Tyler

Pain. Unbearable pain.

It surrounds me and takes over me when I least expect it. From everywhere at any time.

We could be talking about something as silly as the weather or as deep as the water crisis, anything can catapult me into a world of pain for what I've lost.

Lost forever.

And seeing Elsa's pregnant belly grow each day doesn't help matters. But I would never make her feel bad for it or rain on her beautiful miracle.

The miracle is not the child, it's having her unmated pregnancy be converted into a mated one. That's something only a Goddess can do. Literally.

She cried for my loss the most as it's pain only she can begin to relate. Even so, she's been doing great, her and the baby. Fortunately.

I wouldn't want my downfall to be hers. I don't wish that on anyone.

But the worst part is that looming feeling of inadequacy, of feeling I'll never be good enough to be an Alpha's mate. You know, like what was brought up by people commenting on Sarah being Tony's mate. Remember that?

It never really goes away. The insecurities. The doubtfulness.

But hey, it's not all bad.

I get to return to warrior training and wrestling practice. I'm just sorry I missed the last tournament. I would've crushed them.

Anyway, I'll take any chance of seeing my devilish hot mate naked in the shower. Plus, just to tease him when we're together lifts my spirit up like nothing else.

In other news, my (future) house is coming up nicely. Mom and I have been hard at redecorating it with new furniture and appliances, the works.

I'm sure Jack is getting a severe credit card bill lately, not that he ever complained about it.

Actually, I don't think he is the one who pays his own bills. Rich people, am I right?

Mom also said she would keep remaking one of the rooms into a nursery as we can't give up on the idea of a baby.

'It was a set back, nothing else', she said to me.

It's a painful memory but she's not wrong. We need to paint a picture of what we want, not what we have now.

Even if it's delusional. It's good to be deluded some times.

I cry when I see the baby stuff she had bought already. Honestly, I can't wait to move in.

I need more naked time with Jack. Even though he avoids being alone with me like the plague.

'I'm not hurting your chances of having another baby by going in too soon', he told me with a concerned tone.

What's not to love, am I right?

"I've been thinking." - I announced it when we're having lunch at the school cafeteria.

"Oh shit." - He pretend gasped, mocking me. My friends giggle at this.

"Yeah, I think I'm owed something you promised and I've never collected." - I hint with a mischievous grin.

"What are you taking about... No!" - He gasped for real once he realized what I was talking about.

"Yes!" - I nod my head up and down with a maniac smile.

"Are you sure? You know can't decide to switch on the fly, right?" - He rebuked, suspiciously.

"You know you two can mind link this conversation, right? Or text. Or talk about it in the shower. We don't need to listen to this while having lunch." - Sarah interjected, grimacing at me.

I glared at her for the intrusion.

"Yes, I'm positive. It's time you get pregnant for a change." - I smirked, making him scowl.

Sarah's grimace worsen. Tony blushed. Jason laughed at that. Anna and Peter have blank expressions pretending not to listen. Elsa is amused as well.

"The bottom's revenge." - Elsa teased, grinning at us.

"Jay, isn't there a mate pool I can bet on? Distract me please!" - Jack looked at him with a pleading smile.

"Sure, Alpha. Daisy's birthday is coming up. But you're a bit late in the game. Everyone is pretty much covered." - He replied with an amused tone.

"Has Anna's name being put down?" - Jack asked, making Anna grimace.

"Why me?" - She gasped at the shocking implication.

"No, it hasn't. But there's a zero chance of her mate being a girl. There's a higher chance my mate would've been a guy than hers being a female." - Jason snickered.

"Doesn't matter. Put me down for Anna." - Jack insisted. She grimaced, but it's just a bet. He doesn't actually get to mate anyone.

"I mean no offense, Anna. It's just a bet. She'll probably be mated to a warrior." - Jack argued, not really making her feel any better.

"Actually I bet 10 bucks she will probably be the first one expelled by the principal for completing the bond at school." - Jack smirked.

"Yeah, he closed the disability bathroom. Fat chance." - Jason rebuked.

"I don't know. There are probably other places around here that we don't know of." - He retorted with a naughty grin.

"You're probably right, Alpha." - He conceded, reflexive.

"You know you can call him Jack, right? It's not offensive. He's not the actual Alpha." - I chimed in, making Jack glare at me.

"Yet. Not the Alpha yet. I was born an Alpha. I just haven't ascended yet. I will always be an Alpha." - Jack rebuked, angrily.

