(A/N: we will have more music in this chapter. Again, I have rewritten the lyrics, so they are my own instead of borrowing songs. :) And again, in this world, the One Direction songs are written by Harry (lyrics) and Liam and Louis (music). Their songs: little things, better than words, strong. I hope the music stuff isn't too cheesy for you... Please vote and comment and share. ILY)

I stand at the head of the table. "So, uh, before we carve this bird--which I have hopefully cooked long enough so as not to poison any of you--I just want to say. Fuck." They laugh. Sam wolf whistles. Harry takes my hand. I breathe. "I have asked you to share this day with me here because you matter to me," I scan my eyes around the table. "I haven't always been very good at showing people that," I look at my mother. She is frowning. I look away, I look at Harry, squeezing his hand so tight. "But I want you to know. I love you...all," I glance away from his green gaze. Fuck. What did I just do? "And I am so thankful for you."

*****

"Yeah, yeah. We love you too, Maddie," Mitch says. "Now, can we eat or what?" Thank you Mitch. I wonder if Jenna told him to break the tension. Is there tension, or is it all in my mind, a byproduct of that very public declaration of love?

Everyone laughs, and I sit shakily.

"Harry, would you help me carve?" My mother asks. Oh, shit. I forgot the fucking turkey.

"Sure," he places a hand on my shoulder as he moves behind me to help her slice the fucking main dish.

Liam asks me, "How did you learn to cook?"

It takes me a moment to answer because I'm so freaked out. I take a breath to steady myself. "My mother taught me." His eyebrows raise in surprise. Yeah, Liam is the type of fan who knows my whole fucking life story, I can fucking tell. "I've helped make this meal so many times, I did most of it without even thinking. My body just knew what to do."

"Did you make all this food, Maddie?" Niall's eyes are glittering as he surveys the table full of food.

"Oh, um. Yeah. I mean, I had some help." I blush. "My mom made the pumpkin pie, which is probably the best thing you'll ever eat in your life."

She rests her hand briefly on my shoulder, and I glance at her, smiling. "You should start passing the sides around," she says to the room.

"Mer, what do you want?" Mike asks her.

She answers, "I'll have a little of everything, and a lot of stuffing."

I continue babbling, "And she also made the gravy. And um, Harry cut the potatoes and the apples for the pie." As the dishes pass me, I heap food on both my plate and Harry's.

Becca looks over at me. "Did you make the pie crust from scratch?"

I nod. "I made everything from scratch. Except for the cranberry sauce. That's out of a fucking can. 'Cause come on, the jellied, processed stuff is just fucking delicious." Mitch is laughing and nodding.

"Stop cussing at the dinner table, Madelyn," my mother leans over and hisses in my ear, loud enough for the whole room to hear.

I clench my teeth. "But, yeah, Becca. I made the fucking pie crust from scratch."

"We'll see how it turns out," my mother mutters, and I tense. Mike glares at my mother. Good.

"We had it for breakfast this morning," Harry says, his fingers skimming the hair on the back of my neck. "It was delicious."

"I can't believe we're sitting here, having a family dinner with the Turners." Zayn looks at me, at Jenna, at Sam.

"Shit. I didn't even think to invite Dylan and Samantha."

"They're with their families," Sam reassures me.

Harry hands me a platter of turkey and turns back to continue carving the enormous bird.

"Harry, do you want light or dark meat?"

"I'll try both."

"Okay," I spear a couple of pieces of each and slide it onto his plate, taking only white meat for myself.

"Maddie only wants white meat," Louis says loudly, looking around at everyone, like get it? And I laugh, Niall's loud staccato laughter joining in after a beat, which makes the rest of them laugh. I laugh so fucking hard, I am leaning over the table shaking, and I have to wipe tears from my warm face. I catch Niall's eye just as I've finally caught my breath, and we both erupt all over again.

"This one's a clown," Mitch says, gesturing at Louis with his butter knife. "We should get him his own fucking show." He emphasizes the cuss word. At the table. Mitch, you have no idea how much I love you.

"No shit," I inhale, trying to stop the shuddering laughter. Finally, the food has made a complete circuit, and Harry and my mother sit back down. "Dig in," I urge them. My stomach is in knots, so I just watch them. Sam rolls his eyes in satisfaction as he tastes the stuffing, and my mother tells me I was right. It's perfect. Niall moans as he eats the potatoes. No one is talking; they're just consuming this food I have made for them, with love.

