Brallon One Shot
It hurts.
All of it.
I hate it I hate it.
Nothing goes away and nothing's getting better and I can't bear it.
He said in porcelain but I'm not porcelain the way he says it. I'm not pretty or unique. In not valuable. I'm not worth anything, worthless.
It hurts.
I'm breakable though,
They look at me as though I'll break at any moment because I'm that delicate but they don't know.
They don't know that I can't break because I'm already broken. I'm already shattered and there's no use trying to fix me.
and it hurts.
Why does it still hurt?
God id do anything to make it stop hurting. It hurts so bad; I feel so, I feel so empty.
Like I am a porcelain doll because I'm hollow, because there's nothing in me where love fills everyone else.
I wish I could just fix it, it hurts so bad. It won't stop God why won't it stop. It is still hurts.
And he left me, you know?
He said he wouldn't but he did.
He did and he left me here to cry.
No I can't call him.
He doesn't care he never did we were forever and he left.
I guess we weren't meant to be forever. That's not what he said though,
He said we'd still be together, he said that nothing would change just because he's not here anymore,
Hell he said we would always be best friends.
Always is a long time Bden.
Where are you? Where are you?!
WHERE ARE YOU.
why aren't you here.
I wish you were here.
I wish
I wish
I wish
I haven't been outside at night for ages Brendon.
I haven't seen any stars to make wishes on.
I used to make a wish on every star I saw when I was with you. And I could never tell you what they were or else they'd never come true.
It's no use though.
Every time, every fucking time Bren, I wished that we would always be together.
And in the last days? I wished for you to stay. To stay with me forever.
But maybe that's the problem.
I wished for forever, and you promised me always.
Maybe forever and always aren't the same thing. Maybe I won't always be in pain but the fact that you left will hurt forever.
It all hurts so much Brendon.
And I just wish you were here.
You know, if you were here I'd probably still be crying.
But it wouldn't hurt so bad baby.
It wouldn't hurt so much when they told me they hate me, it wouldn't hurt so much when they hit me and called me names.
Why did you leave?
Why why why?
Of course, I know why, but I hate it.
I know you left because of me. Because I'm not good enough.
Because I wasn't good enough to you.
I'm sorry.
I'm selfish.
I just want you to hold me like you used to.
Did you know,
Did you know you were the only person who ever truly loved me?
I hate it.
I hate it Bren.
Because out of everyone who ever lied to me I thought you'd never lie to me. But you always lied to me didn't you.
You lied when you told me it would be alright,
You lied when you told me they were wrong,
When you said that I wasn't any of the things they told me I was.
But I am.
You always lied to me and I still wish you were here to hold to me.
You always lied to me but you said I was porcelain. I'll be porcelain forever.
Always ready to break at one touch.
It hurts Brendon.
Why does it hurt so much?
Is it because even though you said I'd see you soon I somehow know that you're not coming back.
You convinced me before you left that it would be alright.
That you'd call and we'd talk every day no matter what.
But then two months passed and I didn't get a call.
Two whole months.
Where were you?
I don't know.
Then I get a call.
And it's from your sister,
Telling me how busy you've been lately and that she's sorry.
You forgot about me didn't you?
I would have too.
She asked if I was okay.
I lied to her.
I told her I'd been better.
I didn't tell her I was dying without you.
Three more months passed and I didn't get anything.
You forgot about me.
I finally got another call today.
Today of all days.
But it wasn't from you.
It was from the hospital.
In California.
Saying that you were asking for me, that you needed me.
But here I am.
I can't come to the hospital Brendon.
They said that you hadn't been eating right.
You promised to call me.
You know, all of the times you held me and told me not to hurt myself.
You always told me you'd let me help you the way you helped me.
I'm not coming to the hospital Brendon.
I've had this planned all week.
I might come to the hospital,
if my parents come home early.
But they won't.
You know them.
It hurts that you forgot about me.
It's okay though, everyone will forget about me now.
I'm sorry I can't come to help you.
I'm leaving.
Please always love yourself Brendon,
because I'll love you forever.
But it's my turn to leave Brendon, don't you think it's only fair?
I'm leaving this time, I can't get hurt anymore.
God, I don't want to hurt anymore.
This isn't goodbye, just a fair well.
Because we can't really leave each other if we'll always be together right?
I wish it would stop hurting.
It hurts.
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Star light,
Star bright,
First star I see tonight.
I wish I may,
I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.