I left him a note, and that is all. I didn't know what else to do. I know he'll despise me for it. He told me not to get involved and technically I'm disobeying, but what else am I supposed to do when Lucy, the Princess of Lumbridge told me to pack my bags and follow her? I have no choice but to go.

Axil has to be out of his mind if he thinks I'm letting him burden himself with this. It's all too much for one person. We all need each other.

"I'm guessing you want to know what happened?" I ask Lucy. We rounded up Stella and have been making our way west ever since.

"You could say that."

I take a deep breath. "While I was in the tunnel I saw a light, I didn't know which direction to go so I followed it. It led to the kitchen and that's where I heard that one of the workers was... dabbling in potions."

"Potions?"

"Poison," I correct myself.

"That's what I thought."

"You expected this? Did you have a vision?"

"I didn't know how accurate it would be. I just saw my mom asking her royal guard for an antidote."

My hands tighten on the reins. "Why didn't you say anything?"

She sighs and I feel her breath behind me. "It's complicated. I can see the future, but there's only so much I can do to change fate. I saw her."

"You saw Willow?"

Her silence is confirmation enough.

"And even though you knew what she did to your mother, waiting was the only way to be able to save her."

Another wave of silence. "I hate it," she hisses.

I turn my head over my shoulder. "I think you were given this gift for a reason. Not everyone is level-headed enough to make the kind of decisions you have to make." She doesn't say anything. "I can only imagine how frightening it would be to realize someone was trying to poison your mother."

"Yes, you can."

Now I'm the one that silent.

"You don't talk about her."

Ever since that night, I've been trying to remember what life was like without my mother. It's strange how just a few days can change your perception and how just a moment can change your life forever.

"I can't," I answer honestly.

"Why not? Everyone needs time to mourn. It's only natural."

"You don't talk about him," I say, and I regret it the moment it comes out of my mouth.

"I had to keep him a secret the whole time I knew him. I guess you could say I'm used to keeping things to myself."

"I'm so sorry," and I can't say it without my voice wavering. "You must hate me. You have to. I didn't keep him safe."

She pulls the reins to stop Stella for me. "Where would you get the idea that I hate you?"

I can't answer her. I can't even look at her.

She sighs. "I think about him every time I open my eyes, every time I eat, every time I visit the sparring room, every time I pass his station in the hallway, every time I close my eyes at night." She pauses. "After a while, I stopped thinking about how sad I was, how it wasn't fair to either of us, how different things could be right now if we had made different decisions... and I started thinking about how brave he was. I don't know anyone else that would have done what he did that night. He saved my brother because he knew that even if he died, the crown would live on. Isn't that what every knight hopes for when he dies? That he did everything he could to protect what he swore to keep safe?"

"I don't talk about her because I hate myself for still loving John."

I don't know where it came from, but now It's just spilling out.

"I try every day to snap out of it, but I can't. I spent my whole life with him right by my side for everything... and he's the one that killed her." I shake my head, biting the inside of my lip. "I hate what he did, and I don't know that I'll ever be able to not see my mom dropping lifeless to the ground when I look at him, but I can't help but still have love for him. I don't talk about her because I hate myself for still caring for her murderer. What mother would ever love her child that couldn't give her the decency of realizing that things have changed?"

She puts her hand on my shoulder and squeezes. Her cool fingers are a shock to my burning skin. "I saw the way you looked at him in the Study... and I saw what you were going to do. But I also saw your face when you realized what you were capable of and it frightened you. At the time I had thought that you were scared of your power, but it wasn't just that. You were scared of hurting him because you love him."

I bite my lip to keep from making a sound. My knuckles turn white as I squeeze the reins in my hands.

"I think your mother would be proud that after all that happened you could still love. I think she would be proud that even after seeing the worst in someone you can still find a way to love them."

"I'll never know," I manage to say.

"You won't, but what would you rather? Mope around hating yourself and the world, or trying your best to find your happiness again?"

"I don't deserve it."

"Zaria, all people deserve happiness."

***

We rode all night into the next morning. The spring dew clings to both of our clothes and Lucy has fallen asleep against my back. To be honest, I don't really mind it. It gives me peace to know that she is getting her rest, especially after what she told me last night.

It felt good to talk like a weight was lifted off my chest. I can breathe a little easier and see a little clearer. It doesn't make my guilt go away, but it makes me feel less alone in my pain. How awful that must sound to feel comforted when someone else shares their torment.

