Saph: Tell Char off, Koda! Assert yourself!
Koda: That's my ice cream!
Saph: Good! Now let them have it!!
Koda, handing Char the ice cream: Here, you can have it!

also I changed my mind on making jerbo and viney roxie and robin- jerbo and viney are the same as in the series. barcus is also the same because barcus is a dog.

3905 words

-

"I'm not ready for this, Carmen." Char admitted. "Maybe we should go back." "Nah, kid, you got this. Just do what we practiced." Carmen encouraged them. But crippling anxiety came running in. "But what if..what if I mess something up? Or do something wrong? What if I die?" Yay, paranoia. "Hey, calm down, calm down. I had to do the same thing when I was a witchling. It's like a rite of passage. Granted, I was a little more skilled-" Carmen's pep talk failed.

"Carmen."

"Right, right. Sorry. Now, get pumped!"

"Pumped!"

"Get ready!"

"Ready!"

"Now, go!" And they pushed her out there and Charlie began void's monologue.

"From the humblest of beginnings, a hero will rise!" She jumped into the spotlight. "I have traveled from another realm and trained with a powerful witch. I am-" She dramatically removed her cloak. "Charlotte Tyler Magnolia Jones!"

The only other person in the auditorium was a rather unimpressed Bump. Nervous laughter. "Confetti!" Void sprinkled some confetti.

"Right. The human that wants to be a witch. Against my better judgement, I've allowed you to take this exam into Hexside. But can you even do magic with all your..." Bump wiggled his fingers. "Human parts?"

"I sure can!" She unzipped her lil' fanny pack and pulled out some papers. "It's said that humans can't do magic but I've discovered a lost technique that changes everything." That seemed to peak Bump's interest.

Carmen gave her some thumbs up.

Char tapped her light glyph and then her ice glyph, watching as the ice glyph put the light glyph on a lil' icy pedestal.

"Spells cast with paper? I've never heard of such a thing. But is it enough to pass the exam?"

"Uh....." Char was beginning to, once again, ungay panic.

"Improvise!" Carmen whispered.

"Uhhhhh- I can do other things! What about this?" Char stood up and did her lil' eyelid trick. Bump proceeded to be unimpressed.

"Ow, ow, eyelash!"

Insert some fuck uppenings that writer Char's too tired too write. 

Char's now hanging by her foot from an ice glyph. "I failed, didn't I?"

"Believe it or not, I've seen worse." He said as Char fell on her face. "Welcome, Charlotte, to Hexside, School of Magic & Demonics!"

"Hooray..."

-

Crippling anxiety time. "Mmmm- we gotta go back. This was mistake. I'm gonna mess everything up again and everyone will see-" She proceeded to have her lil' baby panic attack. "Alright, you gotta calm down." Carmen urged her. "What are you nervous about? You've been to school before."

"That's why I'm nervous!" Char exclaimed. "At my human school, I didn't make a good first impression. This is my chance to be seen as something other then a screw-up."

"Hey, don't worry about what those dorks think. If you want my advice, walk into the class and punch the first kid you see. To establish dominance." Alright, the school year ends in just a few months, so keep this in mind for when next year starts.

"Aw, I won't be doing that. But thanks." Pussy.

Ollie came to a stop and Char hopped off. "Last chance to back out and win a brand new Bad Girl Coven patch." Carmen held up the quitter badge. "Quitting. It's like trying, but easier."

"Nah, I'll just earn it when I quit showering! Bye!" And Char ran off. "Hold up!" Carmen through her hand at void. "Just try not to be too much of a goody-loose-shoes. You got those." She twisted her hand back on.

"Thanks, Carmen." She pulled out two sock puppets. "In fact, I have written a heartfelt sonnet to commemorate this occasion." 

"Whoops, a gust of wind just got me! See you after school! Byeeee!" Carmen does not respect the theater. Hop Pop would not be proud.

"'You're gonna do great, kid!'"

"Thanks, puppet Carmen."

It then walked towards the door where she saw everyone's second favorite dyke: Bee.

"Hey, Char. Congrats on getting in. And not being in the baby class." She smiled at the demigirl. "Thanks, Bee. Up top." They held out their hand for a high five and got a high five from both Bee and Bee's abomination before the two walked away.

