[Justin's P.O.V]

I've once attempted to watch some fucked up, clichè love story kinda shit movie...and I still regret it to this day. What a waste of time. Anyway, regardless of how unreal the movie seemed, how choreographed the actions were and how forced the 'connection' was, I feel as though I can now understand where the idea of such movies came from...or what the intentions of the movies are.

I don't know if any of this shit I'm thinking of makes sense but now it just kind of clicks in my head. Like once you find someone that can effortlessly make you happy, someone that you feel like...no, know that you can't go on a day without them, someone who's laugh is your favorite sound on fucking planet earth and someone who you'd give your life any day for...once you find that person, the more those cheesy, sappy, romantic movies make sense... no matter how unreal and fucked up they are.

I shouldn't even be making stupid comparisons between those fucked up movies and my own feelings... those are someone's ideas put to action while this is reality, real feelings... real love.

"What are you thinking about?" I'm taken out of my trail of thoughts by the most angelic voice ever. Trust Amara to always ask these random questions. I don't get annoyed or bored by them, I'm instead intrigued by her curiosity.

"Nothing." I lie because I really don't want to get into what I was I thinking about right now. I just want to be right here with her. No actually I want to be at home with her. Where I can hold her as much as I want without her worrying that someone might walk in or some shit like that.

On a least vexatious note, I can't belive she's being discharged from this fucking hospital in less than two days. Monday. That's the day our lives would take a step to...being normal again I guess. However, this time I want everything to be better for her. I don't want her worrying about shit anymore. She's already gone through so much.

This surprise turn of events in our lives caused so much pain and anger in me. I'm still highly pissed about the shit Bianca did, I'm just trying to contain it. She's locked up now...

She literally did so much bad shit in my life...her actions adding on to the large amount of malice I already have towards her. She cheated on me and fell pregnant while she was at it, hid her pregnancy when she moved, came back and tried to trap me with another douche's child, teamed up with my girlfriend's abusive uncle to kidnap her and tried to kill her. That shit is fucked up!

So much shit after another and it's making me more angry just by thinking about it. To think I once trusted her...now I can't fucking look at her.

"It can't be nothing. You've literally zoned out, bet you didn't even hear the nice story I was telling you." Her sweet voice interrupts my obnoxious thoughts about Bianca again and I'm grateful.

"Uh...I...yeah you right I didn't hear shit." I tried looking for an excuse but found none.

"So tell me."

I look at her.

"Tell you what?" I'm dumbfounded for a second.

"What you were thinking." Her voice is like a whisper and I wanna kiss her right now.

"I was just..." I don't know if I should tell her I was thinking of Bianca, that would sound fucked up. "I've been thinking about everything. You know, if I could take everything back or reverse time to stop the events that occured, I would. I hate seeing you here, I'd rather be the one laying here right now."

My words are so genuine.

Amara looks at me and takes my hand in hers. "I know you would. However, I wouldn't take anything back. I'd still stand up to anyone who tried to mess up our relationship...even if it lands me in a hospital." She tells me and I look away.

"So you wouldn't try to erase this mistake I did?" My voice is low as the words feel like they're stuck in my throat. My own words killing me.

Her hand squeezes mine gently, forcing me to look back at her.

"I do wish things wouldn't have led to this...I was just making a point that I'd never stop fighting for you. For us."

Shit I'm so lucky.

"I'll never stop proving to you that I love you." I tell her

"I know you do."

"Yeah still. I want to be somewhat better for you. Leaving the gang was a step in that direction but I still need to change certain things about myself." What am I even saying? I'm fucked up and Amara found me like that but I'll try to change that about myself. I don't even know what it will take for me to do that but I may have an idea. I just want to feel that I'm finally doing enough to make her happy. I know she says I do but I'm still an incredibly flawed man. I make mistakes time and time again and I'm lucky she even loves me no matter what shit she heard about me in that school. She should've been afraid of me and I expected her to but there she was, agreeing to live under the same roof as me. Maybe she was just desperate because she couldn't go back to her old home...

I refuse to think that as the reason she agreed to live with me.

"You're enough for me Justin."

I know she's lying...she has to be. How can I ever be enough for her, this girl right here literally deserves so much more...way more than me.

I want to tell her to not say things she doesn't mean but I decide to keep it to myself. She might think she's right but I know better. I love her beyond the last capacity and she'll never know that...no matter how much I tell her or express it to her. It's fucking unexplainable but that is what's special. The words I can't find to express the feelings my heart is filled to the brim with. The words I can't find to explain my intense, beautiful, yet fucked up love for her.

Without thinking further, I lean closer and press my lips against hers. Her soft lips against mine is a fucking drug and I try not to think too much about it. I wouldn't wanna be walking around the hospital with a fucking hard on.

Before I can stop myself, my tongue slips into her mouth and I'm losing my sanity. She tastes as good as I remember besides the medication and shitty hospital food she was being fed.

