"NO!" Zuko fell off his bed with a glass breaking in the middle of the night. He wheezed grabbing his chest trying to get a grip on reality.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck," he gripped his hair as he sat on his knees on the ground. His body trembling as he hyperventilated, not feeling the glass digging into his knee.

He closed his eyes tightly listening to his surroundings and listened to the ocean outside and the silence of his crew that must've been asleep. Zuko covered his eyes as he forced himself to stand. He looked at the candle through his fingers and realized it's only been a few hours, four max.

He looked down seeing blood on his leg and let out a sigh, grabbed tweezers close by he got up and went outside to get fresh air.

It was cold outside in the night, must be getting closer to the south of the earth kingdom or winter is coming early. He didn't care, he looked about the waters seeing not a cloud in the sky and the ocean was quiet.

He sat on the steps of his ship and held his palm with a small flame to look at how much glass was in his flesh.

"What happened?"

Zuko jumped startled as his head snapped up seeing Katara in the crows nest looking bored.

"Why are You up there?" Zuko rubbed the rest of the sleep out of his eyes.

"Ty Lee asked if I could take her post tonight," Katara started to climb down to see what the captain was up too.

"Don't worry I have no bending, it would be dumb to jump ship and not be able to bend,"she jumped off the side rope and put her hands up in defense.

"So what happened? I heard glass break?" She noticed he was trying to do something to his leg, not seeing the blood.

"I fell," he rolled his eyes going back to tweezing the glass out.

"Damn that looks shitty," Katara crossed her arms. She wanted to offer to help but she knew this guy, she knew he'd say no, under mind the little glass shards till they're healed into his skin forever.

Zuko kept his eyes down, he expected her to ask to help but she didn't. It didn't matter, if she was asleep he'd still be doing it on his own. He gulped a little at the night terror memories that haunted him, like they were in the shadows behind him.

"Lee, you're shaking," Katara noticed him just holding his tweezers but not doing anything.

"I need a minute, sorry," he whispered setting them tweezers down.

"Another apology from the mighty pirate captain, how lucky I must be," Katara smiled a little but he seemed off.

"Do you get nightmares or something? I notice you don't sleep that much," she sighed sitting on the steps next to his feet.

"No I'm just not tired," Zuko lit his palm again to see his knee better.

"Huh sometimes I forget that you can fire bend," Katara watched interested as he focused on the glass.

"It's kind of hard to fire bend on a wooden boat," he said flatly.

They were silent again as he picked at the glass in his skin as Katara watched curiously. The night was quiet, like the weight of what the day holds was lifted. A new start for tomorrow.

"I use to be afraid of water and even pirates," Zuko offered conversation.

"What?" Katara was caught off guard.

"I use to be terrified of water, even when I learned how to swim, I was terrified if I couldn't touch the bottom of whatever water I was in," he sighed looking up seeing another fire nation ship near by.

"I was a cowardly child, afraid of everything but I wanted to be like my uncle and cousin, they were part of the fire nation military," he smiled a little at the faded memories of home.

"Ah.. ha I would cry when my sibling threatened me when they said pirates were going to steal me from my bed, I would sob running to my mother," he chuckled softly.

"Do you get to talk about this stuff a lot?" Katara tilted her head to the side curiously.

"Why?" Zuko wasn't sure what she meant.

"Well one, your telling me, someone you don't like very much some personal memories of your old life, and it seems like it's details that you remember on accident," she gulped a little looking down at her knees.

"I guess I'm easy to read then, no I don't talk about it much with people, I've forgotten my mothers voice and face and maybe that's on me for not talking about her enough... but it took Xan a year for me to not yell at him when he would try to bring her up," Zuko smiled back at her softly.

"You didn't talk about her for a year?" Her eyes turned sad and a little heart broken. Imagining if she didn't talk about her mother for a year, someone she loved and admired, just to stop talking about her..

"When she was brought up it wasn't for a happy memory," Zuko closed his eyes thinking about his scars and burns on his back from Ozai.

It was his fault.

"Sorry I didn't mean to over share, it's not your problem," Zuko inhaled a deep breath looking at his leg, felt like all the glass was out.

"No it's okay, for a while my brother always told me I was doing things wrong cause it's not how mom did it, loosing your mother isn't easy and hurts when someone insults you or her and you can't fight back on it," Katara smiled softly at him.

"But Lee, don't blame yourself for peoples deaths, your mothers... Xan's, their deaths aren't your fault, some things are out of our control," she sighed a little but he didn't look at her.

"I know, but there's always going to be that voice in my head saying I didn't try hard enough, I'd give anything for him, for my crew, this ship, it's my whole life, my greatest pride," Zuko smiled back finally but his eyes held no joy, he looked exhausted under the moon light.

"I don't know what else I'd do with my life if I wasn't on this ship," he chuckled.

"What did your family do before you became a pirate? Was there something with your parents you would've end up doing?" Katara asked curiously.

"Probably join the family business, the old skip and trade, meet a few old assholes but not anymore," he grinned to himself.

"But that old me is dead, I'm a completely different person now, old me would hate who I am but I feel free now, the sea gave me freedom," Zuko breathed looking to the stars.

"There was so many rules and reputations, to behave, to be judged, to be better when you gave it your all, I'm not even the best fire bender but it doesn't matter here, I don't fear judgement anymore, I don't fear death anymore cause I'm living my life as I want and I don't regret a thing, if I died tomorrow I know I lived how I wanted and I'm okay with that," he knew his smile grew like that was hope to him. But he was truly happy with his life.

As a prince there was limits to his potential.

"Kind of hypocritical don't you think? Does your captain feel the same?" Katara frowned a little.

"How do you think I was able to accept death?" He chuckled.

"The hypocrisy still stands," she scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"You're a little spitfire aren't you?" Zuko teased smirking.

Kataras heart skipped a beat at that. It sounded familiar, and coming from his voice it felt like deja vu. Where has she heard that phrase before?

"You better head to bed princess, I'll take the rest of the night in the nest," he slapped his uninjured knee as he stood up from the wooden stairs.

"You aren't going to bed?" She asked.

"Nah, not tired," Zuko started to climb up the ropes ladder as the water bender stood and watched a little. The captain didn't make that much sense but who knows, pirates are liars and thieves , maybe he's just playing a game.