"Why aren't you eating?" Harry asks.

I shrug, my shoulders barely moving because I'm already holding so much tension in them. "I will. I'm just watching everyone enjoy it for a minute." I offer him a crooked smile and look down at my overflowing plate.

He finds my hand under the table and holds it, not eating either. I know he must be able to feel me shaking. I just fucking looked right into his eyes and said I love you. Did he take it like I was saying it to him? Wasn't I? I love him, but was I ready to say it? And if that was me saying it, I pretty much took it right back by adding the all. Fuck. I clench my other hand into a fist on the table.

Harry leans over, "Madelyn Turner," he whispers in my ear, "I love you."

I jerk back and look into those beautiful sea-glass green eyes, mine as wide as my face will allow. He starts to sit back, but I catch his neck with my free hand and pull him to me, crushing my lips against his, my tongue fervent, desperate.

"Woo!" Jenna calls and the others join her, encouraging our kiss.

I sit back, wiping my hand with my mouth. "Oh, shut up and eat your food," I say to the room. I look into Harry's smiling face, his dimples so adorable, so deep. I move our still-twined hands onto the table and finally start to eat.

He leans close so only I can hear, "This is the second best thing I've ever eaten." He has a forkful of stuffing.

"Cheeky," I say with a mouthful of turkey and cranberry sauce. I smile, taking a huge bite of stuffing too.

When everyone is done eating, my mother offers to take care of the dishes.

"You don't have to do that, mom. I've got it."

"You mean you don't have a maid?" Louis asks sarcastically. When I shake my head, he looks genuinely surprised. "How do you keep this place so clean?"

"Well, I live alone, and I'm not a slob like you guys," I bite back.

"How about all the women folk take care of the dishes while the men go do manly things, like I don't know, watch sports or something."

"Nice gender stereotyping, Jenna," I smile.

She puts her napkin on her plate. "I don't actually want to do dishes, I just want to gossip about that kiss. Let's go." She's adorably oblivious to her continued sexism.

I look at Harry, who looks...upset. "I won't be long." He nods. I kiss him, and say, "I'll come find you in a few minutes."

When I get to the kitchen, literally all of the women have gathered, including Sam's model girlfriend whose name I don't even remember. "Spill," Jenna says. "Did he say it back?"

I nod. She squeals and hugs me.

My mother sets down a pile of dishes by the sink. "What'd who say?"

I shake my head. I don't want her to ruin this. But Jenna nudges me and nods. "Harry told me he loves me."

"Well, duh. Any idiot could see that."

I laugh, "I guess I'm a special sort of idiot, then."

"No, you're not an idiot," my mother looks lost in thought. "I'm glad he finally told you. He told me he loved you that first night I met him."

"Same," Lou says.

I am gaping at them.

"Yeah, me too," Jenna adds.

"What? Why didn't you tell me, dammit?" She just laughs. "Have fun washing dishes. I'm going to go find Harry."

"Get it, Maddie," Jenna wiggles her hips.

"Shut up!" I squeal, laughing. No one is getting it. Not while so many people are here.

I wander out to the tv room, where Mike, Sam, Niall, and Mitch are watching football. No Harry. The dining room is empty.

Louis, Liam, and Zayn are in the living room. No Harry. Liam asks, "Um, Louis and I were wondering if we can play your piano?"

"Of course," I smile.

The office. No Harry. I walk past the guest rooms and into my bedroom, where Harry sits, looking out at the backyard. He looks up when I enter, his expression dark. His lips are pressed thin, and as I get closer, I can see his frown line deepening. No. No. No. His dimples are supposed to deepen the closer I get. I put my hand on his forehead and try to smooth the wrinkle. Oh, god, I hope he doesn't regret saying he loved me.

"What's wrong?" He shakes his head, looking back out at the yard. "Harry, please. Talk to me."

"It's stupid."

"I'm sure it's not," I sit next to him and try to take his hand, which he has balled in his lap.

"You said you live here alone. And I know you never officially asked me to live here, but I sort of do. And I thought you..." He shakes his head. "I'm an idiot. Forget it." He stands to leave but I block his path, putting my hand on his chest.