"Wow, my first day at Hexside. A chance to discover my true magical potential! And maybe meet a hot, yet vulnerable, upperclassman-" Char was reflecting on all those Hamilton college aus she had read when she heard a voice in her backpack say "Dream on!"

"King?"

"Boop!"

"Why are you in my bag?"

He jumped out. "You're a free ride to the best buffet in town!" He jumped into the trash. "The trashcans here are filled with half eaten gold!" He pulled out a half eaten donut. "Okay- but if anyone asks, you don't know me." Just for today, she'd be denouncing her little brother. 

"Have a wonderful school day, person-I-don't-know!"

Hello, person we don't know. "I really needed to hear that."

"Char!" Koda and Saph waved her over. "Hello, fellow Hexoleos!" They smiled. "Hello, classmate!" Saph did a lil' wink wonk. "You did it, Char!" Koda released an illusion that said 'Better luck next time!'. "Sorry, I was covering all my bases."

"So, do you know who those witches are?" Saph gestured to the banners. "Those the heads of the main nine covens. Each one excelled at a magic school like Glandus, St.Epiderm and of course, Hexside. Are you prepared to enter these hallowed halls?"

"Hmmm- that's what I'm gonna figure out right now. See you on the other side, friends!" Charlie ran on inside. "See you later, Char!" Koda released another illusion that said 'goodbye forever!' and Saph glared at him disapprovingly.

"You know what, I'm just gonna get rid of these."

-

We cut to Bump watching a news segment from everyone's favorite: Alex Adams. "A terrible development at Glandus High School. Students and teachers were found unconscious and without magic. The cause remains unknown."

"Ha! Take that, Glandus! Looks like this year's grudgby match is going to be a forfeit." This, too, is how I respond to atrocities.

The door opened and everyone's favorite dyke entered. "Hiya, Princy-B! Can I call you that?"

"Absolutely not. Now, today, we'll be visited by the Emperor's Coven for a routine inspection. If we want to impress them, you need to join a coven track before they arrive." He explained. "Actually, Principal Bump, I've made my own schedule." She pulled out her schedule. "First, vet care for mythical beasts, then healing and dealing, and then after lunch-"

"Studying multiple tracks at once? No one does that."

"Then I'll be the first."

"No, you won't." Bump proceeded to reject the social movements. "According to the rules, a good witch needs to hocus focus. You can only pick one of the nine tracks. And you do not want to embarrass me in front of the inspector."

"But all the tracks are so cool! Is there some sort of enchanted article of clothing that can sort this out for me?"

"Well, there used to be, but..." Long story short: yummy children.

"But I don't know if I can choose just one." Yay, indecisiveness.

"Then I'll choose one for you. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe." His finger landed on the potion's track. "Ah, yes, the Potion's Track! You humans are filled with liquids, right?" He circled his finger and now her uniform is yellow.

"Oh, I guess I have always liked pouring things into other things."

"I expect you to be on your best behavior." He gestured to the board, with pictures of the abomination incident. "Based on the costly repairs from recent incidents, we could really use a donation from the Emperor's Coven. Now, off to class."

Screaming was heard in the distance.

"The choosy hat! It broke free!"

-

Into the potions class we go. "Welcome to a new semester! Let's get stirring! Today we'll make fog brews!" The teacher threw it down on the ground and popped up in another location. "Begin!"

"See? Potions are fun. You could spend the rest of your life studying this, right?" She poured a few lil' drops into her cauldron before she heard some boomboom outside. There, was moon girl and Saph girlbossing it out with one another.

"The oracle track! The plant track! Woooowwww!" Anyway, Char's potion was now a failure.

The bell did its jingle jangle and Char walked out into the hall. "Oh, boy, stirring is the pits. What else is on the schedule for today?" She had a very good schedule that consisted of potions for beginners, potions in motion, potions (again), still potions, potions till you die, potions after death. "Oh man. I'm sorry, elbow." She looked up to see a shelf full of crystal balls and got a brain idea. "A crystal ball. Maybe it can show me if I'm on the right track. No! Don't be tempted! It's your first day. Make a good impression." But then she was tempted so picked up a ball and awaited her fate.

"You will be in trouble very sooooon!"

"Wow! Wait, what'd you say-"

"Ahem." Bumpykins has arrived. "But I wasn't studying other subjects, I was- uh- fog brew!" Her failure of a potion didn't do jack shit. "Yeah, I figured that wouldn't work." Behind her, the furry little demon came out of a trashcan. "King, vouch for my character!"

