Maya

Marcus stays for a little bit of the afternoon, but says he has some work to do and leaves, after kissing me hard against the wall by the door. I'm confused, in general. My body pretty much knows what it wants - Marcus. But I can't just go off of that. Our talk did little to nothing to help me. He says he's okay doing this and not labeling it, but he also wanted to make sure I knew that he's got feelings for me.

   I'm perfectly on board with continuing our one or two time a week sex adventures. But my heart isn't doing somersaults for Marcus. I don't think about him constantly or wonder what he's doing. And knowing this is a burden, because I can't keep doing this, knowing he'll keep falling harder and his heart is too fragile.

   His slutty ex girlfriend cheated on him at a wedding? At Kayleigh's wedding? Geez, I now know why Kayleigh was so adamant about me being careful with Marcus. And I will be. I have to be.

   I spend half an hour Facetiming with Willow, who mostly just carries around the iPad while talking in her cute little toddler voice. Nella is cooking some fancy chicken casserole to bring to dinner at Annie's, and I'm trying to help by keeping Willow occupied. George is working until 4P.M., and then Nella and I will be on our way to our dinner.

   When I go out of my apartment and downstairs to wait for my sister, I keep thinking about what she said, about me not being able to move on. I thought I had, honestly. I thought by me leaving town, I was moving on. But Nella is so right. I had only pushed down my pain and got tangled up in that mess in Albany, and now there are so many loose ends here. God, this would be easier if Holden was still in L.A.

   It's quiet as we drive to Annie's house. There's a long driveway leading to a nice, modern house. It's big. The front door is painted red and there's a big wrap around porch.

   Nella smiles at me before knocking on the door. I notice there are two vehicles in the driveway, two trucks. My heart is beating too fast as we wait, because I really don't know what to expect with this dinner.

   But then the door swings open. It's not Annie, smiling back at us. It's not even her husband, who I've never met. It's her son. It's Holden.

   I step back, and I feel like I'm looking at a ghost. This isn't a random thing, like seeing him in public like I have before. This is Holden, shirtless, standing in front of me, at his mom's house. Nella is holding a damn casserole dish and he's just staring at us.

   "Hello," Nella says, after a very long awkward silence. "Uh, I don't think we knew you were going to be here."

   He shakes his head because he's confused, too. His mouth is half open and it's obvious he does not know what to say.

   "This feels like... you weren't expecting us," Nella goes on, looking at me and then back to him.

   Why doesn't he have a shirt on?

   "I wasn't." His words come out sharp. He's not looking at me.

   "Do we have the wrong day?" Nella asks me. I shake my head but can't talk.

   "Wrong day?" Holden ask, because, man, is he ever confused.

   "Your mom invited us over, for dinner. Tonight," Nella says, and I feel like someone punched me in the chest. Holden is not supposed to be here.

    "Oh. So, wow. Um..." He is talking but he's not saying anything. "My mom's fiance actually fell off a ladder, this afternoon, and had to have surgery on his leg. Uh, I guess my mom... I guess she forgot about this dinner. She's... she forgets things."

   "Oh, no, is he okay?" Nella asks, suddenly worried. I am just standing there beside her, in shock of it all.

   "I just got off the phone with her, actually. She said he's doing good," he explains, but everything feels weird.

   My fight or flight reaction is kicking in, and it feels like I'm about to take off. I even look back at Nella's car, wondering how soon I could get there.

   "Holden! Who are you talking to-" Suddenly Landon, Holden's not-so-little brother, is yelling from the other room. After a second, he's right there behind Holden. "Holy shit."

   All four of us sort of just stand there for a minute, no one really sure what to do. It has been over four years since we've all been in the same room. The four of us grew up together. We spent every day together, as kids. Nella babysat Landon sometimes, when Holden and I were off on adventures. Now we are four adults, staring at each other as if we are strangers.

   "Uh, so, we should go, then. We will reschedule-" Nella says, and I find myself nodding. I still haven't said a word.

   "Reschedule?" Landon asks.

   "Mom invited them for dinner," Holden says quickly.

   Landon laughs, like all of this is funny. "No. Seriously, no way. Mom was just distracted by what happened to Eddie. You guys should come in."

   Holden's face is still shock mixed with something else. Now I'm looking at him and I can't look away. His beard is nicely groomed and short, his hair long on the top and messy.

   "Landon," he warns his brother, but Landon just grins.

   "We just cleaned this house from top to bottom. We might as well let them in," he says, then shrugs.

   Holden suddenly looks down and seems to realize that he has no shirt on. His chest is toned but not overly muscled. I'm looking at it now, so I look up, jerking my eyes over to my sister.

   She's smiling. "I brought a chicken casserole."

   "That sounds amazing," Landon says, opening the door all the way.

   Holden steps back and Nella steps into the house. I feel like I'm frozen there, my feet attached to the step. This wasn't part of the plan. We were not supposed to see the Prescott brothers tonight.

   "Maya, don't be rude," Nella says to me and I snap out of it, barely.

   Inside, it smells like pizza and candles. We take of our shoes and follow Landon in through to the large kitchen. Holden says something quietly to Landon and then leaves the room. Landon goes right to the oven and opens the door, checking on something.

   I pull my cardigan around my body, feeling awkward and uncomfortable. The house is warm and welcoming, but I just don't feel right. Nella is smiling as she places the casserole onto the counter.

   "We were just going to eat a frozen pizza," Landon tells us, half embarrassed.

   He's tall, maybe taller than Holden, and has curly dark hair. He always had that curly mop of hair. He has these bright blue eyes and he seems young, even though he must be twenty, now.

   "Pizza and chicken casserole sounds perfect," Nella says to him. "Seriously Landon, when did you grow up?"

   He blushes and runs a hand through his hair. "I guess sometime in the last four years."

   "You were a scrawny teenager when we saw you last," Nella goes on, just as Holden reappears, fully dressed now.

   "He's in college. Has a girlfriend," Holden says, his lips curling up at the edges. It's so obvious that they are close, and that Holden is proud of Landon.

   "Wow," Nella goes on, still looking at Landon. "I guess I still think of you as a little kid."

   Landon snorts and opens the fridge. "There's beer?"

   "You can have one," Holden says, as if he's the parent. That is when I realize that Landon's not even old enough to drink. "I'm actually going back o the hospital."

   "You are?" Landon looks concerned.

   "Mom just called. So I told her about... our guests. She feels horrible for forgetting." He's looking right at me, like his eyes are burning holes into my body. "Eddie's just fine, though it'll be a bit of a recovery, over the next few weeks. He'll need physical therapy. Anyway, Mom wants to come home and host the dinner. She's insisting I pick her up. Eddie's asleep anyway and he'll stay the night."

   Landon nods, now pulling out the tray with the crispy looking pizza on it, from the oven. "I'll hold down the fort here."

   "One beer," Holden repeats. "I'll be back in thirty."