"Harry, I love you, please don't go." I am close to tears. I hurt his feelings. But then he's kissing me. His hands are cradling my head and his mouth is moving faster than usual. The tears I was holding back are streaming down my cheeks. He swipes at them with his thumbs, not breaking the kiss.

When he finally steps back, his eyes are glassy, but his dimples have returned. "I love you, Maddie. I'm so completely in love with you. God, I've been wanting to say it for so long, but I've been so fucking scared and then tonight, I thought you were saying it to me. And--"

"I was. I did. I mean, I panicked right after, and tried to cover it. Because I've been wanting to say it for way too long." He breathes out a laugh. "Like, I don't know how long it takes a normal person to fall in love, so I just thought I was...alone."

"Oh, my beautiful girl. You have me. You're not alone. You'll never be alone again."

"I love you," I get to say it whenever I think it, finally.

He kisses me. "I love you."

"Live with me," I say boldly.

He beams down at me. "You don't have to--"

"I've been wanting to say that for awhile, too," I interrupt. "I love you, and I want you to live here. Please."

"Okay," he kisses me again.

"Want some more pie?"

"Yes," he slides his hand down between my legs, but I step away, shaking my head.

"We have a house full of people, Harry. Apple pie," I walk towards the door.

"Maddie pie," he tickles my sides.

"Later," I squeal.

We walk out to the living room, where Louis is playing a series of lilting chords on my piano. Harry wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me against him, kissing my hair. I turn to face him, putting my head in the crook of his neck, my arms looped over his shoulders. I whisper, "You told my mother, Jenna, Lou, everyone else before you told me."

His body shakes with silent laughter. "Did you tell anyone before me?"

"My therapist." And Jenna. I still can't believe she knew and didn't just fucking tell me.

He pulls his face back so he can look in my eyes, god that intense eye contact. "What did she say?"

"Nothing." He looks disbelieving. "Really, we were working out other stuff and it came up, but she focused on my numerous other issues. I guess this didn't really need working out."

He places his hand on the back of my head and pushes it back to his shoulder. I kiss his neck. His voice hums against his throat, and I can feel it on my lips. He tightens his hold.

"God, you guys are gross," Niall says, walking into the room. Harry flips him off.

"Hey, Maddie, maybe you could play something?" Liam asks. Harry stiffens. I shrug.

"Please do," my mother says from the arched doorway.

Fuck. "Um. Okay."

"Wait!" Jenna says from the hallway, her hand on my mother's arm. What the fuck is my life right now? My tv mother and my real mother...actually getting along. "I'm gonna get the menfolk!"

"You don't have to put on a show for her," Harry murmurs into my ear. "If you don't want to, don't."

"I love you, Harry." I kiss him, and his lips are so fucking soft, like satin. Our kiss earns another wolf whistle from Sam as the guys enter the room and take seats on the white couches. I move to the piano, and Harry shifts further down the wall so he is right in my line of sight, just like the first time I played in front of him. I smile at him. "This song is called Never Let You Go, and um it should have like some cello and violin with it, so you'll just have to fucking imagine those."

They laugh and I start some basic chords. The song is really driven by the melody and the words, and my throat is fucking dry. I stop. "Anyone got something to drink?" They laugh again. My mother looks so...uncomfortable. "I mean, like water. I'm dying here." Harry slips through the arch and is back in a moment with a can of soda. Love. "I love you," I tell him. Because I can.

"I love you, Maddie."

"Gross!" Niall shouts. This time I flip him off.

I start the song over. I stare at Harry. I can't look at my mother. It's about him anyway. "Darkness fades to a hazy dawn when your piercing gaze meets mine. Break these walls, tear them down. Find me, love, our fingers entwined. Promises on the tip of my tongue. Can't say it, lips gone numb." I smile, moving my fingers over the higher keys to fill in where the violin should be.

"So baby please, say the words I cannot say. Tell me, love, tell me we're okay. And I'll hold you in my shaking arms, pressed tight against my pounding heart." It's so high, and my throat has dried up again. My voice cracks a little, and I flush, laughing through the next lines. "I'll never let you go, never cut you out, never leave you alone. No, I'll never let you go." Like, I'm stalker level obsessed with you, going to shackle you in my basement. Not that I have a basement.

