Maya

I agreed to have lunch to catch up with Annie Prescott. What the hell is my sister going to think of this? What was I thinking? I don't have much time to think about it now, though. I have to shower and get ready to go to Marcus' for dinner. I'm not feeling unsure about him anymore. I know what we are. And I am looking forward to seeing him.

   But in the shower, I think about Holden again. The twenty seconds that we stared at each other yesterday was enough to bring me back to being nineteen again. He looked at me the same way the last time I saw him. I'd tried to erase that from my brain over the years, but it was back now. Clear as day.

   He begged my best friend Erinn not to tell me what happened between them. But she told me anyway. She knew what it would mean for us, but she still told me.

   "We were so drunk. Maya, it was so stupid. He was so upset about finding out you slept with Travis. He didn't want me to tell you. But we had sex last night."

   I grabbed what I could of my stuff from Erinn's house and ran. I texted Holden and asked him to meet me. I knew he was still mad at me. But he broke up with me. He told me that I was too angry and that it was affecting his family. He walked away from me when I needed him. Sure, I shouldn't have gone off and had sex with someone else right away. But we were broken up.

    But a week later, when I asked him to meet me, he showed up.

   That was his face when he looked at me. Regret. Sadness. So much pain.

   "Did you fuck Erin?"

   He realized then that I wanted to see him to ask him this in person. He was crying. Apologizing. Telling me it meant nothing. But he didn't just go and have sex with anyone, to get back at me. It was my best friend.

   "Just go," I told him.

   "Please, Maya."

   "Go. I can't look at you."

   That night, I got on a bus and got the hell out of there. I didn't even say goodbye to Nella.

I'm angry as fuck I get dressed and finish getting ready. I hadn't thought about that night in awhile, and now it was fresh on my mind, and all because I saw Holden a week ago.

   I wear my lacy black bra and my short blue dress with the thin straps. I don't even have to dress like this for Marcus, but I want to. I even put on lipstick. I need to forget about Holden tonight.
I'm sitting on the bench outside the building when Nella and George pull in. I get in the back beside Willow, and lean in her to kiss her head, and she giggles.

   "Uh, you look hot," my sister tells me right away.

   "Thanks," I smile.

   George doesn't say anything.

   We are at Marcus's house just a few minutes later. I get out of the car and get Willow out and carry her to the house. It's the same as a few weeks ago when we all went there for dinner. Since then, we'd had a big dinner at Nella's and Kayleigh's. I don't have a big table yet, so I can't host, but I will. When I get my shit together.

   Inside, I seek out Marcus right away. He's in the kitchen with Phil, and they both check me out as I wander in. Phil's eyes go wide and he says he has to go tell Kayleigh something. Marcus turns away from the stove where he's stirring something and looks at me again.

   "What's with... this?" he asks, but he's grinning.

   "Nothing."

   "Nothing?"

   I shake my head and step closer. I don't usually do this. I am normal very careful around him, when others are around. We don't really flirt or touch, except when we're alone.

   My hands goes up to his cheek and I run my thumb across his bottom lip. I know he likes this.  I'm trying to drive him crazy now to be sure he wants me, later.

   "Mmhugh." Whatever the noise he makes is turns me on. "Jesus, Maya."

   "What?" I say innocently.

   But then someone is calling Marcus from the other room. I step back just as George steps into the doorway.

   "Marcus, grab a beer for me and Phil when you come back out here?"

   George looks at me and then to Marcus, then turns away again. I laugh and lean into Marcus.

   "Girl," he mumbles, "you better stop."

   "Stop what?" I ask, smiling at him.

   "Looking at me like that. We have guests for at least three hours. That includes a toddler." He cracks a smile and I roll my eyes at him.

   "Fine." I pretend to be annoyed.

   He pulls at my waist and kisses me hard, quickly. "Stay here tonight?"

  I don't even hesitate. "Yes."

We eat chilli and garlic bread and salad and when I'm not thinking about what I'm going to do to Marcus later, I'm engaging in conversation with my sister and Kayleigh. It's a great evening. And I'm no longer angry. Willow is hilariously messy, as always, and practically needs a bath when
she's done eating. George takes her to the sink to clean up, and Marcus and Phil pile up the plates and take them back to the kitchen.

   "Ugh, I'm so full," Nella whines. "This baby is taking up so much room."

