~Kaylee

Coughing slightly, I winced as a sharp pain coursed through my chest. Letting out a sigh, I rolled over on the hospital bed and looked at the door where Rick was talking outside with a doctor.

It’s been a week and I still wasn’t better. It felt like it was getting worse every day, it’s getting harder to bear the pain. My chest always felt tight, it felt like it took extra energy to take in breaths and each breaths I took made my lungs feel like they were on fire. All I could do was sleep at this point, it seemed like even opening my eyes was a load of work.

Eventually, they finished talking and came in.

“You’re going to be fine just try not stress yourself too much and don’t skip your drugs next time." the doctor smiled at me, lying directly to my face!

God I’m sick of this! I’m tired of the lies, I didn’t need anything to be sugar coated like I was a child.

 “I’m tired of hearing that over and overall. I know I’m not fine!” I snapped. “Why do you guys keep telling me I’m fine when every single day of my life, I’m in pain. I just turned eighteen, I think I’m old enough not to be lied to.”

The doctor seemed a bit taken aback while my uncle just let out a sigh from behind.

I calmed down and spoke in a lower voice. “Tell me what’s really going on….please?”

The doctor looked at my uncle as if to ask for permission and he nodded.

“Well…at this point, your cancer has spread so much that there really isn’t much hope left.” the doctor started.

“Not much of a surprise... or new information at that.” I mumbled unimpressed.

Ignoring me, he continued. “Your drugs aren’t doing much for you at this point…I mean it’s the reason you’re still here but...well…you’re lungs are slowly deteriorating and probably sometime next year, you’ll have to be placed on hospice care. For now, we’re going to the best we can do.”

“So I’m really going to die? There’s no saving me?” I couldn’t help asking, I was preparing myself for an answer I already knew.

He didn’t say anything as he looked away and that was enough answer for me.

I already knew this or at least I knew at one point I would die, so why did I feel a dull ache in my heart? Why did I feel tears stinging in my eyes? Why did I feel my heart feel like it just dropped and shattered into a million pieces?

“How much time left?” I asked, my voice a little shaky but I refused to let any more emotions show.

“It’s too early to give an exact time. Maybe a year…half a year…but that doesn’t matter. Just enjoy whatever time you have left.” He said, his eyes resting on me once again with pity. “I promise you, we will try everything we can to the end, if it doesn’t work, you just have to enjoy your last days.”

I nodded and just spaced out while the doctor turned to talk to Rick. I couldn’t be bothered to listen to what they were saying. The drive back home was silence and only one thought circled through my mind.

This was it. I really was going to die, I really couldn’t be saved.

“Are you Ok?” Rick asked pulling me from my thoughts.

I wanted to give him a smile and tell him I was OK but I couldn’t. I could fake a smile and lie easily any day so why couldn’t I do it now?

I couldn’t fake it. I couldn’t say now and cry out the pain inside. I just felt numb.

“You should get some rest when we get home.” He said after I didn’t reply as he pulled into our driveway.

Pushing the car door open, I went upstairs to my room falling on my bed. I didn’t bother putting on the lights, I let the darkness of the room consume me. Why put on the lights in when it couldn’t light up the darkness I was feeling inside of me.

Kicking off my shoes, I crawled under my duvet and just stared up at the blank dark space that was supposedly the ceiling.

The lights suddenly went up and I winced as it hit my eyes.

“Sorry, were you asleep?” Rick asked and I sat up shaking my head.

“I just wanted to check up on you.” He said sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I’m fine. I guess I’m just over reacting.” I shrugged.

“You’re not over reacting Kaylee. Honestly, I’m surprised you even took it well. Not a lot of people are calm hearing that news.”

“I guess I’ve always expected it. Hearing it from the doctor, I just needed to process it a little bit.”

“I’m so-“

“Please don’t apologize.” I cut him off. “It’s really no one’s fault and I don’t want pity.”

He nodded and we stayed quiet for a while processing everything that happened.

 “Oh, I almost forgot. I’ll be right back.” He said leaving the room before coming back shortly with a little ice cream chocolate cake with candles and a wrapped present in his hands.

“Look, before you say anything.” He said just as I was about to protest. “We didn’t get to celebrate your eighteenth birthday and you’ve been sick ever since.”

“I mean it’s really not important.”

It might even be the last birthday I would ever have. At least I got to experience being 18. An adult, a milestone I was lucky to see.

“It is and we’re going to celebrate It.” he said taking a seat before lighting the candles with the lighter from his pockets.

With all the eighteen candles on the cake lighted up, he placed it in front of me.

 “Make a wish and blow out your candles.” He beamed.

Closing my eyes, I thought for a while what I really wanted before I made the wish inside my head and blew put my candles.

I genuinely smiled feeling a lot better as I opened my eyes again. “Thank you.”

“Before we have some cake, I have a present for you.” He handed me the box.

Taking the box, I carefully unwrapped it and removed the lid. The first thing I saw being a car key and I looked up at him.

“Well you win, I’ll take it.” I laughed slightly.

My mind momentarily went to Christian but I pushed it away looking back at the box. Next inside were two floral journals, both identical. Except the first one was really old and a little bit dusty, little scribbles across the book and the little tears and wears on it being the difference among the two.

Opening up the old one, I saw my mom’s name designed on the first page in calligraphy.

“It was your moms.” Rick said as I ran my hand across it. “Our parents gave it to her when she was 18. She was about to graduate and head to college. She loved to write, so they gave it to her to journal all her little adventures and stories. Or at least whatever she wanted.”

Flipping the pages, her neat handwriting filled the pages, giving glimpses of her life through the words.

“She loved that journal so much, every day she would write about her day.” He continued. “She told me when she had the worst days, writing in her journal made her feel a little bit better. You can read through it, get to live a little while in your mom’s shoes. Probably learn a few things you never knew. I even got you an identical one, knowing her, she would have loved to give you this also on your birthday.”

“Where did you get this?” I asked looking up at him.

“When I came to get you, I found it in her room. She still had it with her all these years.” He said.

“Thank you…really, thank you. This is the best gift ever.” I said really meaning it.

Holding his arms out, I hugged him tightly wondering why I ever hated him so much in the first place. We spent the rest of the evening having some cake and reading my mom’s writings.

Even though this was probably the last birthday I would ever had, it was the best.
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