"Uh! Right! I don't know you!"

Char glared at the child as she was pulled away and shoved into another room. "What is this place?"

"This is a place where all troublemakers go. The detention track."

Insert dramatic yelling here. "Detention track? But this can't be possible! I thought-" She remembered how she, Koda and that other kid had absolutely decimated the wonderful detention pit. 

"Yes. Actual detention still needs repairs. In the meantime, I am keeping all troublemakers far away from the eyes of the inspector. You may try for a new track next year."

"But I'll be back in the human world by then!"

"Maybe you'll do better in a human school." He walked off and Char awkwardly took her seat next to a brunette girl. "Hello, fellow detentioners. Room for one more?" Awkward silence. "I like the little spikys in your hair."

"Hey! You all better be quiet! Unless you want to scrub the classroom again."

"Hey!" Char to the rescue. "Don't blame any of them! I'm the one that started talking!"

"Oh, hooray. A hero." And now Char's cleaning the classroom.

-

"Time to scrounge through the trash!" King jumped in, ready to eat the newly thrown out donut box when he heard "That's it! I'm sick of someone eating all the donuts in the teacher's lounge! I quit!" And then a tie landed on him and he stumbled into a classroom.

"Are you our substitute?"

"Substitute? I ain't no desk jockey!"

"Look at his professional looking tie! He must be!" King jumped up onto the table. "Can it, fangs! You don't know diddly dang about squiddly sqaut!"

"Yes, sir! Sorry, sir!"

"Obedience? Well what is a teacher if not an authority figure? A king of children if you will!" He went back to the front of the class. "Yes! I am your teacher! You may call me Mr.King!" He gestured for the students to clap and they did.

-

"Alright, kids, who wants to go on a field trip to the astral plains?" Spider teacher asked. Insert cheering of small children.

"I do..."

"Char!" Saph and Koda ran up to the window. "Oh my god, I missed you guys so much! Let me squeeze your faces!" Char proceeded to squeeze Saph's face. "What's going on?" Koda asked. "We didn't see you in any classes!"

"Principal Bump put me in the detention track for mixing magic."

"The detention track? You can't do anything in there!"

"You'll learn less then you did before!"

"No! I'm better than this! Please, you gotta help me break out!" Char begged.

"Yeah, don't worry! We'll get you out dead or alive!"

Saph looked a Koda and shook her head.

"Okay. Alive."

"Aw, you guys." Void heard the scooty scoot of a chair. "It's the teacher. Gotta go." She turned around and came face to face with the brunette girl, the one with the spikeys. "It's you!"

The girl shushed her and led her inside the wall, into a hall illuminated by fairy lights. "Woah, what is this place?" Char asked, looking around. "This is the last room you'll ever see alive!" The girl woke up and chose murder. "Ah, I'm just messing with you. I'm Viney."

"I'm terrified. I mean I'm Char. Charlotte Tyler Magnolia Jones."

"Thanks for standing up for us back there. Not many people would do that. Follow me! I wanna show you something." Viney walked over to a door. "You're one of us troublemakers now so that means you get special access to-" She opened the door. "The secret room of shortcuts!"

Inside, was a large, multi-story room, with a shit ton of doors.

"Hey, Jerbo, Barcus! You can stop hiding now!"

A boy and a dog with glasses appeared from behind a door. "How do we know she's cool man? How do we know she won't turn us in? What do you think?" He turned to glasses dog.

Glasses dog barked.

"Barcus says your aura is strong and silly, like a baby's laughter. Welcome!"

"Aah! I love secret rooms! Where do the doors go?" Char pushed open the first door they saw and was greeted with the sight of a certain witch bitch.

"So you two go to the same school now. That doesn't change anything." Bee tried to deny the gay and Charlie shut the door.

"This place connects to different parts of the school. We found it after being thrown in the detention track." Viney explained. "The witch who made it is known as..." She gestured to a painting that had been heavily vandalized. "Lord Calamity!" Okay, Amphibia.

"They started this troublemaker wall and we added our names in their honor." Jerbo said.

"This place is amazing!" Char exclaimed. "I bet you guys can get into so much trouble here."

