(AN - Sexually  explicit scenes in this chapter)

Maya

When I walk down that hallway and turn into the room where my sister and her new baby are, my heart is going crazy. I missed this the first time, with Willow. I should have been there. I shouldn't have run away from my family. But this is my second chance and I am not going to mess this up.

   Holden is just behind me, his hand on my lower back.

   "Maya! You're here!" Nella says, her face exasperated.  She looked exhausted and happy and surprised.

   "Of course I am," I say, nodding.

   "Come," she says to me, then looks down at the bundle of blankets in her arms. It hits me that there's a baby in there. "Come meet little man."

   I take a few steps closer to her, while Holden stays back in the doorway. I am holding my breath as I look down at the tiny little face. He has George's nose and his eyes are squeezed shut.

   "Oh my god, Nell," I say without thinking. "He's... perfect."

   "He is," she agrees, then smiles at me. "You want to hold him?"

   I've never held a baby before. I had this whole life in Albany for four years but I didn't know anyone who had a baby. Now I feel terrified, but excited.

   "Yeah."

   Nella adjusts a bit and looks at George, who scoops the baby up and then places him into my arms. I don't know if I'm doing it right, but I know I'd never do anything that would hurt him. He's a part of my sister and a part of me. He's my family. He's so tiny and helpless and suddenly I'm sobbing, the tears just pouring down my face again.

   "Oh, Maya," Nella says, in her softest voice. "Stop, you'll make me cry."

   "He's just so..." I say, without finishing the sentence. "I love him."

   Nella sniffles and then lets out a laugh. "So, what were you two doing?"

   She's referring to me and Holden, I realize after a moment.

   "We were... on a date," I say, looking at my sister.

   George coughs and then covers his mouth. "You're dating?"

   Holden is just quiet, but I glance at him and see that he's smiling.

   "We're dating," I say, then nod at him.

   "That was a sudden turn of events," George says, then adds, "but I'm happy for you both."

   "Thanks, man," Holden answers, and then looks at me again. The look he's giving me now is one I haven't seen before.

   "I'm happy for you guys, too," Nella adds. "Even though I didn't think it would happen, it's like a miracle."

   "I'm the lucky one," Holden says, and grins. "She's giving us another chance."

   Nella gives me a look that says I need to explain all of this, later. I don't want to give her this baby back, but I eventually do, as visiting hours are ending soon. I kiss his tiny forehead and lean down to put him back in my sister's arms.

   "We're staying tonight, and should go home tomorrow," Nella explains, just before Holden and I leave. "George is going to pick up Willow from Kayleigh's now."

   I nod. "Call me when you're on your way home tomorrow?"

   "I will. You can come play with Willow while we get all situated at home?" she suggests.

   "Of course. I don't work until 4PM," I agree. "Congrats again, both of you."

   George smiles at me and leans down to kiss Nella. His whispers something to her and then she nods and then he follows Holden and I out of the room and back towards the waiting area.

   Down in the parking lot, George goes a different way to where he parked. We waved and say we'll see him tomorrow, and then I follow Holden across and lot to his truck. I don't really exhale properly until we are inside.

   "Holy shit," I breath out. "That was..."

   "Amazing," he finishes for me. 

   "I can't believe... it's just so crazy that Nella just had a baby," I got on.

   Holden nods, and is looking at me carefully. He's too quiet for a minute and doesn't start the truck or even buckle up. He just looks at me, and I look at my hands, suddenly nervous. When our eyes meet again, my stomach drops.

   "I want that," he finally spits out.

   "Um, you want what?" I ask, because I can't figure out what's happening.

   "I want what Nella and George have. I didn't realize I wanted that, at all. For all these years I've been being a hermit and only really spending time with Landon and my mom and... even when I was with girls, I had no desire to settle down or... I thought I would never get married or have kids. Honestly."

   I swallow hard. We're having this conversation now?

   "You wanted that, when we were teenagers. You tried to propose to me when I was seventeen," I remind him.

   He reaches for my hand. "Yeah, exactly. It's only you, that makes me want that."

   "Holden." I say his name seriously, but his eyes are telling me what I am trying to ask.

   "I'm just saying, I want that. Not like at this very moment, but..."

   He's telling me that he wants us to get married and settle down and have kids. I mean, I'm already settled down, in a way. So he is. But he wants us to do that together. I hadn't thought enough about it before this, but I know I want that too.

   I lean in and kiss him and without saying it, I give him my answer.

   We are back at my apartment twenty minutes later. It's late, after 10PM, but I'm still flying high from the whole evening. Our date was so good, we weren't rushing into anything, but then we ended up at the hospital for two hours and meeting my new nephew.

   "You want to come up?" I ask, because I want him to come up. Plain and simple.

   "Yeah. I'd love to..." he answers, but he's hesitant.

   "But?"

   His fingers trace a line up my arm and to my face, and then he stroke my cheek for a second. I can practically hear his heart beating. Or maybe that's mine.

   "There's no but. I just want to make sure you're not asking me because you think I want that."

   "Do you wan that?"

   "Well, yeah." He gives me a laugh, but it comes out muffled.

   "Come up," I say, and grab my purse and push open the truck door to get out.

   It's not the fast, frenzied rush up to my apartment, like in the movies. We aren't all over each other in the hallway. But we are thinking the same thing, that I know for sure. Once we are inside and the door is locked behind us, he exhales. He's never been into my apartment before and this feels big.

   "Want the tour?" I ask him, but it comes out awkward.

   He is just looking at me, cautiously. I wish I could tell what he was thinking. I'm the one who said we shouldn't rush, but I told my sister and her husband that we are dating. I'm the one who said we should go slow, but yet I told him to come up. Maybe he's confused.

