Luckily, my prayers were answered and my mom wasn't home. If she had been, it would have been a problem. I'm sure she would have asked me a hundred questions about me not being at school during school hours. Which is valid, but I can't answer that. I can't tell her everything that's going on in my life these days, she wouldn't understand, I don't even understand what's happening, and if she knew she surely wouldn't let me hang out with Casy anymore because she'd say she's "trouble". Besides, it's not like she's not hiding certain things from me... Yes, I don't have any concrete proof of this, but I'm one hundred percent sure she's hiding something, and how weird she was this morning is solid evidence for me.

Once I choose a table to sit at, I pull a book out of my backpack; my favorite: After. Gosh, I love this book. It's such a wonderful story. I admire the love story between Tessa and Hardin; it's just perfect, yet imperfect, which makes it even more perfect because it feels real... I love every word, every sentence in this book. I fell in love from the first page and as soon as I started to get closer to the characters and their story, I realized it must be one of the first books I read where you clearly see real issues that some couples deal with; and I loved that.

For about forty minutes, I let myself be absorbed by the pages of this book, devoting every one of my senses to it. I get so into the story that I barely feel when someone taps me on the shoulder. I close the book, and turn around. Casy.

"Hello..." she greets shyly, as she takes the seat across from mine.

"Hi," I reply dryly.

It feels strange to have her in front of me and I don't know how to react. It makes me nervous to see her and now more than ever, since I don't know what might come out of our talks.

"I'm not going to give it another thought and I'm going to start talking. I'm serious this time," she says, absolutely convinced.

I settle into my seat, preparing to finally hear the explanation I crave. However, I must tell her something first.

"First, let me apologize... for this morning. I was so stupid. I shouldn't have left like that, I don't even know why I did it, but I'm really sorry," I say sincerely, formulating the apology I had planned to tell her earlier.

She smiles at me. That sweet and tender smile that characterizes her.

"It's okay, really. After all the trouble I got you into... I deserved that. I'm sure you got tired of this mystery"

I nod, not knowing what to say. It's true that I got a little tired, but I don't think that that gave me the right to leave her there alone and react the way I did. I overreacted too much.

"But, anyway, I guess you have a lot of doubts, so I'd better start with the explanation," she pauses and starts again. "The night I went to your house I was coming back from... his house. He told me to come because he wanted me to explain something about school for an exam we have next week. I agreed, though reluctantly; I didn't feel like seeing him after what he had said about me at lunch in front of you."

"So I went anyway... big mistake, although I already knew it wasn't a good idea to go to Leonardo's house, I'm just really dumb. Anyway, I went to his place and we did everything but study... " she says with a lower tone than she was using before "but I already knew that was going to happen, because Leo's like that. He has me, Dilara and Valentina at his mercy and I know it's not right, but—"

"What do you mean he has all three of you at his mercy?" I interrupt her, surprised by her confession, but not that surprised. I knew something was going on between Dilara, Valentina and him, but Casy being involved too... changes everything. I wouldn't have imagined it.

"Yeah, the thing is... well, it's complicated and a long story. I don't think you want to hear it."

"I do," I say very bluntly. I'm tired of having a thousand questions in my head and zero answers.

"Okay, but this is between us, okay? They can't know I'm telling you this." I nod as she pauses for me to answer, and continues. "Leonardo is not a guy who is just with one girl as you may have seen. He's the typical guy who goes from girl to girl without caring about their feelings. Well, that's how he is with us... more or less. I mean he wasn't like that before, but... well, it's hard to explain..." She stops talking again and takes a deep breath, then continues with her explanation. "Seriously, I can't tell you all about this, believe me I want to, but... I just can't."

I nod, sympathetic. I suppose I will continue with millions of questions invading every area of my brain, but I can't pressure her. She seems tense, nervous, tired, and to put pressure on her to tell me this would be cruel and certainly not right at all. However, I can't deny that now I have even more doubts than before. What is it that she can't tell me?

