Saph: So, what's it like living with Char?
Bee: They once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."
Saph: ...
Bee: I love them so much.

4313 words

-

"Too wiggly, too obvious." Boscha, shut the fuck up. "Now we're talking! I think today is a talons day!" Once again, shut the fuck up, Boscha. "Hey girls!" Skara, my beloved, walked over with some invitations in hand. "Time to bug out at my birthday party! Invite only, but you witches are my VIPs."

"Are these made of real insect wings?" Bee asked.

"My dad spared no expense. You only turn fifteen once!"

"You only turn every age once, Skara." 

"Prepare thyself to do battle like a human! Thumb war!" Char shouted. "It's fun because it's stupid!" Saph giggled.

"It's so weird that a human goes here now. Too bad she's already burned her social life at the stake. Any friend of Saph's is an automatic dork." Boscha, I am going to throw you off the tallest peak of the knee with a smile. Anyway, she tossed aside her butterfly and demanded another one because she's Boscha and a bitch.

Two kids then proceeded to fight over said butterfly invitation and the teacher's got hyped because you can sell children fighting, as we've been taught by Stan Pines.

-

"Oh my gosh, Saph, I am so excited for photo class!" Char exclaimed. "I can't believe you can make photos of your actual memories. Imma see me some baby Saph!"

"I'll admit, I was adorable."

Anyway, the locker hissed at Char and Char hissed back.

"I can't believe she'd hang out with her, it's just embarrassing." Boscha is unfortunately back. "Look at me, I'm going on a date with my ferns!" Saph, naturally, got upsetti spaghetti, so Char came in clutch with a shoulder pat and an attempt at comforting. "That could be anyone."

"Solid Saph impression, Boscha. Bee, weren't you friends with Saph?" Skara asked. Bee's eyes widened for a second before she returned back to her stoic demeanor. "I'm a Jewell. We only associate with a select few." She kept walking. "Keep annoying me though, I'm happy to select fewer."

"Oh, I could've sworn that you guys hung out."

Sad Saph noises. 

-

"Alright, memory melon, let's pick another juicy one."

"Be(e) careful with my brain!" Saph said as Char stuck in the memory melon and pulled out another memory. "Oooh! Who says brain surgery's hard?" The human then hung up the picture as the teacher walked over. "As you work, note that some that some prints have greater clarity than others. These are moments that involve a strong emotional response."

"All the colors of the brainbow." Char reached out to touch the prints because void has to touch everything but a hand illusion stopped them.

"But if you damage the prints, you'll damage the memories themselves. Be extremely careful!" Teacher lady then walked away.

"Whoa. Photo class is intense." Char looked behind her to see a picture of tiny Saph with awkward hair. "Oh my gosh, Saph, you had an awkward hair phase too? I knew we were meant to be friends!" It held up a photo of tiny them, back when they had bangs, with awkward hair. "Ooh, there's more!"

More pictures showed up. A picture of tiny Saph on a swing being pushed by two women, another of tiny Saph feeding a spider demon, another of tiny Saph opening a present with those same two women watching her, and lastly, one of a tiny Bee hugging tiny Saph.

Annoyed Saph noises.

"Hey, I know you and Bee have a history. Wouldn't you feel better talking about it?" Char asked. "No, I'd rather just do this." Saph proceeded to turn around the picture. "That's my motto after all. Out of sight, out of mind."

The bell then screamed bloody murder and everyone began shuffling out the classroom before Char grabbed Saph's shoulder.

"If you won't tell me what she did, I'll never be able to cook up a scheme to make you friends again." It said. "Char, I get it, but I don't want you do that. No schemes, no plots, no ruses. None." *sobs loudly in for the future* "Okay? Now let's get to lunch."

As xe walked out of the class, void turned the picture around. "They never did mention anything about shenanigans." And then ran out of the classroom herself. "Wait up!" Now, if you don't mind, I'm still sobbing in for the future.

