"Come on Am let's go out." Leah whined as I've been declining for the past hour. I didn't at all feel like going out but she didn't stop trying to convince me. Today made the second day I had broken up with Justin and I'm already hating myself for it because I can't stay away from him both physically and emotionally. All I want is to be touched by him and loved by him. I miss him deeply and I'm wondering if he's also feeling the same way.

"No I don't feel like it."

She collapsed onto the bed next to Kate and they both looked at me with sympathetic eyes.

"Am you can't continue to live like this. We know you're hurting and dealing with moving on from someone you deeply love but staying locked up inside the room and only coming out when you have school is not gonna help you with anything."

I let a tear fall down my cheek "He didn't come to school again today. I can't help but worry so much about him." I uttered, feeling my heart clench just by thinking if anything had happened to him. Why didn't he come to school today again? Doesn't he want to see me?

"Why did you break up with him Am?" Kate asked and that's when I realized that they still didn't know anything about the breakup. According to them, we had a big fight and I decided to break up with him and moved out.

I swallowed a lump and sat up straight to face them.

"The reason why I left is because...I'm against the idea that Justin is in a gang."

Their jaws dropped, taking in my words.

"Whoa Am...shit are you okay? D-did he hurt you like physi-"

"No." I started, cutting her off. "Justin would never do that I mean...he basically treats me like an egg and he hates Ben just as much as I do so no."

"I can't believe that he's in a gang. Like this proves all the rumours we've heard about him at school right." Kate stated and I got a sense that she was thinking out loud.

"I left and broke up with him because being in a gang is dangerous and I can't be with someone whom I will constantly fear for his life. I can't bring myself to love someone without knowing whether I'll be seeing him tomorrow or not. It's just... I wish I could handle it and I thought love would be enough for me to keep being with him but it's not...its not enough."

I soon felt my body being enveloped in a tight hug and that's when I cried more. I hate that at this moment, I don't know what to do nor did I know how to handle my feelings. I'm just broken, confused and afraid. I love Justin with everything that I have but that's never enough, love is never enough.

***

After two hours, I eventually agreed to going out with Kate and Leah and now I'm now surprisingly not regretting my decision. We were currently at a nearby McDonalds in a corner booth as we waited for our food.

"So you're not gonna go get back with him, like ever?" Leah asked and I sighed.

"I honestly don't know what to do right now. I don't even know if he wants us back together or if so then why didn't he come to school for two days? Why has he not texted me or called me like ever?"

"That's not true, when you unlocked you phone I saw an unopened text from him."

"That's from the night we broke up, he hadn't called me or texted me ever since." I countered before my eyes went wild "Oh my god what if something happened to him!?" I attempted to keep my voice low but judging from nearby people's looks over to our table...

"No I don't think so" Leah replied and I frowned.

"You don't know that Leah. He's... no I need to go check up on him I don't even care if we've broken up." I was making a move to get up but Kate's hand stopped me.

"Are you sure? If you want to move on I don't think going to see him is gonna-"

"I don't even care about that Kate. I need to see if he's okay. What if something terrible happened to him? I can't...I need to go now." I spoke in a hurried speech, remembering his face when I walked out of that door.

By this time, no one's words would stop me from going to see him. I had a bad feeling about going there but I have to. I need to see if he's okay and how he's handling the break up. Despite everything, I can't even start to think of how he's handling all this.

"Okay I'll go with you. Leah please get take away for our food, we'll meet you at home later." Kate stated and Leah nodded as we all stood up.

The ride to Justin's...it was like time was going super slow. Truly speaking I don't know how I felt about going to see him but another part of me felt happy and delighted that I'd see him again. Kate kept asking me if I was okay and if I was sure about going to see him but my answer was the same : yes.

After what felt like eight hours, she parked her car just outside the apartment. I suddenly felt nervous as I didn't know what to expect. Hesitantly opening the car door and about to get out, I was stopped by Kate's voice.

"Do I need to come in with you?" She asked and I shook my head.

"No I'll be fine, thanks." I left the car when I saw her nod. Walking up to the front door, I breathed in deeply before knocking twice. There was no answer so I was about to knock again when someone opened the door.

My breath hitched for a minute thinking it was Justin but my eyes were met by Levi. He smiled a little before opening the door wider for me to step in. At the corner of my eye, I saw Justin seated on a chair and my heart bled due to how hot he actually looked.

"Amara hi." Levi greeted and I saw Justin completely freeze before running a hand through his hair attempting to fix it thinking I wasn't seeing him.

"Hey." I spoke, getting inside and the first thing my eyes met was Justin. My eyes went down his body for a moment, he was shirtless and wearing light gray trukpants that hung dangerously low, revealing his Calvin Klein waistband of his underwear. An almost not there but there patch of hair ran down from under his belly button and disappearing under his clothing.

My heart kept beating a mile a minute just by the mere sight of him. His eyes were staring into mine, holding my gaze. Everything else blurred up and only him and I were alive. That's when he started walking towards me, the sudden locomotion getting me out of my trance. He stopped when he was just in front of me.

Something came over me like I had forgotten everything else, I hugged him, wrapping my hands around his waist and resting my head on his chest, hearing him breath rapidly. A few seconds passed before he returned my hug with as much longing, yearning and desire.

We stayed for that long without saying anything or moving away from each other, just feeling each other's hold. That was until I heard someone clearing their throat. I stayed with my eyes wrapped around Justin's waist and turned my head to look back. Justin kept his arms around me and lifted his head to look at Levi. I found it really sweet that we didn't move away from each other, just lifted our heads to look at the intruder.

Levi scratched his head before announcing "I uh I'll be outside if...anyone needs me...not that I think anybody will."

I laughed and Justin chuckled as Levi walked out, closing the door.

I started feeling somewhat awkward when it was just the two of us so I unwrapped my arms and stepped back.

"I missed you." Justin cooed and I grinned a little.

"So have I."

He just looked at me and didn't reply. He seemed as if there was heaps that he was keeping to himself. Words that yearend to be spoken and understood. I felt the same way, I mostly wanted to change the way I thought and in that way, maybe we will be together again.

Justin sighed before offering me to sit on the couch. I made my way and sat down, with him next to me.

"I...I understand if you hate me." I shook my head so quick that he wouldn't continue with what he was planning to say.

"What? I don't hate you Justin."

He grinned "Well I'm glad to hear that." He uttered before his face turned serious again.

"I have to tell you something. Tomorrow is Friday and...we had...we already had planned an attack against another gang and I have to participate in it. Yesterday, I went to see boss to tell him that I wanted to quit." He stopped and so did my heart.

"Well then what did he say?"

He looked at me before returning his eyes to the floor "He didn't like it obviously. He reminded me that I can never leave UG and I tried reasoning with him until he eventually agreed but gave me a condition." His voice was emotionless as he spoke. My heart was beating faster and faster.

"What kind of condition?" My voice was low as I was angstful for his answer.

"I have to kill the owner of the other gang."

******