"Well, going back to the night I went to your house... yes, I went to Leonardo's house and we slept together. We do it occasionally to be honest with you, but it's nothing more than that, just fucking and fucking," she says while I blush to hear so many details of something I'd rather skip, "there are no feelings involved or anything, but yesterday it felt... different maybe? I don't know why but I didn't feel comfortable doing it with him, something that had never happened to me before; so I went to a bar that was open over there and drank five bottles of beer. I know, it was quite a lot and I don't even know why I did it, I don't usually drown my sorrows in alcohol; at least not often. Then between sips, I realized that... well... I... was thinking... about... you."

What? I froze as I hear those words coming out of Casy's mouth. She was thinking about me? Me? Why was she thinking about me while she was out drinking after she slept with Leo? It doesn't make sense, we barely know each other. Anyway, this detail seems to be of little relevance given everything we went through; it still doesn't make much sense, though. Well, anything makes sense in my life lately.

"Oh..." that's all I managed to say.

"I'm sorry, it was a little weird how I said it, I didn't mean it to sound like that, it's just... I don't know, I was thinking about you and... and... and..." she stutters nervously, as if trying to find the right word in her head. "That I owed you an explanation of what happened at the bar between Leo and me," she finally says.

A strange sense of disappointment comes over me and I have no fucking idea why. Maybe I was hoping she was thinking of me in a different way... I shake my head. No, no and no. Besides, how is she going to think of me in another way? She can only think of me in one way: a girl she owes an explanation to and that's it. We're not official friends at the moment and maybe we'll be in the future, but not right now, and it's not like I can see her as anything other than an acquaintance or a possible friend either, so I don't know what I was thinking. However, this thought I try to kick to the back of my head, struggles to take center stage.

"Yeah, okay," I say, downplaying it, "so when you thought of me, did you decide to come to my house? "

"Pretty much, yeah. When I thought of you I remembered about lunch and I felt guilty for leaving you there alone, without giving you any explanation. So I decided to come to see you and explain everything. Of course, I was so drunk that I barely realized that it was about one in the morning, but well, at that moment it seemed like a good idea. Then I decided to go to your house, but I didn't remember the address because, of course, you never gave it to me, but then I remembered that when I left the bar I was sitting on the sidewalk across the street until I saw you leave, and well then... I... let's say that... I followed you to... your house" she confesses as her pale cheeks turn a deep red color.

Okay... this is turning out to be stranger than I thought. She followed me? Why? Another thing that doesn't make sense either; nothing makes sense anymore. Why would she follow me? Was she interested in m... I can't even bring myself to finish that sentence because I know that's not the case. But it's just not something you usually do; it's very weird and I don't know whether it bothers me or not, but I'm not completely okay with it. I hate when people look out for me. That's why I hated Daniela Salvatierra and all that shit she told me about being in charge of me or whatever. And now this... God. If it wasn't Casy following me around, I would have exploded by now, but I can't with her. I can't yell at her, get mad or whatever. Not just because we barely know each other and I feel like those kinds of emotions should come out later, but because with her... something is different. I don't know what yet and I don't know if I want to know either, but something is different.

"Hannah? Please say something," Casy begs me, bringing me back to the present.

I startle a little at the sound of her voice. Again I let my thoughts consume me and distract me, but it's something I can't help and also something that happens to me very often lately. I have a lot of things going around in my head.

"Emm... why? Why did you follow me?" I manage to say and my words come out with a harsher tone than I had planned.

"Honestly, I don't know. I really don't know why, but I did it and I regret it. I apologize if it bothered you," she says with a sad tone that leaves her regret on display.

"It's okay, really."

Of course it's not okay, but I don't want to add one more problem to the list. I want her to continue with her explanation, which is longer than I expected.

"Okay, I'll go on... So I walked to your house and I don't know how I did it, since I was wobbling from the effect of the alcohol," she laughs remembering her anecdote from last night, "and then ir happened what we both already know."

Yes, it happened that you came up to me and started telling me a lot of beautiful things that nobody had ever in my fucking life said to me and you confused the fuck out of me. I think, wondering whether she was referring to that particular moment or not. I guess not, although I'm not sure. I don't even know if she remembers anything about last night, considering how drunk she was. Given her reaction this morning and the memories of last night she told me, it seems she does, but one can never be sure with this girl; everything related to her is uncertain, mysterious and complicated. Quite a combination.