"Blinding light that warms my cold soul. You burn, desire like coal. Stealing my every breath with your loving caress. My heart riots in my chest. Take it all, take whatever's left." I close my eyes at the high parts, shaking my head as my voice cracks again.

As I repeat the chorus, I just look right at Harry. I am not going to cut you from my life. I won't let go of you. When I stop playing, my gathered group of friends claps, but Harry just strides over to me. He grabs my face in his hands and kisses me, his tongue invading my mouth pleasantly. The blush still warming my cheeks deepens.

I stand and bow dramatically to the room. "Thank you, thank you. I will be at The Gypsy Tavern next Friday night."

My mother shuffles closer timidly, resting her hand on the piano. "You play so well." She's crying. What the fuck? "Were you...were you playing the day he smashed it?" Her fingers trace the curve.

Harry's eyes widen. "Yes, but I always played quietly enough that he wouldn't hear. Matty came home and played with me, but he always pounded the keys," I say.

"I... I'm so sorry, Maddie. I should have...I" She swallows. "How did you learn?"

"I don't know. I just did, I mean I just sat and played, making my own sounds. And they taught us to read music at St. John's." I shrug.

"But what about the fifteen years without a piano?" Harry puts his hand on the small of my back.

"I've had this since I first moved in, so it was about thirteen years I didn't play. But just like cooking thanksgiving, your body remembers." She smiles. I slide my arms around her neck and hug her to me, and she puts her arms around me too. Over her shoulder, I can see Mitch's shocked expression. I roll my eyes at him. "Who is ready for pie?" I ask.

When everyone is finally gone hours later, Harry and I make our way back to my bedroom. Our bedroom. At the door, I turn to him. "I guess we'll go get all your shit from the duplex tomorrow."

He smiles, that slow, so lovely smile, pressing his hips against me and pushing me into the doorframe. "There's not much left there, honestly." He kisses me, his hands pulling at the bottom of my sweater. I raise my arms, and he pulls it off, immediately resuming the kiss. I tangle my fingers in his hair, so soft, and as he moves his mouth down to my chest, I kiss his neck, biting gently. He unclasps my bra easily and slides it down my arms. I frown. I don't want to let go. But I do. He unbuttons my jeans next and chuckles as I wiggle my hips to help him get them down, along with my panties. "Mmm. My brazen naked girl." He trails his hand back up my legs, over my hips and stomach and back to my breasts. He kisses my ear, my cheek, my mouth, overtaking my breath again.

"No fair," I whine, clawing at his shoulders. "You're still dressed."

He steps back and pulls his sweater and shirt off as one, then slides his pants and underwear down as one. I let my eyes move over his body. His slimly muscled, tattooed torso and arms. The trail of hair leading to a thick thatch of hair around his growing erection. His long slender legs, coated with light brown hair, so light it's almost blond. His feet. Like fucking claws. His toes are like fucking claws, and I cover my mouth to hide my laughter.

"What," he steps closer, "are you giggling about, Miss Turner?"

I let out the laugh, shaking my head. "Your feet." I can't breathe.

"Hey!" He wiggles his toes. His fucking claws. I am laughing so hard, but I start to feel bad, so I cover my mouth again. He pulls it away with his tattooed hand, moving our bodies closer together. "You're so beautiful, Maddie."

"So are you," I breathe. "Mostly." He laughs, and thrusts his tongue into my mouth. His whole body is touching mine: his legs between mine, his hips against mine, his chest against mine, his hands on my face, his back in my arms. He moves against me, pressing me harder into the doorframe. His hands slide to my hips, around to the backs of my thighs. He is trying to lift me, but I'm afraid if he does, he'll just slide right into me and I'll lose my virginity in this doorway. I push his shoulders gently. "I love you," I tell him.

"I love you, too." He kisses my neck, trying to close the gap between us.

"I'm um, still not..."

"I know."

"No, I mean, I'm not ready to..."

"I know." He pulls away and stares at me, waiting.

"I've never done any of this relationship shit, and I just don't know how it usually works. Like I didn't know if I love you, was like a green light in your mind." As it sort of had been in mine. I thought once I said it, once he said it, I'd be ready.

"You, pulling me into you, will be the only green light here."

