TW: Accident.

My tears can't stop, won't stop. My heart aches and thumps violently in my chest, and it's almost impossible for me to breathe. My legs suddenly can't hold the weight of all the things I've kept buried in me. As I sink to the floor next to the broken object, my unsaid feelings and unshed tears can't be controlled anymore. Because no matter what I tell myself, I know that Nathan, who's been trying to help me for so long, is right.

I feel Nathan sit down beside me on the floor. He puts his hand over my shoulder and pulls me to him tightly. Burying my head in his chest, I let it all out. He whispers sweet nothings in my hair as he consols me, his hand on my head, giving me all the support and time needed. When my tears slow down to some extent, I look back at the object, and my tears start again.

Brown soil is littered across my floor, the pot which Nathan, Ma and I had so carefully painted with tiny stars and flowers is in pieces, and our Rosie is lying horizontally across us. I feel Nathan's eyes on me, and when I finally turn around and gather the courage to look up at him, a sob courses through me when I find his eyes shine with unshed tears.

"Why are you crying?" I stammer out, hiccuping because of the tears.

He smiles and pecks my forehead, "How can I not when I know my girlfriend is in so much pain?"

I roll my eyes at his cheesiness and look back at Rosie. Following my gaze, he turns my head back to meet his eyes and shakes his head, "Rosie is a strong girl. I'll get a new pot for her as soon as I can. But for now," he looks around and seemingly finds something useful, "Hold on."

He gets up from the floor and I instantly feel empty without him by my side. I watch as he walks to the kitchen counter, grabs a cooking pot and walks back, crouching down to the floor. He starts filling how much ever soil he can into it and I realise what he's doing. I crawl over to him and help fill the soil in the pot, and once we're done, we carefully lift Rosie and place her in the middle of the vessel. Nathan walks back to the kitchen and grabs a glass of water, pouring it in the soil to make it easy to mould the soil around her roots and we succeed in making a makeshift pot for our rose plant.

When he's done, he looks up with muddy hands, a little mud on his face, a result of not paying attention to the movement of his hands and smiles at me.

I love you, I almost say, but bite back my confession. I haven't forgotten the main reason behind our fight, and there's a lot to say and mend. This is definitely not the right time to go on and confess my undying love for him.

He notices the change in the air and his smile turns apologetic.

"I'm sorry," he says and I shake my head.

"You have nothing to apologise for. It's all my mistake, I have been extremely closed off to you. But not anymore," I notice his eyes widen slightly as I continue, "I wanna rectify my mistake."

"You don't have to tell me," he tries to say but I shake my head no.

"I want to. I need to," I say to him, my stomach knotting with nervousness. I feel like throwing up, knowing what I'm about to tell him is not a story with fairies and sunshine.

He nods and quickly washes his hands and comes back to me as we sit on the sofa this time. I fold my legs under my body and stare at my hands as they nervously play with my bracelet.

"Grasshopper," he says and I blink up at him. I take a deep breath and begin retelling him the day which is etched into my memory forever.

-2 years ago-

The rain was pelting down outside my window, the pitter-patter of rain making it seem like the perfect night to cuddle on my bed with hot cocoa and read a book.

But the night was anything but perfect.

Groaning, I attempted to move to the window, but couldn't succeed because of the horrifying pain coursing through my entire body. I felt uncomfortably hot throughout, my body felt like it was burning. I pressed my fingers to my head to ease the pounding headache as another sneeze made its way to my nose. Gathering enough strength, I managed to walk down to the kitchen and the medicine drawer. The fever had sneaked up to me in the few hours I was home alone, as Ma and Dad had gone out to meet their friends. I sneezed once again as I sifted through the drawer to find Aspirin and I almost jumped in glee when I caught sight of the familiar painkiller.