   Kayleigh clears her throat and looks at the table. "Um. Speaking of babies."

   Nella shrieks and claps and I cheer, as soon as I figure out what she means. She's got her hand on my still flat stomach.

   "Oh my god. Did you just find out?" Nella asks her, a huge smile on her face.

   "A few days ago. Phil wanted to wait to tell people, cause it's early, but I had to tell you two."

   "Congrats," I say quickly. "That's why you've been so tired and cranky?"

   She laughs and Nella agrees. "I guess so."

   Philip comes back in to see why we are being so loud and then looks between us and figures it out. "You told them already?"

   "Sorry," she laughs.

   "Congrats, Phil!" Nella yells.

   "Congrats on what?" George asks from the other room.

   We wait until everyone is back in the dining room before Kayleigh announces it again. There's cheering and hugging and excitement. I'm a part of it. It's amazing.

   But I also can't wait until everyone leaves so I can get to Marcus.

  Two hours later, my sister and George pack up and leave, after hugs and a kiss for a sleepy Willow. Right after, Kayleigh and Phil get ready to go. Marcus goes outside with Phil so he can show him something on his car, while Kayleigh gets on her shoes.

   "You're staying here tonight?" she asks me casually.

   "Yeah."

   "Marcus seems really happy," she says, as if she's testing me.

   "We are just having fun," I tell her, and then shrug.

   "Are you? Or is it more?" she wants to know.

   "It's not. We've talked about it."

   "Alright." She zips up her sweater and then hugs me. "Oh, also, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Holden."

   My mouth goes dry. I hate how his name sounds. I don't want to hear it at all, especially not tonight. But there it is. Lingering in the air like smoke all around us.

   I swallow hard. "It's fine."

   "Nella said you were mad that I didn't tell you."

   I take in a deep breath. "Yeah. Well, it was a shock when he came in the store."

   "Yeah. I guess I didn't think of that. Sorry."

   "It's fine," I say again. "Really. I'll figure out how to deal with it."

   She nods but doesn't move. "I'm really glad you're enjoying working at the store. It's so nice having you there."

   I smile, trying to push Holden from my mind again. "I really love it."

   "I guess I should go. Have fun tonight."

   She proceeds to wink at me before going outside and down to the car. It seems like she's just fine with whatever it is Marcus and I are doing now.
 
   When he comes back into the house a few minutes later, I'm sitting in the front room with a glass of wine. It's already half gone. There's a full glass for him, too. He joins me in the couch and sits close, grinning at me.

   I don't want to talk or wait another minute, so I down the rest of my drink and turn to him.

   "Whoa, what's the rush?" he asks, but he's grinning. I can seen a dimple and the way his eyes even smile when he's excited.

   "I'm just... I need to..." I don't know what to say, but I lean in to kiss him anyway.

   "You okay?" he asks, after he pulls away.

   I'm obviously acting weird. But I can't tell him that I want to drink and fuck because I don't want to think about Holden Prescott.

   "Yes," I say quickly. "I just worked all day and then had to sit through dinner when I just wanted to -" I'm breathing hard and not thinking.

   His hand comes up to my face and he holds it there. "I like that dress."

   "Yeah?"

   "Uh huh. It'll look good on my bedroom floor, too."

   There's the Marcus that I need tonight. He drinks half his wine and and then stands up and pulls me to my feet. Instead of leading me upstairs, he leans in and kisses me and then scoops me off the ground. With my legs around his waist, he walks towards the stairs and go up to his bedroom.

   After he drops me onto his bed, he pulls off his shirt and undoes his pants right away. I start to pull down then straps of my dress but he comes down and hovers over me.

   "Let me do it," he mumbles and slowly pulls down then straps. "Mmm. That bra again."

   "For you," I say.

   "Damnit, Maya. You are something."

   "Am I?"

   "Something sexy. I'm a lucky bastard to get to see you like this. Touch you." He drops his head and kisses my neck and shoulder.

   "I want you," I tell him, wiggling under his body.

   "Maya, you've got me." He says this so easily and for one second I realize he means more than just right now. More then sex.

   Is he feeling feelings for me? Am I for him? I want to say no, that I've always known what we are doing. But I'm happy when I see him. I look forward to being with him. And tonight I need him so bad that I don't know if I can even tell the different between want and need.

   And suddenly I don't know what the hell we are doing.