Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault

Blinking, Malawashina's eyes strained painfully to focus. Her entire body felt as weighted as a freshly hewn granite stone, her head swam, and her mind befuddled. First, she felt a sudden chill in her bones as she tried to move, but her arms gave way and fell back to whatever she had been lying on. Then, almost in a muddled panic, she tried to move her legs, but the sudden ache of her thighs and the sharp pain at the pinnacle between them caused her to whimper and groan.

"You did this to yourself." So came that all too familiar, deep voice from near her.

Tilting her head to the side, she squinted at the imposing figure beside her, her vision blurred. Her parched throat felt as if it had been stripped of moisture, a result of whatever substance he had drugged her with. As she coughed, her voice trembled, but managed to escape her lips. "What have you done to me, Mursili? What did you do?" Panic surged within her, causing bile to rise in her throat as she struggled to sit upright. Clutching her head to steady the spinning world around her, she noticed it - the vivid crimson smear between her trembling thighs, staining the crisp white linens beneath her. Horror flooded her violet eyes and her entire body quivered with disbelief. Her mind desperately sought to deny the truth, but the evidence of the unthinkable act lay undeniable. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she opened her mouth to release a piercing scream, yet before a sound could escape her parched lips, Mursili's massive hand covered her mouth, silencing her. 

"Quiet!" He growled at her as he held her fast against his sweat-streaked chest.

The touch of his calloused hands and the odour of his body mingled with the smell of sour wine made her want to vomit.

"Make a sound, and I will strangle you with my bare hands," he threatened. "Now heed my words, darling cousin. I will destroy you if you speak a word of what has transpired to anyone. I will have your father and brother's heads on spikes to adorn the Lion's Gate. I will have your sister and your mother given to my guards as playthings. I will smear your family's name into the dirt so that the whole of Hattusa and the world can know how their precious princess is a dirty whore!"

Her body stiffened at his words, and she whimpered into his fingers.

"I will not allow some bastard Pharaoh to have you as a prize. Now your virtue belongs to me as it always should have! And you, my pretty cousin, shall go to Egypt, eternally shamed. I wonder how that asshole Ramses will react when he finds out his precious new bride's bosom has been fondled and fruit has been plucked?" He laughed almost maniacally before tightening his grip around her, reaching up to grasp her bare breast with his spare hand. She yelped as he squeezed and struggled as best she could against his disgusting touch, but he held her fast, like a spider trapping prey to its web. "Say a word and remember what I will do. Have I made myself clear?"

She froze against him, too terrified to move then. He squeezed her breast ever tighter, making her flinch. "Do I make myself clear?" He repeated, his voice strict and gruff. 

She nodded immediately in answer. 

Satisfied, he released her and pushed her forward. 

She scrambled away from him, doing her best to hide out of modesty. He scoffed at her and rolled his eyes. "Now clean yourself up and get out of here. Your maids will be waiting for you."

Yet, she could not bring herself to move; She was frozen in fear, her eyes wide and panic-stricken, her skin pallid.

His hazel gaze narrowed on her, pinning her to the blood-stained sheets. "Shall I ravish you again, my sweet girl?"

Without a word, she bolted, ignoring the water basin in the room, her body now bruised and almost bare. She dared not let out a whimper, but the tears flowed heavily down her face as she ran. By then, the sky was a stark black with only the thin sliver of the moon and the stars far above illuminating it. Most of the palace was already sleeping apart from the patrolling guards she bypassed. Even as she reentered the harem, no one was present, not even Utati or her other servants. Yet, she did not care. If there was any eunuch or servant around at that late hour, she did not notice and fled straight to her private chambers. Once there, she saw a bath had been drawn for her, awaiting her arrival. Though by then, the steam emanating from it was now naught. Ripping off the clothing that remained on her, she threw them directly into the hearth that had been lit to ward off the midnight chill, and the flames burst and danced in thanks to her offering. Scrambling into the bath, she sat stiff and chilled to the bone. But not because of the coolness of the water. Her mind swam, and her heart raced at what had just occurred, and Mursili's words repeated themselves like a cruel curse on the wind, "I will destroy you ... I will smear your family's name into the dirt...I will not allow some bastard Pharaoh to have you as a prize...."

She burst into tears, covering her mouth with both hands to prevent the urge to wail from escaping her. Yet, it did not take long for her to hear rushed steps and hurried whispers coming toward her chambers. She splashed her face with the water to erase any trace of the tears that had been flowing.

Her mother, worry and fury struck upon her face, was followed soon behind by Utati and another five girls. "Malawashina!" She gasped, the entire group rushing to the bath. "Where in the names of all the gods have you been?" Her mother's eyes did not leave her once as she took up the folded cotton towels. "Utati said that Mursili had called for you, though she should have come and told me immediately after you went with him," Puduhepa glared at the girl who shrank behind one of the older servants. "He knows he is forbidden to speak to you with no one present!"

"He is the king...." Malawashina answered blandly, scrubbing at her inner thighs away from the view of the others.

