Holden

The next four weeks are beyond crazy.

It feels like a minute passes and then June has begun.

I stare in awe at my collection of paintings from the last two months. They are mine - an extension of myself. But they are also my families'. My friends'. They are everyone's. They are lined up, packaged, waiting. Just like I am.

Tomorrow, I leave for New York. It's only two weeks, and then the month after that will be a bit of back and forth. But tomorrow starts my journey. Being away from my family and from Maya seems impossible, because we've only just gotten back together.

She's next to me on my sofa, her head on my shoulder. We're quiet. Reflecting. Our relationship evolved quickly in the last couple of weeks. It's as if we were never apart. We spent a lot of time making up for all the time we were, though. We went on dates. We made love everywhere in my house. We took Honey to the Harbour and we got ice cream and listened to the buskers play music. The time went too fast and so slow.

And now I'm driving to New York City in the morning to get the exhibit set up and get settled into my hotel, where I'll live for two weeks. In three days it's the opening day. Mandy and Josie have advertised a lot and say a lot of people are excited about it. I can't wait to get there but I'm also terrified. There's so many what-ifs.

"It's unreal," I tell Maya and she looks up at me. Honey is on her lap, somehow. "This is exactly how I hoped my life would be. My own exhibit of my work, my girl in my arms. This feeling of over whelming happiness. I didn't think I'd get it all."

"Well you're amazing, so..." she says, and then smiles at me.

I grin and then tickle her side.  She wiggles away and Honey jumps down, then starts barking.

"Honey, relax," I tell my dog. "I wasn't hurting Maya."

Maya laughs and calls Honey back over. She pets her head and I can feel how much she loves her, like I do. We are meant to be together, the three of us. For now. I've already told Maya I want to get married and have babies. She sort of avoids the conversation but I can see how she's thinking about it. How she didn't know she wanted that, too.

"I'll miss you," I tell Maya, even though I've said it a lot already.

"You'll be busy being awesome." She smiles. "And I'll be there on  Saturday."

"You're still driving with my mom and Landon?"

She nods at me. "Of course."

I blink a few times and then take in a deep breath. This is it. It's what I always dreamed about. And it's happening to me.

~

Maya kisses me casually in the driveway the next morning, as if it's not the most important day ever, for me. I know she's trying not to act like she's sad, or anything. She's staying at my house to take care of Honey, while I'm gone. When I pull her into my arms, she squeezes me tightly and nuzzles her face into my chest. I feel safe. Loved. Needed. And strong.

"See you soon," she says, and I finally see she's on the verge of tears.

"Don't cry. I'll call you tonight, when I'm settled," I tell her.

"Okay. I love you. Go kick some ass," she finishes, wiping her eyes with her thumbs.

"I love you."

It's a long drive, but it's one I've never done before. I'm amazed as I drive through New Hampshire and Massachusetts and into New York State. It's around 1PM as the GPS directs me to the Lights Gallery, and I find it easily and park in the back lot. It's just across from Washington Square and the hotel I'm booked in at is across the street, too. I'm in awe. I'm from a tiny town in Maine. Sure, I spent two years in California, but New York is a whole new world.

I don't have time to worry much about that because as I get out and stretch my legs, two women come out the back door of the gallery.

"Holden!" one of them says, as they are both walking closer.

She is tall and thin and wearing heels and a suit. Her hair is dark and straight. She hugs me before she says, "Mandy Coleta. It's so great to meet you in person."

"Ahh, this is crazy," I tell her, and then smile. "Yeah it's awesome."

"Holden, how was your drive?" Josie asks me.

"Oh. It was sort of a blur, actually. I mean, it was good. I'm pretty much in shock right now, that I'm here," I answer, shoving my hands into my jean pockets.

They both laugh. "You've got your paintings with you?" Mandy wants to know.

I open the back door of the truck and show them where all fifteen are packaged and nested, lined up, safe and sound. Mandy squeals. Josie claps her hands. My heart is pounding.
    We get them all inside and they show me around. The section of the gallery that will be my exhibit is this awesome little nook and a hallway. They've already put up the sign with my name and photo and some details. It's hitting me suddenly that this is real.

