Holden

"Well, at least this lasagna is delicious," Eddie says, after taking a few bites of our dinner.

   It's thirty minutes later and the four of us are sitting at their big dining table. We are eating off my mom's nice plates, but the take out containers are spread across the table. Landon is basically shoveling food into his mouth.

   "It's really good," he agrees.

   "Don't you feed him at your house, Holden?" Eddie jokes.

   "I bet your lasagna would have been better, had I not forgot the timer," my mom tells her fiance, and he winks at her.

   I'm eating, because my stomach was growling all the way to the house. But I'm not talking. I know that if I do, I'll spit out the fact that I saw not only two people from high school at the restaurant, but also Maya Becker. And that is not a dinner conversation. That is not a conversation to have when Eddie is around. He doesn't know very much about any of that. I'd rather Landon not know about my newfound obsession with Maya, either.

   I drop a little piece of a dinner roll to the ground, for Honey, and she eats he as fast as she can. Once I've cleared my plate and I see that everyone else is mostly finished, I get up to start clearing the table. It was always my job, growing up. I do it out of habit now. Landon takes another piece of lasagna and keeps eating, but I bring all the other dishes to the kitchen. My mom follows me.

   "You're quiet."

   It's an accusation and I don't like it.

   "I was eating. I was hungry," I tell her.

   She nods, then goes to the sink to rinse some of the plates. I start loading the dishwasher, and we are both quiet. I can tell she wants to tell me something and there's so much I have to tell her. I have always been open and honest with her and it won't change now.

   "So, you don't want to know about my breakfast this morning?" she finally asks.

   I close the dishwasher harder than needed. "I wasn't going to ask."

   A smile spreads across her face. "It was so nice to talk with her. She seems to be doing well."

   "Oh, that's good."

   "There was a bit of conversation about... the past." There's some warning in her tone, like I should brace myself. "I asked her to come over for dinner, with Nella and her daughter, her husband...Maya didn't seem to think it was a good idea."

   "I don't know why you think that is a good idea, either," I spit out.

   "Holden Michael," she warns me again. "I told her that I promised Louise I would stay in touch and make sure her and Nella were okay. I told her that too many years have gone by, and now we have a chance to-"

   "To what? Bring up the past again? I don't think - no, I know - I won't be able to handle it," I interrupt.

   My mom stares at me, because she was not expecting that reaction. She wipes her hands on the towel hanging from the oven and then looks at me again. "If they will let me, I want to be in Maya and Nella's lives. I love you Holden, but it has nothing to do with you."

   I swallow hard. She's wrong and she must know that. "It has everything to do with me."

   "Not this. Not me wanting to stay connected to my best friend's daughters. That is not your business."

   I can tell she's getting emotional and I will not make my mom cry, not today. Not ever, if I can help it.

   "Okay," I say, and nod for effect. "I'm sorry. You're right."

   "I know your heart was broken, Holden, and I know you haven't given it to anyone else, since Maya. But I think right now you either need to stay away, or suck it up and put on a good act. Okay?" She manages to smile at me, so I force one back.

   "Yeah. Yes," I say, and let out the deep breath I was holding in.

   She's my mom and I owe her this.

Landon is singing - too loudly - to the song playing in my truck, two hours later. He's got his phone hooked up to my stereo, which I rarely allow, because his music is loud and screamy and annoying. But I agreed, because once in awhile I have to give in to my little brother.

   Honey is laying down and has her head on my lap, so I scrunch it for a minute before putting both hands back on the steering wheel. I love our routine. I love driving to Landon's college on Friday night and bringing him home with me. I love dinner at Mom and Eddie's on Sundays and driving Landon back to school. I pretty much run on this routine.

   The thirty minute drive back to my house, after I drop off my brother, is quiet. I shut off the stereo and listen to my dog snoring. I drive through town and finally pull into the long driveway at my house.

   As I do, I notice something that not normally there. To my left, about fifty feet away, I see a white car. It's not Raymond Becker's car, because he drives a black SUV. This white car is small and it's new to this scene. I wonder if Raymond has a girlfriend. I mean, that's completely feasible. As I'm putting my truck into park, Honey wakes up. She licks my hand and I push open the door to get out. She hops out first, somehow, and before I can call her, she's off running. But she's not running towards my house. She's running towards the white car.

   That's when I realize I can hear some voices. Honey must have heard them. It's rare that Honey see other people out here, that's why I bring her to my mom's and to the harbour and the pet store. But now she's running, fast, and I'm calling her name but she doesn't stop. I jog after her, hoping she'll stop after sniffing the car and come back to me.

   But I see who she hears, a second later. Honey is only about ten feet away from Nella Becker and a toddler. Honey slows down and goes the rest of the way, walking. I'm holding my breath, nervous about the entire situation.

   "Honey!" I yell, knowing that Nella will hear and see me. "C'mon girl."

   Nella looks up at me, right away. She sees Honey and picks up her daughter. Nella's confused, I know that right away. It's also crazy how much she and Maya look alike. I can tell Nella's hair is longer, but there aren't many other differences.

   "Is this your dog?" she asks me, carefully. Does she know who I am? She must.

   "Yeah, sorry. She must have heard your voices when she jumped out of my truck," I say quickly, finally grabbing Honey's collar.

   "She's really beautiful," Nella says. "Is she friendly?"

   This surprises me, that she's talking to me, so I just nod. "Yeah. Oh, she's the best dog."

   Nella smiles at her wiggling toddler and lowers her to the ground again. "Willow, put your hand out like this."

   I watch as Nella shows her daughter how to approach Honey. I let go of Honey's collar and smile, knowing Honey is going to love this. She steps forward and licks Nella's hand, and then her daughter's. The toddler squeals happily. A moment later, Nella is petting Honey's head and her daughter is jumping up and down.

   "Willow hasn't really met any dogs," Nella tells me. "So this is like a dream come true for her."

   "She's so cute," I say, without thinking. I'm talking about Willow. I crouch down near Honey, and give her a good scrunch on her neck.

   "Thanks. She's a handful," Nella tells me, then I notice her looking out at my house. "I... I didn't know you lived there, still. Again?"

   "Oh, yeah. Since I came back, in January. My mom moved in with her boyfriend... uh, fiance, so it worked out that I could move back in here."

   "Oh, wow, your mom's getting married?" Nella asks, genuinely surprised and interested.

   Willow is close to Honey again, and now petting the side of her face. Honey is taking it all in.

   "Yeah, in a couple months," I answer.

   I'm so amazed that this conversation isn't awkward or forced. I've known Nella since we were a year old. I mean, I don't remember her then, but that was when she moved in. Nella always intrigued me. We were the same age, went to the same school, had the same classes, but she seemed older, smarter. Maybe because I was always looking at Maya, that Nella seemed so out of reach, then.

   "That's great. Tell her I say congratulations," Nella says, then smiles. "I have to get Willow home and in bed, it's way past her bedtime."

   I look at her dad's house, then back to her, now standing again. I want to ask if she was here for a visit. But that's not my business, at all. So I nod and wave at Willow, who smiles big and waves back.

   "My mom would love to hear from you," I say, without thinking. "It was nice to see you, Nella."

   She scrunches up her face, confused for a second, but then smiles at me again. "You too, Holden."