Maya

My stomach is a bit anxious but I mostly feel excited as I get on the bus, an hour before I need to be at the Art Hub, the next evening. No one else is really on the bus - besides one older woman near the front - and it's a quick ride -  and I get off just across the street from the store. I'm too early, so I walk into the coffee shop down the block and buy a muffin, then eat it at a small table, before leaving to go back to the store.

   "Hey!" Kayleigh greets me happily, as I walk in and over to the desk. She's wearing a tank top and jeans, and her dark hair is pulled back into a braid.

   "Hi," I say, my heart racing.

   "Come on back to the staff room, I'll show you where you can put your bag," she says, coming out from behind the desk and leading me down the aisle, towards the back of the store.

   We are only back there for a minute, but she shows me the storage room and the staff room. I leave my sweater and purse there and then follow her back to the front.

   Two hours pass quickly, and I'm watching and learning so much. I basically have the cash register/computer system figured out, how to ring up purchases and also look up if we have something in stock. There's only a handful of customers during that time, but after a few, Kayleigh lets me do it on my own. I don't mess up, so I feel pretty good about it.

   "I put myself on for 2P.M. to 8P.M. today and tomorrow, so I'll be here with you until we close. And then Saturday I'll have Megan working with you for the afternoon, and she'll close."

  "Sounds good," I say, and I'm surprised how relaxed I feel there, too. "Honestly, thank you for this."

   I was worried about it. I thought I'd mess up or not know how to do things. In Albany, I worked at a mall, in a designer footwear store. That was where I met Tamara, and we became friends after a few months. I usually worked four or five days a week, she worked a bit less but was also in college. It was pretty good money because we worked off commission, therefore if we made good sales, we made good money. Here, it's different. I get paid no matter what, but I have to know about the products. I have to be personable and happy. I feel more like myself, here. This job is a good fit, I can tell already.

   When 8P.M. comes around, I watch as Kayleigh closes the computer system down, signs us out and switches the signs over to 'closed'. I follow her to the back room where she grabs her purse and I retrieve my things, too. It was only three hours, and it had gone quick, but I enjoyed it. It feels good to be a working member of society again.

   "So, how did you feel about it?" she asks, pulling out her phone.

   "Good. Yeah, it was great," I say, pushing my purse over my shoulder.

   "Well, it was a slow night. The weekends are busier, but I can tell you'll be fine. After tomorrow I'm sure you'll be good to go," she tells me. "You need a ride?"

   I had planned to take a bus back to Marcus' because I hated that my sister had been driving me around so much. Plus, it's Willow's bedtime. I wasn't about to ask Marcus to pick me up, so I nod at Kayleigh.

   "Oh, if that's okay?"

   "Girl, Marcus lives like five minutes from here, and I'm just on Stone Cove. I can drive you home anytime," she says, but I feel like she's judging me. Did Nella tell her about Marcus and I?

   "Thanks. I'm moving to Lou Lane on Friday," I say, following her outside and through the parking lot, towards her car.

   "Right, Nella mentioned that. That's so close to me," she smiles.

   I get into the passenger seat and buckle up, and she starts the car right away. It's already dark outside and I feel a bit cold, so I shove my hands into the pouch on my sweater.

   We are in Marcus' long driveway a few minutes later. She wasn't kidding that it was close. Everything is close in Boothbay, which is something I had forgotten.

   "It's really cool that you're back, Maya," Kayleigh says, smiling at me. I know there's more coming. "Nella's been really happy this past week. I mean, she's always happy, but this such a great surprise for her."

   "Yeah... it was a surprise for me, too," I say, then shrug. "When I was away, I wasn't sure I'd ever come back to Boothbay. But... something brought me back, and I'm glad I'm here."

   "I'm glad you're staying," she tells me, then looks out at Marcus' house. His car in there, right in front of us. I know he's home. "He is... healing. His wounds are still fresh and he's been trying to pretend like he's fine, but..."

   I know she's talking about Marcus but I don't know why she's telling me this.

   "I think you're a good distraction for him, but... just don't get attached, okay?" Is this a warning? Or a head's up? She was so sweet just a moment ago but now I can't tell what her intentions are.

   "Yeah, no, I'm not," I say, but it comes out sounding weird.

   "I don't even mean that in a bitchy way. I care about him, he's a good guy and a really good friend. But his heart was ripped out of his chest and then sliced open with a knife. Two weeks ago. I was gone for most of that time, you know, my honeymoon, but... it happened right before. I'm saying too much, I'm sure... I just want you to know that he's not in a good place, even if he seems like he's okay."

   "Yeah, yeah, I get it. Thanks," I force a smile. I realize now that she's not being rude or trying to push me away, she is really just looking out for me. And for Marcus.