She starts to stir, her forehead sliding to the side of my back. The early spring chill bites at my arms and legs. A small part of me aches for the cloak I had left with Willow, but I know she's better off with it. My fingers are numb and I keep flexing and moving them to get some feeling back but it's no use. At least Stella seems to know how to follow a path. I don't even really know where we're going but Lucy said West, so that's the direction I've been taking.

The trees grow thicker out here and a lush canopy covers our heads. The sweet aroma that Spring introduces has always been my favorite.

"How was your sleep, Princess?" I ask sarcastically feeling her weight coming off of me.

I hear her gasp. "Oh my, I'm so sorry. Really, I—"

"Hey, don't sweat it. You look like you needed the rest." Probably not the best thing to say. "I mean..."

She chuckles. "It's alright. I did need it."

The bruise-like circles under Lucy's eyes had never hindered her beauty, but anyone can tell that she is still in distress. She went through all of her grief by herself. I realized last night that she didn't just lose her lover, she also lost herself.

Lucy had lost everything when she went into hiding, forced to live her life in secret. Secret night trips, secret sparring lessons, secret lover... and once he was gone, what else could she really do besides become a secret herself?

She's locked herself in the castle refusing to come out... until now and I don't think I've ever seen her raise a weapon since the attack on Adam. Nothing brings her joy.

"So, where exactly are we going, or is that still a mystery?"

"We're going to the Spring Equinox Festival."

I pull Stella to a halt. "I'm sorry. Um, let me get this straight. An evil queen is after Lumbridge, has enslaved and poisoned both you and Crista, and you want to go to a festival."

"Well, when you put it like that it just sounds insensitive," she says quietly yawning. "And we're not just going to the festival for any old reason, there's a certain booth that I think can give us a hand."

"What is it, a milkshake stand? Cause I really need one." I say sarcastically.

"We should go to one while we're there, but no."

"Okay...?"

"There's a trade booth that always comes to the Spring Equinox Festival. They sell clothing, jewelry, native musical instruments, furs..."

"What does this booth have anything to do with what we're looking for?"

In a sly tone of voice, she answers, "The name. Crow's Point."

My muscles stiffen. I hesitate for a moment "Do you think we'll be able to find something there?"

I can see her shoulders shrug from the corner of my eye. "I'm not sure, but it's worth a try, right?"

I want to believe that there's a way that we'll be able to stop this... curse... whatever it may be, but I'm having a hard time believing that a booth from the Spring Equinox Festival will help us solve anything. What if we just end up wasting our time on some silly goose chase? What if that's all this really is? Some elaborate maze we tread trying to piece something together that's not even there in the first place.

"You think too much," Lucy says into the silence.

"I'm not thinking," I lie.

"Have you ever stopped to enjoy anything?" she asks.

The question comes off strong and at first and I'm caught off guard. "This is going to be a long trip with you, isn't it."

"Oh, you can bet on it," she says and I can see how she and Crista make such good friends. "If we find something, great. If not, hey, we still attended the Spring Equinox Festival."

I fear asking the question, but some part of me begs wants to know. "Did uh... did Adam like how you just say what's on your mind?"

And then it hits me. A blue haze crowding around us making the springy green a shade of turquoise.

"You knew Adam. He was pretty sarcastic. It's one of the things I liked about him." I press my lips together, listening to her every word. "We were always able to just... talk. I never had to worry about saying the wrong thing or not being princess-like, because it never bothered him."

"What were you going to do if he asked you to marry him?"

She is silent for a while, and I can't tell if she is thinking or stalling. The haze becomes a deeper blue and I almost tell her she doesn't have to answer until—

"He did."

I can feel the pit in my stomach growing. "Really?" I ask, not entirely as a question.

"We were going to run away," she says loftily like this was a dream she has been having for years.

"How? Where?"

"Adam had family in Everton, a small town off the East Coast. I was going to tell my parents at the Christmas Ball of our plan. By New Year's we were to be moving onto our next adventure. That's what we had planned, anyway."

"You were going to leave your crown?"

"Pfft. My crown barely means anything to me. I only started to live once it was taken off of my head. I always liked it in Senwain better than in Lumbridge, and Adam came from the country. Everyone thought that their princess was dead. There was really nothing holding me back."

I don't know what to say, so I settle for, "I'm sorry it didn't work out for you in the end."

"Who knows?" she answers. "Something tells me I'm supposed to be here."

I take a deep breath, letting out some of the tightness in my chest. "I'm glad you asked me to come with you."