CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
↳ you didn't listen, did you?

( CW // Arguments and screaming, slight suggestion to anxiety attacks )
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The night following the grand victory Gryffindor held was anything but casual or mundane for a Wizard's standard. In fact, it was horrible. A travesty, a tale of betrayal and loss of trust. In the middle of the night, Elara awoke to Lois franticly shaking her. Dark curls met her gaze as she stared up and saw Lois' wide, frantic eyes that held remorse so carefully.

Elara rubbed her eyes, squinting at the older girl. "Lo," Elara yawned, stretching her arms. "What time is it? Shouldn't you be asleep?" Elara shook her head tiredly. She pulled the mustard covers over her figure. "Five more minutes," The girl went to fall asleep, only for Lois to pull her up, forcing her to sit upright on the bed.

Lois gave her a sorrowful look, a look filled with an abundance of hidden apologies that she never owed her. "El," She began, not breaking eye contact with the third year. "It's Sirius Black," Elara's breathe caught in her throat, hitching as her eyes were wide and full of something Lois couldn't pinpoint. "He broke into the castle," the news broke out throughout the castle that lonely night. Sirius Black, mass murderer, had broken into the castle with ill intentions against Harry Potter, the boy who lived. At least, that's what people assumed.

For many hours, Elara stayed up. She could not read or have a mind occupied by anything other than the thoughts that were compromised by Sirius Black only. It felt awful. Her heart was racing constantly and her nose was snotty. She felt so ill and it was awful. Cedric offered a concerned glance, worried for his friend who's hair was messily in a bun as she stumbled down into the common room, after everyone had returned to bed. Her eyes were red and her nose was sleek with snot, probably from crying. She wandered aimlessly toward him and just laid her head on his lap, crying softly. "I-I trusted him, he-he told me he was innocent- I- I swear," she hiccuped out, her voice shaking like a leaf. Cedric stroked the curls on her head that fell out the blue bobble as she continued her pitiful crying. He couldn't say anything to comfort her, words would never be able to comfort in these times, the pang in her chest was filled to the brim, oozing with betrayal. That betrayal was so fresh and it wounded her incredulously as she continued her crying that fell into the depths of the dark night. He- Sirius- her dad, he promised not to do anything that would harm his name. Why would he go against what she told him? It felt like some tragedy only Shakespeare could write. But this was no play, this wasn't make believe, this was a reality Elara wished she could escape.

She couldn't skip this chapter of betrayal and pity. That's not how books worked. She couldn't rip out the pages and burn them like how Amy March did to Jo March's prized novel in a fit of unadulterated rage. She couldn't scream as loud as Anne Shirley whenever she was in a fit of fury and sadness. She was just Elara, not some blissful book character who's worries would be whisked away with the wave of a wand, she was in betrayal at the revelation that Sirius Black, her dad, had went against her word and did something completely stupid. Choking back her sobs, her fingers fumbled with the necklace as she continued crying. Little poppet. She felt as little as that name she was always called as a young, innocent child. She felt so helpless as she continued to drown in the despairs held onto her like a mother clamming onto her child. That's all she could do. She hadn't even gotten a wink of sleep from the sadness that was held over her, patronising her endlessly with guilt and pain. No, how could she sleep? How could she even close her eyes and fall into a slumber when she had this happen to her? She couldn't even close her eyes, because when she did, the promises they made would flash and taunt her ridiculously.

Nevertheless, Laurie's snuggling and purring soothed the third year girl into slumber, but she knew tomorrow would be anything but ordinary.

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Elara wasn't in the world's best mood. She felt awful, snotty and disgusting so she decided to take a hot shower. The shower felt nice on her skin, refreshing. Despite this though, she knew she'd end up crying today.

It was a Sunday and she needed to go and talk to her dad. It wasn't an option at all. Not only had he gone and put himself in a position where he appears suspicious, but he also betrayed her trust. It felt awful to know the feeling, she hoped it would be her last time. For a split second, Elara thought she was being dramatic. But then her dreams compromised her and she thought deeply. What if they had proof but Sirius' guilty behaviour took that evidence and contaminated it?