"I can't believe I made him cry. Like, he's the teacher." Boscha, that's not funny and you fucking suck. You're pretty and have a great character design, but as a person, you fucking suck. Catching a glimpse of the picture, Bee did a panic and whispered "Oh no."

"Why do you look like you've seen a ghost? Is there a ghost in photo class? Are they cute?"

"Yep, just a super cute ghost! But they're all mine!" And Bee shut the door in Boscha's face, as a we all should.

"Ask if they have any friends!"

Bee ran over to the pictures and grabbed the one of her and Saph. "Saph, I'm sorry, but I have to do this." She circled her finger, setting the picture alight. She burned her face out of it, blew out the flame (or so she thought) and walked away. But the flame reignited, burning more of the picture.

"Huh? Oh no! No, no, no, no!" She ran back over to the pictures. Panicking, she blew on the photo and watched as the purple flames spread to the rest of the pictures.

"Oh, come on!"

-

We cut to the cafeteria, where Koda is staring at one of those detectivy boards. "Hey, there detective." Char poked her head around. "Are you solving a crime or about to commit one?"

"Sadly, this is one problem crime can't solve. My interview for journalism class is due tomorrow. I'm supposed to choose someone interesting, accomplished and noteworthy. People aren't meant to be all of those things! Curse your need for perfection, Koda!" Koda exclaimed, feeling stressed and depressed because same. 

"Okay, buddy, okay." Char gave him juice box because juice box solves all problems. "So, Saph- woah, are you okay?"

"When did it get so hot?" Saph downed their cup of water, blowing out some smoke, before pouring the entire jug of water unto herself. When she did that, she steamed, which I'm going to assume isn't normal. She wiped her glasses, put them back on and held out her hand. "Uh, hi, I'm Saph. Remind me of your names?"

"This is serious journalism, Saph." Koda crossed his arms. "Clowning around will get you nowhere."

"I'm serious. Who are you?"

"I'll admit. This amnesia spin has piqued my interest."

"Koda, it really seems like she's forgotten us. Like her memory is-" Realization. "Like her memory is gone!"

So Koda and Char bust into photo class. "Hexside Free Press! What's going on here?!" What was going on was Bee desperately trying to blow out the fires.

"Hi."

"You destroyed Saph's memories?!"

"I saved as many as I could!" Bee held up a memory which then burned to an absolute crisp. "Ugh! Why would they make memories so flammable?!"

"Have I always had this crazy thing?" Saph asked, in reference to her fucking hand. "Blap! Blap!" She mosied on over to Char and Bee, draping her arms around both of their shoulders. "I can tell we're gonna be good friends." And then she fell like Nate Ajax. Oops, spoilers-

-

"So, this is the Owl House?" Bee looked around.

"Yup."

"And you sleep here?"

"When the night critters allow me to."

Mama Carmen is finally here. "So, you set Saph's memories on fire and erased everything. Even minor damage can have huge effects!" 

Saph rammed into the couch. "Oh, a chair for sitting!" She did a lil cartwheel thing onto the couch. 

"Yep, her brains burned up real good. Damage like that can change everything about a person. Saph may never be the same." Carmen gestured over to Saph again. "I got it! Ooh, a furry fruit! I'm gonna peel it!" Xe picked up King.

"What?! What is happening?!"

"Nap time." And Carmen casted a sleep spell on Saph. "Ah, sleep spell." King curled back up into a sleepy time position.

"I didn't cast it on you."

"Yeah, who cares?"

"Is there anything we can do?" Char asked. "There is one way. But it's terribly dangerous and partially illegal. So you're in the right place!" Carmen, the Owl Lady at your illegal service. "I'll send you into her mind to fix the damage."

"Be(e) still my fantasy loving heart! I have always wanted to do this." The blonde clasped her hands together. "Thank you, Boiling Isles."

"It won't be easy. You have a lot to fix in there because it's a mess. Yup. Whoever did this to Saph showed unbelievable disregard for her safety. Downright despicable."

