I couldn't find the right words so I remained silent. I chewed on the inside of my cheek as Xavier scooped me up into his arms and held me tight against his chest. I kept my arms wrapped tightly around myself, letting my head rest against his shoulder as I tried to ignore the tingling in my extremities.

My hands started to grow sweaty as he carried me up the stairs, past my bedroom . . . and into his. He went directly to his bathroom and my stomach flipped when he put me down so that I was sitting on the counter. He grabbed a washcloth from a cabinet and ran it under the faucet. Just as I went to ask what he was doing, he brought the towel up to my face and I flinched as he ran it over my cheek. He paused. "Is this okay?"

I swallowed down the fear creeping back up my throat and gave him a tiny nod. There was nothing but focus as he cleaned the blood off of my face before moving to my arms and my hands. I had no clue how to process the emotions barreling through my mind.

My wolf was quiet now, but I swear I could feel his anger; he seemed to grow more agitated whenever I was afraid. I was surprised he hadn't tried to take control from me again, especially considering how unbelievably powerless I'd been around Xavier today.

"What's on your mind?" he murmured as he moved to wipe the blood off of my thighs.

My shorts had ridden up a little and I panicked, grabbing his wrist. He stopped, his gaze flicking up to meet mine. He didn't try to continue but instead just waited for me to answer his question.

My chest tightened slightly. "It's just chaos," I admitted.

He tilted his head, his eyebrows knitting together as he searched my face. "Chaos how?"

He's going to think I'm insane, I thought.

Well right now he just thinks you're pathetic; insane would be an improvement.

I couldn't keep my gasp internalized. My mouth fell open in horror and I dug my nails into my palms as I tried to hold back the tears in my eyes.

Xavier said my name in a growl, forcing my gaze back to his. "What?" he asked.

I clenched my fists until I felt blood on my skin. Xavier carefully wiped my hands clean again almost instantly, the rag stained a reddish-brown now. "Roxanne, I won't force you to, but I'd like you to talk to me. You don't have to deal with those demons on your own anymore. I can't promise I will be able to fix it, but I can promise I'll try everything I possibly can," he said gently.

The tears spilled over instantly. "I feel like I don't have any control anymore," I whispered, my voice breaking.

"Because of your wolf?"

I shook my head, then nodded. "He's not helping but I've felt it since I got here. I don't know who to trust. I don't know what to do with myself either. I just do as I'm told." It sounded even worse out loud. That little voice in my head—not my wolf's this time—was screaming at me for being an ungrateful little brat again.

He let out a small sigh. "It's easier when you know not to trust anyone and your only goal is to survive to the next day."

I blinked at him in surprise. "Yeah, exactly."

Xavier smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "That I understand. And I can also tell you that it does get better," he said. "I found a few tricks over the years that make it easier."

"Yeah?" I asked, hope flaring in my chest at the thought.

This time he grinned and it was such a beautiful sight. "First you're going to help me set some boundaries for you."

"What? Why?"

"Because I know you have them, and you need to have those respected. Like I said, I want you to feel comfortable around me, so I want to make sure I don't cross them." He lifted the washcloth in front of me. "Can I clean the blood off of your legs or would you rather do it yourself?"

Heat rose to my cheeks almost instantly, but I couldn't tell if it was embarrassment or just pure shame. "I don't know."

He shook his head, his eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Like I said I feel safe with you, but it scares me when you touch me." I braced myself for the anger that would undoubtedly follow, but it never did.

"Do you want me to stop? I said you'll stay with me so you'll feel safe but that doesn't mean I have to touch you." His voice was steady and his eyes were locked on mine but there was absolutely nothing to suggest he was upset.

I chewed on my lip, tearing off the dry skin with my teeth until it bled. Another terrible habit that left me looking battered almost constantly. "Aetrix gets annoyed when I get scared, he says you think I'm pathetic."

His response was immediate. "Pathetic isn't even a word that crosses my mind when I think of you Roxie, that I can promise. Do I make you feel that way?"

I shook my head quickly. "No I just—" I sighed in frustration, struggling to find the words. "I like it when you touch me, but it scares me and I don't understand what I feel when you touch me." I tugged down my shorts, squirming a little on the counter as I remember our conversation in the library.