Hermione had kindly waited outside Hufflepuff dormitories for Elara, leaving Ron and Harry alone to go and talk to her best friend. She waited for a bit, then the door opened and out came the girl she cared for deeply. "Hey El," Hermione smiled, although that smile seemingly vanished when she noticed the tears on Elara's solemn face. "El, what's wrong?" Elara turned away from her. "Elara what's wrong?" She repeated more sternly when the younger girl's back faced her.

"'M fine," Elara mumbled quietly, not even meeting Hermione's eyes as she spoke. Her voice didn't have the same joyous tint it usually did. It seemed blue. She seemed as though society had disappeared and now she remained a soulless body, a shell of who she was.

"Did you hear? Last night-" Elara cut her off, sighing exasperatedly.

"Sirius Black broke into Gryffindor tower, I know," she mused softly, her voice breaking slightly when she finished her sentence. The two made eye contact and Hermione could see through her facade as she stared, emptly at her. Her brown eyes were no longer oozing with curiosity, but realization.

The two girls walked in silence and Hermione hated it. She longed for Elara's constant chatter about a new novel she wished to read. Anything would be better than the cold silence that overtook the two girls. So to make up for the silence, she began. "So what are you doing later?"

Elara turned to her, offered a faint smile and turned away. "Just going to see Pip," she muttered quietly. She didn't seem at all excited, her voice almost like a dementor had sucked out all her joy. "I suppose you're busy with your work?" She guessed. Hermione nodded awkwardly. "I would've invited you, honest, just I think you should focus today on catching up anything," she lied. Hermione wouldn't exactly understand meeting a supposed criminal. She felt awful for lying, but what else could she have said?

Life wasn't that interesting after that. The two arrived at the hall, greeted by Harry and Ron, the ginger boasting about how brave he had been during the perilous night. Girls surrounded the Weasley in awe as he portrayed the events.

"Did you sword fight him Ron?" Elara had asked, tilting her head. Ron shook his head. "Then you were just lucky that the knife didn't stab you," Ron had, in a rather nasty tone, told her many things about how she should leave them alone and just hang out with her other friends since they don't want her around. Harry seemed shocked by what he said, muttering how that wasn't true. Angry, Elara huffed and stomped on his toe, making the Weasley boy squeak out in pain. Nevertheless, she still cared for him and knew he'd apologise the next day. At least, she hoped he would. As she walked away towards the Hufflepuff table, she quietly heard Hermione hiss at him and scold him for how he had treated Elara. He couldn't help but feel guilty as he watched as the girl went to sit quietly on her usual seat, the excitement that usually radiated from her replaced with something that seemed almost too solemn to comprehend.

She spent her time thinking about a lot of things. Scabbers, or Pettigrew, hadn't turned up yet and at this point Elara was barely holding onto hope. She wanted to help her dad, but he was making everything so fucking difficult. When she saw him later, she'd make sure to smack him. Suddenly someone snapped their fingers in front of her. "Mhm what?"

Everyone else in the group had left to go and walk around the castle for a while, Elara had not realised this. Cedric sighed out, his hand propping his head up. "El are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said quickly, shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts. "I'm fine," she tried to dismiss her friend's concern, but it fueled him even more.

"No you aren't," Cedric replied, genuinely. He grabbed her arm before she could even walk away. "Please don't tell me what I think you're doing,"

Elara sighed. "What else am I meant to do?" Her voice was raw with pure emotions. The hall was empty, so she knew no one else was watching.

"Maybe not go and talk to him?" His eyes bore into hers for a moment, silently hoping she'd listen. But Cedric Diggory knew very well just how stubborn Elara Lily Lupin was. He had witnessed it first hand, she would do anything, even if someone was holding a gun - well a wand - at her.

"Ced, you and I both know that I can't do that,"

Elara stood up and began to walk away. "But you don't have to!" He called out. He jogged up towards her and looked at her with sympathy. "You can just forget him and go back to-"

"Go back to what?" She blinked at him, eyes full and wide with frustration. "Questioning if me liking a girl is genuine? Acting so blissfully ignorant that I know nothing?" Elara spat out. Her voice broke slightly in her next words. "I-I've tried, believe me and I do- I try so much and I want to do this so- so fucking much," her hands shook slightly as she moved them shakily to emphasis her point. "I need to go and ask him,"

Cedric sighed and loosened his grip on her arm. He really didn't want to let her go after him again, but she was stubborn and wouldn't listen. "Fine, but please be safe?" Elara nodded and he wrapped her in a tight hug. "I don't want to find out you've been murdered, so please just ask him what you want and leave it at that,"

