Holden

I can't sleep that night.

   I kissed Maya, the girl I've been pining for for over four years. The girl I never stopped loving. I tried to drink her away, party until I didn't have to feel it, paint until my feelings were all out there for the world to see. But my love for her was always there.

   And then she told me she wants us to be together, now. That one word - okay - was her agreeing to my proposition. I told her I want her. I want to be her man, her love, her rock. I want her to be my girl, my side kick, my fucking everything. And maybe it won't be easy but it will be ours.

   Two days take forever two pass, but I'm feeling way better by Friday. I barely feel like I got stabbed at all. I mean, I wouldn't go out for a jog or do anything strenuous activity, but generally I feel pretty good.

   I text with Maya often over those two days, but she works on Thursday evening and even though I want to see her during the day on Friday, I don't push it. She is babysitting Willow while Nella has an appointment, for the baby. We Facetime for a little bit and by Friday evening, I can't wait anymore. I pick up at Landon at 7:30P.M. and bring him back to my house, and then I call her.

   "Hey," she answers, as if she was waiting for this.

   "Hi. What are you doing?" I want to know.

  "Not much. I ate dinner with Nella and Willow and have been back home for an hour or so," she tells me.

   "So... I really want to see you," I blurt out.

   "Yeah?" It's a question, but she always just wants me to confirm.

   "Please?" I say, then take in a breath.

   "My address is 91 Lou Lane."

   I suck in a breath. In the last few weeks that we've been talking, I never asked where she was living. "You live, like, around the corner from here?"

   "Yeah." She sounds a bit embarrassed now, for not telling me.

   "I'm on my way," I say, already slipping into my shoes.

I see her walking over to my truck ten minutes later, and I'm done for. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. She's just wearing leggings and a blue, long-sleeved top; her hair is down and just barely at her shoulders. My heart is wide open, soaring for her to take it, and my dick is hard. I'm only conflicted about wanting to take our time, while wanting her so bad it hurts.

   She gets in beside me and I give her the smile that I save just for her.

   "Hi," she says, keeping a straight face.

   "Hi."

   "How was... the rest of your week?" she asks me, and she's practically holding her breath.

   We just talked a little bit earlier in the day, and she called me before bed yesterday, too. She knows how my week has been. She's trying to make small talk and I don't like it.

   "Painfully slow?" I tell her, but it sounds like a question.

   "Oh yeah?"

   "Yes."

   "Why's that?" she asks, knowing she's teasing me.

   I sigh. "I want to see you every day. I want to touch you and hold your hand and kiss you. And it's hard to think about anything g else," I say. "So, yeah, the rest of my week since I saw you was really, really slow."

   "You're such a softy now," she accuses me, but bites her bottom lip.

   "I am for you," I tell her, wishing she'd bite my bottom lip like that.

   She moves closer to me and leans in, our shoulders touching. She's too close, if that's even possible. So close that I could grab her and get her on my lap and - no. Slow down, Holden.

   "Where are we going?" she whispers instead.

   "We could.. just drive?" I suggest. I like any idea if it keeps her next to me.

   "Okay," she agrees, and smiles at me again.

   After I pull out of the parking lot and get back onto the road, she slips her hands into mine. I told her that I want to hold her hand, and kiss her, and love her, and she heard me. She's giving me this piece of herself now, and I'm so willing to take it.

   I drive around for half an hour, just so happy to have her beside me. We end up at the harbour. I park down by the dock, in a parking lot where there's not really any other cars. There's not a lot of foot traffic, either, especially since it's pretty late.

   "This view is so beautiful," she says, looking out the front window of the truck.

   "My view in here is too," I tell her.

   "When did you get so cheesy?" she wants to know, and smiles at me.

   I grin, "I swear I'm not."

   "I love the harbour. It reminds me of my mom," she tells me, after a moment.

   I nod, and then squeeze her hand. "I come here all the time, to think. And for inspiration. It reminds me of you. And that your mom would bring us here for frozen yogurt. That little shop over there," I point out the side window. "It's still there."

   "Really?"

   I nod. "You want to get some?"

   "Yeah."

   We walk side by side, holding hands, down the dock and over to the little shop. You just walk up to the window and order, so we stroll up, since there's no line. I'm surprised it's still open this late, actually.

