CASY

I can't believe I'm about to tell her everything. Well, not everything precisely, just a part of it. Clearly I'm not going to reveal everything at once—it would be too much and I know her opinion of me would change completely after that.

"Well, the truth is, yes—I'm in love with you, more than just in love, if that's even possible..." I look down and lower my voice. "At first I thought this was just a passing thing. I thought I was confused and that my feelings were just a figment of my imagination. But as the days went by I realized that what I was feeling was love, desire..." I look up, nervously swallowing my pride and plucking up the courage to continue with my confession. "It was something I had never felt for anyone before, but that I didn't know you could feel. You're the first girl I've ever fallen in love with and all this is new to me. I don't know what to think, I don't know how to react, I don't even know what I'm doing, honestly," I laugh lightly and she does too. "But everything I did to you... was out of fear. Fear of facing society, fear of showing myself in public with you..." my eyes fill with tears again as I remember what those fucking assholes told us and the way they disrespected us. "Hannah, did you see how they treated us? It was horrible... I... I don't know... I've never been treated that way my whole life."

"I've been told worse things and been treated even poorlier," she replies matter-of-factly, as if she's already so familiar with her own pain that uttering those words has no effect on her.

I frown. Worse things? What happened to her? Why didn't she ever tell me anything? I guess I'm not the only one who had "secrets" after all. Anyway, I don't want to get into that now.

"Hannah, the world is not ready for us," I finally say. "I don't want to be excluded from society and be left alone."

She frowns and gives me a serious, indignant look.

"And that's your big excuse for not being with me? You'd rather be miserable and deny what you feel than face society? Huh? Is that what you wanted to confess to me? That you're such a coward that you won't even dare to be yourself in front of others?" She asks, getting up from the bench. I can tell she's fed up with me and that her patience has run out. Or rather, I've exhausted her patience.

"No, it's not like that, it's more complicated than that. I—"

"Stop it. Seriously, just stop it. You tell me that you're afraid of being left alone... and what about me? What am I? A fucking post? In any case you wouldn't be alone, you'd have me, but you're so focused on what others think of you that you don't even realize that." She raises her voice, furious.

I stare at her for a while, thinking about what to say, but the truth is, I can't think of anything because she's absolutely right. It's truly unbelievable the way I'm so focused on what everyone else thinks of me that I forget what's really important—my happiness and Hannah's.

"I can't stand you anymore," she says after a while, and a part of me cracks at those words. "Either you tell me what you supposedly wanted to tell or I'm leaving and I promise you'll never see me again," she gives me an ultimatum as she crosses her arms, raises her voice and frowns. Her face is... quite scary... I've never seen her this angry before, but I have to remind myself that I was the one who caused it. I was the one who transformed the sweet, shy Hannah I knew into the Hannah I'm talking to right now. And I still don't know if that's good or bad.

I close my eyes and let out a sigh. I have to tell her, I have to. This has to stop right now. I can't pretend to have a relationship with her if I can't even be honest with her.

I sigh. Losing my pride and coming clean is better than losing Hannah for the rest of my life.

"Okay, I'm going to tell you," I swallow my pride once again, "I called you earlier because I wanted you to... come to Edinburgh with me," I confess.

Her eyes widen and her expression softens. She uncrosses her arms and sits back down; stunned by what I've just said.

"What?" She asks, extremely confused.

"Yes, I... well, I have things to do over there and... I need you to come with me. I need you by my side," I smile shyly.

"But what for? What do you have to do there?" She asks, much calmer than before.

Just as I guessed, she asked the question I wasn't willing to answer. I know I said I wanted to tell her the truth and get this over with, but it's hard for me. It's hard for me to tell her what's going on, to tell her my secrets. I find it hard to share my life with someone else because... well, the past showed me that I shouldn't do it.

"Talk now or I'm leaving," she flatly states.

I swallow nervously and then answer her:

"Well, to be honest... it's a very long story and I would prefer to tell it to you in a quieter place. It's not that I don't want to tell you, really, it's just that... it's a delicate story..." I say nothing but the truth.

Her face softens and she seems to understand my point of view because she then says:

"All right, where are we going?"

I look around. It's late and I'm sure my aunt is already home... Although....

"We can go to my place. My aunt works late so we'll be alone," I answer as I remember my aunt's working hours.

"OK, let's go," she replies as we get up from the bench and head to my place.

***

We walk into my room and memories immediately come flooding back. The last time Hannah was here we slept together... Although, honestly, it was suffering, as I had to resist my urge to kiss her and caress every part of her body. It was fucking torture to have her body glued to mine, but not being able to do anything but close my eyes and sleep.

"I'm listening," she says, as she sits on the bed, zoning me out of my thoughts.

I sit down next to her, take a deep breath and begin:

"Well, I'll tell you. Five years ago my parents and my younger brother decided to take a trip to Livingston, which is only half an hour from Edinburgh. Well, it was a weekend getaway rather than a trip," I pause to collect my thoughts and continue my monologue. "They were going to leave on a Friday morning and come back on Sunday afternoon. This was in April, if I remember correctly, and that's when I usually have important exams, because, as you know, in the northern hemisphere countries the school calendar is different from here and we finish classes in May or June.

