Maya

I work until 4:30P.M. on Saturday and Nella picks me up when my shift ends. It's a gorgeous day and the sun is shining. It really feels like Spring, and there's a shift in the way I feel. Change. I'm in a really good mood as I slip into my sister's car.

   "How was your day?" she asks, and I look back to check if Willow is in the car. She's not.

   "It was good," I say quickly, dropping my purse by my feet.

   "You ready for this?" The look on her face tells me she's unsure whether I'm prepared or not, but I nod anyway.

   I tried to prepare myself, all day. I went over all the possible situations in my head, over and over. It will be fine. It's just a cook-out.

   We get back to her house only fifteen minutes before the guests start to arrive.

   It's going to be Nella, George, Willow, me, Marcus, Landon and Holden, Annie, Eddie and George's parents. His sister, Lily, couldn't make it. Dad said he was busy, too, but he probably didn't want to deal with a very awkward cook-out, after Nella told him who all was going to be there. I don't blame him for not coming, and I know I'm not ready to face him, anyway.

   In retrospect, we should have included Philip and Kayleigh, but Philip is away for a week or two, working, and Kayleigh was looking forward to a quiet night in, alone. Marcus was invited because he's George's best friend. And because he and I are... something.

   Marcus kisses me when he arrives, half an hour after Nella and I get back to the house. Holden and his family are already there, and Holden definitely pretends to look away, but I know he sees. I have no idea why Holden seeing Marcus kiss me bothers me, but it does. There is nothing between Holden and I, and I am not Marcus's girlfriend, either. I did sleep over at Marcus' two night's ago, because he sent me some dirty texts and got me all worked up. I'm in such a weird spot and I am feeling so awkward in Nella's house. I do not like this feeling.

   George is showing off his new BBQ to his Dad and the guys outside, while Nella and I are in the kitchen, getting some salads together. It's the first time I'm meeting George's parents, and I feel so tense, because I know this is going to be weird. All of it. Annie and George's mom, Mary, are with us in the kitchen, even though Nella insisted we didn't need any help. Annie is just observing and Mary is trying to help by grating cheese and cutting onions. She's beautiful, with dark brown hair and perfect skin. She doesn't seem old enough to have adult children. Thankfully she doesn't ask too many questions about me. I wonder, though, what Nella has told her.

   "I think this was a bad idea," I tell my sister, cutting up some baby tomatoes.

   She finally told Annie and Mary they could take out the plates and utensils and start setting the tables, outside. It was obvious that they wanted to help, and now I finally had my sister alone, to talk.

   "Um, be more specific please," Nella laughs.

   "Marcus and Holden, both here."

   "Uh, why?" Now she's looking at me with a questioning look. I'm glad she's oblivious to my weirdness about it, at least.

   "Marcus and I are sleeping together. Regularly. But we're not dating. And Holden and I have only just started... I don't know... being friends again?" I'm whispering, just in case.

   "You and Holden are friends?" she wants to know, dropping the knife to the table.

   "I don't know. I said I don't know. But maybe." I shrug, and she just laughs.

   "Well, those are very different things. You can be friends with Holden and be sleeping with Marcus. There's nothing wrong with that," my sister goes on, her voice not quite as quiet as mine.

   "Yes, but they are both here. That's the problem," I say, trying to take a deep breath.

   "Marcus is my husband's best friend, Maya." Nella turns and drops the veggies she was cutting into the big salad bowl. "I'm sorry if this is weird for you, but you got yourself into this."

   "I know," I tell her. "Trust me." I try to act like I'm not completely freaked out by all of this, but reaching up and pulling the hair tie out of my hair. I brush it out with my fingers, waiting for Nella to say something.

   "Just don't make this weird for anyone else, please," she finishes, then sticks out her tongue at me.

   We eat outside on the big back deck that George built, the previous summer. There's steak and burgers and veggies and salad. The sun is shining down on us. Nella's in a sun dress and looks beautiful and Willow is the center of attention, being the only child here. She eats fast and then runs around the back yard, dancing and laughing.

   I'm sitting next to Marcus at the table, awhile after everyone has finished eating. Annie brought an apple crisp dessert, so she and Mary have gone inside to start serving it. George and his dad are talking about the baseball season, and I see that Landon and Holden are down in the grass, with Nella and Willow.

   "What's going on with you and him?" Marcus asks me, looking out across the yard, at Holden. I knew this was coming, but I still don't like it.

   Holden is laughing, pretending to chase Willow around in a circle. She is giggling and falls to her knees.

   "Nothing. We have history, though," I say to Marcus, still watching Willow. "We grew up together."

   "I feel like it's not just that," Marcus goes on. "I see how you've been looking at him."

   "It's complicated," I say quickly. Hesitating, I pick up a baby tomato off my plate and pop it into my mouth.  "We were close for a long time, before I went to Albany. And we only just reconnected, recently."

   The tension between Marcus and I now is so thick, it feels wrong. Things have always been so light and easy between us. He doesn't answer right away, and I keep looking down at my plate, while I wait for him to say something. Why am I so nervous? I haven't done anything wrong.

   "Are you fucking him?" The words are sharp and filled with anger, even though he's not yelling. I've never seen Marcus angry. This is so strange, and it makes me makes me mad, instantly. He waited a few minutes just to ask if I am fucking Holden?

   "What? No. Do you think I'd just fuck two guys at the same time?" I spit out, looking right at him. I'm still being quiet but now it's more like a whisper-yell.

   Marcus sighs, taking in a breath and letting it out slowly. "No. I mean... I don't know. You had sex with me two days ago, but now I see how you're looking at him."

   "Cool. It's nice to know what you think of me," I say quietly, and then stand up and take a step, to walk away. I need space. I need to calm down, because I cannot cause a scene at my sister's cook-out.

   "Maya, c'mon. I'm sorry. I'm just feeling protective of you." He walks after me, reaching out to grab my arm.

   I stop, and let him hold my arm. I look back at him, and his expression is begging. "That's not a good excuse to say something like that to me. To assume I'm having sex with someone else. Also, I'm not yours to possess." It slips out. I'm mad. But Marcus steps back right away, letting me go.

   "Right. You've made that clear. You're not mine." He nods. It's so stiff and cold.

   Fuck.

   "Even if we were dating, you still wouldn't possess me, Marcus," I say, and add a smile. I don't want this to go down like this. "But I've been upfront about what we are doing. I've told you lots of time that I wasn't ready for-"

   Marcus grabs my hand and starts walking towards the house, interrupting me. Inside the back door, he leans up against the wall and looks at me. The house is quiet, as everyone is now outside. His dark eyes are still begging me to say something, anything, that he wants to hear. Part of me wants to, so we can be okay. But I know this is a turning point for us.

   "I will fight for you. I will wait for you. But if you're going to end up with him anyway, you can just tell me." He's so serious now. Less mad, but very honest. "Please, just tell me now."

   "I don't know. Marcus, I don't want to hurt you. I have said that so many times. I didn't want things to get serious between us, for that exact reason." My words are flowing out, and it's so clear the direction that this is going in.

   He shuts his eyes and breaths out again. "At this point, it's pretty damn obvious that you have been avoiding getting serious with me because of him."

   "What?"

   "I'm going to go." Marcus gives me one last look - filled with pain and regret - and then brushes past me to go back outside.

   I looked out the patio doors and see him walk over to George. They exchange a hand shake of some sort and then Marcus is going around the side of the house, towards the driveway.

   He's leaving. I could run after him. I could tell him I'm sorry and that I want us to be okay. But I don't. I'm just frozen there, inside Nella's house. And I know that nothing is going to be the same after this.