Nina's head was spinning, the world falling away all around her as the words Fearnley's ex-wife had spoken echoed in her ears. Her stomach dropped, and a small twinge of pain shot through her head—along with the image of a small, pale hand reaching for a door knob and the messy scribble on a calendar that marked someone's birthday—before Sarah's voice brought her back to reality.

"We planned to have children later, once we felt we were more stable, but then we separated. Never had any children before that," Sarah explained. Nina only half listened, her mind still replaying the other woman's previous words.

"We don't have a daughter."

"Are you okay?" the question helped Nina ground herself. Her focus was back to the conversation she was having with Sarah.

"Yeah," Nina said, the word seeming distant even as she spoke it. Like it came from a mouth that was not her own—like a foreign face staring back through a mirror. Nina swallowed thickly, breathed out, and continued. "Yes, I'm fine. Did Fearnley know anyone named Katie?" Nina asked, remembering the name written on the calendar in Fearnley's kitchen.

"Not as far as I know, but then I haven't really seen him in years. I only talked to him on the phone. Especially after the accident." She paused, Nina found herself holding her breath in anticipation of what the woman had to say. "I don't know who Katie is, but I can't imagine she'd be that close to him. His things are still in his apartment. I'm working on finding a place to store them. After he was arrested I was asked to look after his belongings. He didn't have anyone else he could ask." The words were spoken quietly, as if the very idea of what had become of the man she'd once loved hurt to think about.

"I'm sorry to hear that. What you're going through must be very difficult." Sarah let out a humorless laugh that rang with bitterness in Nina's ears.

"Yeah, you could say that." She sighed, a soft sound that was barely audible through the phone. "I don't know why Chris told you we had a daughter. Honestly, my guess is everything that's been going on is getting to him."

Nina didn't think that was the case. Something told her it wasn't as simple a thing as Fearnley slowly losing his mind. When she'd talked to him—his voice brittle and words grave—he'd sounded certain that what he was telling Nina was the truth, even if neither of them could truly understand what it all meant. So why then, would he mention a daughter he didn't have?

"Would you be willing to answer a couple of questions?" Nina asked, hoping Sarah would be amenable to that. The other woman took a moment to think about it and Nina was starting to brace herself for a refusal.

"Okay," she finally agreed. "What do you want to know?" Nina held back a relieved sigh and pulled the notebook on the coffee table closer.

"Did you hear from your ex husband at any time near the date of the incident?" She fidgeted with the pen in her hand as she waited for an answer.

Sarah let out a breath and took some time to think. Nina waited patiently, knowing she was fortunate enough to have the woman answer her questions.

"Yeah. Yeah, I did. He called about two days after . . . that. He sounded upset, said he'd been having odd dreams. Headaches too. I told him it was probably just some of the side effects from the surgery. That maybe the dreams were him remembering things. He trusted me enough to convince himself that was true. Guess I should have been the one to listen to him."

"You did all you could," Nina tried to comfort the woman. Even so, it was difficult to think of anything to say when her head was filled with thoughts of what could have possibly made Fearnley think he had a daughter when the only other person in his life was his ex wife. "Did he say anything after his treatment or have any other odd side effects?" She jotted down everything Sarah had told her so far, the scratching of her pen on the paper a sound that made it all seem just a bit more normal. Nina found she needed that small comfort.

"Ah, well, he had headaches, but that was pretty normal. I think he'd been warned about them from the start. I remember he mentioned trouble sleeping at some point, but he'd always had trouble with that some times, even before the accident. Might have been worse because of the dreams, now that I think about it."

"Did he ever tell you about the dreams he had?" For a second, Nina saw that hallway with the cream colored walls, the glimmer of a silver mirror just a few steps ahead and a green gaze. She closed her eyes for a second, and they were gone.

"No, he didn't go into any detail about those things. I think he wanted me to think things were fine with him, maybe he was afraid I'd stop calling if they weren't." Nina could hear what must have been regret at not having noticed that something was so very wrong with Fearnley after all. "Oh, wait, he might have mentioned something. It was before he turned himself in, and he didn't go into detail about anything. He just mentioned he'd dreamed of the place where he was being treated, but that was all. He didn't say anything else, and then he just sounded so upset I just changed the subject, tried to calm him down."

"He didn't mention anyone else? Did he ever talk about any of the doctors working with him?" What Nina truly wanted to ask was if Fearnley had mentioned Alice, but she thought Sarah might be wary of the name alone.

"He didn't talk about anyone unless I asked him if his doctors were treating him well. Never said anything bad about them either. Is there something I should know? About his doctors? Did they do anything to him?"

Yes, Nina wanted to say. But she knew she couldn't. Knew that having someone else poking around Fearnley's case wouldn't be helping her in any way. She knew that and yet the genuine concern in Sarah's voice nearly made her change her mind.

"No," she said instead, the lie flowing out of her mouth in a numb sort of way. "I'm just tryin to figure out what's going on. Thank you for talking to me, Ms. Avila."

