel: *opens a history book* The ancient Greece used leaches for stickers!!! The more stickers you had the cooler you were!!!

Dipper: Nope, not true!!!

Mabel: The ancient Aztecs chest skull was the modern equivalent to today's *shows a Jamaican orange sticker* Orange You Happy, mon?

You: *snicker*

Dipper: Yes, Aztec war paint was exactly like a rasta orange. Mabel, have you ever read a history book?!?

Mabel: Edited out!!!

*static, making Dipper disappear, then she edits many stickers on her face*

Mabel: Cut away!!!

*static, then shows Mabel holding a journal titled Sticktionary*

Mabel: Let's take a look at my personal Sticktionary!!! *opens the journal* Stickers fall into several distinct categories* Puffy stickers,

Soos: *touching the stickers* So soft! *pulls his hand away*

Mabel: *turns the page* Goofily-eyed stickers, *shakes the journal*

Soos: Ah, it's like they're watching me!!!

Mabel: *turns the page* Bumper stickers, *turns the page* scratch and sniff, *turns the page* sniff and touch, *turns the page* listen and taste, *turns the page* and price stickers!!! You can get these ones free at the store!!!

You: Uh, don't they need those?

*static, then shows Mabel at a store taking the price stickers off the TVs*

Mabel: Sticker sticker sticker. *leaves*

Man: Free TVs everybody!!!!

People: *start stealing the TVs*

*static, then back to Mabel and her journal*

Mabel: Listen, (y/n), you shouldn't doubt my authority! In the sticker world, I'm the girl who can get you things!

*static, then shows Mabel eating ice cream and leaning against the counter with Stan behind the counter*

Stan: I need a sticker to put on my car that will, you know, get the cops off my back.

Mabel: *gives Stan a Baby-On-Board sticker*

Stan: Oh! *reaches for the sticker*

Mabel: Uh-uh! My price!

Stan: *sighs before giving Mabel a ginormous box of sprinkles*

Mabel: I'm gonna get so sick~!!!

*static, then Mabel eating sprinkles and Dipper reading in his bed*

Mabel: *eats more sprinkles*

Dipper: Mabel, don't you think those are hazardous to your health?!?

You: Yeah, eating all of that can be pretty dangerous...!

Mabel: Edit!!!

*she edits off you and Dipper and the sprinkles on her face, then she adds sunglasses, a boombox, and Soos holding a burger and soda*

Soos: What?!? How'd I get here?!?

Mabel: Thanks for watching Mabel's Guide to Stickers!!! And now a riddle: what kind of sticker can save your life?!?

*static, then Mabel standing a few feet apart from Waddles*

Mabel: Waddles, if you please!

Waddles: *shoots the grappling hook hitting Mabel's chest and shoots her back*

Mabel: *sits up and unbuttons her sweater* Puffy stickers!!! *laughs* Still really hurt, though.

*static*

Mabel's Guide To Fashion

*a lot of pictures of Mabel modeling*

Mabel: *leans back against the counter talking to the phone*

Grenda: The attitude!

*in your bedroom as Dipper sits in his bed wearing sunglasses*

Mabel: *models by*

Grenda: The boys love it.

Dipper: So wait, what do you want me to do?

Grenda: *whispers* Flip up your glasses.

Dipper: Like this? *flips up his glasses*

You: *snort as you you hold a laugh*

*static, the shows Mabel in between hers and Dipper's bed*

Mabel: Guesswhatit'sMabel!!! Everyone wants to look as amazing as me, but most people don't have time for fashion in their busy day-to-day life! that's why I've created....!!!!

Candy and Grenda: *jump into frame*

Mabel, Candy, and Grenda: FLASH MAKEOVERS!!!!!

*static, then shows Soos drinking coffee in the couch*

Soos: Hey guys, what are you a-

Mabel: Grenda, hold him down!!!

Grenda: *tackles Soos to the ground and Mabel took out the makeup kit*

Soos: AHHHH!!!

*static, then shows Soos with some rock and roll vampire look*

Soos: These pants are so tight!!! I can't move!!!

Mabel: You can thank us later!!! *runs out with Grenda*

Soos: If you're watching this, call for help!!! *falls* I'm down!!! Soos is down!!!

*static, then shows you walking down the hallway*

You: *notice the girls* Uh, hey guys...?

Mabel: GET HER!!!

You: !!!

Grenda: *leaps to tackle you*

You: *turn phoenix and fly up before she could* What the heck?!?

Mabel: Abort mission, ABORT MISSION!!! *runs off followed by the others*

You: What the f-?

*static, then shows Stan in the bathroom in front of the mirror*

Stan: I'm Stan and I was wrong, I'm singing-

Grenda: *tackles down Stan and starts to paint Stan's face*

Stan: What's happening?!?

Mabel: Beauty is happening!!!!!!

*static, then shows Mabel and Grenda standing beside Stan who looks like a tiger*

Grenda: *gives him a mirror*

Stan: I'd be pretty mad at you girls, if I didn't look so fantastic!!! *grabs the mirror*

Mabel: SUCCESS!!! Take it to the streets, girls!!! *runs off*

Grenda: *takes a bottle* I'm taking your aftershave. *follows Mabel*

*static, then shows Mabel and Grenda staring at Old Man McGucket*

Mabel: Ok, gals, we need a real challenge.

McGucket: Old Man McGucket!!! *spits in a bucket* Spittin' in a bucket!!!

Grenda: This one is a toughy.

Mabel: Let's try something bold!!!

*static, then shows Mabel drawing a cartoon face of the back of McGucket's head*

Mabel: *finishes* Am I good or am I good, girls?!?

Grenda: Absolutely stunning!!!