Her palm rests on the side of my face as I continue to kiss her. My hand starts travelling to her hips and I pull her closer to me, careful not to hurt her. This fucking hospital bed...she doesn't want me out of it and I spend almost the whole day here...until doctors and nurses tell me to move my ass.

I start licking below her lips to her chin then to her neck where I suck the soft skin. I don't want to leave a mark but maybe that'll keep fucking Dr Fegurson away. Her loud breaths of pleasure are motivating me to fucking do more and I can feel the literal twitch in my pants... and I can't... I can't...not here.

I capture her lips again, my own control fading away. I have to stop...

"Baby I..."

I try to pull away but away from who? Amara? Hell no. At this point, I don't even care that this is a hospital room.

I turn and climb above her body, keeping my body mass off her. Her arms come to wrap around my neck, pulling me closer. My hands trail from her chest going down and she starts slightly panting but I silence her when I press our lips back together.

I should probably stop... I'm about to cup her when the fucking door opens.

"Fuck, shit I..." Nick stutters and I want to fucking die. Or want him to die... He really had to interrupt...I don't know if I'm glad or annoyed by that. Probably both.

He's still in the doorway and I'm convinced he's not gonna go out, especially with that stupid smile that found its way to his face.

I climb off Amara and off the bed. I look at her and she looks away from me immidiately, her cheeks crimson.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you guys were...busy." I want to roll my eyes but I leave it at that.

"What do you want?" I sit back at the chair and Nick walks closer.

"I'm here to see Amara of course. Levi, Leah and Kate will be here as well, they went out to get Starbucks coffee."

It really is kind of cold today.

"Fucking great."

"Justin" Amara scolds and I look at her. Her cheeks are still flushed and I smile at the sight. She was just caught making out with me in a hospital room and the first thing she says is my name...

"Alright sorry...I just hate being interrupted." I really don't know where we would've went had he not walked in.

"I won't even say anything, we will just ignore the fact that this is a hospital room and people can walk in at any time."

"People like you yeah."

My fucking step brother rolls his eyes and proceeds to look at Amara.

"How are you feeling, really?"

"Better than I've ever felt since I've been here." Her soft voice sounds.

"That's wonderful " Nick counters. A genuine smile on his face.

"I'm being discharged soon. On Monday." As soon as the words leave her lips, three figures walk in the almost spacious hospital room.

Levi is holding four coffees, Leah is holding 2 more and Kate has a box of what I'm guessing are muffins inside.

"We have enough for everyone." Kate excitedly announces before placing the box on the counter that has a flower vase in the middle.

I hear Amara thanking them and saying something about how much she craved Starbucks. The conversation goes on for some time when everyone has their own coffee and muffin in hand. I'm on my third bite of the chocolate muffin when Nick speaks.

"By the way, she's being discharged on Monday."

Leah's eyes matches her friend's eyes and they widen in excitement.

"That's amazing. You must be really happy Am...although I'm certain not as happy as I am. Hospitals can be depressing sometimes. Actually all the time." Leah hardly shuts up and Amara nods, a small smile on her face after she bites her caramel muffin. My own smile crawls to my lips as I adore her cuteness.

"Yeah I do miss home actually."

I love the way she calls where we live home. She makes it sound so... some sense of intimate and special that it overwhelms me. The fact that I share an apartment with the girl that I love. Many people don't get to have this advantage at our age.

"We should throw a welcome home party!" Kate suggests, her ear-piercing voice annoying me.

And about a welcome home party...I really don't think so. That's not how I imagined Amara's arrival back home from this stupid hospital. It must be a moment for us, something special and I'm not about to share that with a fucking full house of drunk teenagers.

"Hell no." I shut the idea down  and everyone looks at me like I'm crazy...except Levi and Amara.

"Why? I think we should definitely celebrate that she's out of the hospital." Kate presses and I'm trying my best to not lose it.

"I said no." I place the stupid muffin on the counter where the stupid coffee lies.

"It's not up to you to decide Justin." Kate still pushes and it's making me mad.

"Fuck Kate! It's my fucking house and I have a right to decide whatever shit I want. I don't want people coming to my house and that's that." I make myself clear and Kate glares, her eyes challenging me. I look away but I'm met by my girlfriend's eyes. She looks so uncomfortable and that's when I notice the tension that has quickly risen in the atmosphere around the six of us .

I want to say something but I don't. I instead push myself from the fucking stupid, uncomfortable chair and my feet take me out the room, down the corridor, into the lift, then to my car.

I lean against it for a while before hopping inside. I shouldn't have been the one that left, I should've kicked them out but it was gonna be one versus five and I didn't have the energy to deal with that shit.

I have no idea where the hell I'm going but I need to clear my head for a while.

Of course Kate had to challenge like that back in Amara's ward even though I told her that I don't want anyone at my fucking house. Why would I want to party and celebrate that Amara was in a life and death situation that was caused by me? 

It's fucking awesome that she's getting better and that really reduces the guilt I've built in my heart but why would I want to party and celebrate shit? No one is coming to my fucking house and that's that.

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