February 2nd 1989
'I secretly fell in love with her without knowing it. It gradually penetrated into my heart every day and night. Before I knew it I had given my heart to her since. I don't know when she got a hold of my heart. I've never had anyone possess my entire heart before. It seems like every corner and space has only room for her. I don't believe can ever see anyone else but her. The image of Gabriela Floats like a dream I yearn for in my heart. I have only her in every part of my heart when I hear the faint sounds of music I think of her and just the smell of her fragments thrills me. I don't know how she feel in her heart. I wonder does she feel the same as me? I really want to know because tomorrow if God wills I plan to ask her to marry me and spend our lives together...'
-Kareem Balasubramanian

That was beautiful but before I could continue to read more my phone rang interrupting me from my personal time while I was reading an old journal of Baba. I was at the part were he discover his feeling for my mom and she's the one he wants to marry. He wrote it down so beautifully that I was seriously tempted to ignore the call until I saw who it was from. It was from my uncle Bilal asking me to have dinner with him tonight. Which wouldn't seem so unusual but I'm out of money and he's the only person willing to give it to me that I wouldn't feel guilty in taking. Even considering I have two part time jobs Ami has become more demanding since Baba was hospitalized. I know that I haven't really been home much I've been mostly staying at Maria's house, but that doesn't mean I have cut ties with Ami and my sisters. I just can't do that Jair because of a little fallout we had. I don't even remember what it was over anymore. Being the oldest and the only source of income in the household now I have to make some sacrifices.

"So what are you plans now?" Chacha asked getting serious after joking around a bit
"Plans? What do you mean?" I encountered which was a stupid move considering I've been trying to avoid that question for a while now.
"What I mean is I want you to go with me when I leave in two months. I could get transfer Kareem to a hospital near by and you can visit him and also go to school. Considering your grades I'm sure you'll have no problem getting in."
"I don't want to leave here at the moment I wouldn't feel right if I do."
"What do you mean it wouldn't feel right? I know since Kareem was hospitalized you haven't been to that so called home if you leave I'm pretty sure she wouldn't even notice your gone."
"She will. Why do you always make her out to be the wicked witch of the west of something."
"I know I shouldn't considering she's my brother wife but she's the reason why I couldn't see you or him in a long time and now she's trying to take him further away from me and hurting you by claiming you and I can't visit him in the hospital."
"She can't do that can she?"
"No that's why I'm working on the papers with my lawyers to make sure she doesn't try anything. Don't worry you can visit him anytime you want.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The morning of my graduation I did last minute shopping for clothes with Maria since I got the money from my uncle last night. I grabbed the first good looking dress and matching shoes my size as well as a makeup kit paid and got out of the store with Maria who was protesting we still had time and she wanted to look at some other shoes. If you know Maria well you'd know she has an unusual affinity to buying shoes most of her closet is full of shoes sadly we aren't the same foot size. If we were like she and Isabel are I could have borrowed one of her amazing heals I knew would match the dress I just bought.
Harmony high school was the only public high school in this small town of ours were everyone knows everyone we only had forty graduates which is a school record.
"You look amazing." Emily
"Thank you. You too you look beautiful."
"Thanks Aziza."
"Aziza good luck on the speech." Jason encouraged "I just hope I don't choke."
"You'll do great don't worry about it." He assured as he took his place next to Maria. I did on her other side.
The whole gymnasium started blaring with music
Jason and Maria started marching in like literally marching in and everyone else followed their lead I knew right then and there it was Maria's doing Considering she was bumping her fist in the air along with the beat and the weird thing is that she still had her backpack only Allah knows what she has hidden in there.