"Our guy, Hendrix will get them all set up this afternoon. You can come back this evening and see it all ready. Tomorrow, we will have just a few people we've invited in to see it during the soft opening and then Saturday's the big day!" Josie explains, and I nod because I don't know what to say.

The big day. I can't believe it.

Hendrix is a big, older guy who's wearing a tank top and shorts as he strolls towards me, a few minutes later. Mandy told me he is their maintenance guy, but also a good friend. I help as they unwrap the canvases and I watch for their reactions as they take them in. There's some gasps. Some hands over their mouths. They don't say anything for a few minutes and I'm excited and worried and nervous all at once.

"Holden, they are... gorgeous," Josie begins, now walking down towards the line of paintings. "This one? My word."

It's my mom. Right here, her profile for everyone to see. I smile, happy that that's the one Josie is loving.

"That's my mom," I say, proudly.

"She's beautiful," Mandy tells me. "My favourite is... her."

She's pointing towards the portrait of Maya, the second one I did, before her and I were anything. It's my favourite, too. It reminds me that things happen for a reason. I painted it before I really had Maya back in my life, and now we're together.

I'm yawning a few minutes later, and Josie disappears for a minute and comes back with a mug of coffee for me. I thank her and chug it down, but my eyelids are still heavy.

Hendrix is already starting to hang the paintings when I decide to go across to the hotel to get settled in. And take a nap. Mandy says to come to the back door whenever I'm ready to come back tonight, so I thank her and go out to my truck. My suitcase is in the back seat, so I drive across to the hotel parking lot and make my way inside. It's not busy so I get checked in pretty fast, and once I'm up in my room, I finally exhale. 

It's after 3PM so I figure I should call Maya and text my mom. I lay on the big, soft bed while pressing Maya's number for a Facetime call. She answers after a few rings and my heart skips a beat, seeing her face.

"Hey," she says, her face lit up.

"Hi."

"You in your hotel? How was the drive?" she asks, and I can see that she's in my kitchen.

I sigh. It's so weird that I'm so far away and she's there, in my house. "Yeah, I'm at the hotel. I drove right to the gallery and unloaded the pieces. It's just been wild. I met the gallery owners. The drive was okay. Long."

"You look exhausted," she tells me, then sticks out her tongue.

"I miss you," I say, because it's true. "I wish you were here."

"I'm heading to work soon, and then tomorrow I'm working the day shift, so I can get ready and then we will leave early on Saturday," she says, but then adds, "I miss you too."

"It's weird and quiet here. How's Honey?" I ask. I guess I'm already homesick.

"She's good. I took her down to the water this afternoon." She's drinking coffee and has her phone out in front of her.

My heart lurches out of my body for her. "Okay, good. Thanks."

"Holden. You okay?" she wants to know.

I swallow hard. I know I have to suck it up and do this on my own.

"Yeah, I'm good. Tired. And nervous... I guess," I finally tell her.

"Go take a nap. You'll feel better when you wake up. I can't wait to see you," she finishes, and then blows me a kiss.

"Okay. I love you," I say, defeated. My eyes are barely open.

"I love you, Holden."

I'm asleep a few minutes after I put down my phone, and when I wake up, it's almost dark outside. There's two missed calls on my phone. Shit. Both of from Mandy, and I quickly call her back. I've already messed up by sleeping through the evening.

"Hey," she answers, her voice surprised.

"Hi, I'm so sorry. I fell asleep and literally just woke up," I say, embarrassed.

"Oh, no worries. We figured. We already went home for the night, but we will see you over at the gallery tomorrow! Can't wait for you to see it!" She's not mad. Thank god.

"Okay, perfect. Thank you," I finish, breathing out a sigh of relief.

Now it's late, almost 9PM, and I'm alone in this hotel room in New York City. I'm wide awake, and everything feels sort of unreal. I worked hard for this. My work is being recognized and lots of people are going to see my exhibit over the next six weeks. My life might very well be drastically different after this summer. I just hope I'm ready to make the changes. And I hope that Maya is willing to be by my side through it, whatever it is.