I popped a pill in my mouth and gulped it down with water when my phone on the counter rings. Walking over, I half expected it to be Ma or Mia, but to my disappointment, I found Elliot's name flashing on my phone. I ignored it, as for the first time in my life, I didn't care enough about anything. I just didn't have enough strength to care. I played some music on my phone and walked back to my room, pulling the bedsheets to my chest and getting comfortable.

And my phone rang again.

I looked at it and swore out loud, before angrily picking up and almost screaming, "What do you want?"

I heard the loud music in the background and I sighed as his loud voice came through my phone speaker, "Ali! I need a favour!"

"Whatever it is, I can't do it tonight," I said, the no coming out effortlessly as my fever-laden brain did the talking.

"What?" despite being drunk, he questioned my response and my lips turned up into an automatic smirk.

"Good night Elliot. Reach home safe," I said and hung up without letting him get another word in.

My phone started playing the paused music automatically after the call disconnected and I got comfortable within my blankets and bed yet again. As I'm about to close my eyes, my phone rang yet again and I groan. Looking at the caller id, surprise set within me when I noticed a familiar, yet hardly talked to person's name on my phone.

"Hello?" I said, immediately being greeted by loud party music in the background of this call as well.

"Hey Aliana," a sweet voice was heard from the other side of the phone and I smiled.

"Hey, Evelyn, what's up?" I asked, sitting straight up in bed.

I heard someone call her name in the background, laughter following them and her voice shushing them right away. There's a bit of silence for a while and I figured she's was walking to a quieter place.

"Sorry about that," she said and I shook my head, a sneeze making its way up again.

"No no, that's alright. Where are you?"

"I'm at this party and my brother told me he'd pick me up, but I'm guessing he forgot."

And that's when it clicked.

The damn favour.

Evelyn took my silence as her cue to continue, "I wouldn't have disturbed you, but I couldn't think of anyone else, as I only have your number because you picked me up on quite a few similar occasions. I don't have anyone else's number."

I sneezed yet again and her voice turned apologetic, "Shit, you're sick. I'm so sorry to disturb you, you should get some rest."

I caught my breath after blowing my nose on a tissue and finally replied to her, "Oh it's alright. Send me the address of your party, I'll come to pick you up."

"No no. You don't sound like you're in a condition to drive and nor should you get out in such bad weather. I'll catch a lift from someone here."

"Evelyn, I'll come to get you, just tell me your address," I said, a slight panic rising in me as scenarios of her inebriated or even sober friends driving through the rain at this time at night passed through my head.

"Aliana, no. I'll be fine. You take care, I'll call you when I reach home," and with that, she hung up.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath and got up from my bed, grabbed my puffer jacket and dialled Elliot's number simultaneously. The ring went unanswered and a few more swears came out of me.

"Shit, shit. Where can the party be?" I asked myself as I tried both the siblings' phones.

Stupid loud party music.

I grabbed my car keys and got out of the house, my teeth chattering as the cold wind gushed past me. Running towards my car, I quickly got in and blasted my heater to the maximum setting and sent a quick text to Ma that I was picking up a friend and that not to worry about me, as I'll be home soon.

My phone rang again, Elliot's name flashing on it.

I had never been happier to see Elliot's name on my phone before.

"Elliot, where's Evelyn's party at?" I asked in a hurried tone and heard him laugh.

"I thought you weren't gonna do the favour?" he asked in a smug, drunk voice and I felt like punching him through the phone.

"Elliot, focus. Your sister's party, where is she?"

"She's at the Clark's."

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath as I recognised that address to be about thirty minutes away on a clear day. There was no way I was gonna make it within at least forty-five minutes.

"Okay. I'm going to pick her up. If she calls you, tell her I'm on my way," I say and hang up. I typed Evelyn's number and called her up again, but it went unnoticed yet again, so I left her a quick message that I was on my way and she needed to stay put.

Quickly removing my car out of the garage, I drove towards the address. In the quiet of the car, I started feeling the drowsiness of the fever and cold hitting me and I shook my head, playing some upbeat music to take my mind off the pain. The aspirin I took earlier made me feel a tad bit better, so I quickly focused on my goal and distracted my mind from everything. The rain felt like tiny pebbles pelting on the car, the wind increasing the intensity of the unexpected storm.

