PROLOGUE
↳ beginnings

IT WAS A CHILLY OCTOBER EVENING AND THE SKY WAS PINK AS THE SUN BEGAN TO SET. Typical nights like these didn't seem haunting, despite the chill in the air and the eeriness that settled in their bones. In truth, they seemed almost serene, completely opposite to what was truly happening in the real world.

Sirius and Remus were at James and Lily's house in Godric's Hollow with their young daughter, Elara. The war itself was at a low, gradually settling though tensions were still high, especially as the number of friends they had to bury was growing. Just weeks prior, they had buried Dorcas, before that Marlene.

Elara herself was a happy baby. She was oblivious, thankfully, to the threats of the death eaters, content in her baby mind where all that mattered were the people she saw every day. It wasn't hard to forget that there were atrocities being committed as they sat comfortably, especially because of Elara's big puffy cheeks and loud gurgles. The young baby sat on the ground with James and Lily's young boy, Harry, almost aggressively smashing blocks against the ground, babbling nonsense that only Harry seemed to understand. The marauders and Lily all looked at the two children who were products of war.

Harry, sweet Harry, was just an innocent baby who was being hunted aggressively by you-know-who, and Elara was victimised by a werewolf who had mauled her parents to death whilst she was asleep in her cot. The only reason she wasn't dead was because Lily and James Potter had saved her right before the feral beast could pounce on her. Both of these children were innocent victims of war, too young to even grasp the concept of the first wizarding war.

For a moment Godric's Hollow seemed peaceful, innocent. It felt as though a war was not raging on and it was as though the entire world was just Elara and Harry. These few moments filled the group of young adults with hope that this would soon be their life. That their children would get to grow in a healthier environment where their parents weren't worried all the time.

"Uncle Pwongs!!" Elara giggled as her godfather lifted her into the air. Elara absolutely adored her 'Uncle Pwongs'. Her pronunciation of words wasn't particularly good, though she was a baby and so it was to be expected. James knew he would miss her small baby lisp, especially as she grew up. He was totally and utterly enamored by Elara and her existence, awfully protective of the little girl he happily called his niece. Sometimes, he'd joke to Sirius about how she was practically his daughter. Of course, that was just soft banter and James knew the betrayal he felt when Sirius decided to tease James and dress Harry, James' son, in a dog outfit. Ever since then, it was a running joke about whether James or Sirius was Elara's dad, although James would always remain 'uncle pwongs'.

"Look at my favourite goddaughter!" James beamed as his lovely goddaughter giggled profusely when he began tickling her side.

"Prongs she's your only goddaughter," Remus John Lupin, a scarred werewolf, Sirius' fiancé and Elara's papa, enlightened. Though his statement was more of a deadpan, his looks could've easily fooled James.

There was an awfully wide smile on the scarred man's face.

Sirius leaned and pecked Remus' lips. "Don't ruin the moment, moony!" Sirius barked at his soon to be husband. It was true that he was incredibly in love with Remus John Lupin, so much so that he'd raise a child, their baby girl, with him. He doubted a lot with his parenting skills, but when he looked into those eyes that were wide with innocence and beauty, he knew that he wanted to be a part of every moment of his daughter's life.
His daughter. Even after nearly a year of adopting Elara, he still couldn't get over the fact that this was their daughter. That this little brown eyed baby had his name on her adoption certificate along with Remus'. It felt so surreal that this was his baby. This was their baby.

Elara was just... perfect. She was everything he'd ever wish for and more. She was the entire universe along with Remus and the Potter Family. They were his moons, stars, constellations and more. They were his universe and he was forever grateful to be blessed with them all.
He'd do anything to keep the world he had gained. Anything.

Weeks passed and it was Halloween, a day where witches and wizards could fool muggles into thinking magic was nothing more than a concept in children's novels, all whilst performing spells in front of them.
In the Lupin-Black household, Remus and Sirius had dressed their little girl in an adorable wolf costume. It was a little joke between them as Sirius was a black dog animagi and Remus was a werewolf. The little girl screamed with delight when her fathers both spun around, listening to muggle music and eating the halloween sweets they had bought for themselves.

Remus had taken an awful amount of pictures. Not moving ones, but polaroids that would always remain still. Call him a sap, but he had a rather big sentiment for the simplistic life. An unmoving picture was so much more priceless than a moving one because it preserved more of the moment to him.

He couldn't wait to tease his daughter in the future about that werewolf outfit.

Elara was munching away on a chocolate bar, the chocolate covering her entire face. They had melted the chocolate, simply because her gums were still sore, though Remus thought it was an atrocity to deprive her of the experience of chocolate. Sirius was trying to keep the wolf ears on her, but she kept pulling them off and offering a smug smirk at her father who'd sigh exasperatedly as he tried, for the hundredth time, to keep the ears on her. ( Sirius hadn't noticed but Remus was standing by them with a camera still taking photos ).

Originally, they planned to spend Halloween with the Potter's. But with the ever growing fear that Harry would be killed, Sirius and Remus had decided to stop visiting Lily and James in an effort to conceal their whereabouts.