"Sure, we can, but we can also do much more." Viney gestured to Barcus, who Char ran up to, and watched the oracle teacher do oracle stuff. "We're not allowed to study any magic, so we study every kind of magic in secret."

"You actually like school?"

"Yeah, we might've liked it a too much."

"I tried mixing plant magic with abominations. Bump was not thrilled." Jerbo moved onto Barcus' backstory. "Barcus mixed potions with oracle magic." Now it's Viney's turn for a backstory. "Mixing healing and beast keeping was slightly unconventional, but Puddles was a great assistant, dang it!" If you don't love Puddles, get out. "We all want to be in more than one coven track. But Bump just says we need to focus."

"Sounds like Bump's priorities are out of wack."

"I'm glad you're one of us. You made a great first impression." Yay, validation. "Would you like to add your name to the troublemaker wall?" Viney held up a marker, which Char was about to take, but then-

"Char!" Saph called. "We're here to get you out of that horrible class!" 

The detention gang looked at her suspiciously.

"Eh, they're probably looking for some other Char."

Viney stood up to look out of her wall-door thing where she saw Koda and Saph, the latter of whom was whistling for Char like a dog. "Maybe void already booked it. They did say they were better than this place." Koda said.

Viney shut the wall-door. "Oh, you think your better than us?"

"No, no! It's not like that. I just didn't think I deserved- I mean, none of us deserve-"

French noises. "I should've known you looked down on us. Everyone else does." Barcus sneered at the demigirl aka: "You have an aura of lies." 

"It's fine, I just..." Viney walked back up to Char. "I thought someone finally understood us. But maybe you should just leave."

"I understand." So, it began walking towards the door.

Koda walked up to detention teacher and pulled on his mustache. "Man, this guy can sleep through anything." He pulled out a mop. "I'm gonna test that theory."

"No." Saph told him. "We have to find Latte. If only these walls could talk..."

A wild Char appeared. "Hey, guys." She slunk out of the walls.

"Thank you, walls!" Saph helped them up. "We found a way to get you out to talk to Principal Bump!" Koda ran over and grabbed a trashcan. "We have an expert disguise! Hop in! It's got holes for your gangly teenage legs!"

The blonde looked over as the wall door shut. "Yeah, that's right where I belong." She hopped in. "And this way the inspector won't see you either!" The three then continued down the hall but no before Koda tested his theory.

-

The inspector, who I'll be calling Helga, popped up. "Welcome to Hexside, Inspector."

"Greetings, Principal Bump." She greeted. "If everything's in order, the Emperor's Coven will be happy to cover your repairs."

"Excellent. Please, come this way. We've prepared a show with some of our finest students." He lead her inside and we cut to the auditorium, where an abomination is screeching and holding up Bee. Said abomination then put her down.

"And that concludes the presentation from the abomination track." Bee and her abomination then bowed.

"That was some real Hexside magic, huh?" He nudged Helga just a little bit. "Yes, this is good! But let's see if your student can put up more of a fight!" She stood up.

"Yes, yes. Wait, what-"

She climbed up onto the stage, turning back into her basilisk form.

"Is this part of the inspection?" 

"Abomination, fight!" Bee ordered but it didn't do jack shit. "The magic at Glandus High was tasty. But I hope yours will be more filling." Helga said as Bump ran up onto the stage. "Bee, stay back! She's an imposter!"

:0

amogus

Anywhere, where were we? Oh yeah-

They tried to fight but their magic got sucked up. 

-

Insert King talking about math stuff here. "And that is the way to steal a pie from a windowsill! Also, you can eat trash!"

"Finally, some skills we can really use!"

"And now, for my next lesson-" Screeching was heard outside. "Seriously? It's not even fifth period yet." King ran down to the auditorium. "Excuse me! Could you keep it down? Mr.King is trying to mold young minds here!"

Helga was still consuming that nyummy magic.

"I can see that I'm interrupting something so I'm just gonna..." He pulled a Grunkle Stan and ran like a coward.

-

"Don't worry, Charlie. Once we talk to Bump, we'll get everything sorted out." Saph assured void. "I know. But what's the point if people get hurt along the way?" Char thought aloud. "That is a fair question." Koda nodded. "Here's another question: WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!" He pointed at Helga who was sucking up a different side character's magic now and the trio screamed bloody murder.

"More cute morsels!"

