CASY

 After giving Hannah her first orgasm, we stayed up all night talking.

We talked about the fact that she's suspended for two weeks for disrespecting Daniela Salvatierra and Mr. Fischer, but that she's going back to school next week. I just laughed and was surprised at the same time, as I never thought a person like Hannah would disrespect the school authorities. That sounds more like something I would do.

Then we talked about our back-and-forth-kind-of thing and the times we fought and yelled at each other which now seems like a distant memory. We both remembered how hard it was for both of us the day I fucked everything up and told the whole school she liked me—and in that very moment I apologize again for the way I behaved. We remembered how deluded we were to think we could forget about each other when now we're cuddling on the bed together. And that was very surprising, since neither of us expected that when April began it would find us together and happy—as it should have always been.

We laughed all night and also clarified many things. We talked about Edinburgh, what it would be like to travel together and how much we would enjoy it, even though we're not even sure the trip will happen, but no harm in dreaming I suppose.

We tried not to talk about any taboo subject—we didn't want to ruin the good moment we were having—so I didn't bring up the subject of Leo and Hannah didn't ask me about it either, although I know she's dying to do so.

Right now she's asleep—or so it seems—and I can't even close my eyes. So many things are happening at the same time that my mind won't stop thinking, imagining and wondering. It's like a machine that has no off-button.

I get out of bed and grab my cell phone. I think it's kind of weird my aunt hasn't called me or anything, and it's even weirder she hasn't come home, but it's better for me—if she had come home and seen Hannah sleeping with me... well, that would have been awkward.

I go to the bathroom while checking my phone and almost drop it when I see I have several unseen messages from... Leonardo.

I tap on our chat and start reading his messages. Many are insisting that we go to Edinburgh together, others are insisting that I go to his house tonight and the rest are pictures of his dick or messages bitching at me and telling me terrible things for not answering him right away.

I roll my eyes and just pass on the messages since I'm used to it. The times he called me names and treated me badly just because I didn't answer the second he texted me are endless, but he's like that and I have to put up with it because I got myself into this. All by myself.

Don't assume this is easy, though. It's painful to get used to constant mistreatment, it's painful to get used to being an object, to get used to being abused, to get used to all this... and it's much more painful to see how the person who causes you this stabbing pain, believes there's nothing wrong with what he's doing because in his mind treating a woman like this is okay. Because in his fucking macho mind a woman only serves to give pleasure to a man and nothing more. She only serves to be at the mercy of men and obey everything they say. Beyond that... a woman is useless and worthless. And I know very well that he thinks so because one time I was in his house and he had his computer turned on on his desk, where a chat room was open. I don't remember who the chat was with, but I do remember him telling those people these very words. And yes, at that moment I should have gotten the hell out of there and never come back. I should have left him alone and run away from that fucking house as soon as I knew what that psycho was thinking. However I couldn't; I had already signed a contract specifying that if I broke it the consequences would be worse, so I couldn't leave. I couldn't break our agreement and t abandon everything I had done to get his dad to be the detective in charge of finding out the truth about my family's death.

Anyway, since then, I understood that for him this is nothing more than a simple game, while for me it's torture. For him this will never be a disturbing memory imprinted on his mind—only a pleasant one that he'll bring back every day, but for me... I will suffer all my life. This will have harmful effects on me. My mind and body were damaged and, unfortunately, I don't know if there is anything that can repair them. Or maybe there is; Hannah. Her love can repair my whole being... but even today when she touched and caressed me there was a part of me that didn't give in completely, but resisted, for as soon as I closed my eyes I pictured that Hannah's fingers were his and that her gentle caresses were just to give me a false security before he would hit me all over my body with a whip. I think that's why I decided to take control and touch her instead of letting her touch me. I know that may not make any sense, but... I'm not ready for... that. I'm not ready to let go and fully enjoy sex yet. Maybe today I did feel safer because Hannah is a woman, but I am convinced that after what Leo has done to me I will never have sex with a man again. Ever.

