Maya

Holden walks into the coffee shop, already looking around for me. It's the first of May already and I've only talked to him once since that cook-out at Nella's. That night, a week ago, I had my first fight with Marcus and my first actual connection in four years, with Holden. It was something to me, anyway. I called his name as he was leaving. He turned and looked back at me, but neither of us said anything. I spent the next three days wondering what he wanted to say, and regretting not saying anything. So I called him.

   I asked him to meet me for coffee, so we could talk. I have been pretty out of sorts for the last week and I just want this to go okay. Holden is back in my life, and that is a good thing. We somehow got past the extreme awkwardness and now we are just us, Holden and Maya, two people who used to know each other. But I keep thinking about when we were kids. We were best friends. I keep having dreams and flashbacks to when we were dating. And I know that it all means something. And Marcus isn't the only one who noticed that I was staring at Holden, at the cook-out. Nella gave me shit about it that night, too.

   "Hey," Holden grins now, pulling out the chair across from me.

   It's a coffee shop a bit out of town, because he just got back from dropping off Landon at school. He's wearing a button down short sleeved shirt, black, and a gray t-shirt under it. And jeans that fit him very well.

   "Hi," I say, keeping my eyes on  his. It's after 8P.M.

   I skipped dinner tonight with everyone because Marcus was hosting. We haven't talked since our fight the previous Sunday. It's been so weird, because he had just started texted me daily, and now nothing. Nella's been acting weird about it, too. She told me I should suck it up and go to the dinner anyway. She suggested that Marcus and I needed to talk. But I chose to act like a child and run from that situation, too. I mean, Marcus is the one who walked away from me that night.

   "I ordered two coffees," I tell Holden.

   "Oh, perfect," he says, smiling at me.

   "So..." I begin, but suddenly I can't seem to find any words. I want to tell him that I've been thinking about us. I want to say that there's a lot we need to talk about. But I just sit there looking at him, my mouth a bit open.

   "Maya, this last month has been... so good for me. I got the exhibit offer and I've been working so hard, and I'm really glad that we have been able to, you know, be around each other. It's been good. Right?" Holden starts talking instead.

   "Yeah." I nod, and move my coffee mug to my other hand.

   "Your boyfriend seemed pretty mad last weekend. I mean, I know that must have been weird for him, that I was there," he goes on. "I mean, if he even knew who I was. You didn't really introduce us."

   I swallow hard and squeeze the ceramic coffee mug. "Sorry, I know. It was awkward," I say. But then I add, "He's not my boyfriend."

   "He broke up with you? Because Nella invited Landon and I-"

   "No, Holden, he was never my boyfriend," I spit out.

   "What? He kissed you... you two were..."

   I smile, realizing only now that Holden actually thought Marcus and I were together. And by his reaction, Holden is surprised to hear that we weren't. "Yeah. We'll we've been casual... for awhile."

   "Casual?"

   "Yeah, you know..." I say, but don't finish. I can't say the words.

   "Oh. Like casually fucking." Holden doesn't even question this. He's not judging me.

   My cheeks go warm and red, and I look down at my coffee. Why am I embarrassed about sex? Because I'm talking about it with Holden?

   "We're adults, Maya. We can..." But he stops and shakes his head. "So you aren't dating him?"

   "No. And now, we're actually not even talking," I tell him, bringing the cup up to my mouth.

   "What happened?"

   I won't - can't - tell him that Marcus accused me of having sex with Holden while I was still having sex with him. I don't want Marcus to look like an asshole here, he's not. He was jealous, and I hurt him. Which is exactly what I didn't want to do.

   I'm about to tell Holden that we just weren't on the same page, when my phone rings, so I don't have to answer that question yet. I see that it's Nella calling and Holden nods.

   "Hey," I answer, smiling.

   "Maya, you need to come over, now." Her voice is shaking, and it's serious. I've never heard her sound like this before.

   "I'm just having coffee with Holden," I say, even though I know deep down that something is wrong. I'm hoping I'm imagining it.

   "You have to come over, okay? Please. Just come..." she repeats, and now I know she's not joking around.

   My stomach tightens with fear. "What's wrong?" I practically yell.

   "Maya, please, I can't say..."

   I hear shuffling and then the call drops. I hang up, and my stomach feels so tight. Something is very wrong. I have to get to Nella.

   "Nella wants me to go over to her house, but she sounded weird. Like she was scared," I tell Holden, the conversation not feeling real.