Of course, Elara had a lot to say to the rather infamous Sirius Black and what she had to say was something she hadn't told anyone beforehand. She was awful at properly explaining stuff, so it was definitely going to be a drag when she'd be confronting her dad about the night before. As usual, she had Laurie to go fetch the ebony dog and they'd go to the shrieking shack and talk. She didn't exactly know if they'd actually 'talk', but from the looks of it, they would. Elara stayed by the banks of the black lake while she watched Laurie flick a tail into the darkness, his snow white coat disappearing into the shadows of the Forbidden Forest. Elara sat down for a moment, breathing out heavily, wringing her hands as she tried focusing on the sounds of the birds chirping. But, she couldn't focus. All she could hear was her heartbeat in her ear as her heart thundered constantly.

Silently, she began counting each heartbeat as it simultaneously thundered more and more in her chest.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

She really didn't want to do this. Confrontation seemed so daunting now. Her heart remained heavy as she breathed more and more, trying to catch her breathe as though someone had purposely robbed it from her with ill intentions. Her arms and legs tingled more and more and she felt her hands grow more clammy as the seconds ticked.

She continued counting.

Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.

She hoped she could pinch herself and awake. Her nail digged into her left arm as she constantly pinched herself, hoping that she'd suddenly jump out of her cosy bed and breathe out heavily because of the bad dream. However, Elara never awoke and this was just a bad reality.

By the time she had counted to three hundred, she heard some barking and looked at, startled. There he was, his misty grey eyes clouded and soon turned away when he saw the wetness on her cheeks. He must have known what he did and knew why she urgently had to talk to him. The group walked in silence, away from the seeing eyes of society. Elara had no patience anymore, she grabbed a long stick and poked the tree, paralysing it and continued to huff and walk down to the shack. She rubbed her nose and scratched her arm anxiously, the dog continuing to follow her relentlessly as she hurried away into the shack. As soon as the dog and girl got in, the shack's doors shut and Sirius Black turned to look at his daughter.

"You didn't listen, did you?" She muttered, incoherently. She was shaking. "How the fuck can you even look at me when you decided to go and mess this all up?" She was holding back her tears as the man looked at her with nothing but confusion. Why was she acting like this all of the sudden? She breathed out heavily, shaking and her mouth dry as she tried speaking her pains and deepest desires. She felt so sick and was so shaken. It was awful. Breathe, Elara, breathe. Her papa's kind, assuring voice rang in her head and she followed his voice as she struggled to think.

Sirius looked taken aback, but immediately went to defend himself. "I thought he'd be back and I'm tired of waiting,"

Elara chuckled darkly. "Tired of waiting," she shook her head, her lips pressed together. Sirius had gone up to her now, willing to hug her like they usually did. Although, today was vastly different. Today he wouldn't get a hug. Instead, with all her might and strength, the palm of Elara's right hand collided with Sirius' pale face. "How could you be so stupid!?" Sirius was surprised by this sudden outburst, his hand reaching out to hold where her's had collided.

"What else was I meant to do?" Sirius spat out. He expected her to understand how horrible it must've felt.

"You should've waited!" Elara yelled out, her voice quivering slightly. "You should've waited until he came back or been found!" She covered her face with her hands, breathing heavily into her hands. "Why did you not listen?" She gulped down a cry as she turned towards him, glowering at him. She was still shaking. She tried calming down, but it wasn't working. Why wasn't it working?

"I thought it'd investigate?"

"With a knife?" Elara spluttered out, she felt as though bile was rising in her throat. She swallowed it down. "Are you serious?"

"Yes my name is-" he paused when he heard her sobs. "Poppet?"