Insert Bee making an upsetti spaghetti face.

"Oh, right, it was you. Anyway, Char, who's going inside with you?"

The door opened. "Maybe I could help. I'm pretty good at getting stuck inside people's heads!" Can confirm, Hooty has been living rent free in  a penthouse in my head since I first watched the series.

"This is someone's brain, not a night club." Carmen circled her finger and shut the door. "Two, max." Char looked over at Koda, who was pacing the floor. "I'm running out of time. I'm in total free fall." He reached out for a book titled 'raising the dead'. "Must I turn to for bidden sources?" Said book hissed at him.

"Koda...has a lot on his plate." The blonde turned to the brunette behind them. "Bee, you have to go with me." Bee's eyes widened for a split second before she said "Saph might not want me in there."

"You set everything in there on fire! You have to help." If that ain't a good argument, I don't know what the fuck is. "Okay. I'll do what I can." She put her hand in Char's. Gay motherfuckers.

"Alright. Bold choice taking the girl who caused the mess." Carmen gave Char a bell. "When you're done, ring that and I'll cast you back. Oh, and keep an eye out for her inner Saph. They're the gatekeeper of emotions and memory. She might help you. Now, here we go!" Carmen threw the lesbians inside the other lesbian's head.

Char screamed because of course she did. A light came down and a shit ton of trees with blue leaves appeared around them. All of the trees had picture frames in them.

"Where's her inner Saph? Do you really think it will help?" Bee asked, walking forward. "I don't know. We'll just have to start fixing stuff on our own. Hmm. Now let's see." Char looked around and walked towards a picture frame, before blowing on it. On it, there looked to be some sort of makeshift fort. She put her hand on it and it went right through. "Hey, I found something magical. Imma put my face in it!" Void then proceeded to put their entire body in it.

"Char? Char!"

Char then poked her face back out. "I think I found the memories. Let's go." Void grabbed her arm and pulled her in. "And welcome to Saph's beautiful memory.." It's voice trailed off in the end as she looked around the charred landscape.

"Lake Lacuna. This is where Saph and I took swimming lessons. The ash must be from the fires." Bee stood up. "Our fort, in the dunes!" The lesbians ran over to the makeshift fort. "One time Saph wanted to play hooky from our swim lessons, so we built this." Bee hurriedly handed a plank to Char, starting to fix the fort.

"Forts, hooky, Saph. Can words get any cuter?"

"We knew the swim teacher would be on the prowl, but Saph said they'd protect us with an illusion spell."

"What? It's like a little doghouse for angels!" Char said in reference to the now fixed fort. "Wait, but something's missing." The brunette looked down in the sand and saw a flag that said B + S on it. Which, as we all know, obviously stands for Bull + Shit. Bee + Saph is a thing of the past.

Bee put the flag in the little flag holdy thing. "There." A light overtook the two and suddenly there were in Saph's brain forest again. "We're back."

"I think fixing the fort fixed the memory!" Good on Char for not being stupid for once in her life. In said memory, we see tiny Saph and Bee running inside the fort. "Ugh, the seagulls are back again." Bee whined. "Don't worry, I'll get rid of them!" Saph circled their finger, instead making the fort disappear and letting the seagulls inside, right as the fort reappeared.

"Saph!"

"I'm sorry, I thought I was getting better!" And so they were dragged away by swim teacher who looks like a fucking pink sauce bottle in monster form.

"Saph was a late bloomer." Bee said. "I know. But now she's more like a great bloomer!" Yes, wordplay! "This place is like a theater showing her most important moments. Now, let's fix some more." Void ran up to "The photo that started it all. Let's do it next."

Bee proceeded to do herself a little panic. "Wait! Uh-" She ran over to awkward hair phase photo. "You want important moments? This one might be about a crush."

"Oooh, don't mind if I do!"

-

"No one can give me the interview I need. Except myself!" Koda circled his finger, creating an illusion of himself.