   "Let's go," he says, standing up.

   We abandon our coffees on the table and leave in a hurry.

   The drive back to my sister's house takes fifteen minutes and we are both quiet. I know Holden doesn't know what to say, and my mind is racing. Why didn't she just tell me what was going on? Why didn't I push for her to tell me that she was at least okay?

   My stomach drops the second we pull into the driveway at Nella's. I know that car. I'm shaking when Holden looks over at me. Tears are already forming in my eyes.

   "What's wrong?" he wants to know. His expression is filled with concern.

   "He's here." It's all I can say.

   "What? Who?" Holden sounds confused, but keeps his eyes on me.

   "My ex. From Albany. Fuck. Oh shit, no, he's in there with Nella and Willow." This realization makes me want to throw up. I put my hand on the door of the truck.

   "Why would your ex from Albany be here?" Holden asks, looking even more confused.

   This is it. I don't have a choice. I have to tell him. "I ran away from him, in March. I just packed a bag and got on a train and left. He was abusive. He hurt me emotionally and physically, for a long time."

   "Oh, Fuck, no," Holden yells. "Stay here."

   I'm crying suddenly and my hands are shaking. This cannot be happening. Ryland is inside Nella's house. Holden knows my secrets. Half an hour ago I was sitting across from Holden in a quiet coffee shop, and now here we are.

   "Holden, he's dangerous," I manage to say, through tears.

   "Stay here," he repeats, his voice too serious.

   I have to shut my eyes and pretend I'm somewhere else. A few minutes pass, and I jump when I hear someone knocking on the window of the truck. It's Nella and she's got Willow on her hip. I throw the door open, tears still pouring down my face.

   "They're fighting," Nella says. She's not crying but I can tell she's terrified. "He pushed his way in the house. He said he had this as your last known location, from your other phone. He told me that if I didn't bring you here he'd find you and..."

   "Oh my god, Nella. I'm sorry," I cry out.

   "You were with Holden?" she asks, like she's just realizing this.

   "Yeah." It's like I'm caught red handed.

   "Thank god. Get out. We're leaving," Nella finishes, and pulls at my arm.

   I slip out of Holden's truck and glance at Nella's house as I follow her, running over to her car. Everything goes to shit before I get there. Nella's buckling in Willow. My hand is on the door handle. The house door flies open.

   Ryland is barreling towards me at full speed. I can already see his nose is bleeding. Maybe his lip, too. I'm frozen. Why don't I get onto the car and lock the door.

   "Maya! Oh my god, Maya, I found you."

   His voice is like a thousands knives in my back. It hurts so bad. It brings me back to the worst time in my life. He is trying to sound sweet, like he cares about me. I can see through that act now, but I fell for it for a long time.

   "No!" I yell, pressing myself against Nella's car.

   "I know you're scared, Maya, but I'm here. I'm going to take you home." Ryland's voice is so calm, but it sounds so terrifying.

   "I am home. Leave me alone," I yell but then I think of Holden. "Wh... where's Holden?"

   "You brought a guy to try to stop me from getting to you? Not smart, Maya."

   His hand is now on my arm, so tight. How did that happen? Nella's in the car and she's quiet. She knows Ryland is dangerous. She won't risk doing something stupid.

   "I'm not going anywhere with you," I say, trying to keep my voice steady.

   "Yeah. You are."

   And then he's got a knife and he's holding it up. There's blood on it and nothing is registering in my head. Why does he have a knife with blood on it? "Start walking to my car, Maya."

   "No."

   "Maya. If you don't walk, I'll stab you and then I'll carry you. Either way you're going."

   I look at Nella. She can't hear the conversation but then I look at the house. The door is open. Was it open before? Did Ryland leave it open when he came out?

   I turn and start walking down the driveway towards his car anyway. I don't want to go, but I also don't want to die. I'm in shock and I just put one foot in front of the other.

   Where's Holden? Why didn't he come out of the house yet? I'm so close to Ryland's car. Once I'm inside, I don't know what will happen. What will he do to me? I want to ask him about Holden again but I know it will just make him mad. So I keep walking. Tears are falling down my face. I just want to go back to Nella and Willow.

   All of a sudden I hear, "Maya, run!"

   And then Holden is there, somehow. Where did he come from? His gray shirt has a big blood stain on his stomach. That is all I see before I turn and run.