   "I'll take the tour... later," Holden finally tells me, and just as the words slip out of his mouth, he's reaching for me. 

   I let him take me into his arms and I feel my body warm up as his hands hold me close at my waist. We are looking at each other and I can tell that he has a million questions. He dips his head and brings his mouth to my cheek and then kisses gently before sliding his lips down to my neck. A noise slips out of my mouth before I can control myself.

   "You said you love me," he whispers right into my ear. My entire body gets goosebumps. The hairs on my arms are stiff.

   "Mmhmm," I say, which isn't really words but he know what I mean.

   "Say it again," he demands, and I'm so turned on that I can't think straight. What does he want me to say? Oh, right.

   "I love you, Holden," I tell him. "I love you as much now as I did when we were kids, and teenagers and as much as when I pushed you away and then left you here. I loved you the whole time I was gone and it scared me so much when I came back and you were here, because I wasn't sure if I could live the rest of my live loving you from a distance."

   His mouth collapses onto mine and this kiss is different. It's hungry and it's him claiming me, in a way. His hands go into my hair and he pulls out the hair tie and then strokes my cheek with one thumb and pulls me closer with the other hand.

   "Why didn't you tell me, before this?" he wants to know, as he pulls away. Our bodies are still touching.

   "I didn't know you wanted this... until we kissed last week," I say, which is true.

   He kisses me again, and he's groaning against my mouth. I bring my hand up to his face and rub his beard, then pull it a little. Somehow he gets me closer to him and then he's lifting me off the ground. My legs wrap around him and he walks across the room until he sets me down on the sofa.

   He's hovering over me as he pulls off his shirt. The way my body reacts to him is so different. There's too much space between us and I want him closer again, but he's waiting.

   "Maya, I never stopped loving you, either. I almost tried to call you or get a hold of you so many times, just to tell you. But I was weak. And I came to terms with losing you. I gave up."

   "You have me, Holden," I tell him, and it's more than just that. He knows what I'm saying now.

   And then his body is on me, crushing me in the best way, and his mouth is on mine again. We don't have to talk anymore or confirm this is what we want. It's so obvious and it's more than want, it's need. We never got to be together in this way, when we were teenagers. We've both given ourselves to others, but this moment is different. It's magnetic and it's powerful and it's us, finally.

   I can tell he wants to take his time. His hand is moving under my dress and up my thigh, to where I want it to be. But he just grazes me before pulling away. His other hand is at my neck, keeping me in place. My entire body is hot and especially there.

   "Touch me, Holden," I whisper, and then run a hand down his bare back.

   "Fuck, yes," he mumbles and it's like a switch has flipped in him.

   No more slow movements. No more waiting. His hand goes back where it was and he pulls at my underwear, getting it down my legs a bit. His mouth crashes into mine again and his tongue is soft and gentle as his fingers move to my warmth. I moan into his mouth and he grins and then bites down on my bottom lip.

   "You're mine," he tells me, his voice a growl. "God, I love you Maya."

   His fingers are touching and caressing me and he sure knows what he's doing, but I need more. I'm so ready, just like that, to have him for real. I manage to get my hands to his button on his jeans and frantically open them, unzipping too. He lets out a cute noise and I run my hand down his hard shaft, still covered with his boxers. We've done this before, but not like this. Not as adults who know what we're doing. Not when we know what the ending is.

   He pulls away a bit and pushes down his pants and boxers and steps out of them. There he is, naked, right in front of me. My stomach does a flip. He's so gorgeous and he's mine. He always was, I just didn't know it.

   "You have a condom?" I ask him, because I don't have any, and I know asking him this will confirm what I want him to do. If it wasn't already obvious.

   He looks embarrassed and then shakes his head. "I don't."

   I squeeze my eyes shut. We didn't talk about this, and I bet neither of us were expecting this tonight. When I open my eyes, Holden is running a hand through his hair.

   "I didn't want to assume... and... fuck... I'm sorry," he says, and then leans down to kiss me again. "I can wait. Or I can go right now to the fucking corner store and-"

   "Holden," I breathe out. "I'm on the pill. And I got tested... before I came back here... but... I mean..."

   I can tell he's thinking hard about this. He wants to just throw caution to the wind but I understand why he's hesitant. I'm the one who was causally having sex for the last two months.

   "I haven't been with anyone since L.A.," he says, finally. "And I've never had unprotected sex."

   I swallow hard, because I cannot tell him that Ryland refused to use condoms. That is why I got tested after the last time I had sex with him. I had to know that I was clean. Thankfully, I was.

   "I trust you," I say, instead of telling him any of that. I don't want this moment ruined.

   His mouth is on mine again, and he's careful, his hands are gently at my face again. He's telling me everything now without saying a word.

   "Tell me you're sure," he whispers, our lips still practically touching.

   "Yes," I tell him quickly.

   The noise he makes is like a grumble mixed with excitement as he uses his fingers to touch me again, before positioning himself right where I want him. My hands grip the sides of his face and he stares into my eyes and slides into me for the first time.

   "Grmngff," he moans, going slowly in and out for a few seconds. "Holy shit, Maya."

   "Mmm," I manage, and then add," I love you."

   His kisses me quickly, while also moving faster now. "I love you," he repeats.

   It escalates quickly and whether it's because it's our first time together or that we don't have a condom, we climax together just a few minutes later. He's out of breath as he falls down, off to one side of where I'm laying, and lets out a laugh.

   I lean over and kiss his bare shoulder, unable to think or talk or do anything else, really.

   "You okay?" he asks, his chest rising and falling quickly.

   "Yes. More than okay," I say, then lean in and kiss his cheek.