I nod and stay quiet, waiting for her to go on with her explanation and tell me why she did what she did, and most importantly to tell me what the fuck it meant. However, she doesn't. She remains silent, without saying anything else, and my doubts grow inside me among this silence. This situation is like a never-ending story.

"Sorry, I was thinking what else I had to tell you, sometimes I'm absent-minded... Ah yes! Well, as I was saying, I slept over at your place, as you know, and when we saw each other at school the situation with Leo happened. Al—"

"Since we're back to Leo, are you going to explain to me why he said... that... that you... every Friday...?" I interrupt her, avoiding using the same words Leo used at the time and hoping that with the little I said, Casy understands where I'm going.

She stiffens when she hears my question and I notice how the expression on her face becomes more serious. No doubt it's a question that took her by surprise, but I couldn't help it. That was the question that fluttered in my brain the most since that shitty lunch and I have to take advantage of this talk.

I wait silently for her to respond, but she doesn't and it makes me nervous. The silence between the two of us persists for a few minutes and the discomfort and uneasiness grows. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, waiting for her to react, but she is still, not moving, not speaking. I'm already starting to regret asking her such a question. It sure made her uncomfortable and embarrassed her. Me and my stupid big mouth.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked you anything. I'm such an idiot, I didn't mean to put you in this position. Really I—"

"It's okay, don't worry about it," she interrupts me with a cold and distant tone.

I feel terrible. I keep ruining every moment, every talk I have with her. And I know we don't even know each other, but it hurts me to put her in a situation like this.

"I think this conversation ends up here. This is getting awkward and quite... personal. It was a mistake to come here to talk, the best thing to do is to pretend nothing happened, okay?" She says very quickly, not looking at me. Her tone tries to be hard, showing certainty and decision in her words, but these last ones came out of her mouth more like a plea.

Pretend that nothing happened? Is she kidding me, right? Never in a million years could I pretend nothing happened. Is she out of her mind? If there's one thing I can't do, it's that. I can't pretend that my head isn't full of questions, doubts, things that don't fit anywhere, confusing images, situations that seem to be impregnated in every neuron of my brain; I just can't. And all of that in just two days! An incredibly short period of time, but at the same time it seems like enough time to let all sorts of things happen. Without realizing it, with a sigh I let out all the air I didn't know I was holding. This situation tires me out.

Casy looks up to me and stares at me unblinkingly, waiting for me to agree with what she just said. But she doesn't know that's not going to happen. I can't just erase these past two days. And I can't pretend I don't have doubts when in reality the uncertainty is eating me up inside. I'm not like that and I can't pretend I don't know anything. However... I don't know... on the other hand... I think maybe I can put this behind me for now and concentrate completely on forming my friendship with her. It would be the logical thing to do, the easiest thing to do, and the thing that would bring me the least amount of trouble. Plus, I could be just a few steps away from having a best friend and fulfilling my dream since I was six years old. I feel I owe it to my six-year-old self. To that little, innocent girl who barely understood why people as mean as her classmates treated her badly for being herself. To that little girl who couldn't stop crying and feeling alone. To that little girl who didn't have a single friend with whom she could share a snack, play or have fun. To that little girl who had such a pain in her heart that she could hardly live.

"Yes, let's forget about it," I finally say.

I'm not going to fucking forget about this; it's impossible. However, I can try to distract myself from those thoughts and do other things with Casy. It's going to be hard, considering she's the reason those thoughts are in my head in the first place, but I'm not losing anything by trying, right? Besides, maybe if we start getting to know each other and hang out more and become friends, she might open up more with me and tell me everything, even more personal things. Though, I don't see it possible in the short term, considering how she gets every time I ask her something very personal. I would venture to say that she has trouble opening up to people in general, but I can't judge her and I can't speak without knowing either. We all have our problems and I'm sure she eventually will trust me enough to reveal hers to me.