"I'd rather die than expose my secrets!"

"Than die you shall!"

Carmen cleared their throat. "If you need an interview, look no further. Interesting? I'm a bad girl living in a secret fortress." Hooty busted through the window. "I'm the secret."

"Sh! Noteworthy? I'm public enemy number one." She gestured to her big ass wanted poster. "Accomplished? I'm the greatest witch who ever lived!"

"What do you think?" Koda asked illusion Koda. "I think not!" King busted through illusion Koda who then poofed. "If you're handing out attention, I deserve it!"

"I will choose one of you. But which one? If you wanna get picked, you'll have to impress me."

Bi on bi drama.

-

Back to Bee and Char fixing memories. In their most recent one, we get a lovely few of Divine Garcia pushing Saph into Eerie Garcia and then laughing about it. Yay, family!

In another one, we have a librarian chasing after two little kids. Why?

Another of Bee and Saph getting on a roller ghoster and Saph shouting "I don't feel so good!" Okay, Peter Parker.

"We don't need to see how this one ends." Char said, turning the portrait around. "Yeah, Saph threw up a lot that day. That's when you knew she was having fun." Bee awkwardly smiled.

"Ew. I mean- aw." No, ew, vomit is gross, no thank you, moving on. "Hey, you okay?" Void asked.

"Yeah, I just...I can't believe I almost erased all of this. I really messed things up."

"Don't worry!" Char assured her. "We've gotten really good at fixing memories! I won't rest until we've got this all sorted this out. Repeat after me. We can fix this together! Come on."

"We can fix this together." Bee did a lil' blush meaning the gay has begun to spread.

"Heck yeah, we can!" Ah, remember when our protagonist was this happy? "I know some of these memories can be painful for you but what happened to you guys? And why are you trying to hide it?"

"I just-" Behind Char, Bee saw a tall thing made of fire. "What's that?!" She pointed. Char looked behind them to see absolutely nothing but Saph's brain forest. "Look, if you don't wanna talk  about it, just say so."

"No, I actually saw something! At least I think I did."

"If you need me, I shall be fixing this memory of a ball pit." Char gestured to a memory of b a l l s and hopped in. 

"Wait, that's not-"

"It's eggs! It's full of eggs! Why is this memory full of eggs?!"

"Yeah, that one's a hard to explain."

-

"Just give up, King, cause I got this." Carmen supported her child /s. "You got nothing! No one turns down an interview with someone this pretty." King fluffed up his neck furs.

The lights went out and suddenly Koda was standing in front of a beam of light. "If you want this interview, you're gonna have to start answering some tough questions." He shoved a light ball into King's face. "Where were you born?"

"Weh?"

"What'd you eat for breakfast this morning?"

"What?"

"What's your greatest strength?"

"My decisiveness! Wait, I change my mind!"

Koda is now on the coffee table for some fucking reason. "This will be the single greatest interview of all time! So, if you want it, you'll have to dazzle me!" Light balls went everywhere.

"The kid scares me." Me too, Carmen. Me too.

-

"We're getting pretty good at fixing these." Bee said as Char pulled an egg off of Void's head. "Yeah! And there's only one last memory to fix." Char gestured to said memory. "The one you're suspiciously avoiding."

"Me? Avoid? No! But let's skip it! Where's Carmen's bell?" Bee began running but Char stopped her with just her hand because lesbians are just that powerful. "Bee, you gotta stop being weird. We have to fix all of them." A little realization dawned on the demigirl. "Unless there's something in there you don't want me to see. Look, I'm not here to judge. I'm just here to help Saph." It placed their hand on Bee's shoulder which she smacked away.

"Help? All you're doing is prying into your friends' lives! Well, did you ever think that maybe it's none of your business?" Aw, looks like- Gary? Gary! Gary, holy shit, stop playing little miss perfect! You are so lucky I'm emotionally attached to you. Moving on, back to the lesbians and pretty girls walking by lockers.

