Maya

The drive to the little breakfast place doesn't take long. It's just down the road from the Art Hub. I've never been here, as it only opened a year or so ago, but Annie says it's the best bacon and eggs in town.

   It's early - I'm usually up and around by now but not out in public. Because I work mostly evenings, I do a lot of lounging in the morning. Being out in public at this hour feels weird, and who my company is makes it even more so.

   We are seated in the middle of the restaurant and the server brings over coffee right away. Thank God. Annie smiles across at me and brings her coffee up to her mouth. We are waiting for the server to come back and take our order, when she speaks.

   "So... you were in New York?"

   I'm somewhat surprised she even knows this, but then again she's spoken to Nella over the years. Nella knew where I was, sort of.

   "I was. I just wanted a change of scenery you know? I worked and made some new friends." I say this as casually as I can, as if those years weren't extremely hard on me.

   She nods and then drinks a bit more coffee. I can tell the rest of her questions are right there on the tip of her tongue. "You came back for your sister?"

   I swallow hard. "Uh, yeah. I wanted to be here to see her kids grow up."

   There was no way that I was telling her that I had actually escaped an abusive relationship and coming back to Boothbay felt like the only thing I could do. I knew my sister would accept me, even if no one else did. My reasons for coming back were not exactly the reasons I decided I would stay, but that was okay.

   The server - Mark - is back and takes our orders. Annie orders bacon and eggs and I agree to the same. I hope this breakfast isn't just an interrogation.

   "So, you're getting married!" I say, to change the subject. "That's great."

   "Oh Eddie is wonderful. We met when I found his business online. I needed a new cabinet made for my kitchen and I found his contact info. He made me a beautiful cabinet and asked me on a date."

   "That is so sweet," I tell her, because how cute is that?

  "He was married before, as well. His wife passed away just six years ago. He wasn't even looking to start dating. It just happened. Though I was widowed for fifteen years and never dated, until I met Eddie."

   "He must be really special," I say, and smile.

   She nods, then sips her coffee again. "So you've been here for a month?"

   "Yeah. It feels longer, somehow. I got a job, my own apartment..."

   "Right. Holden said you work at the Art Hub." As soon as she says the words I can tell she wants to take them back. It's so casual, the way she says it, that it's almost as if Holden and I are friends.

   I swallow hard, trying to compose myself. "I do."

   Probably because I don't tell her that I don't want to talk about Holden, she goes on. "He's really made a name for himself, as an artist." She looks so proud, so I don't want to crush her by requesting we don't talk about him.

   "That's great." My smile is so forced.

   Our breakfast finally arrives and we start eating right away. It's good, really good, and I try to pretend Annie isn't going to bring up her oldest son again.

   Thankfully she doesn't, until our food is gone and the plates are taken away again. I pull out my wallet, But she makes me put it away.

   "This is on me, Maya. And you and Nella should come over for dinner soon. Eddie and I live just down by the harbour."

   I know that Nella hasn't gone to Annie's house for dinner in the four years that I've been away. I was the glue that really connected our families, and that was because of Holden and my relationship. If things had been different - if Holden and I hadn't broken up and I didn't leave town, I would have continued spending more time at their house on the water than mine. But Nella would have grown up and moved on, getting married and having Willow anyway. I was the one who destroyed Annie Prescott.

   "This was really nice, but..." I start, then can't seem to finish, because she staring at me, waiting.

   She lets out a long sigh. "It's been four years, Maya. Your mom asked me to promise her I would make sure you and Nella were okay, and happy. I wasn't there for you girls after everything that happened, and -"

   "That was not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong," I say quickly.

   "Nella really distanced herself from me and the boys, after you left. I tried calling the house and her cell phone often, but I think she blamed me, us, for losing you. She'd just lost her mom and then she lost her sister," Annie goes on.

   "I don't think she blamed you," I say, but I really don't know if she did or not. "I chose to leave Boothbay. I know I hurt Nella by leaving like that, but I didn't feel like I had a choice at the time."

   Annie really looks at me, with tears in her eyes. She reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. Suddenly I remember her squeezing my hand, the day before my mom died. I was sitting at her kitchen table, her next to me. I was sobbing. She was upset too, but she was trying to stay strong for me.

   "I don't know what happened to make you leave, Maya. But I know it has to do with my son. You two were so good together, and I really thought... your mom was sure that you and Holden would end up getting married and..." she lets her voice trail off, obviously emotional now. "Sorry."