Xavier's eyes flicked downward at the movement then came back up to mine, swirling black as his wolf tried to surface. He closed his eyes for a moment and they were back to their brilliant green. "If you're not sure, then I won't touch you without your permission," he declared.

He took the tiniest of steps back and I winced, instantly craving his warmth again. I put my hands together in my lap, twisting my fingers in the hem of my shirt. "It doesn't scare me when you hug me—or when you touch my face."

He chuckled a little. "I understand. I should have been asking from the start, I apologize for that," he said, slowly moving forward to press a kiss to my forehead.

The action made me smile. It reminded me of when my brother used to do it, a comfort that had long been forgotten. It almost made me miss Xavier's apology, and that was something I don't think I'd gotten from anyone since I was a child.

Xavier pulled me out of my thoughts by placing the washcloth in my hands. I cleaned the remaining blood off of my legs and he tossed the rag in the sink before helping me hop of the counter. He moved the hair out of my face, ducking down to catch my eye. "I want you to feel safe here, so I think you should try sleeping in my room. I have a couch in here too though, so I can sleep there if you'd be more comfortable with that," he offered.

"I'd feel really weird if I slept in your bed while you were on a couch," I admitted.

"Fair enough," he chuckled, leading me back into his room. He pulled back the fur blanket and sheets and I climbed into the bed. My eyes widened a little at how plush it all was and felt myself snuggling into the pillow almost immediately. Xavier smiled, turning off the light before slipping under the sheets on the other side.

I could feel his presence behind me, but he kept true to his promise and didn't make any moves to touch me. I let myself sink into the mattress, sighing at how it relieved the ache in my bones. My eyes were only closed for a few minutes before the sensation faded to the back of my mind and I noticed everything else again.

Xavier's presence behind me quickly turned unsettling. I didn't like that I couldn't see him—I couldn't even tell exactly where he was. What if he changes his mind while I'm asleep? What if he wakes me like they did?

The thoughts in my head began to spiral and all I could think about were the hands again. All the times I woke up to someone touching me and all the times I couldn't do anything to stop it.

I tried to control my breathing but, the panic was setting in. The power coming off of him was stronger now too. His scent surrounded me so completely and being in his bed beside him just amplified it. I said it was okay but suddenly it was overwhelming. I pushed myself too fast out of fear and now I've made it worse.

"Roxanne just breathe for me." Xavier's voice broke the silence surrounding me, calm and surprisingly soothing.

I closed my eyes again and tried to do as he said but my mind was racing again and I simply couldn't focus. I haven't been able to sleep since I got here and it was more than just the nightmares. I wanted my closet back. I wanted the room that no one came into. I wanted to go back to no one noticing me or asking me to trust them. I wanted to go back to before my mate rejected me when I thought maybe someone could really love me.

But if my destined mate couldn't, then no one could. And having someone like Xavier seem to care for me like this scared me more than anything. This only ended badly. Either he actually did care and then he finds his mate and I'm left alone again. Or he's pretending to care and I end up in an even worse situation.

"Come on little wolf, take a deep breath," he urged gently. "What's going on in your head?"

"It just won't stop," I muttered weakly.

"Your thoughts?"

"Yeah," I whimpered in defeat. "I just want it to stop, I'm so tired."

He shifted a little. "What are you afraid of right now?"

"I'm afraid of what happens after I fall asleep." I pulled the blanket tighter around me, trying to find some sense of security to hold onto. I searched for what pulled me out of the nightmare before and the realization came over me like an icy wave. The words escaped my mouth before I could actually think about it. "Will you touch me?"

"Are you asking me to hold you little wolf?"

"Yes."

The silence that followed almost sent me into a panic all over again. "Are you sure?" he finally asked.

I nodded, knowing he could still see me in the darkness. "They don't touch me when you do," I mumbled. It probably didn't make much sense, but I was beyond grateful that he didn't ask me to explain.

I held my breath as he cautiously hooked an arm around my waist and tugged me backwards into his chest. The firm grip he had and the warmth I felt through my clothes sparked an interesting combination of emotions. The fear heightened for a moment but then I felt something vibrating against my back.

My eyebrows furrowed for a moment, it settled my anxiety almost instantly and my mind grew quiet. I heard a gentle growl rumbling in his chest and then my eyes widened as I understood. He was purring.