Chapter Seven

    Meadow

    Grayson is quiet the whole time we visit Lily. I can see the pain written all over his face no matter how desperately he tries to hide it. He never meets my eyes and constantly turns away, making his discomfort as obvious as if he were to write it across his forehead.

      When Lily’s doctor comes in we head to the far end of the room, giving them a moment to themselves. I gaze up at Grayson, watching his face tighten.

      “Are you okay?” I ask quietly.

      He doesn’t hesitate. “Fine.”

      I give him a knowing look and he frowns upon noticing it. “We can leave if you want. I know it’s not the nicest place to be and if you’re uncomfortable that’s okay.”

      Grayson shakes his head and avoids my eyes.

      “What’s making you like this?” I wonder.

      My best friend looks at me with concerned eyes and turns away from Lily and her doctor, so that we’re facing the hallway. He leans close to me and I can feel his warm breath on my cheeks.

      “Is she going to live?” His voice is pained despite how quiet it is. “Is she going to get a heart?”

      I avoid his eyes and move my gaze towards the lower half of the wall. He still doesn’t understand; he still doesn’t get it. There’s a waiting list of people longer than the hallway outside and on top of that, there’s people waiting for hearts all over the world. People are dying everywhere from this, it’s not like we can pick and choose who gets a heart. It’s only the ones that need it first, if they live.

      “No,” I whisper so quiet that I don’t think Grayson can hear me. “She’s two down from me on the list.”

      Grayson looks shocked. “I thought she’s been in the hospital before you were admitted the first time.”

      I nod and press my lips into a thin line before responding. “It’s hard to figure these things out sometimes. Look how long it took doctors to figure out that my problem was with my heart. For Lily, it took her entire life to figure it out. They only narrowed it down a few weeks after I found out about me. But because I was found first, I’m higher up on the list, even though Lily deserves a new heart more than me.”

      Grayson’s expression hardens. “Don’t say that,” he whispers. His eyes look sad. “You deserve a heart as much as Lily does.”

      I turn away as the doctor greets us as he leaves. Grayson turns to stare after him and quickly looks back at me.

      “I’ll be back in a minute.”

      He takes off after the doctor before I can say okay.

      “He looks sad,” Lily says solemnly as I sit on her bed beside her. I stroke the skin on her hand with my thumb and nod in agreement. “I don’t like seeing him that way. I don’t like seeing anyone that way.”

      I sigh and give her a sad smile. “Me neither. But we have to put ourselves in their shoes. They’re losing us. They have to wake up each morning and remember that we aren’t there.”

      “They act like they’re the ones dying,” Lily says, a hint of amusement on her face. I laugh and she lets out a breath, leaning back into her pillow. “Thank you, Meadow.”

      I raise my eyebrows. “For what?”

      “For coming to see me,” she smiles. “For being here and giving me a whole new outlook on everything. When I first saw you I didn’t know how someone dying could be so happy, but you showed me how.”

      I push away the threat of tears and wrap Lily in my arms. “I’m glad to see you any time,” I tell her honestly. “I love you. You’re like a sister to me.”

      Lily smiles when I pull away and we both go into a comfortable silence. After a while, when Grayson still doesn’t return, I start to get worried so I distract myself again with conversation.

      “What did your doctor say?” I ask curiously.

      Lily turns away. “That I can go home for a night a week, as long as everything is okay.”

      “That’s great!” I give her hand a squeeze but Lily doesn’t meet my gaze. I lower my voice. “What’s wrong?”

      Lily sighs and looks down at our hands. “I don’t want to go home. My parents make me feel weird, like I’m out of place when I’m there. Even when they’re here I don’t like it.”

      I nod, understanding. “My parents are like that too. The key is being able to distract yourself. When I’m home, I spend time with Grayson because he makes me forget about my parents making me feel bad.”

      Lily’s mouth falls open. “I have an idea!”

      “What?”

      Lily grins and drops my hand so she can raise her arms in the air excitedly. “We can have a sleepover!”

      A smile spreads across my lips. “That’s a great idea! Why didn’t I think of that?”

      Lily and I make plans and I let my mind wander while she thinks. From what I know about her, Lily’s never had many friends because of her condition. What little girl wants to go to the hospital to play? With that being true, I’d love to spend time with her. If she’s going to pass away, she deserves to experience a sleepover at least once.

      Grayson walks in as we plan the day and at first he looks like he might pass out at any second. But once he hears us talking, he lightens up. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he stops at the other end of the bed and smirks.

      “I’m not invited, right?” he asks.

      Lily sticks her tongue out and giggles. “Why? Are you afraid that we’ll give you a makeover?”

      Grayson chuckles. “Actually, knowing Meadow, yes.”

      Lily looks at me with eyes full of awe and I laugh. “Grayson’s been the victim of girly things since we were little. He’s been my girl friend, because I don’t have any other ones.”

      Lily keeps laughing and I turn to Grayson. He gives me a small smile and his eyes turn sad.

      “I think I better go. I told my mom I would be home for dinner,” he says.

      “Oh.” I rise to my feet. “Okay.”

      “No, you stay,” he says quickly. He avoids my eyes. “You two need your girl time.”

      I frown and sink back onto the bed. Grayson gives Lily a small wave and meets my eyes. There’s something in his, something deeper than sadness that I don’t recognize. I’m just about to place it when he turns and leaves, exiting the room.

      Once he’s gone, it feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room.