The doorbell rings and I jump in fright. Who the hell is it?

I get out of bed carefully so as not to wake Hannah and go downstairs. As soon as I open the door, his green eyes meet mine. Immediately, a fear that became all too familiar takes possession of me. I feel a pang in my stomach and my throat closes up.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, angry and surprised.

A sly smile plays across his face and I want to puke just seeing the way the corner of his lips curves upwards. I despise that smile!

"Well, hello to you too," he sarcastically says, moving closer to me. We're less than a foot away and both his closeness and his height intimidate me and make the knot in my stomach tightens.

"Tell me what you are doing here," I demand.

"I came to see you because you weren't answering my messages and I got worried," he says, pushing me with his left shoulder and inviting himself to come on in.

"Did you worry about me?" I pointedly ask, mulling over the fact that I just let this fucking asshole into my house.

"Of course I worry about you," he sits on the couch and crosses his legs.

I watch him silently and I honestly can't believe how brazen he is. How could I sign a contract with this psycho? Am I that crazy? Maybe the psychopath is me after all.

He stretches out both arms and rests them on the backrest. He smiles and winks at me. I, on the other hand, roll my eyes and sigh. I close the door behind me and fold my arms. This guy is unbelievable.

"Leo, it's two in the morning, you can't be here. You have to go," I say, standing in front of him and putting my hands around my waist.

"Why are you in such a hurry? Do you have something better to do?" He asks, raising his voice, which irritates me, since the last thing I want is for Hannah to know that Leo is here.

"Yes, sleep. Now please leave, we'll talk tomorrow," I tell him, pulling his arm to get him up from the couch and force him to get the hell out of here.

At that moment he lets go of my grip, gets up from the couch and slaps me... A thwack is heard as his hand hits my cheek and I don't even need to see myself in the mirror to know my cheek is red. I cover my sore cheek with one hand and caress the affected area as I press my lips together to keep the tears from falling from my eyes. I can't cry, I promised myself I wouldn't cry anymore in front of him. I can't show him weakness because it only makes things worse.

"Don't even think about touching me again," he snaps, frowning, raising his voice and pointing his finger at me.

"Don't touch you again? Don't touch you again?! And when you ask me to give you a fucking blowjob and jerk you off? What's that? Isn't that touching? What—"

He grabs me by the neck with his right hand and slams me against the wall. A thud echoes through the house, followed by my sobs and screams. Our faces are only half and inch apart, allowing me to clearly see the rage building up inside him. His cheeks are flaming red, his teeth are clenched and his eyelids are trembling... it's certainly not a pleasant thing to see.

He tightens his grip and I don't even have the air to scream anymore. I feel the way his grasp is cutting me off the oxygen and the need for air becomes urgent...

"What the fuck did you just say?" He shouts, angry as I've never seen him before.

"No...no...no...no...nothing," I manage to say.

He lets go of me and I take a deep breath. I try to recover as I mentally slap myself for being so stupid. How did I dare to answer him like that? What was I thinking? Whether I yelled at him or not, it wasn't going to change the situation. I just made things worse.

"You like to defy me, don't you?" He walks back over to me and starts to unbuckle his belt. I frown and look at him incredulously, not quite understanding what is about to happen.

"Wha—"

"Shut up!" He yells as he pushes me against the wall and pulls down his pants and briefs.

Oh my... Oh no. No! This can't be happening... this is definitely.... a dream... right?

"No! No, please!" I wildly scream, while sobbing and begging for someone to help me. I know this is going to wake Hannah up and the last thing I want is for her to see me in this situation, but I don't know what else to do, I don't know what—

"What's going on?" Hannah curiously asks, standing on the stairs, rubbing her eyes, a bit groggy, as she tries to understand what's going on. Her eyes look up and down, taking in the image. As soon as her eyes meet Leo's she takes a step back and takes a deep breath. Her gaze wanders and she looks further down, and when she notices what is actually happening her lips begin to tremble and her eyes fill with tears.