Fuck. I nod, imagining doing that, and my stomach clenches with desire. Red light.

He slides his hands down my body, cupping the hair between my legs. I cover his hand with mine and push his fingers in. Green light. "Maddie pie," he breathes against my ear, then drops to his knees. Oh, I get to see him this time. He looks up at me as he buries his nose in the tuft of hair, licking a slow stripe up. "So wet. So sweet. So tart," he says into the sensitive skin, the rumble of his voice echoing in my flesh. He pushes his finger into me, probing so deep. "So tight." I am close to coming just from his fucking sexy voice muted by my mound. He pulls his middle finger out, then slides it in again, adding the forefinger too. Oh shit, it stings. I groan, grabbing his hair and tipping my head back. He moves in and out slowly, his tongue circling slowly, and I can feel the ache in my abdomen building slowly. When he picks up speed, I come loudly, my legs trembling beneath me.

He sucks his fingers clean, and I compare their size to his erection, perched patiently in his lap. I am definitely not ready for that to replace his fingers. He stands and kisses me, moving his tongue against mine in slow circles. I whisper, "Can I...um reciprocate?"

"You want to suck my cock?"

I balk, covering my face. "Do you say things so outrageously to embarrass me on purpose?"

"No, I just say what I'm thinking without editing it," he moves my hands away, placing them on his... cock. "You can do whatever you want. Touch me, suck me."

I turn him around so he is leaning against the doorjamb, and settle onto my knees, my eyes widening. Fuck. I've read enough filthy fanfiction to have the gist of this, but they always describe the thing going all the way in, and that is not fucking physically possible. I take him in my hand and lick from the bottom up, remembering how he moaned when I moved my soapy hands. He groans, "fuck." The skin is soft and salty, and when I run my tongue over the top, I can taste something sort of sweet too. He moans. I push him into my mouth as far as it will go. I pull back, nearly choking, and now I know those fanfic writers were fucking full of shit. So, how the fuck do I do this? Suck me. "You okay?" I nod and put him back in my mouth, sucking. "Jesus. Fuck. Maddie, oh." His moans deepen as I move my head back and forth, faster and faster. "I'm gonna come," he tries to pull away, but I move more vigorously until I taste that combination of sweet and salty on my tongue. I swallow, keeping his twitching erection in my mouth and swirling my tongue along the underside. "Fuck," his whole body shudders. I lick the top clean as I sit back on my heels. He drops to his knees in front of me and kisses me, his tongue moving over mine desperately. "I love you."

"Thank you," I answer, my hands caressing his cheeks, my eyes gazing into his. "Thank you for loving me."

"Oh my sweet, beautiful girl, as if I had a choice." He kisses me again, then stands and lifts me to my feet. "Shower or bed?"

"Bed."

We sleep entangled in each other, but when I wake, we have pulled apart, each of us sleeping on our stomachs. I slide out of bed, a trail of wet following me. Fuck. Fuck. I am bleeding. I knew it was about that time, but fuck. I cover my side of the bed with a sheet and shower. I come back to the room and dress quickly. "Harry," I shake him, my voice soft and low. He lifts his head. "Good morning, my love. I need you to get up."

"Why?" He leans on his elbow, worry clear in his expression.

I blush. "My um, my..." Fuck just say it. He always says things so plainly. "My period started in the night. I need to wash the bedding."

"Okay, do you need help?" I shake my head. He touches my wet hair, scowling. "You already showered."

"Had to." I swat his bare butt. "Go on." He scuttles away into the bathroom. I strip the bed and carry the soiled sheets to the laundry room. When I come back, he's out of the shower. I pull fresh sheets from the cupboard. "Now you can help."

As we cover the bed with light gray cotton sheets, he frowns. "Your mom was really rough on you last night."

I shake my head, tucking the fitted sheet around the corner of the mattress. "That was mild, believe me. She's been a lot nicer to me lately."

"Why do you think she's so... harsh?"

"I don't know. I think sometimes she doesn't even realize how she comes across."

Harry abruptly changes the subject, still frowning. "Your father smashed your piano."

I let out a heavy sigh. I don't want to talk about him. "Do you remember me telling you I grew up in a cold and violent home?" He nods. "She was cold. He was violent."