Smoke was filling the air and both could smell it. "Is something burning?" Bee asked and the two looked behind her to see the memories all on fire. "Look!" Char pointed at the fire monster who began running towards them.

"Hide, hide, hide!" The brunette pulled the blonde behind a tree. The monster then jumped into and burned the egg pit memory. "Oh no! That thing is burning up all the memories!" The demigirl said. 

"Please call Carmen! I don't wanna be here when it comes out!" Woah, Bee, homophobic much?

Anyway, Char started ringing the bell.

Carmen was ringing multiple bells. "How's that for interesting?" They requested validation from a literal child. "There's levels to me, kid, levels I say!" "Yes, that was nice." Koda said in the most monotone ass voice you ever done did hear.

"No, it wasn't! If you want noise, I'll give you noise!" King proceeded to physically assault a washboard.

Bee is now quite aggressively ringing the bell. "Why won't they answer?!"

"Yeah, she's not super reliable."

"Run!" Bee shouted when she saw the fire monster coming out. Once again, bit homophobic, innit Bee? "Why is it destroying all the photos?" Bee thought aloud. "I don't know. That one hasn't been burnt." Char pointed to a picture of Saph and her moms and then to another one, still with the same people. "Or that one!" Another realization once again dawned on the demigirl. "Bee, that thing isn't after any photo, it's after you."

The fire monster turned towards Bee.

"What?!"

Fire monster then began running towards Bee. 

"Run! I have an idea!" Char pushed Bee towards a picture of the Lake Lacuna fort. 

"We can't go in there, I'm in there!"

"Just trust me!" And so the dykes stepped on inside. Char quickly drew an ice glyph in the sand. "Time for a swimming lesson." Void pressed down on it and the fire monster jumped in and slid into the water.

"Woo! Teamwork baby!" Char pulled in Bee for a hug and Bee did a little blush meaning she'll be fully consumed with the gay by the next episode. But the gay dissipated for a moment as Bee noticed something. "Char..."

The smoke cleared away from the fire monster revealing Saph.

"Are the inner Saph?"

"I was. Love, sadness, fear." As they stepped on the sand, they left fiery footprints. "I used to be a being made of all the emotions. But ever since you set Saph's mind on fire, all I can feel is anger!" Xe shot fire throughout the memory, burning the trees, destroying the fort and burning the B + S flag.

"Please, stop!" Char pleaded.

"But Bee wanted this." The suspiciously avoided memory came up from the ground. "Every moment she touched, I'm going to burn!"

"You're just hurting Saph. Why are you doing this?"

"Still haven't figured it out yet?" Inner Saph got all up close and personal. "Then I'll show you." She grabbed Bee and tossed her into the memory before turning to Char. "You wanted to know everything, right? The come take a trip down memory lane."

"You're saying it all creepy, but I like the sound of-" Char got tossed inside the memory. Bee landed in the bed meanwhile Char became a human missile. "Where are we?"

Inner Saph floated on down. "You said I was hurt Saph? I was just finishing what you started!" The memory was restored to color as tiny Bee and Saph walked into the room.

"You have to get out, Saph! Now!" Tiny Bee had her fists curled at her sides. 

"Wait, why?"

"Because...because..."

"Is it because I still can't do magic?" Tiny Saph took Bee's hand in her own. "Bee, I'm sorry I got us in trouble at the beach. I just can't get the spells right."

"Well, yes, that is why!" Bee shouted. "Because you're a weakling! You can't do magic, so I don't wanna be your friend! Now go!"

Tiny Bee faded to reveal Bee.

Tiny Saph faded to reveal the inner Saph.

"Then you let your new friends pick on xem for years. All because you thought she was weak. Well, now I can erase all that pain. After all; out of sight, out of mind." A ring of fire circled Bee. She was about to be devoured, trapped, into Saph's mindscape, lost in her subconscious forever.

"Wait, please!"

The fire disappeared.