"If you talk to Chris again," Sarah paused, seemed to think over what it was that she wanted to say, and then decided it wasn't worth it anymore. "Never mind," she said a second later.

Sarah hung up, and Nina thought she should count herself lucky to have even managed to speak to the woman for as long as she had. Nina stared at the notes she'd taken, attempting to think over the information she'd gathered while the same thought swam around in her head.

"We don't have a daughter."

Nina, closed her eyes, feeling a headache building up while a distantly familiar tune floated around her mind and crimson lips smiled at her. When her eyes opened, there was a feeling of unease settling in her chest. It was, she knew, the result of suddenly being so uncertain of what was going on.

She thought of Fearnley, sitting in prison while thinking of a daughter that didn't exist. Nina thought of the cruelty that would be telling him the truth—to tell him that all he had left was a lie. Nina found herself wondering what she would do if she were in Fearnley's place. Would she really want to know the truth then?

She thought of her father and the way they'd walk to the park when she was younger. His smile was wide when he looked down at her and his hands rough from his work, but warm—comforting—as they held her own much smaller hand. Then, she thought of her mother. Nina thought of watching her waste away as illness claimed her and how all that she'd had to comfort her were the memories of them talking in the kitchen while she watched her mother cook. The scent of spices coating the air and her mother's laughter like a melody in Nina's ears.

The memories made her eyes sting with tears that she fought to restrain as the fondness she held for those few fleeting moments—fragments of her life that made up the person that she had become—clashed with the thought of Fearnley sitting in his cell without knowing the cold reality that he would eventually have to face. For the first time in a long while, Nina questioned whether it wasn't better to live with a lie.

Green eyes flashed in her mind, boring into her. It was a gaze filled with a silent plea that Nina found difficult to refuse.

Whatever the answer that lay at the end of her search was, Nina knew she couldn't hide it. She couldn't ignore the fact that something was very wrong. She just had to figure out what that was.

"Pull the right thread and the whole thing will unravel," she remembered one of her mentors telling her that years past. Nina would just have to stay true to that simple lesson and hope the thread she pulled next was the right one.

But how am I supposed to know? The thought stuck to Nina's already overflowing mind.

When it was all about her—about Alice and what seeing her face staring back at Nina meant—there was none of the pressure that she now felt mounted on her shoulders, none of the crushing knowledge that someone else depended on her.

Nina almost wished things were only that simple. A second after that thought crossed her mind, she almost felt like laughing. Things had hardly been anything resembling simplicity for a long time.

Not since before her mother had died, when the smallest od issues had seemed so much bigger in comparison to the relative peace that was her life. Almost subconsciously, Nina's gaze wandered over to the spot on the wall where the picture of her and her mother had hung not so long ago. The bare spot reminded her of Fearnley's appartment.

Despite being obviously lived in, the place had seemed barren—detached from anything that would have brought some warmth into the small space. There were no pictures on the wall, no hint of Fearnley ever having had anyone else in his life. Just a dusty album on his coffee table and the name of a daughter he never had scribbled lovingly on a calendar. The thought nearly made Nina want to cry.

It also brought up a thought that had been niggling at the back of her mind—a fear she'd pushed away until it was nothing but the barest of whispers amidst a howling storm of thoughts. Fearnley, timid but sane, had been so certain of the daughter he loved being real. Even so, the truth he knew was crumbling around him without him even noticing. How then, was Nina to know that the same didn't hold true for her?

I know who I am, Nina told herself, certain of her memories. But still that fear refused to disperse.

She ignored it for the time being, instead leaning back against her seat. Her eyes closed, an attempt to clear her head—something that became more and more difficult with every passing day. Against her will, her thoughts traveled to those she knew, those she was closest to. Her father's face, worn with age but still alive and bright eyed, smiled at her.The corners of his eyes creased and the laugh lines on his face spoke of a well lived life and of the things he'd overcome. She thought of her mother, back turned and the humming of a familiar song as she made one of Nina's favorite meals, calm as always. Stronger than Nina felt she could ever be.

Nina thought of Iris and the other people she worked with. People she saw every day and had gotten to know over the years. She thought of Nat, her childhood friend with whom she'd shared so much. The days they'd spent playing in a park and the mismatched eyes that seemed sharper than steel. And then, she thought of Ben, and found that she couldn't help but be glad he was still a part of her life despite the way things turned out between them. He was, after all, one of the connections that made her who she was.

"I know who I am," Nina told herself, this time out loud. The words rang loud with a conviction that had been absent from her since the day she'd awoken at the hospital—shattered and then clumsily put back together—with scars that ran deeper than anyone could know.

Nina knew who she was, knew who she had been before the world turned and knocked her off her feet. She just hoped that much remained true once all was said and done.

- - - - - - - - -

Hey everyone! New chapter is up and now I'll go back to the shadows to write some more. Hope you've liked this and please remember to vote and/or comment. 

Also, congratulations for those of you who've made the Wattys shortlist! All the stories look amazing and I can't wait to see who wins. Have a great weekend everyone!