After what felt like 30 minutes of driving, I felt myself relaxing when I looked around and found myself only about 15 minutes away from Clark's.

And that's when I saw it.

Red and blue lights were flashing around what seemed like an accident scene.

And my heart dropped to my stomach.

Carefully parking behind one of the police cars, I got out of mine and walked towards one of the police officers, not caring about the rain drenching me from head to toe.

"O-Officer," I stumbled upon my words as my gut kept telling me that something was horribly wrong. One of them looked at me and gave me their attention.

"What happened here?" I asked him.

He looked at the cars and back at me, "A drunk driving case. The car swerved and hit the tree right there. You should head back home, ma'am. It's late and you don't look too well. Do you want one of us to escort you back?"

I shook my head and thanked him when I heard my phone ringing in the car. I ran towards it and I saw an unknown number on it. I picked it up with shaky hands and muttered a hello.

"Hello? Is this Aliana?" an unknown voice rang out from the other side.

"Yes."

"We're calling concerning Evelyn Rivers. Your number was the last contacted person on her phone. She's been in an accident." 

-

"The driver was declared dead on arrival. A 16-year-old boy, the same age as Evelyn, who shouldn't have been driving in the first place, as he had consumed a good amount of alcohol. Evelyn," I pause and take a deep breath, my eyes solely trained on Nathan's thumb rubbing calming circles on the back of my hand, "Evelyn lost mobility in both her legs. Her legs were crushed by the direct impact, her being the shotgun. She was quick enough to crouch down instantly, so she was saved by the glass. Both the airbags in the front did not deploy. It was a pretty old car. The two people on the backseat did not suffer major injuries."

Nathan nods, as to tell me to continue, and I do, "Elliot came to know about his sister's accident only in the morning. Elliot and Evelyn's parents died in a car crash a few years ago, so both of them used to live with their aunt. Their Aunt was on a business trip when all this happened. He showed up to the hospital, hungover out of his mind.

Ma was with me in the morning, as I had called them up crying as soon as I had come to know what had happened with them. As soon as Elliot saw me that day, he started blaming me for everything. From saying no to not reaching Evelyn on time. Everything was my fault."

Nathan's jaw visibly tenses as he tries his best to keep his anger in. I smile at him calmly and chuckle a little when I remember something, "Ma basically told him to fuck off. Dad came later that day and almost threatened to chop him up in pieces and feed him to the dogs."

"I would've helped him," Nathan mumbles. I laugh a bit, but the mood gets sombre again as I recall everything.

"Evelyn woke up in a few hours and cried when she saw me," I say, tears filling my eyes, "She called me forward and pulled me in for a hug, apologising profusely for not listening to me. When her eyes fell on Elliot, I saw unadulterated hatred towards him from her. She didn't even wanna talk to the brother who didn't care enough for her, who always forgot to pick her up, who always sent me to pick her up. She didn't want to even acknowledge him.

And maybe that's what makes Elliot hate me with all he has."

I look up at him with blurry vision and he wipes my tears away, "Nathan, if I hadn't said no the first time, if I hadn't let my selfishness get to me, Evelyn could be walking on her two feet now instead of being trapped in a wheelchair for an indefinite amount of time."

I smile sadly, "The 16-year-old boy would've lived, Nathan. I ruined two lives, and Elliot is giving me my well-deserved punishment."

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A heavy chapter. I'm a week late again, and I can't apologise enough for it. I'm sorry, I really am.

Anyway, I hope you all are doing amazingly well! Tell me about your weeks? Thoughts on the chapter? Alright, question then?

Q. Have you ever blamed yourself for something which is technically not your fault? Just answer yes and no.

Okay then! I'll talk to you all later! Ciao!

Love,

Anya <3