Holden

It's pretty crazy how hard I've fallen for Maya, once again. Maybe it never went away, that feeling of wanting to be with her. Maybe it was always there, but I pushed it down so that the pain of her being gone wasn't always at the surface.

   When she first left Boothbay, I was angry. I didn't think she would stay away for good. I thought she just needed to get away for awhile. But after a year of hoping and praying and missing her with every ounce of my being, I finally accepting that she wasn't coming back. That year was rough. I drank. I experimented with drugs. I stopped painting. I hated myself for hurting Maya and for pushing her away. I was twenty-one and pretty much a disaster.

   But then my mom told me to smarten up. She said she knew I missed Maya, but I couldn't wait around forever. I had to get on with my life. And if Maya ever came back into my life, I'd would have to deal with that then.

   Now it's happening. We are back together, but not really. My body and my heart want her. I pretty much knew it from the moment I saw her at the Art Hub, when she hid from me. But I didn't think I had a chance to even be her friend again. But now? Now it feels like I have a real chance with her - even if we are just friends.

   I saw her boyfriend leave the cook-out. He looked upset. I saw them talking before that but I didn't know if they were fighting. Her boyfriend, Marcus, is tall and handsome and I'm sure he's good to her. I won't interject myself into any situation where I'm not wanted.

   But I just have a feeling. She didn't really talk to me after her boyfriend left. We made eye contact a few times, and she said goodbye to Landon and I, after Nella thanked us for coming and for playing with Willow. It was all very casual and friendly.

   But after Landon went down to the truck and I was walking in that direct, I heard her voice. When I looked back, it felt like deja vu. Nella and Willow were gone, and it was just Maya standing there on the porch, calling down to me. Just like I called after her, when she was leaving my mom's house a couple weeks ago.

   I didn't say anything to her. We just looked at each other, but I could feel it. A shift. A change. She smiled and then lifted a hand and waved at me. I gave her a nod and then turned back and made my way to my truck where my brother was waiting.

I have to get down to work now, though. I have three weeks to finish another seven paintings. A few are started. I have a wild, floral piece brewing in my mind. I'm anxious to get started on it. I can't get distracted now. The gallery exhibit is what I always wanted and now it's within reach.
I paint as much as I can on Sunday until we go to Mom and Eddie's for dinner. Eddie decided to order pizzas, which is a rarity, and I enjoy a few slices of the pizza I ate when I was a kid. Topped with lots of meat and cheese, Euphoric Pizza was the best pizza joint in town. Landon eats half a pizza to himself, not that that surprises anyone.

   "That cook out at Nella's was was so great," Mom starts, after we finish eating. Eddie is cutting up the apple pie they got from the market that morning.

   "Yes, it was so nice to get out of the house and be social," Eddie agrees. "And finally getting to meet Nella and her husband, and Maya."

   "Nella's house is beautiful. Do you know what George does for a living?" my mom goes on, as if this is just small talk. But I know what she's doing.

   "He owns a landscaping company," Landon says. 

   "That makes sense. Their yard is beautiful, too." She casually pushes a plate with apple pie on it towards me.

   "Did you enjoy yourself, Holden," she asks me. "At Nella's?"

   "Yeah of course," I say. "George seems really cool. And Willow is awesome."

   Eddie and Landon are busy eating their dessert, but Mom is still looking at me. "Maya didn't tell us about her boyfriend before this, but he seems sweet, as well," she says. "Did you get to talk with him at all?"

   I shake my head. "No. Not really." I wouldn't have wanted to talk to him anyway. Maya did not introduce us, and George had only introduced him as his best friend. So now I knew how they met.

   Landon kicks me under the table. "Hey Hold, show Mom the picture of the-"

   "Landon."

   "What?" Mom asks, curious. Her long hair is down and she's wearing her glasses.

   I have to show her now. I was planning to show her, but I wanted to wait until it was finished.

   "It's not done. But I took a picture of it to show you," I say.

   I reach for my phone and scroll to the last few pictures I took. It's the portrait of her. Mom's looking over my shoulder and she gasps.

    "Holden Michael."

    Landon grins. Eddie looks confused.

   "What do you think? I want to put it in the exhibit," I say. "If that's okay."

   "Oh Holden. I love it." Her smile is so big and her eyes are wide, and then she's hugging me, hard.

   "Good," I smile back at her, and bring my arms up to hug her back.


   After I take Landon back to school that evening, I take the long way back, with Honey beside me. This week coming up is going to be the same as the last - I have to work hard and I can't lose focus. But tonight I just feel like driving. I don't get home until after ten and I go right to bed, falling asleep while watching a movie.

   On Wednesday afternoon, I finally let myself take a break. Two more paintings are completed, and two more on the go. I'm up to twelve that are almost ready for the exhibit. I send off an email with photos of a few of them and get a very sweet emails back from Josie and Mandy. They love the pieces so far.

   I haven't stopped thinking about Maya. But she still hasn't texted or called. It's been nine days since we talked at the Art Hub, when she took my business card, and four days since the cook-out. She was the one who seemed interested in seeing my work, but I have no way of getting in touch with her. I know I could ask my mom for her number, but that is just asking for trouble. My mom knows Maya has a boyfriend. She would tell me to back off, for sure.

   I drive to the Harbour and Honey and I walk down the docks. We listen to a girl playing a violin. I sit on a bench for awhile, Honey by my feet. I truly love this place and it's so inspiring.
I'm walking back towards the truck to go home and get back to painting when my phone rings. I slip it out of my jeans' pocket and look at it. Maya. Did I just somehow will  her to call me?

   "Hello?" I answer like I don't know it's her.

   "Hey, Holden. It's Maya." She sounds casual. Or like she's trying to sound casual.

   "Oh, hi." I can't hold back my smile.

   "Hi. Um, I was wondering if you wanted to... get together. Maybe for coffee, or..."

   My heart is pounding. I want this so badly, but I'm torn. She has a boyfriend. I can't get my hopes up. How am I going to tell her that I have these feelings for her? I shouldn't. God, I know I shouldn't.

   "Oh, yeah, sure. When we're you thinking?" I ask, trying so hard to act like I don't care either way.

   "This weekend maybe? If you have any time..." She sounds unsure. 

   I swallow hard. I wait. I don't want to  sound too eager. "Oh, yeah. I should be able to make time. Actually, would Sunday evening work?"

   "Yeah, that's good," she answers. She's not really giving me any emotion.

   "Okay. Yeah. Um, how about Earl's?  Do you know where that is?" I ask. It's on the way out towards Landon's school, and I go there for coffee fairly often. "Is 8:00P.M. okay?"

   "Yeah. I do. Okay, cool," she answers. 

   "Okay. See you then?" It's a question, and I want her to agree. I want her to confirm that we are actually going to do this.

   I want to keep talking to her but I hang up after she says goodbye. I need to know why she called mid-week and asked to meet me to meet her for coffee. Did she want me to show her my paintings?  I have a bunch of photos of them on my phone, but that's not the same as seeing them in person.

   No, don't invite her to your house, Holden. She has a boyfriend. Just meet her for coffee and see what happens.

   But I have to wait until Sunday, and it know it won't get here soon enough.