Maya

There she is. My sister's baby - toddler? - sitting in that white plastic highchair, smiling big. She is such a beautiful mix of Nella and George - perfectly mocha skin and dark curly hair, but bright green-blue eyes. I've seen her pictures on Instagram, a lot, but this is new. This is so different. I'm seeing her for the first time, in person.

   I stand in the doorway of the beautifully done up kitchen, even though George goes all the way in and pulls out a chair at the table, for me. He motions to it, but I don't move. I can't. I'm in awe of the sweetest child I've ever seen. And I'm hit with a thousands regrets. Why did I stay away so long? How did I miss so much of this little girl's life already? I knew why, of course. I didn't have a choice.

   "Mama?" Willow asks, but looks very confused.

   I'm about ten feet away from her and I know Nella and I look a lot alike but this throws me off. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

   "No, Will, Mama is almost home. This is Mama's sister, Maya," George explains with a laugh.

   The little girl just looks at me carefully and then goes back to her bowl of yogurt or oatmeal or whatever it is that she's half eating. It feels so wrong that Nella isn't here for this, but I try to just let that go. George offers me coffee but I decline, for now. I'm already on edge. George is so welcoming and calm but I know that my sister will not act the same.

   The front door opens and even though I know it's her, it doesn't feel real. I take a deep breath before stepping into the hallway. George stays in the kitchen with Willow, which is a good idea. He must know that shit is about to go down.

   When my sister turns and faces me, though, the look on her face is shock mixed with uncertainty. There's no anger, at least not that she's letting me see. Her hair is pulled back in a pony tail and it's a lot longer than mine, and she's wearing lip gloss. And her round belly is protruding out in front, as if there's a basketball under her sweater.

   "Shit," Nella says, staying put. She hasn't even taken off her shoes. "I thought George was playing some prank..."

   "No. Uh, I'm really here," I say, but feel so awkward, immediately.

   Nella and I were always best friends. We did everything together, including dance classes when we were little, and parties as we got older. She didn't treat me like a little sister. We were always Nella and Maya. We just had different ways of dealing with our family drama, which totally changed the trajectory of our lives. Damn, I've missed her.

   She's walking towards me a moment later and wraps her thin arms around my body, holding me close and breathing heavily. Her baby bump is between us and when she pulls away, she has a hand on it.

   "Sorry, it's awkward to hug me," she laughs, then steps back. It's like she finally remembers to ask me an important question. "What are you doing here?"

   I blink hard and try to remember what I planned to say to her. I can't just blurt out the truth right off the bat. I was going to tell her that things hadn't worked out in New York and I decided to come back to Booth Bay. But she will question this, of course.

   "I... honestly I took a train from Albany last night, overnight. And I got off in Portland, early this morning and then took a bus here." The words just flow out of my mouth, though it doesn't answer her question.

   "Okay... but I haven't heard from you in months. You don't post on social media. You don't answer texts." Is that irritation rising in her tone? She is still looking at me carefully.

   "Mama!" Willow calls out from the kitchen. She knows her mom is back, now.

   "Coming, baby!" Nella calls back, walking past me and towards the kitchen.

   I turn and follow her, because what else am I supposed to do? I hang back in the doorway once again as my sister goes in, walks right up to the high chair and leans in to kiss her toddler. The bowl is pretty much empty now so she takes off the tray and lifts her daughter into her arms, then turns back to face me.

   "Did you meet her?" Nella asks me, a bit more irritation in her voice.

   I nod, staying quiet.

   George begins wiping down the high chair tray. "They were introduced."

   Nella shoots George a look and then looks back at me. "Willow, this is my sister, Maya. Aunty Maya."

   "Aunty Yucy?" the little girl asks, sounding confused again.

   "No, not Aunty Lucy. Aunty Maya," Nella corrects her, then says to me, "George's sister is Lucy." 

   I nod again, as if that's all I know how to do. The little girl waves at me, but then squirms to get down out of Nella's arms. Before I know what's happening, she's running past me, out of the room.

   The kitchen is quiet again. I look over to see George wiping down the stove and the counter with a cloth. Nella crosses the room and kisses him and then drops the bag that's still in her hand, onto the counter. It's weird, like me being there isn't all that crazy to them. It's crazy to me. It's surreal.

   "They didn't have the muffins I wanted, but I got blueberry. And the pack of eggs are fresh, so we'll have to use them up this week," Nella tells her husband.

   He looks at me before answering her. "I'm sure we'll be able to eat the eggs."

   "Seriously?" I blurt out, and wait until they are both looking at me. "I just show up out of no where with no warning and you just act like it's no big deal?"

   George looks shocked but then excuses himself from the room, saying he'll go check on Willow. Nella leans against the counter and stares at me. For a second I think she's going to explode, but she takes in a long breath. My heart is pounding.

   "You're here, there has to be a reason. You didn't tell me why, yet. I was at the damn market, Maya. It wasn't like I knew you were coming."

   "Of course, I know," I say, feeling embarrassed suddenly.

   "And you haven't been in Booth Bay for four years. I have my life, my family, and I have missed you, so much. I have tried to stay in touch, I've tried..."

   "I know," I say again, louder this time. "I just... I had no other choice. I had to get away from-" I cut myself off, because I'm not getting into that yet. Not while her husband and toddler are just in the other room.

   "So coming home was a last resort, then? As if it's just so terrible here." Now Nella is mad, like I knew she'd be. I've offended her.

   "It was terrible, before I left," I tell her, my voice quiet. "I didn't have the things you had. I still don't."

   "Don't go all woe-is-me now, Maya. Unless you're going to explain. Everything." She's looking at me like she's disappointed, which I never wanted. I knew she was mad at me this whole time, but disappointed is different.

   "I will," I tell her, nodding. "I want to."

   "Well, I'm going to make breakfast. Do you want to stay?" she asks, like she's not mad at me at all. She's so confusing. "Where are you staying, anyway?"

   My breath is knocked out of me, as I try to think of what tell her. Was I really expecting her to invite me to stay with her? She has a husband and a toddler and a baby on the way. She probably doesn't even have room for me. There is no way I am going to stay with my father. He is nothing to me. Where am I staying?

   "I... I hadn't thought that far ahead yet," I admit, closing my eyes so I don't have to see my sister's face. "I mean, I'll get a hotel room. And I'll go from there."

   "Wait," Nella says sharply. "What do you mean?"

   I swallow hard. She doesn't know that I am staying, for good. "I'm not just here to visit, Nell."

   "You're back, like... for real?" she asks, not letting her expression change. Is she even happy about that?

   "I'm staying," I say, because I want her to understand this. "I know it's sudden, and I didn't even call to let you know-"

   But she's dropping the muffins that were in her hand onto the counter, and coming towards me again. When she's right there in front of me, I can see tears in her eyes. I can see that she's both happy and conflicted. I know my sister, even if it's been four years since we've been together in person.

   "You're staying," she repeats, and wraps her arms around me again.

   This time, I hug her back. This time, I allow myself to cry, too. Because, God, did I miss her. Because I ran away, that is true. But my life in New York was not great, and I hadn't let her know. I didn't want her to know that I'd really messed up. Now I have to tell her, but it doesn't have to be now. It can wait. This reunion is enough.