   I wasn't expecting any of this when I agreed to breakfast. But it's so obvious she needs to get this out. She feels bad - she's felt bad for four years - and she didn't even know the reason. She didn't know what I did to Holden or what he did to me, in retaliation.

   "We both made mistakes, after the funeral. It's was emotional time," I say, hoping I can leave it at that. I'm not looking to throw Holden the bus, here.

   "It was, for sure. I remember Holden telling me that he didn't know how to be there for you. He wanted to be able to make you feel better and be strong for you but -"

   I pushed him away. I didn't want him hovering and coddling me, for whatever reason, right after my mom died. I asked him to let me be. The next day he came over and tried again. He tried saying nothing. He tried taking, or getting me to talk. But I was nineteen and lost my mom and he couldn't fix me. One week later, he said maybe we should take a break. I could see it in his eyes that he didn't want that, but he was trying to do the right thing. I freaked out, and kicked him out. The next day, he came back and said he didn't mean it. I didn't know what to think and I was far too emotional and grieving to deal with it. I screamed. I threw a frying pan into the wall. I told him to leave me alone. And then he left, and texted me later that night.

   You're too angry right now, Maya, and my mom is depressed because of all of this. This situation isn't good for us. I don't think I can handle any of it.

   So, I went to a party that night, with Erinn. I got drunk and had sex with Travis Bell, a guy I'd gone to school with, in high school. I was supposed to be saving myself for Holden, but I really messed that up. Maybe it's all my fault, that things ended up the way they did.

   Annie is just Looking at her empty coffee cup. I am on the verge of tears, because now I'm thinking about my mom, and the look on Holden's face when he realized that we were really over, and it wasn't just a fight. We weren't going to get our Happy Every After, together. Four years ago now feels like four days.

   "It's okay. It was a long time ago," I finally say, as if that makes this all better. Tears are dropping down my cheeks and I wipe them quickly.

   Annie nods and lets me leave it at that.

   She takes me right to work after paying for our breakfast, because it's after 1130A.M. by the time we are done. Our very emotional conversation exhausted me, but I thank her for breakfast anyway. I also say I'll text her about dinner, once I talk to Nella. But I'm not sure I will. I'm not sure I'm ready for any of that.

   I take a deep breath and call Marcus, as I'm standing just outside the Art Hub. I don't have to start work yet, I have another ten minutes. I want to talk to him and I feel like we left things unresolved, the previous day.

   "Hey, I was just thinking about you," he answers right away.

   "Really?"

   "Yeah. I'm always thinking about you, but... I was going to ask you... or tell you... I want to take you on a date," he says, as if he can't wait to get the words out.

   What the hell?

   "A date?" I ask, my heart racing.

   "Yeah. You know, two people in public, sharing a meal or watching a movie or -"

   "I know what a date is." I'm smiling, because I'm always smiling when I talk to Marcus.

   "Okay. So, will you go on one with me?" he asks, and it's the cutest thing ever.

   "I thought we were just having fun?" I say, then regret it right away.

   "Maya, something changed for me. I thought maybe it did for you, too." I'm not surprised to hear him say but, but I'm surprised that it's now.

   I swallow hard and bite my bottom lip. The answer is that I don't know. I know I like him. I know that he's good. But my biggest hang up is how recently I - and he - have been hurt by other people.

   "I'm not sure I'm ready for something serious," I tell him.

   "A date isn't serious. It's a date. We've already gotten pretty... serious," he says, then chuckles.

   He means sex. And that we've lived together, briefly. And that he knows what I like and how I liked being touched. And I know how to get off while I'm on top of him, in his bed. Maybe he's not thinking these exact things, but now I am. Great.

   "You wanna go on a date?" I ask, just to tease him.

   "I really do." God, he's adorable.

   "Okay. When?"

   "I was thinking we could ditch Sunday dinner tonight." He says this carefully, like he's not sure how I'll react.

   I'm not sure about this at all, but I'm sure that I don't want to go to Nella's that night and have to tell her about my breakfast with Annie. She'll ask. I'll have to tell her, and I'll end up crying. And I'd rather not do that tonight. I'd rather do just about anything than go to Nella's and talk about what I talked about with Annie.

   "Okay. Let's do it," I tell Marcus. I'm not a hundred per cent sure I'm agreeing for the right reasons, though.

   "Really?" He sounds surprised.

   "Yeah. You have to tell my sister, though."

   "Shit. Okay. I will call her. And I'll pick you up at six?" he says, after a laugh.

   "From work," I remind him.

   "Perfect. See you then," he finishes.