"We may be cute, but we're nobody morsels!" Saph made a plant with freaky ass eyes. "Time for a powerup!" Koda did a lil' spin and gave the eye-flower muscles. The flower then charged for Helga but she ate it, as such weakening Saph and Koda. 

"Eat this!" Char threw a light glyph at Helga who ate it and then screamed. "I'll get you guys somewhere safe!" They said as they helped up Saph and Koda. 

"Guys, I need your help!" It kicked in one of the doors to the secret room. "Oh, you're back." Viney narrowed her eyes. "I'm sorry for hurting you're feelings, but please, listen-" Saph fell over. "Saph!"

"What happened to them?" Viney asked, worriedly. "Something horrible is loose in the school." Char opened the door to show them Helga. "Don't let it see us!" Viney ran over to shut the door. "I think that's a greater basilisk. I heard about them in a class. My cousin at St.Epiderm said she saw one but but those things should be extinct."

"It must've attacked the other schools and now it's come for us. We have to do something!" The blonde said. 

"But if Bump catches us mixing magic again-"

"-He'd kick us out of school."

Char jumped down and put on a heroic speech. "Hexeleos are out there getting hurt and we're the only ones who can save them. We're troublemakers right? So, let's get out there and make some trouble!"

-

"Hungry. Still hungry." Helga was slithering on around when an ice glyph was tossed in front of her and then tossed her up against the wall. A cloaked individual jumped out in front of the icicle. "From the humblest of beginnings, a hero will rise. I've trained with a secret society to discover the power of mixing magic. I am-"

"DINNER!"

"AAH! Viney, do the thing! Do the thing!"

Puddles came racing down the hall and tackled Helga. "Attgirl, Puddles! Jerbo, now!" Viney called. "On it!" He called back. Using plants and an abomination to hold the door open, they got Helga onto the stage. Char jumped down and said "It's all you, Barcus!"

Barcus poured some stuff on Helga's hand and began barking. 

"What's he doing?! What he say?!"

"He's reading your palm and your future looks bleak." Char replied, a 'fuck yeah we just did that' smirk on their face. So, Jerbo's abomination and Puddles released some stage bags (writer Char knows nothing about theater and she's too lazy to google it) and flattened Helga like a pancake, releasing the magic of all the witches she stole it from.

Screaming, as one does, Char ran over to hug Viney. "You did it! You were amazing! You guys-"

"Are in so much trouble!" Bump has returned to life. "Leaving your homeroom, mixing magic and is that a secret hideout?!"

"Yeah, it is. But let's think about this Principal Bump. Why would kids in the detention track need a secret hideout?" Char challenged the authority figure. "I don't care to know the ins and outs of rascality." He pulled out a book. "But if the Emperor's Coven could send an actual inspector this time-"

"Okay, you need coven money. But if you have to hurt your students to get it, what's the point? They saved Hexside, they should be allowed to study what they wish."

"B-but-"

"Do the right thing, ya dingus!" Thank you, Koda.

"Alright. I'm smart enough to know when I've made a mistake." Bump relented. "Which tracks would you like to be in?"

"Healing and beast keeping!"

"Plants and abomination!"

Barcus barked but we all know what he said. 

"Then so be it." He circled his finger, giving them their track colors. "But if any of you cause more property damage, I'm feeding you to the choosy hat." Not if I eat the choosy hat first. Anyway, he then turned to Char. "And you?"

"Oh, I still can't choose. Maybe it's crazy, but I wish I could study just a little bit of everything." Bump circled his finger and now Char's studying everything. Good for them.

"You know, only one other student wanted to study every track. Unfortunately, she was never given the opportunity." He once again circled his finger, revealing Lord Calamity's painting. It was that of a blonde teenaged Carmen.

Char laughed a little to herself before saying "I shoulda guessed."

-

We now have Bump walking down the hall. "The coven denies knowing about the Basilisk, but that won't stop me from writing a very stern letter."

"Alright!" Mr.King has returned. "Read chapters 3-5 on the right way to scratch yourself in public! Spoiler alert: there's no wrong way!" He sipped from his mug. "Ah, days like these make being a teacher all worth it."

"You're not a teacher."

"Weh? Maybe not, but I care about these kids! And nothing can change that!" He splashed some coffee on Bump's face and is now being chased out like a rat.

Yay, happy endings.