She was kneeling on the ground, her hands covering her face as she cried. Tears painted her face like stars to the sky as she looked up at him with red eyes, puffy and rimmed with wet tears. "Why couldn't you have waited? I know you've waited so long, but why didn't you just wait a little longer? I'm sure it wouldn't have been a struggle,"

Sirius hung his head low. "I don't know," he said truthfully as he looked into her fiery eyes that glittered with tears so fresh and tragic. She still continued to cry, her small sobs escaping the back of the throat as he continued. "I really don't know,"

Elara wiped underneath her right eye and then wiped her nose. "Do you know how long I've waited to meet you?" She mumbled, her voice cracking. She looked up at him blankly. "Papa's spent a lot of time crying, you know? He won't go in my room because I have a photo of you on my nightstand, the one where you dressed me up as a wolf for Halloween," Sirius knew exactly what she was talking about. It was the last day he ever got to hold his little girl properly. "And sometimes he used to be unable to even get out of bed," she said, almost bitterly. Her voice was a weak, frail voice reaching out to Sirius' ears, grasping them daintily. Sirius placed his cold hand on her warm right hand, her tone was so different to how warm her hands were. "He's always in pain and I can't do anything and maybe- maybe if I proved you- that you had never done those things then maybe, just maybe I'd be able to help him," she turned her face towards him as her eyes pooled with tears once again. "Why can't you just listen?" Her voice broke. Laurie had gone towards her and nuzzled his head against her as she sat on the floor, staring aimlessly at the marks on the floor. "Maybe then - maybe then I could prove that I was more than just another person to feed," she hiccuped. "Maybe then I could prove to him that I can help,"

Sirius didn't know what to say. His little girl, his happy little girl who was so bright and full of life, was sat on the floor, practically blue with sorrow as she thought more and more about what she could've done, how she could've been a better daughter. He truly never understood the impact his imprisonment had on her. He assumed she would've been fine, but evidently she wasn't. "El, what can I do?" His voice was raw and pained.

Brown snapped up to meet grey and she huffed out. "You can't do anything, you've fucked it all up,"

"Then tell me what I can do?!" He screamed out at her, the smaller girl flinching slightly at how hostile he seemed. Sirius looked at her guiltily. "P-Please," his voice broke slightly as he begged to know how to make everything better. "Tell me how I can make it all better?"

Elara felt so many emotions course through her veins and heart. She felt her heart beat pick up once again and she started counting. She tried, but she couldn't succeed and it was paining her. She gasped out in a fit of sudden anger. "You can't! Okay?" She stood up suddenly and racked her fingers through her curly hair. She breathed out heavily, her body shaking as she thought more and more. Her breathing elevated and she tried picking her nails and scratching her skin to calm down. "You fucked up and now I haven't got a-" She breathed in, trying to breathe out of her nose just like her papa had taught her. "-clue on how to do anything!" Her voice broke as she finished her sentence, gleaming at him with eyes filled with pain. She shook as she covered her mouth, silently holding back her cries of despair. "How could you even think you can fix this?" She croaked out. She was breathing erratically now.

Sirius couldn't help but tear up when his eyes met hers once more. He remembered when he heard those exact words from Remus all those years ago when he was foolish and selfish. How could you? Those words were venomously spat at him as an accusing finger was pointed at him. He remembered that day when he practically lost the love of his love's trust. How he decided to expose a great secret with poor intentions. How he angered his friends and made them all look at him with scowls that reminded him all so much of his haunting parents'. The menace in their eyes was all so familiar and it made him curl into a ball and cry into the early hours of the morning. "I-I just want my dad back, is that too much to ask for?" Admitted Elara, meeting his sudden grey, sorrow filled gaze that pierced her eyes cautiously.

With a heavy heart and his mind racing with apologies that couldn't amount to what he owed her and Remus, Sirius sauntered towards her and, hesitantly, hugged her while he cried into her long curly hair. The two crumbled onto the floor in a heap of tears and anguish, their voices of sorrow echoing in the lonely shack that was scratched and ruined beyond repair. He didn't know what to say. Was there anything to say? He heard her voice hitch and her face bury into his shoulder as she let out tears filled with the emotions she'd bury into her diary journals. The tears that coated the pages of her diaries where she'd talk about how much pain her papa had been and how much she wished her other dad wasn't gone. How she missed his soft voice and wished she was able to hug him once more. Sirius' hand caressed the softness of hair locks and the pair just stayed crying together in the cold shrieking shack. "Please don't do anything stupid," Elara mumbled out, her pleading stare meeting his angst filled eyes. "Please, when it's right?" Sirius nodded, silent but hopeful he'd stay true to his word. She just hoped he would, she couldn't lose him, not when she only just got him back.

