FIRST OF ALL IT SAYS I HAVE TOO MANY PARTS IN THIS BOOK I'M FREAKING OUT. Anyways...

I Wonder

I wonder if he ever noticed me. The way I would always smile at him in the hall. 

I wonder if he saw my eyes, lingering on him with a smile that would last hours. Just because I had seen him. 

I wonder if he knew how much I cried when he dropped out. Because seeing him once a day when we crossed paths in the hall brightened my day so much. 

I wonder if he ever saw how happy I was when he said hi to me. Smile at me.

I wonder if he knew how much I wanted to be with him. To have him hold me in his arms. To be his. For him to be mine. 

I wonder if when I saw him for the first time that day in the DX, if he knew how relieved I was. I hoped he understood what happened. Everyone thought something horrible had happened. One day he was there, the next he wasn't. We had heard his parents passed away. His younger brother walked around in a daze, but Soda never came back. I hope he knew I was worried. Everyone was.

I wondered if he truly realized that. If he understood how popular he was, what an impact had on the school. He has always cheerful, putting a smile on everyone's face. He scared everyone something awful, until we found him working all day at the DX. 

"Hey, Y/N," he said the first time I went in there. I wonder if he could feel my excitement. I wonder if he knew  I was surprised he knew my name.

"So this is where you've been hiding, Sodapop," I responded. He chuckled, giving me that good-natured grin of his. Did he know how much I wanted to kiss him right then and there? 

"How's school goin' without me?" He asked. I blushed. I had never really had this long of a conversation with him before.

"Sad. There's something... missing without you," I responded, completely truthfully. It was true, something was missing: him. I wondered if he knew it. I could only hope he did.

"So... how's everything going with you?" I asked him. He shrugged. How should they be going really, his parents had just passed away and he dropped out of school to work full time in a dinky little gas station. I wondered if he was happy here. 

"I'm sure you've heard already," he said. I nodded quickly, hoping he knew he didn't have to talk about it. He got the message, and cleared his throat. 

"It's really nice to see you, Y/N," he said. My heart lept. I couldn't tell if he was telling the truth, or if he was trying to get rid of me.

"You too, Sodapop. I'm glad everything's okay," I said, turning to get going.

I wonder if you could tell how I felt when you called me back. I can only imagine what was going through your mind at the time, but after you called my name, a range of scenarios went through my mind. 'You're not going to buy anything?'  'What did you mean when when you said something was missing?' Maybe even a 'Come back soon!'

I was left to wonder whether or not you could see the shock on my face as you asked, "Wanna go out sometime?"