He's around the bed so fast, his arms caging me to him, and it's the only place I ever want to be. "Did he hit you?"

I shake my head. I will not cry over that asshole. "He used to hit Matt, sometimes for things I did." Harry breathes out a curse. "And Matty never corrected him. He just took it for me." Fuck, now I'm crying. "It left me...with a lot of guilt."

"It wasn't your fault, Maddie." He kisses my hair, wiping away the tears. I remember him whispering that to me as I fell asleep one night.

"I know. I know that now."

We go and collect the last of his things from the duplex after eating pie for breakfast again. I pack some leftovers into tubs to bring to the boys. Harry drives us down the hill. Liam is flopped on the couch in nothing but boxer briefs, watching tv when we enter. "Oh, hey. I didn't know you were coming," he covers himself with a blanket.

I am too embarrassed to say anything at first.

"I'm just here to get my shit," Harry says.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm moving in with Maddie, officially."

"What about the rent?"

"Sal will still give you guys the discount."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, fuck."

Liam grins up at him, then winks at me.

"Because I don't want a situation where we are stuck paying more and--"

"You won't," Harry snaps. He turns to me, "I'll be back."

"Can I see your room?"

"No." Harry and Liam say at the same time.

"Okay, okay." I put my hands up. "Liam and I will just hang out here. I brought you guys some leftovers, by the way, Liam." I ignore Harry's dirty look.

He shoots off the couch, apparently no longer concerned about his lack of clothing. "Are you serious? Oh, yes." He reaches into the bag and pulls out a huge tub of stuffing. "You're seriously the nicest person ever," he says, carrying the tub to the kitchen.

I laugh and follow him, leaning against the counter. "Is Harry always so cranky with you?"

"No, I just give him a hard time when you're around. We're mates."

"Best mates," Harry says, his arms full of clothes. "Grab me a garbage bag, mate."

Liam hands him a bag, but I take it and shake it open, holding it out. "We should have brought a real bag."

"Eh," Harry shrugs, "this is fine. It all needs to be washed anyway."

Liam mouths the word slob at me. "Harry said you agreed to film a video for us over the break," he says aloud.

Harry gives him a small shake of his head.

"Oh, yeah," I say.

"Um, here's the thing, Maddie." Harry runs his hand through his hair. "I keep meaning to tell you, but there never seems to be a good time." I'm starting to panic. "My mum wants you to come to England for the Christmas holiday, and um to her wedding on New Year's Eve." My face is a fucking rainbow. "And um, I was supposed to ask you already so she could buy the ticket, but if you film the video, it would be in England."

"Okay," I say. "But your mom isn't buying my ticket."

"You'll come?"

"Are you kidding? Harry, if I don't come with you, I'll just sit alone in my house crying, missing you."

Liam raises his eyebrows. "You wouldn't spend it with your mum?"

"Not without Harry there. She's like a lion. He's her tamer," I make a sour face.

Harry kisses my hair. "England it is."

The rest of that weekend slips away in a haze of love, and thanksgiving leftovers, and sleep. I spend my free mornings during the week rehearsing with Empty, while Harry catches up with One Direction. We are both playing the showcase this Friday, which arrives so quickly. Because the line up is so packed this time, each group only gets three songs. Harry's band is last again, and I wonder if it's because they are the best. They are. Empty is two bands before them, which surely cannot be based on how good we are, but rather my name. Our two groups watch the other bands together, joined by Mitch and Jenna, Lou and Becca. I swear, my life is so full of people suddenly, I don't even understand how my life, how I've changed so much so quickly. And then I nearly knock the fucking table over when my mom walks in with Mike, I stand up so fast.

"Mom? What are you doing here?"

"You said...should I not have come?"

"No. It's...it's fine."

"Hi Meredith," Harry says, "you and Mike can have our seats."

"No, no. You don't have to."

"It's okay, mom, I'm on next."

"Oh. Okay."

As Brandon, Leah, Dave and I get our equipment ready, I say, "we have to scrap 'the other one.' I can't. Not with her here."

"Which song do you want to do instead?" Leah asks. "The new one?"