   "Two chocolate mint chip cones please," I ask the older woman, who nods and gives me my total.

   I pay and then smile at Maya. "You still love chocolate mint?"

   She nods and gives me a smile, and I recognize it now. She looks at me like she's still surprised it's me, there, with her. I wrap my arm around her waist while we wait for our dessert, and it's almost painful when I have to pull it away, so we can eat them. We walk down to the very end of the dock, while eating our cones, and then turn and come back. She slips her hand into mine again, intertwining our fingers. I love how they fit together. I love how this happened so fast and yet we are taking it slow.

   Back in my truck after we finish our frozen yogurts, the air is thick with tension. She's breathing heavy and my heart is pounding. I am still trying to convince myself to go slow with her, now, but if she makes the first move, I will not resist. I look at her for a few extra seconds before starting the truck. It's 9:30P.M. and I know she has to work early tomorrow. I want more time with her but I will not do anything to ruin what is happening.

   "Shall I take you home?" I ask, as I begin backing my truck out of the parking lot.

   I'd rather pull her into my lap and kiss her. I'd rather bring her to my house - even though Landon is there - and have my way with her on my bed. But if she wants to go home, I'll take her home.

   She nods, but it's not convincing. "I have to get up early."

   "Alright," I say, and I am not disappointed because I hadn't gotten my hopes up.

   It's only a ten minute drive back to her apartment, and she hasn't said another word. I need to know what she's thinking, how she's feeling, so I cut the engine and look at her. She sighs and looks at me, our eyes meeting causes my heart to hammer my chest.

   "Tonight was so..." she begins, and I want to finish for her. I want to tell her it everything, and not even close to enough. "Thank you. It was amazing."

   "Driving around and then getting frozen yogurt on the docks was amazing?" I ask, then instinctively take her hand into mine again.

   "You're such a gentleman," she tells me, a little half smile appearing on her lips.

   I'd rather not be. I'd like to be wild and crazy and show you how I can make you feel good.

   "I told you I'd do anything to make it work," I say instead.

   She takes in a deep breath and looks at her apartment building. Is she thinking about inviting me up? My dick gets harder at that thought. But if this was our first date - or even sort of date - I don't want to be in a situation where I want to fuck her, this soon. I mean, I do. But we don't have to rush this to make up for the time we lost.

   "Somehow you're exactly the same, and yet so different," she tells me. "I am still so in awe that this is happening."

   "Me too," I tell her, nodding. I rub my thumb over the top of her hand, like I used to always do when we held hands.

   She lets out a little gasp. She remembers. "Holden, I want to invite you up, but..."

   "If there's a but, then don't do it," I say, without even thinking.

   She looks at me carefully before going on. "I rushed into whatever I was doing, with Marcus. I mean, my heart was never in it, so it likely would have ended this way anyway... but it was so soon after I got here."

   I know why she's telling me this. "You don't want to rush this, with me."

   She shakes her head. "It doesn't have to be slow, but..."

   "Is your heart in this?" I ask her, but I already know the answer.

   "Yes."

   "Then I don't need to rush. Even if I want to," I tell her. "But I have been thinking about kissing you again, for the past two days."

   She grins. "Yeah?"

   "It was a good kiss."

   "Yeah, it was," she agrees, and then before I can even react, she's grabbing at my face and pressing her lips to mine.

   I kiss her back with everything in me, and grab at her hips, trying to bring her closer. Don't rush, Holden. Let her show you what she wants.

   I try, but I can't stop myself. I love how my hands feel at her sides. She pulls my hair a bit with her fingers as she kisses me harder, deeper, and then pulls away. She's breathing heavy again and her lips are swollen and pink. She looks so sexy and unraveled, and I'm ready to take her right here in my truck.

   She gives me a smile and then fixed my hair a bit, letting her fingers run down my face. She tugs my beard a little, and I want to grab her hand and bring her fingers into my mouth. I want to show her what she does to me. But I suck in a breath and wait. I'm letting her be in charge, for now.

   "Goodnight, Holden," she mumbles.

   Shit.

  I force myself to nod. "Goodnight, Maya."