Mabel: *goes to face McGucket's face* Now we cover up that... problem area... *uses his beard to cover his face and as the cartoon's face's hair, then combs it* Now you just have to walk backwards everywhere you go and bingo!!! You're fabulous!!!

McGucket: That's the way my body naturally wants to move anyways!!! *leaves making a woman in the background scream*

Mabel's Guide To Color

*in your room with the lights off so Mabel could show the pictures on the wall*

Mabel: Ah color, it's all around us!!! From the green of a nauseous twin brother, to the weird orange of an old man's noise, to the shiny beautiful tones of (y/n)'s phoenix form, to the beautiful sky blue of toilet water!!! *shows a picture of you sleeping in an uncomfortable position*

Soos: I'm in that one!!!

Mabel: Yes you are, Soos. It wasn't always this way!!! According to history, the world was black and white until color was invented by a magic wizard named Grandolf The Fabulous!!! What's your favorite, Gravity Falls?!? *snatches the camera and points at you*

*static, then clips of many people saying their favorite colors, then you all go to Stan*

Stan: None.

Mabel: What?!?

Stan: I don't have a favorite color, I don't even like colors.

Mabel: No even... rainbows?!?!?!?

Stan: Beats me, I've never even seen a rainbow.

Mabel: WHAT?!?

*back at your room with Dipper, Mabel, Candy, and Grenda*

Mabel: Alright, guys, how can we get Grunkle Stan to see a rainbow, I need ideas, people!!!

Grenda: Sometimes if I drink expired milk, I see rainbows!!! I'm gonna try it right now!!! *takes out a bottle of expired milk and starts to drink it*

You: Or we can take him to the enchanted falls, there's always rainbows there.

Candy: *takes a pen and paper and does a quick sketch* What if we reflect the rainbow from the falls into Stan's window?

You: Huh, that's not a bad idea!

Dipper: Yeah!

Grenda: Yeah!!! *faints*

You and Dipper: !!!

Candy: It's fine, she does this.

*static, them shows you, Dipper, and Candy with the reflection*

Mabel: Alright, we're about to unleash the power of the Roy-G-Biv-A-Tron into Stan's office!!! *hides when she hears the door open*

Stan: Nothing brightens a dark room like a light from a window!!! Time to open the windo- OH!!! NO!!! WHY!!! *falls to the ground covering his eyes in pain* WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!?

Mabel: *appears wearing special sunglasses* Ta-da, surprise!!!!

Stan: MY EYES ARE ON FIRE!!!! AHHH!!!! AHHHHHH!!! AHHH!!!!

Mabel: Maybe we overdid it a little bit...

Stan: IT'S SO HOT, IT HURTS!!!!!

*static, then shows you, Dipper, and Soos tying bandages over his eyes and Mabel talking to the camera that you were now holding*

Stan: Get those bandages good and tight, I'm not not giving my life savings to some quack doctor!!!

Mabel: That's it for today, join us next week where we'll be doing Mabel's Guide to Apologizing to your Great Uncle!

Stan: I hate color more than ever!!!!!

Mabel: *laughs awkwardly* He's just saying that!!! *whispers* Cut, cut it!!!

*static*

Mabel's Guide To Art

*Mabel at the end of the stairs in from of the door*

Mabel: Ah, art, it's all around us!!! From the big triangles of the desert, to the pens that go like *moves the pen in front of the camera* Boop~! Broop~!

*static, then shows an elephant painting on a canvas*

Mabel: Even old Jumbo is getting in on the act! *laughing* Don't quit your day job, Jumbo!!! That's... that'll really bad...

*static, back to Mabel*

Mabel: No one knows what art means or where it comes from, but one thing is for sure: I'm great at it!!! At age two I was  naturally gifted, by age five I was a master of portrait, age seven was a time of free exploration, but everything changed when I saw this amazing caricature!!! *shows a drawing she made of (a really creepy) Dipper*

Dipper: *grabs the drawing* Gimme that, gimme that!!!!!

You: *walk in taking a sip of Pit Cola*

Mabel: Hey (y/n)!!!!! *snatches the drawing and shows it to you* Look at this awesome drawing I made!!!!!

You: *turn away spitting you Pit Cola before coughing roughly* Oh god, that's horrific!!!!!

Mabel: And what can be an even better, you ask? I give you: the cat-icatures!!!!! *takes out a drawing of a car with the pine tree hat* Just compare this amazing likeness to Dipper!

Dipper: That doesn't look anything like me-

Mabel: You're right, it does look exactly like you!!!!!

*static, then shows Mabel showing Stan many of her cat-icatures*

Stan: Uh, it's just the same crumby cat face with a different hat each time!

Mabel: Exactly, and I sell them for ten dollars each!

Stan: ...you need an agent? I am now your agent.

*static, then Mabel in Toby's office holding a cat-icature with Toby in his desk*

Mabel: *gives Toby the drawing*

Toby: It looks exactly like me, right down to my actual cat whiskers that the doctors can't explain!!! *hugs the drawing* Meow meow meow!!!

Mabel: You're always weirder than I remember...

*static, then Stan selling many cat-icatures to people*

Stan: Mabel, these cat-icatures are selling like hotcakes!!!

Mabel: Cat-icatures are good, but I've moved on to the next level! Behold: Humanicaticatures!!!

Customers: ... *start to fight to buy the humanicaticaters*

Stan: Somebody get this girl more cats!!!!

*static*

Hey guys!!! So first of all, I'd like to apologize for not posting anything throughout the week, but this was actually my first week of high school and I wanted to get used to things. I hope you all understand. And second, yes I'm writing the shorts again because they're hilarious af and they always make me laugh so. Anyways, 'till next time!!!

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