"Hello to all my fellow students teacher, friends, Families and graduates. We only arrived here four short years ago, and now the time has come to leave. I wonder how Time could have gone so fast? It seems like only yesterday we were those clueless little freshmen excited over starting high school thinking it would be as dramatic as we might have seen on TV or read in fiction books. in our lives fighting with the locks on our lockers, trying to figure out where our next class was, and looking generally clueless to all the upper classmen. Now we are the upperclassmen, the seniors who stand here ready to graduate and move forward in the world. Yet at this seminal moment, we can't help looking back at every moment we spent together....." I started off my speech trying my best to seem calm and collective.
"...Congratulations my fellow graduates. Wherever we may go and whatever we may do, may we always be friends when we meet again." By the time I concluded my speech my legs were shaking like a A leaf being blown by strong wind. I sat back to my place which was next to Maria just as she pulled out a clown wig from her bag and put it on over her peach hijab and put her cap back on over the wig. Which officially earned her strange looks as her name was called up. She walked up there like a pro with so much confidence. That you had to look twice to see if that wig even belonged. When she go her diploma. When she did she pressed a button device in her hand and a music beat blasted off in the stadium and right then and there she did the Douggie which caused everyone to cheer. Before she got off stage she did the peace sign. All the stress I've been holding in evaporated as I chuckle at Maria's final farewell.
"Balasubramanian Aziza." Though they somehow butchered my last name like always I went up the stage and got my diploma. It's weird that a single piece of paper was such a big deal, but it was a moment worth remember. And the names of everyone were called I wasn't really paying any attention I was cheering and clapping for everyone. Not as hard as Maria had when Isabel, Adrian, Muhammad and Hanaan's names were called she might have scarred my eardrums. When everyone's name was called we all got up and threw our caps up together.
After the graduation ceremony Hanaan's mom invited everyone to a barbecue picnic party at a park on the safe side of town. I decided to first stop at the hospital to be with my dad for a moment. Even though it was supposed to be a very happy day I couldn't help but feel a little lonely that my Dad didn't make it to my graduation even though both Hanaan's mom and Maria's mom taped the whole ceremony so he could watch it too when he wakes up. It still wouldn't be the same if he was there. He always told me that attending my high school graduation would me one of many proud memories he'd hold dear to. But I guess now it was never meant to be. I was glad Ami did show up to my graduation as well as Baheerah and Baheejah if they didn't I might have felt lonelier than I feel right now. We might not be close or see eye to eye but we are still family. I don't know much from both sides of my grandparents I've only seen baba's parents a few times but I get the feeling that they don't really like me. Most likely wish I was a son but that's just an assumption I'm not even sure. As for my mother, my real mom's side of the family I know nothing of them never met them and Baba had never talked about them and I never asked about them. I don't know how long I was at the hospital I closed my eyes and was awaken by a nurse telling visiting hours were over I had to go back. It was dark outside kinda a bit too dark to take the bus at this time so I called my uncle to pick me up. Consider I have like a ton of miss calls from him.
"So you were here." He stated the obvious as I got in the front seat next to him.
"Yeah." I politely mumbled.
"Where do you want me to drop you off?"
"At Hanaan's place we are all sleeping over there."
"Hanaan is the Asian right?"
"Your Asian too, but yeah she's Indonesian."
"Yeah and so are you, kinda. So how come you don't have any Desi friends? I know there a lot of them that graduated at your school."
"I do but they aren't as close of friends as I with Maria, Isabel, Hanaan, Muhammad and Adrian you know."
"Yeah I guess anyways I got you a graduation gift."
"You did? What?"
" Its in the trunk and I'm sure someone like you would love it."
"Someone like me?" I asked raising an eyebrow
"You'll find out when you see it." He chuckled as he parked In Front of the apartment building.
He got out the same time as I did and gave me a gift wrapped box "open it when you get inside." He called out over his shoulder as he when back into the car.
I when inside fast and just like I predicted everyone was there sadly most gone. I greeted everyone and sat down and open the grift it was a Leather Journal with Handmade Paper and a Bookmark. It looked beautiful. That I just couldn't wait to start writing on it. My uncle was right it was the kind of gift some like me would love. I put it away for now to spend more time with my friends. When Muhammad and Adrian left fun didn't die we stayed up all night I don't even remember half of the things we did considering Hanaan's younger siblings were still asleep as well as her parents.

The day after graduation. Was when reality truly hit I just couldn't believe I spent that much money all for one passing day. It was so unlike me. I guess the hype kinda got into me being that now life would return to the same old boring normal like it does every summer between home, work and back again. It seemed like everyday after that chacha and I always kept going back to the same conversation of him trying to convince me into joining him when he moves back. Ami didn't seem angry at me anymore so I ended up sleeping back home once again. As for Baba I visited him everyday during my lunch breaks. Which isn't much time. I still met Daniel from time to time. We'd meet up with my group of friends on my days off and do things together. It was the only Un-boring of this summer that I always looked forward to.
Things with Daniel started getting a bit intense when I told him a few weeks ago about my uncle wanting me to move in with him back at his place in Boston. And he asked me to marry him so I could stay with him at first I wasn't really sure if he was just saying that for the hell of it or if it was for real.

"I like you and I think you like me if not I might have gone delusional along with my blindness."
"I like you too but marriage is a big step." I told him. It really sure on how to go about this conversation
"So why would it be way out of the ordinary if I asked you to marry me. Because when I'm next to you I feel ordinary, normal at ease and I always want to feel like that."
"Yeah but that doesn't mean we have to get married."
"I know it does and it doesn't really sound like a valid reason to get married but think about it. It would make it Halal for us to be together just the two of us and you wouldn't have to do that weird thing you always do with my cane when your trying to guide me somewhere."

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