Under the advice of both James, Lily and Sirius, Peter Pettigrew was made secret-keeper so that they could protect Harry.

They all knew that it would be assumed that Sirius was the secret-keeper, so the tactic of using the weakest of the Marauders as the one with the most important secret seemed like a full-proof plan.

Dumbledore was even under the impression that Sirius held the secret, they had fooled even the wisest of men.

At night, Sirius had decided to visit Peter's house, just to see an old friend. He entered his daughter's room and kissed her softly on the head, whispering sweetness into her ear. She was so still, cradling a small stuffed teddy to herself like her life depended on it. "Goodbye Poppet, I'll be home soon," he whispered, smoothing out the tuffs of black hair that was resting on her head. The young girl was sound asleep, a smile resting on her small face. Sirius smiled warmly, tempted to just stay there and visit Peter another day. But something told him that he needed to visit Peter. It was a voice at the back of his head, telling him to check on his friend.

How he wished he ignored that voice.

He arrived at Peter's house, a death-eater's cloak glaring at him aggressively. So aggressively that Sirius paled and felt like he was going to be sick. Peter was the traitor. He couldn't be. Peter was their best friend, a marauder, an uncle to Harry and Elara, a brother. He was one of them. Wasn't he?

In the heat of the moment, Sirius found himself apparating to Godric's Hollow, terror squeezing him as he approached the house. The door was open, something Lily and James would never do. He stumbled into the house, expecting Prongs to jump on him and Harry to yell "uncle padfoo!" but all he heard was silence. Deathly silence.

He choked back a sob when he saw who was lying on the ground, eyes wide open and staring at him. Those eyes didn't blink nor twitch, they remained an empty void. It was Prongs, his comrade, a fallen marauder. It was the man Sirius considered a second brother, the man whose nickname was his daughter's first word.

He didn't have his wand. It remained on the ground in the living room. James, James had been murdered. He had been murdered and it was all Sirius' fault. Sirius spiraled deeper into self-guilt. If he hadn't asked James to make Peter the secret-keeper, perhaps those eyes wouldn't be haunting his vision. Perhaps he'd be walking in and greeting his brother who'd be holding his godson. Maybe he'd be laughing at Sirius and asking where his goddaughter was. He could've been doing anything except being dead on the floor.

Perhaps this meant that James had sacrificed himself so Lily and Harry could get away. His face blanched at the sight of Lily's wand, lying next to James'. He realised that she would've sent him a Patronus had she had been with her wand. Was Lily, the brightest, happiest girl, dead? Was his daughter's godmother, the woman she shared a name with, truly gone?

He found himself stumbling into the ruins that used to be Harry's bedroom. He saw the redhead's dead body and broke down. He was almost too scared to see Harry, afraid that he'd seen yet another corpse, but the wails of the infant screaming for his 'mumma' and 'dada' assured him that he was alive.

But Harry wasn't unharmed. A lightning bolt scar was deeply engraved on his forehead. Red bleeding, tender, a permanent reminder on how horrifying Halloween was. The scar glared at Sirius, a reminder that Harry had been struck with the killing curse, but managed to survive. Harry Potter, somehow, was the boy who lived. He survived. A mere baby had somehow survived and the cloak that laid on the ground spoke to Sirius, telling him that Voldemort's sudden disappearance was due to this small infant who was assumed defenceless.

Picking Harry up, the boy calmed down significantly being held by his godfather, still mumbling incoherently about mumma and dada. The boy's tears cascaded down his cheeks, a never ending flow of a river that was tender and eternal. A river that would remain scarred by the horrors. A river that was built from the aftermath of war, on an innocent child.

Although he was the boy who lived, Harry was the boy who lost. He truly lost his mother and father, his innocence, his secrecy. Nothing would be the same. He'd be idolised, objectified, harmed, simply for surviving a curse no one had survived before.

The moment Hagrid arrived, informing Sirius that Dumbledore wanted him to take Harry to his vile uncle and aunt's home. Sirius almost sneered at Hagrid at the thought of Harry living with those profusely disgusting muggles. "Well I'm his godfather!" He exclaimed, trying to emphasise that James and Lily wished for him to take Harry, and not those muggles who despised anything magic related.

"Sirius, I would've had it another way if Dumbledore didn't tell me otherwise," Hagrid consoled. He was still shaken at the fact James and Lily Potter were dead. Everyone was, except the wizards and witches celebrating the end of the war. Word travels quickly, so even hours after his defeat, wizards and witches knew and began celebrating.

Sirius huffed, he knew he had no power over what Dumbledore had to say about where Harry would remain. Maybe when the whole thing dies down, he can somehow convince him to let Harry stay with him, Remus and Elara for the rest of his life and allow him to grow up in a loving, magical, happy family.

Giving Hagrid the motorcycle and kissing Harry on his forehead, Sirius departed back to his home. He needed to say goodbye to Remus and Elara before he went out to look for that rat. When arriving, he wandered into his shared bedroom with Remus, solemnly kissing his forehead and whispering just how much he truly loved him.