"Before all this started, there- there was something else!"

The door to Bee's bedroom opened revealing once again tiny Bee and the silhouettes of the Jewell parents.

"Bee."

"What is Saph doing here? She wasn't on the guest list for a reason."

"But she's...she's my best friend."

"Nonsense. Jewells only associate with the strongest of witchlings. You may choose a new friend from one of the suitable companions we invited."

"But they're mean! Just because you work with their parents doesn't mean I have to like them!" Bee crossed her arms.

"Good children don't squabble, dear. Sever your ties with Saph and if you don't.."

"Then we will."

Bee gasped.

"We'll make sake they're never admitted into Hexside. Now, go, and try not to make a scene." The door shut. The color once again left the memory. The three lesbians were once again left standing there.

"Saph, you were never too weak to be my friend. I was too weak to be yours. I can't take back what I've done, but I can promise you this. I won't let Boscha and her gang pick on you anymore." She pulled out Skara's invitation and lightly tugged. "I'm not actually gonna rip it because it's a real butterfly, but you get the gesture right?"

"I do." Saph took Bee's hand in her's. "I think Saph should keep they're memories of you. The good and the bad."

"Me too."

Char walked over. "Then, if it's okay, Bee and I still have some work to do." Saph nodded and color restored, the mindscape being fixed. Inside a large willow tree, Bee placed the frame of her and Saph.

The lesbians looked behind them to see inner Saph holding the hand of tiny Saph. Bee just waved meanwhile Charlatte was about to start sobbing. Tiny Saph turned around and rammed headfirst into a tree before running off. Inner Saph waved and then followed her tiny self.

"So, does this mean you and Saph are buddies again?" Char asked. "I'm not sure." Bee answered honestly. "Well, why don't we go see?"

-

"So, who got the gig kid?" Carmen asked.

"Well, this has been the single hardest choice of my life but with the public interest in mind the interview goes to-" Drumroll please. "Hooty!"

"Hooty?"

"Hooty?!"

"Hoooot!"

"Well, your preformances got me thinking. What could create such interest people? Only the Owl House itself!" In the owl house, Hooty is the owl house itself and therefore the titular character and therefore the main character. in this essay I will illuminate the following-

Excited Hooty noises.

"Tell me everything, Mr.Hooty!"

"I've been waiting to hear those words all my life! Where do I begin? It all started..."

Meanwhile, Carmen and King are angy. "Oh, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna bake the bird into a pie."

"I'm gonna bake that kid into a pie!"

The ding-a-ling of the bell was heard. "Huh?" Carmen looked over at Saph. "Oh, right, I put people in there." She circled her finger, releasing the literal children from the witch's head.

"Woah. What went down here?" Char looked around the messy ass room. "And where's Koda? What did you do with Koda?"

"The kid's fine, he's just dead to us."

"Those are very mixed messages." The first and third lesbian looked over to see the second lesbian waking up. "Saph! Do you know who I am?" Char asked.

Saph sat up and tilted her head. "A friendly scarecrow?" She smiled. "Just messing! I remember everything!"

"She's back, folks! My girls back!" Char ran over and gave some premium hugs. "I'm gonna hug you so hard, you're never gonna forget me again!"

Bee just walked away, opening the door. "I remember what you did too." Saph said, causing Bee to stop. "What you did in there...I can't say we're friends, but it's...a start." Bee smiled and waved, before walking out.

"Charlie, question: how did Bee happen to see the photo I hid in photo class?"

"You said nothing about shenanigans."

Now, over to the Koda and Hooty interview. "My first word was hoot. My second word was hoot hoot. My third word-"

"Hooty, you gotta stay on track here buddy."

Meanwhile, Bee set the invitation butterfly free.

"Here's a song I wrote! Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored-"

"Ah, I can't take this anymore!"

"Here a hoot, there a hoot, somewhere else a hoot, hooty hoot hoot!" Watch out, Taylor Swift.