"Bring it on, Tyler. I look forward to it." - He told me with conviction. Then, he left the table in a hurry. And I could tell he's mad at me.

Jack

OK, I don't look forward to It. But I can't say no, specially now. I have to take one for the team - pun intended.

Tyler apologized for what he said because he knew I got really mad. Of course, I wouldn't mind Jay calling me Jack. It's my name. But don't tell me I'm not Alpha.

I AM ALPHA.

I'm the only one born to be in this town, not counting my grandpa. Speaking of which, I need to visit him this weekend. It's been a minute since we last talked.

It's worth mentioning that though I'm an orphan, I'm not the only Stonehold in town apart from my grandparents. I have other relatives, great uncles and second cousins all around town. The thing is: my dad was an only child and now I'm his only child. It's like monarchy, to be in the line of succession, you have to be born of the King or the crown prince.

Which is why even though there're plenty of Stoneholds, only I can be Alpha, as I was born of one. Some of my relatives work in our business ventures, in fact.

I drive Ty and myself to the pack house like usual. But I do so quietly, focused.

"You know, if it's too big of a discomfort to you, we don't have to do that. I wouldn't want you to feel forced into it." - He said after a while, nearly reaching the gate.

"I don't know about the discomfort, but you're not forcing me into anything. I want you to have the same experience that I did." - I replied with a firm tone.

"Right. That's fair and I appreciate it. I just don't want you to feel punished or something." - He said feeling a little guilty even though he has no reason to.

"I don't. But thanks for worrying." - I told him with a smile as we crossed the gate into the compound. The land here is massive and almost all of the houses here belong to me.

You can't circumvent a property without the agreement of their owners, of course. So, before construction begin, Mr. Burke would have to get permission from the people who lived here.

But after the attack that killed my parents, no one needed much convincing to get additional protection, especially on the pack's dime. Plus, it only increased the value of the properties.

Specially now after the second attack. Not that we're not well protected by our remaining warriors. We have the largest standing warrior army of any pack. People would be foolish to mess with us.

They should have counted their blessings they got away with murder, literally.

"Hi, Jack. You may not know this, but we've been investigating the attack that lead to your family being killed since it happened 8 years ago." - Mr. Burke started once we're at his office.

Except this time we're not alone. Beta Davis, Tony, Delta Westbrook and Tyler are here too.

"As you know, all the wolves who attacked us then are dead, including the ones that killed your parents. So, that didn't allow us to move forward in the investigation. There were no distinctive markers on their human bodies, no pack identification whatsoever." - He continued in a somber tone.

"However, what most people don't know is that when we went to the woods to investigate how they've managed to penetrate our defenses, we found another rogue scent there. A human form werewolf who probably abandoned their team once they realized they were compromised." - His voice was serene as always. But I could tell this was a build up.

"This was kept from public knowledge as we didn't have much to go on apart from their scent. But like I told you before, the wolves that attacked us this time had the same scent markers like the ones who did back then."

"Based on this information, I have called all our allies and exposed their scents to check if any was recognized. It wasn't. I also sent scouts all over the State and beyond who had smelled their scent to track any of that same signature." - He stated with a smile hiding in the corner of his mouth.

"And we have been waiting for the scouts to return with their reports. But a pack this size like I suspect they are can't stay hidden for long." - His smile was forming to take over his face.

"You found them!" - I guessed, smiling wide at the realization.

"We found them, yes. It's a fairly mid sized pack on the southwest of the State, about 40 miles from here." - He replied, beaming with pride.

"And when do you plan on attacking? You're planning to, right?" - I asked him, almost salivating to join in.

"Yes, I do. Of course! I can't let this go unpunished. They'll regret ever messing with our pack or coming into our land." - He boasted with vengeful eyes.

"Great! I wanna come when you--"

"Out of the question!" - He cut me off.

"What? What do you mean? They killed my family!" - I argued, pleadingly.

"I know that. I do. And I get wanting to avenge them. But you are the future of our pack. We can't risk your life in an attack. Specially on a foreign land. We don't know what we'll face once we get there." - He rebuked, sounding worried for me.

"You gotta be kidding me!" - I yelled, rebellious.

"Jack, the only reason why I'm telling you any of this is because a) you deserve to know just as much as anyone if not more; b) you're the future Alpha, you should know what happens in our pack. But this isn't safe. We'll just bring enough of our people to leave no stone left unturned on their land." - He explained with a dreading determination in his voice.

