This is satire, I REPEAT, THIS. IS. A. JOKE. Thank you, you may continue.
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We were the perfect duo.

Inseparable.

As a child I found the little green bird to be nothing out of the ordinary. I knew not of the monster he would become. Seven years ago I let him into my house; my life. Seven years ago I made the worst mistake of my entire existence. Seven years ago I sealed my fate.