""Yeah. Last, though." They nod. We go out. The audience applauds. "Hi everyone. We are Empty. And this first song is called This Version of Me." Mitch laughs just at the title. Harry has moved to that spot on the wall where I can see him, and I beam at him before I start. "I'm a fumbling mess, my food's on my dress. But your eyes tell me I'm doing all right." Leah adds her thumping beat, Dave adds bass, Brandon adds backing vocals. "And who was I before that look in your eye showed me who I want to be? Yeah, I'm starting to like this version of me." I pull a face as I sing it because I am too fucking sarcastic for my own good. "I've never felt so raw, I've never been so real. But I'm starting to like this version, yeah, I'm starting to like this version of me." I raise my eyebrows in the last lines, as if surprised. I repeat the last few lines, then say, laughing, "Man, the ego on this one." I point at my own chest. I do like myself. For maybe the first time ever in my life. It's a strange feeling. The crowd laughs along and cheers, Mitch standing to his feet.

Next, we do Never Let You Go with cello and violin, as it was intended, Leah adding perfect backing vocals. Harry pinches his smile between his fingers, and I skip a line, distracted from wanting to kiss him. But I manage to sing it without my fucking voice cracking, so that's an improvement, I guess. Finally, we play the new song, Failure. I barely wrote the words this week. It's very unfinished, but I'm actually excited to sing it for Harry. I start with those low notes to my left, sad and off, but I add some happier tones from the right. "Fallen more than I've flown, crawled more than I've run. Blundering my way through life. But every failure and every flaw, oh every mistake, yeah every last straw... Yeah, they made me who I am now. And they led me to you, now." I smile at the boy who loves me. The boy I love. "So here's hoping I fail a little bit more, now." Brandon plays violin, Dave cello. Leah sings lovely, high oohs. "To keep me next to you, now." It's an odd idea. That failure is actually good. But it is. You can't grow and you can't change and you can't learn if you don't fail.

When we're done, I pull a Harry and jump off the stage. I find him halfway to his spot on the wall, and our mouths crash together, our teeth clinking. "Ow," he laughs, but deepens the kiss.

"I love you." Kiss.

"I love you." Kiss.

"I don't think I will ever get tired of hearing that." Kiss.

"I love you. I love you. I love you." I smack his arm. "Ow." Kiss.

I glance up to see, well, pretty much the whole room staring at us instead of the next act on stage. Random people are snapping pictures with their phones, and my mother looks horrified. I roll my eyes and kiss him again. "I love you." Then I widen my eyes at him, breathing out, "Eight weeks." He smiles and kisses me again.

A few minutes later, it's his turn. For the first song, they sit across the front of the stage, Louis, Liam and Harry holding their guitars. It is slow and twinkling. Zayn sings first, "Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me, but bear this in mind, it was meant to be..." As Liam continues the song, I watch Harry, who smiles at me the whole time. They have beautiful harmonies in the song. Harry finally sings, his voice so deep and raspy, "I know you never loved the sound of your voice on tape. You never want to know how much you weigh. You still have to squeeze into your jeans, but you're perfect to me. I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth, but if it's true, it's you, it's you they add up to. I'm in love with you and all these little things..." It's Niall's part that really hits me though, still Harry's words. Love yourself. Treat yourself right. I love this boy so fucking much. And he's so good for me.

Their next song is rocking. I've actually heard it before, earlier this week, when Harry asked me to help him come up with song titles for some of the lyrics. "...I don't know how else to sum it up, 'cause words ain't good enough. There's no way I can explain your love. It's better than words." Liam's voice sounds incredible. Harry moves his hips seductively at one part of the song, and I am laughing out loud. He is such a bad dancer.

Their last song, Louis says, is called Strong. "...my heart, your heart sit tight like bookends, pages between us, written with no end, so many words we're not sayin.' Don't want to wait 'til it's gone, you make me strong." Harry takes over the vocals on the chorus, and it's so perfect, so beautiful, I can't even breathe. "I'm sorry if I say I need ya, but I don't care I'm not scared of love 'cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker, is that so wrong? Is it so wrong that you make me strong?" Zayn's part on the bridge is amazing, not just because his voice is smooth and creamy like caramel, but also because of the words. "So baby, hold on to my heart. Need you to keep me from falling apart. I'll always hold on 'cause you make me strong." I make him strong? Is he fucking kidding me? He makes me strong. I am stronger than I have ever been. Happier than I have ever been. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make Harry as happy as he makes me.

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