"Well, the thing is that I was very busy with those exams and I couldn't afford to miss a weekend of study. So my parents understood it perfectly, but decided to go anyway, without me. They also thought it would be better if they left me home alone so that I could concentrate better on my studies. We all thought it was a good idea at the time and we accepted without any problem. But..." I stop. I try to continue with my story, but a tear begins to slide down my cheek. It hurts to remember that fateful day.

"But?" she asks, as she reaches over and strokes my back, comforting me.

"But I would never have agreed to that idea if I had known what fate would have in store for my family," I say, feeling the memory weighing heavier on me as my throat closes up and my voice loses its strength.

"Anyway," I shake my head slightly and try to pull myself together, "Friday came. The trip was short, but I asked them to be careful and to send me pictures and tell me how things are going. So, they left, I turned off my cell phone to avoid any kind of distraction and I started to study. I remember that I studied so much that I fell asleep at the kitchen table around noon and woke up at eight o'clock at night.

"When I got up, the first thing I did was grab my cell phone and turn it on. As soon as the screen turned on I started getting notifications of a hundred missed calls, from my aunt and my grandma. I got worried and called her. She answered right away and when I heard she was crying I knew something was wrong," I lower my head and try my hardest not to cry, but I know I'm already full-on crying.

I look at Hannah, who is next to me, holding my hand and soothing me with her sweet caresses. How could I be so cruel to someone who does nothing but stand by my side and put up with my shit?

"Then she told me that my mom, dad, and little brother had died in a car accident," I finally say, noticing how the color in Hannah's cheeks drains from them and is replaced by a ghostly pallor.

"What?" She asks, shocked by my revelation. "But... how? What happened?"

"My grandma told me it wasn't a crash or anything like that. The car had rolled over on a ledge and when the ambulances arrived it was too late to save them..." I answer, crying my eyes out, while I remember how hard it was for an eleven-year-old girl to lose what she loved the most in this world.

"The car rolled over on a ledge? But, how? What happened? I don't understand," she asks, as she hands me a pack of tissues.

"Nobody understands it, not even the police. It was a controversial case in the city because it wasn't even raining that day, which is super rare in the British Isles. It was a sunny day, so the possibility of the car skidding on the wet asphalt was immediately ruled out. There wasn't even another driver involved, nothing. It was very strange, and to this day what happened to cause my family's car to go over the ledge and cause... their death remains unknown. But, now I'm closer to knowing the truth," I say, looking into her beautiful light blue eyes through my tear-soaked eyes.

Hannah stops looking at me and fixes her gaze on the wall. She runs her hands over her face and stares at me with watery eyes.

"I'm sorry," she says as she grabs my hand and strokes my knuckles with her right thumb.

"Why? It's not your fault what happened to my family."

"I know, but I apologize for pressuring you to reveal your... well, your secrets. I don't know what to call it, but you understand me," she stops for a moment, lowers her head and raises it again. "I feel stupid. I would never have imagined that you were carrying so much pain... I always knew that maybe something had happened with your parents since you told me you were living with your aunt, but I didn't think it could be... this. I'm really sorry. I'm such an idiot," she says apologetically, as she wraps her arms around me and gives me a tight hug.

I smile. I caress her back and close my eyes. It's fascinating how happy and safe her hugs make me feel. I feel protected in her arms and feel as if they were my lair and I can snuggle into them whenever I need comfort.

"It's okay, you didn't know so don't worry. I'm the one who's sorry for making you wait until this moment to tell you," I admit, as I pull away from her and lie down on the bed.

She smiles at me and lies down next to me. She turns and faces me, a sweet smile playing across her face.

"Still, there's something I don't understand," she pauses and closes the distance between us, "what does all this have to do with you wanting me to come to Edinburgh?"

I'm very stupid. How did I forget to tell her that?

"You're right, sorry, I forgot. The thing is... a... friend," I'm not going to tell her Leo's involved in this. It's too much information. "Yes, a friend has a dad who is a detective and he has a friend who travels often and takes care of international cases. So my friend's dad's friend... yes, I know how confusing that sounds," I laugh. "Well, he's in Edinburgh and he spent several months investigating my family's case and finally, my friend's dad contacted him and told him that this man in Edinburgh got information about the case. It seems that it was a car failure, but there are still things that don't add up, so he said he would like to reopen the case and take the information and evidence he found to the police," I explain, feeling much calmer than before.

"Mmmm-hum... but, sorry, I still don't understand why we should go there," she says, frowning.

Clearly today I'm stupider than usual.

"This man told me that if the police agreed to reopen the case, I should travel to Edinburgh because they would want to ask me some questions," I reply.

"But shouldn't your aunt go with you? I mean, you're a minor, so I doubt the police would want to interview you without an adult present."

"I've already thought of that and my grandma who is still in Edinburgh, would be willing to go with me. She wants to know what happened to my parents and my brother as well."

She nods, thoughtfully.

"But what's my role in all this?" She asks, and I immediately frown. "Don't get me wrong; I'd love to go to Edinburgh with you. It would be a dream come true; not only because it would be the first time I leave Argentina, but also because I would do it with the person I love," she says as she tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear.

I smile like a fool and lose my gaze in hers. This girl in front of me makes me feel more things per minute than I've felt in sixteen years of life. It's shocking how time matters a shit when you meet the right person.

"I want you to come with me... just 'cause" I chuckle, "There's no other explanation. I just need you by my side... that's all."