I know I've been saying for about five million years that this was going to happen, but I've been writing other stuff and I honestly kept forgetting about it. And I had to convince the Mikaelsons to be here. 

 Strangely enough, in all this time, I only have twelve ships.

 Klaus: That's far too many.

 Well, what would be your idea of a good amount? 

 Klaus: None.

 Why is he here?

 Kol: No one knows. He seems to insist upon it.

 Back to the point, I found at least one ship for everybody except Esther, Freya, Finn and Hope. Which is actually almost half of you. Sorry, guys.

 Esther: That's all right. I don't think I ever really understood, anyway.

 Finn: I would preferred not to know about it.

 Kol: Oh, stop being such a downer, Finn.

 Who wants to go first?

 (Silence)

 Klaus: Elijah will.

 Elijah: You're not pulling that again.

  Kol: Well, I would certainly rather not.

 You know what? Let's start with Henrik, since he never annoys anyone.

 Henrik: Me?

 Yes, you.

 Henrik Mikaelson/Stiles Stillinski (Teen Wolf)

 Henrik: Who's he?

 I actually don't know.

 Henrik: Well, if he's nice, I suppose it didn't be so bad. As long as Klaus doesn't kill him, too.

 Klaus: I can't make any promises.

 Kol, yours is next.

 Kol: Excuse me?

 Kol Mikaelson/Bella Swan (Twilight)

Kol: Who?

Klaus: The movie with the sparking idiots.

Mikael, you're up.

Mikael: What?

Mikael Mikaelson/Bella Swan (Twilight)

Mikael: Did you have to write 'Mikael Mikaelson'? I detest that name.

Esther: Who's Bella Swan?

Kol: Oh, you're in trouble.

Mikael: That's just it, I don't know who she is. Although that name sounds familiar.

Klaus: The movie with the sparkling idiots.

Mikael: It's one of those people? But that movie was horrible! They got their facts all wrong.

Rebekah, you want to go next?

Rebekah: I suppose I should just get it over with.

Rebekah Mikaelson/Lucy Westenra (Dracula)

Rebekah: Where did that come from?

Well, I'm pretty sure I saw it somewhere once.

Rebekah Mikaelson/Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson and the Olympians)

Mikael: Who is this Percy Jackson, and why does he think he can just date my daughter?

Rebekah: I've never heard of him, but I'm sure Nik would kill him.

Klaus: I will admit, it's very possible.

Well, we still have Klaus and Elijah to get to.

Klaus: Elijah will.

Elijah: (sighs) All right.

Elijah Mikaelson/Stiles Stillinski (Teen Wolf)

Henrik: But I thought I was with him.

Elijah: You could have him, I suppose. I don't think I have ever met him.

Elijah Mikaelson/Bella Swan (Twilight)

Elijah: Well, she wasn't that bad.

Kol: You're too nice, Elijah.

Elijah Mikaelson/Elsa (Frozen)

Elijah: I don't think I know anyone named Elsa.

Seriously? First you had never heard of Harry Potter, now you're telling me you guys have never seen Frozen?

Elijah: If it's a movie, we should watch it sometime.

Unfortunately, that brings us to Klaus.

Klaus Mikaelson/Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)

Klaus: I actually know who she is. Since learning about that Hogwarts place, I have been attempting to read the book.

And?

Klaus: She's annoying.

Klaus Mikaelson/Leah Clearwater (Twilight)

Klaus: But she wasn't in the movie.

I know. Bella doesn't find out about the werewolves until the second book.

Klaus: There's werewolves, too?

Klaus Mikaelson/Alex Russo (Wizards of Waverly Place)

Klaus: Who?

You tell me, I've never watched the show.

Klaus Mikaelson/Derek Hale (Teen Wolf)

Klaus: He's probably a loser.

Freya: You don't know that, Klaus.

Klaus Mikaelson/Bella Swan (Twilight)

Klaus: But I hate those people!

Then you're not going to like the fact I saw you shipped with her more than the others.

Klaus: Why couldn't have it been Mikael? At least then we could have watched Mother destroy him and it would have been amusing.

Mikael: Hey, I'm standing right here!

Thankfully, that was all the ships I know of. If others exist, I'm not sure I want to know.

Kol: So what does it mean that all of these exist?

Klaus: It means people enjoy writing about me.

Freya: About us, Klaus.

Klaus: Oh, fine. And this is where we learn about the stories written about us.

Sure, 'The Mikaelsons React', in which Klaus wants to kill everyone, Rebekah and Kol are whiny, Mikael is a Class A psycho, and Finn is just depressing. I honestly don't know how these got popular.

Mikael: I am not a Class A psycho!

Klaus: Then what do you call this?

Mikael: You just gestured to all of me!

Klaus: Exactly. Are we done here? I have things to do.

Yes, Klaus, you can go.

Finn: Then I'm definitely out of here. The Underworld is far more interesting than this.

If you say so, Finn.