He found himself in his daughter's bedroom, the night light shining on her face. She looked peaceful, her face innocent. She was fast asleep, but Sirius needed to remind her of how much he truly loved her. He needed to say goodbye, because if anything went wrong, he needed to know that he died letting the people he loved know how much they truly meant to him.

"Elara, I love you more than you can imagine. I love you more than any other person and I want you to know that me and your papa will always love you," Sirius took a breath, shakily as though tears were pooling at the corners of his eyes. "E-Elara Lily Lupin-Black, I will always be here. I promise when I fix this mess, me, you, Harry and papa can spend the rest of our lives with each other," Sirius felt a tear roll down his cheek and drip onto his daughter's forehead. Wiping it away with his thumb, he continued. "My sweet, little poppet. I promise I'll be back and I'll scare away any of the monsters and I promise I'll hug you and we can eat chocolate and have fun. I promise I'll walk you down the aisle and you can be the flower girl at me and Papa's wedding,"

Sirius felt so guilty. Why was he doing this? Why didn't he just stay and hope this was all a bad dream? That Lily and James were sound asleep and unharmed, that Harry wasn't with the horrible Dursley's. Why did this have to happen? Why did Pettigrew have to betray them? He knew that fate worked in an odd way, but why was fate so utterly depressing?

Why did fate steal away Sirius' family?

Why?

He always wondered 'why'. The 'what if's' and 'but's always plagued his mind. His heart yearned to know a future where his best mate lived and was something more than the cold dead eyes that gleamed at him hours ago.

Sometimes, Sirius couldn't imagine his best mate being dead. It was a silly thought, but he always envisioned them all being immortal souls as the universe passed around them. His heart felt broken that day, he had stopped crying ages ago when he knew he had cried his ocean.

Elara yawned in her sleep, remaining oblivious to the pain and tragedy that had just struck. She was peaceful, a calm essence of innocence. Her arms were sprawled around, her teddy long forgotten at the foot of her crib. Sirius grabbed onto it, holding it tightly in his grip before sighing. He placed it tucked underneath her arms, his thumb gently smoothing her puffy cheeks. Her warm skin comforted him and he wished that this wasn't his reality.

That these could be his final words to his little poppet.

"Elara, my darling poppet," his voice shattered ever so slightly, his lips trembling as though they didn't even want to say what Sirius was saying. "I promise I'll be back soon, I promise when you wake up I'll be here and we can dance around and I promise we can be happy and see fireworks and go to the park and have fun. My sweet girl, I promise we will do whatever your heart desires," Sirius separated himself from Elara and walked to the door. Before closing the door, he turned and saw the curly brown haired child laying in her cot, looking back once more.

"I love you my poppet, I promise I'll be back soon,"

That was Sirius Black's first ever empty promise. Sirius Black never came back after he shut the door to the apartment. He never opened the apartment door again. He never walked into Elara's bedroom and held her again after that moment. His little poppet never woke up to her fathers both making breakfast and playing muggle music. She never saw him again. Instead the little girl awoke to her Papa sobbing quietly, picking her up and holding her close, holding her as if she would soon be taken.

Of course, Elara didn't understand what had happened. How could she?

She was just a baby.

Yet she awoke to the news that uncle prongs and auntie 'ily were going to be asleep for a little while. Remus couldn't bear telling her they'd never be back.

Everyday, she'd always wonder when she'd see her godparents again, but had a feeling she wouldn't see them when she saw their graves. It was only a month after that she and her papa were at a grave and placed a bouquet down. It was only a month when her father had once again come home crying, after the hearing that Sirius was convicted to Azkaban as he betrayed the Potter's and conspired with you-know-who along with the murder of multiple muggles and Uncle Petey.

Sirius Black never got a trial and in a way, it felt nice to Remus that he wouldn't lose another friend to death's painful grasps. Remus Lupin knew there would be a chance his lover would get the kiss if he had a trial, so the decision that a betrayal like that would never deserve a trial comforted him.

Similarly, like the flowers that would wilt every month, Elara Lily Lupin-Black's life changed and although Remus slowly came to his senses after months shrouded in depression and guilt, enabling her to grow up with a loving papa, he always knew that life would be as fragile as the flowers they placed on Lily and James' grave. He knew that the innocence was taken and although Elara was a mere baby, she would never be the same.

ALL IN FAVOUR OF IGNORING HOW THIS CHAPTER DELETED ITSELF SAY "I"

like so basically I did my post last night and somehow this whole chapter deleted but thankfully, on Saturday I copied the whole of my book into my documents so I didn't lose this at all but like I momentarily panicked because it makes me look stupid if you click on and see an empty chapter that I supposed to be the opening-

REWRITTEN ++ EDITED - AUGUST 24TH 2023

- OKAY SO UPDATES WILL DEFO BE SLOW BECAUSE I AM LEGIT REWRITING THIS FIC BUT PLEASE BE PATIENT

I MISSED THIS FIC SM SO IVE DECIDED TO MAKE A GRAND RETURN

MARCH 2024
- uh... i did not make a grand return, since i started a hunger games fanfic.
- updates will be slow since i am putting majority of prioritisations on revising for my a level exams. but i will gradually start rewriting.