TRIGGER WARNING

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Nico, astonishingly, sits with you at the Poseidon table and tries bully you into eating, but you don't feel hungry and you only end up consuming a tiny bit of your pancakes. You can tell Nico isn't happy about it, but he doesn't push you too much. You're grateful for that.

Everyone keeps sneaking wary glances at you, like they're all wondering if you'll just start crying or something. You can tell they're wondering about the hoodie, too. That makes you nervous. You're itching to get back to your cabin.

Piper and Jason come up to say hi. You return the greeting but don't build on it, and eventually they leave you and Nico alone.

You recall the strange events of that morning - Nico had actually hugged you, and you hadn't felt awkward or anything. You'd felt safe. You've a rocky history with the kid; there was the whole Bianca thing, and once he'd led you straight into a trap. You maybe haven't treated him that well in the past, and you weren't sure you had the right to consider him a friend. Recent events had you rethinking that assumption.

After breakfast you manage to slip away from Nico and head back to your cabin. You sit on your bed and take off the bandages in a rush. The cuts are already starting to scar over. You stare at your wrists, having an internal argument:

You: Let's do it again!

You: What? No way, man!

You: DO IT!!! You know you want to, come on, the knife is sitting right there...

You: Nononononononononononononononononono...

You: ...do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it...

You: ...NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO...

You: ...DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT...

You: But -

You: DO. IT.

And so you do. You've got three fresh cuts on each wrist by the time you're done.

Annabeth's disapproving face keeps popping into your head. You've failed her again. Given in to temptation. Are you really this weak?

Weak weak weak weak weak weak...

You fall back on your bed, not bothering to bandage your wrists. Squeezing your eyes shut. Revelling in the sharp, stinging sensation traveling up your arms. Drinking it in. Letting it dispel those horrible voices.

Then, suddenly, there's a sharp knock on your door, and you sit bolt upright, panicking. It's probably Nico. You haven't bandaged your wrists. They're bleeding everywhere. You can't just pull down your sleeves because you'll still be able to see the blood and anyway they're rolled up and how do you roll down sleeves again -

The door opens and Nico steps in.

His eyes fall on the little pocket knife, which is still laying open on the bed. Too late, you realize you haven't wiped the blood off it.

Then he sees your wrists, which you're trying and failing to conceal. He draws a sharp breath.

"Percy," Nico says reproachfully, crossing over and sitting down beside you. He takes your arms and examines the cuts, a dismayed expression on his pale face. Even though you've only been doing it since last night, you have to admit your wrists look pretty bad.

You yank them away from Nico, feeling heat spread across your cheeks.

"Percy," Nico says again.

You check on Your Knees.

"H-how long has this been going on?" Nico asks shakily.

"Since last night," you confess to the floor.

"Well, it's not gonna keep going," Nico says firmly, reaching over and snatching up the pocket knife. You look up, startled.

"You can't do this to yourself, Percy," Nico tells you gently. "I - "

"Don't tell anyone." You cut him off, meeting his gaze squarely. Sudden determination surges through you. "Not Chiron, not Will, no one. Promise."

"But - "

"I don't need help, okay? You don't need to tell anyone. I'll stop on my own."

Relief washes across Nico's face. "Promise?"

"You promise first."

"Alright, alright! I won't tell anyone. I promise. But if you keep doing it I'll have to tell."

"I'll stop."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Nico holds your gaze, and you find you can't break away. Have his eyes always been so beautiful...?

"Okay," Nico says.

"Okay," you repeat.

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Nico stares at you for a moment longer, his expression incredibly sad. You finally look down. He's sad because of you. Already you feel like breaking your promise.

You can still feel Nico's gaze boring into you. You shift uncomfortably, wondering if he knows what you're thinking. If he's going to hold up his end of the bargain.

But... why does he even care?

"Nico," you say, suddenly remembering something. A rumour. "Did you... did you have a crush on - on... Annabeth?"

He blinks, then narrows his eyes, expression guarded. There's a slight pause before he replies.

"No," he says flatly.

A mild feeling of relief rushes through you, but Nico's still eyeing you warily. You wonder if he's lying.

"Oh," you say.

Nico frowns. A definite hint of anger flits across his pale features. His eyes are gleaming with an unfathomable emotion. You have a sudden, inexplicable urge to brush the hair away from them.

You try and resist. Nico di Angelo doesn't like being touched.

But then something very strange happens. Nico's gaze is still locked on yours, and, almost unconsciously, you're leaning towards him. Closer. Closer. An odd emotion is rising up inside you, rising up to meet the odd emotion in Nico's eyes.

In one split second you realize, with the sensation of being dunked in freezing water, that they match.

And then your lips meet Nico's.

Electric sparks travel up your body. Everything fades away. There's only you and Nico, nothing else matters. This is better than cutting. So much better.

You realize Nico's kissing you back.

Wait... kissing?

You break away abruptly, heat rising in your cheeks. You have no idea what just happened. Your lips are tingling. Did you honestly just kiss Nico di Angelo? What possessed you to do such a thing? And why the Hades did it feel like you were kissing Annabeth - ?

Your vocal cords seem to be on vacation. Nico stares at you for exactly thirty seconds. Two patches of red are blooming on his pale cheeks.

"What d'you think you're playing at?" He says finally, his voice a lot higher than usual.

You open your mouth, but your voice has yet to return.

"Not cool, dude," Nico goes on, eyes narrowing. "Not cool at all. And here I was beginning to think you were the good guy."

"W - what?" You croak, finally rounding up your vocal cords. "Look, man, I'm really sorry, I have no idea what came over me, I - "

"Oh, yes, you do," Nico interrupts roughly. "If you have no idea, why'd you do it?"

And with that he gets up and leaves.

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A/N: eep. Well that was interesting. I wonder why Nico got mad... jk I KNOW why. And you DON'T. Hah. HAH. HAHAH. MWAHAHAHA. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaa... ahem. ANYhoo. C&V. Turtles for all. 🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