"I promise," he mumbled out, his voice small from emotions he held back all those years he spent locked away in sorrow. He pushed back his greasy black hair as he allowed himself to cry in front of the girl he's suppose to be brave around. How could he be brave though? The girl continued to cry. She couldn't stop now. She was wheezing for breathe, still trying to count. But she couldn't. Numbers didn't form in her mind and all she could think about was nothing. Sirius' breathe hitched as he listened to the wheezing that erupted from her small, helpless figure. "Poppet? Poppet, look at me," he grabbed her chin, forcing the crying girl to look him in the eyes. "Take a deep breathe with me," he instructed. She nodded shakily and when he breathed in, she breathed in. She followed as he breathed out, copying him and felt her heart rate slow significantly. She was still shaking in his arms, but she wasn't hysterical. Sirius wrapped his arms around her, his hand stroking a stray tear that fell down her cheek. His expression matched hers as he cried. Soon, she mumbled something he couldn't hear but he knew it must've been correct. Whatever it was, it didn't matter because at least she was speaking something. "I have no clue what you said but whatever you said is 100% true," she choked out a small laugh, tears still dripping down her cheeks like a river flowing beautifully down a stream. "I'm so sorry, I hope you will grow to forgive me,"

Elara truly did hope she would forgive him. Forgiveness is growth and growth is what makes life.

In Elara's small yet fulfilling life, she had read many novels from bookstores and libraries that filled her with a sense of passion. Reading was an escapism she knew all too well, giving her a brand new world where she wasn't just Elara Lupin. She could be Matilda Wormwood and have powers that would assist her and help her in her greatest hours of need, she could be free to imagine whatever she wanted and could have the world at the tip of her fingers. She could be Alice Liddell and fall down a rabbit hole to have tea with the Mad Hatter and his friends and help Wonderland. Books meant she could be anyone... anyone apart from her plain old self. She could spend her days trapped in a world where life ended up in joys. But those were just fictional books. They were designed to appeal to people. No one would want to read a book that had a broken ending, an ending filled with uncertainty. Why would they? The simplicity of the mind desires endings we know we won't experience firsthand. So, to compromise, we agree to the books filled with our deepest desires, the desires that are so impossible to actually reach yet are possible through the extraordinary mind of a being. However, Elara Lily Lupin understood many things with life. We will experience the greatest travesties known to mankind and we will break. That's life. But, it's not about what wounded us, the story focuses on our growth as people and it will always be about that. We learn, we grow, we are a cycle like a plant. We will wither away, fall into despair and die, but that's the beauty of our lives. Our short, humane lives are what create us as individuals.

As much as Elara wished she could run away into the depth of Wonderland or Narnia or Green Gables, she knew she would have to face her own story headfirst. She'd have to deal with the pains and sufferings and age gracefully like a plant. Sure, in the end she'll wither away and die out. But that's life. It's a requirement. Immortality isn't truly living because life is about growing and falling and never giving up, it isn't about remaining because the only way we can truly remain is through the minds of those we love. We will die, we will grieve but we cannot prevent that. Despite the fact she knew nothing, she still stood tall like a sunflower. She chose to continue. Despite how she'd always remain in blissful ignorance and would never grasp life itself, she still continued. That was her life. While her nimble fingers will never graze it or even feel it, she felt it in her soul, in her spirit , marking her gracefully as she continued forward. Because life lives in you and while you will never see your soul, others will grasp a small concept of it through the reflection of your eyes and, hopefully, your life will become their life and you'll both learn that life isn't something you can touch or see, it's something you can only imagine in your greatest dreams through the people you truly love.

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Can I just say how hard this was to write? Originally, I planned to have Elara stop visiting him, but then I saw a marauders edit about the prank that absolutely broke me. I had major inspiration from the bit where Remus was going to Sirius 'How dare you?' which then prompted me to write Elara and Sirius' argument. I have no clue whether this was cliche or actually realistic, but regardless I hope you all enjoyed. Poor Elara puts so much trust in people and the absolute heartbreak she feels hurts me a lot. I also wanted to add more complexity to her character. She appears so selfless but then she has her own deepest desires that she wants to come true. Her temper with Sirius reflects the fact she can be kind, but can also be angry with pain. To be honest, we need characters who have personalities that contradict each other. We need selfless characters who act selfish, calm characters who break. It brings depth and makes it more and more interesting.

ANY SPELLING, GRAMMATICAL OR PUNCTUAL ERRORS WILL BE EDITED IN THE FUTURE ‼️