"Thank you for telling me this. I get why you don't wanna risk my presence. If anything happens to me, then this wouldn't be the Stonehold pack anymore." - I observe in a dreadful realization.

"Exactly. And I'm not about to betray my best friend just so I can bring his only heir to a massacre." - He stated, making me remember that he really lost his best friend. And even though it's a completely different loss than mine, he did lose.

"I know. I just really wish I could kill the person behind all this." - I said, my eyes glowing with anger thinking about it.

"I understand it. And I promise you that I will avenge them on your behalf. You have my word." - Mr. Burke pledged.

"Thank you, sir." - I smiled at him.

After that, the rest of the time was spent strategizing about the future attack. It's a massive endeavor as it's not a small pack to strike. They're almost 300 people the report suggested it.

Even so, why would a mid sized pack attack ours? What's in it for them?

Regardless. They killed my family. I wanna feast on the flesh being ripped from their bones.

There's no forgiveness in me for them. And even if I could forgive them for my parents - which I can't - I would never forgive anyone for my 6 years old sister. Even if it's just about my dad, Lilly could still be here with me.

Maybe then I wouldn't have such a hole in my heart. A giant hole since my family was so unceremoniously brutally taken away from me for no apparent reason.

"Are you okay? I know today was tough." - Ty asked me once we're in the car driving to the training center. Tears escaped my eyes as I steered the wheel.

"Not really, I'm not. But it's fine." - I replied in a sincere tone.

He could feel something was off with me, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out how this afternoon messed with me. And he can literally feel what I'm feeling via the mate bond.

"I'm so sorry for everything. I know you want to take revenge for your parents. But you have to understand why my dad can't risk you being there. The same way he would never have me there either." - He argued.

"I do understand it. If somehow they get to me, then they would succeed in exterminating the Stonehold family. Or the Stonehold pack. I get it. I'm not mad at your dad." - I told him.

"I'm just mad." - I continued in an angry tone.

Tyler runs his hand on my sides to calm me down, which I like it. At warrior training, I take all my frustrations in the combat exercises.

I take down one by one of experienced warriors who sparred with me, just not violently. But intensely. At this point, my training is as advanced as any trainee warrior.

When Ty and I get to the locker room, there's a part of me that wants to bend him over and fuck him good right there in the shower.

Or at the very least have him blow me.

But I know I can't do either of those things. Even though we shower alone, it's a common area. And I could never disrespect the space.

Even if being with my mate, I just can't afford to lose face with the warriors. Or even risk it. I just can't. But most importantly right now I can't risk Tyler's health.

That would kill me more than any quick pleasure I'd get from the sex. So, I endure.

"Are you okay? I mean, better?" - Ty asked me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"You don't know how bad I wish I could fuck you right now." - I said with such a firm conviction that made him gasp in surprise.

"Oh, I see." - He mumbled still in shock by my smoldering gaze at him as we shower.

"Yes, I'm getting there. Better, I mean." - I replied, not even attempting to conceal my hard member waiting for my mate who will never come. Not now, anyway.

He moves in my direction but I raise a hand to stop him.

"Don't! Keep away please." - I warned him in a harsh tone.

"I wasn't going to rape you, I was just gonna kiss you." - Ty snapped at me, angrily.

"I'm not afraid of you, Tyler. I'm afraid of myself. You can kiss me when we're clothed." - I told him in a sincere tone.

I can't exactly answer for myself if he came any closer. It's been only a few weeks of the dry spell, but it's not even about sex or lack there of. It's about the rage I'm feeling inside of me.

This scream that refuses to quiet down. I thought I had it under control, but it can burst out of me when I least expect it.

The rage glowing in my eyes mixing with lust, even though they don't belong together.

I step out of the shower to hurriedly dry myself off and get dressed. I need some control back before I do something I regret.

The hole in my heart keeps screaming at me, scratching its claws under the surface, itching to take over me. But I can't let it.

That can't be my narrative. I simply have too much to lose to get destructive now. I'm not 10 anymore. There're real consequences at play.

And I only pray I can get my darkness in check. Otherwise, it'd be hell to pay.

https://youtu.be/I-h4A7bF8wQ

A|N: There's a darkness that takes over your heart when you lose someone dear that it's difficult to put into words, though in Jack's case it's far worse. Poor Tyler...

Love,

Léo.