"King or not," her mother continued, her tone stinging, "He knows the rules! So what on earth did he want at this late hour!? We searched for you everywhere! Did he touch you??" Her mother was almost in hysteria.

"Please ... mother...I am tired." That was all Malawashina could answer as she looked away from the eyes of the others. She did not need their judgments.

"What did he do?" Puduhepa's voice sliced through the air like a dagger, carrying a weight of fury. Her knuckles, as pale as ivory, tightened around the soft towels, their fabric crinkling under the intensity of her grip. The room seemed to tremble with her seething anger, as if it could barely contain the storm brewing within her.

"Nothing, mother!" Malawashina now shot back, her voice defiant. "He wanted me to do a secret task for him in Egypt. Then we shared some tea, that is all! Now leave me be!"

Puduhepa, her eyes now wide in shock, stepped back from her daughter's outburst. It was not of her character to snap. "Mala..."

"All of you, just leave me be and get out of my sight!"

They all looked at her in surprise and hesitated. Something had transpired, and that in itself was blatantly obvious. Puduhepa turned to the servants and nodded, signalling them to make haste and depart. They did, with no further hesitation.

 Waiting for them to be well on their way and out of earshot, Puduhepa turned back to her most precious daughter. "My child, whom I carried in my womb for nine months, whom I laboured for three days to give birth to, whom I carried upon my bosom for years till she found her own independence, tell me the truth, I implore you!"

"Why do you think I did not?" Malawashina protested, splashing her face again to wash away the tears that fell.

"I know you, my daughter," Puduhepa answered. "I can read you like a scroll opened before me."

"Mother, please," Malawashina pushed before her mother could speak another word. "I told you, he wanted me for a delicate purpose. With me going to Egypt and they being our former enemy, I am sure you can think of the reason for yourself."

Puduhepa's brow furrowed. "He wants you to spy on the Pharaoh's household?"

"Not only the household."

Puduhepa's eyes gaped open once more. "Does that idiotic buffoon not understand the danger you will be in if the Egyptians find out you are spying? Especially as a wife to the Pharaoh? Has Mursili truly gone insane?" She raised her voice, uncaring of the ears that may have heard her outrage. "Your father must know about this!"

"Mother, no!" Malawashina stood up, almost slipping in the tiled bath as she did so. "Father of all people should not know! You know what Mursili will do...."

"Let me worry about that, daughter," Puduhepa cut in. "For you will go to Egypt and be Pharaoh's wife, nothing more and nothing less. Now, get out of that bath before you catch yourself a dreadful cold," she beckoned her daughter with the towels.

Malawashina hesitated, her heart pounding in her chest, reluctant to leave the safety of the tub. The lingering memory of her recent menstruation weighed heavily on her mind, for it had ended just several turns of the sun past. The thought of appearing to bleed again sent a shiver down her spine, causing her to tremble. Carefully, she adjusted her body, cautiously stepping out of the water. As she emerged, a mixture of scents filled the air - the sweet aroma of the bath oils still lingering on her skin, intermingled with the comforting scent of her mother's presence. With tender care, her mother's open arms embraced her, drawing her close. Soft towels enveloped her, their warmth comforting against her damp skin.

Her mother's gentle touch moved through her hair, the sensation soothing. However, Malawashina's desperate hope intensified as she pressed her thighs together, a silent plea to prevent any trace of her vulnerability from seeping between them. Every fiber of her being was focused on concealing this intimate secret, yearning for the feeling of safety and normalcy.

"I would like to sleep now, please, mother." Malawashina began, lowering her gaze to avoid her mother's. "I am so drained."

"Of course, my darling," her mother's voice was as gentle as a caress, and she felt relieved that her mother did not press her further.

Puduhepa pulled back the linen sheets and the furs from the bed and beckoned for her daughter to enter. As she did, Puduhepa leant down and kissed her upon the crown of her ebony head. "Sleep well, for Šauška looks over you, my dear."

Malawashina's stomach twisted tightly, a knot forming within her as she grappled with the question. Where had the goddess been when her cousin had violated her? She clenched her teeth, biting down hard to suppress the acrid taste of bile rising in her throat. Her mother stood nearby the doorway now, lending an air of solemnity to the moment. "When will I depart for Egypt?"

"Do you wish to leave me so soon?" Her mother asked, her voice both a mixture of jest and sadness.

"That is not what I meant, mother. I would never wish to leave you...."

"I know," Puduhepa smiled with affection. "We will leave within the week, or at least once all preparations have been completed." With those words, her mother parted a last smile and left her to her rest.

Within a week ... her mind wandered as she settled into the goose feather pillows. Her mind raced once more at the thought. The sooner she could escape Mursili's grasp, the better. But alas, she would never see her family again. That thought in itself rendered her to tears once more. She would get little sleep that night.

Note:

Šauška - The Hittite equivalent of the Babylonian goddess Ishtar. Šauška was a goddess of beauty, love, and fertility but could be quick to anger and was dangerous when thus enraged. She had wings and traditionally rode an enormous lion.