   "Okay. See you tomorrow!"

   And just like that, the very deep conversation is over and I'm getting out of her car.

   Nella had only told me that Marcus was heartbroken and it had ended recently. And that he was planning on proposing to her. So, I know it was serious. Yes, I am likely a good distraction for him right now. I don't mind being that, for him. The worst part is that he's so good. He doesn't know what happened to me before I showed up here, but he's careful with me. Even though I know he wants me, he doesn't push or throw himself at me. I wondered all day if maybe that one time we had sex would be it. I would have to be okay with that. I only had to stay at his house for two more days, and then I would just see him on Sundays, for dinner. We could be friends. Could we be friends?

   But then I go into his house and see him stretched out on the fancy white, leather sofa, watching football on the massive TV, in the front room. His eyes are only half open and his shirt is riding up, the bottom of his hard stomach showing. Man, he's like a God. I lick my lips which are suddenly too dry.

   "Hey," he says easily, looking over at me.

   "Hey," I repeat, slipping out of my new shoes.

   "How was your day? How was work?"

   I'm still just standing there in the front hallway, admiring him. He didn't even sit up all the way to ask me these questions. Now I notice that he's sort of sweaty, on his face and his shirt is wet under the arms. He must have been working out just before I got back.

   "Good. Yeah, it's going to be good," I tell him, nodding.

   "Kayleigh drop you off?"

   "Yeah."

   "Cool."

   I lick my bottom lip again, then turn away from him. This will be harder than I thought. Now I know what he feels like under my body. I know that he's hard and perfect. I know how he talks dirty in my ear and that he cares enough to ask a girl what position she prefers. I wish I didn't know these things, because then I wouldn't be thinking about how I wanted to do it all again.

   Suddenly he's standing up, walking towards me. I wasn't expecting it so I step back as he passes.

   "I need to go shower. There's some chicken in the oven." He says this so casually as if it is normal for him to tell me about chicken. "Or, you could... join me?"

   My stomach squeezes in and doesn't let go. My hands are sweaty and I don't know how to form words, so I just take in a deep breath. He can tell I'm nervous and freaking out, suddenly, so he chuckles and keeps walking towards the stairs.

   "It's just a shower, Maya. I'll be there, if you decide to come up."

   It won't be just a shower and he knows it. I want to agree but I keep hearing Kayleigh's voice in my head. Don't get attached. He's not okay.

   But I want him to be okay, and maybe I can help by making him feel better. Naked, in the shower. I wait until he's upstairs and I can hear the water running before I pad up the stairs and strip down to my underwear. When I open the bathroom door, it's steamy but he's already in the shower.

   "You came," he says loudly, over the water.

   "I... I needed a shower, too. Might as well save water, right?" I call out, my voice shaky.

   "Yes, right," he agrees, then laughs a low laugh as I pull back the curtain and step in.

   At first, we are both slightly unsure. Or, I am and he's holding back. I'm not sure. I turn away from him and grab for the body wash, then start washing myself, trying to pretend he's not right there, naked. But his hands are on me, gently, a moment later. He spins me around and brings me so close, our bodies are almost touching. His forehead is leaning down and against mine, his eyes a bit tired and a bit excited.

   "I'm glad you came in," he says, his hands still at my waist.

   I swallow hard. How do I even answer that? I'm so hot and bothered that I can't seem to think of any words that I know. He shuts his eyes and grins, as if he knows what this is doing to me.

   "It can be just a shower," he tells me, but I can tell what he means. "I know how to get myself off and I will, once I'm back in my bedroom."

   "If you have to," I say, then shrug.

   "Yeah, if I have to."

   A second later I'm kissing him, leaning closer. His hands come up to my face and he kisses me back, so full of need. He grunts and spins me so I'm against the wall, and he steps back. Just one little step, and takes a breath.

   "I'm not using you," he says, which confuses me. I thought he would say something very different. I don't answer, so he goes on. "I'm not doing this... whatever it is... because I'm hurt or sad. Or because it's convenient."

   "Okay," I manage to say, but I don't really believe him.

   "I just want you to know that I only want to do this if you want to. I'm not like trying to seduce you and leave you confused."

  "Okay," I say again. "I just... I can't do a relationship right now." There is it, out in the open. Or, I guess, in his steamy bathroom.

   "So... this is just fun?" I can't read his expression, but I hope that means we are on the same page. I nod. "Okay. I can do fun."

   But he still looks too serious, so I reach up and rub his cheek. There's some stubble and I let my thumb graze his bottom lip, which makes him grunt again.

   "Fun," I repeat, then smile.

   And then he's pressing me against the shower wall, kissing me hard, and I know right then that he's still broken, but this is how I can help him. And he doesn't know that he's helping me, too.