Edited

~Kaylee

My eyes blinked open slowly as I woke up. The lights were still off and the curtains were closed making the room dark but I knew it was morning already. My head still ached and I felt a little hot but other than that, I haven’t had a good night rest like this for a while.

Christian was still asleep next to me, his arms still wrapped around me and I smiled slightly. He really did stay.

Trying my best not to wake him up, I reached for my phone to check the time surprised to see it was already ten in the morning. I could also see missed calls from my uncles and texts wondering where I was.

“Rick came over looking for you, I told him you were with me before he left.” I heard Christian say.

“Did I wake you?” I asked turning around so I was facing him now.

“I’ve been awake don’t worry.” He smiled. “Happy birthday by the way.”

“Oh yeah…today’s my birthday.” I realized. “How did you know?”

The last time I ever celebrated my birthday was when my dad died, ever since then, I could only mourn the death of my dad till recently my mom also. My birthday was something I tried hard to forget or at least ignore.

“From the twenty questions we played.” He replied.

“It’s ten in the morning, you’re going to miss school.” I said changing the topic.

“Correction, I already missed school. Don’t worry, I called in sick.”

“You shouldn’t have to, you’re-“

“You really don’t seem to understand do you?”

“Understand what?”

“How important you are to me.”

“You’re just using this as an excuse not to go to school” I playfully glared at him even though what he said made my heart skip a beat.

“Glad to know you’re back to yourself.” He laughed. “Did you sleep well though?”

“Yeah. I haven’t felt this good in a while.” I smiled. “I didn’t even have any nightmares.”

“I’m glad.” He smiled back. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Maybe…” I sighed and sat up. “I don’t know…my parents died on the same day just years apart. Somehow, my brain twisted it up so much that I keep having the same nightmares of the crash but they both end up dying. And I have to watch it over and over again, I have to relive it all over. All different scenarios but they always end up dead. Yesterday, it was different….I killed them.”

My hands were starting to tremble again as the memory threatened to resurface. Noticing my distress, Christian sat up as well placing his arm around my shoulder as I leaned my head on his.

“Good thing it’s just a dream, it didn’t happen. You didn’t kill them.” He tried to reassure me.

But he doesn’t know that I did. It goes so much deeper than that and maybe that’s why it keeps getting to me, because I knew it was true.

“Y-yeah…” I said letting out a small shaky breath. “My mom and I used to visit dad’s grave every year. Now I can’t even visit the both of them.”

“You lived in Brooklyn right? Before you moved here to Boston. I can take you there.” Christian said making me look up at him.

“It’s OK, you’ve already done enough for me.” I smiled.

“Consider it like a little birthday present for me.” He said getting up.

“Wait are you being serious?” I frowned.

“As I’ll ever be.”

“It’s almost a three hours’ drive there and if we go there, we’ll probably have to drive late in the night. And I’m not letting you miss another day of school because of me.”

“Firstly, I don’t mind a three hour drive. I’ve driven longer than that and if it gets too late, we’ll just stay at a hotel. Secondly, tomorrow’s Saturday”

“Regardless-“

“Do you want to go or not?” He asked.

“I do…” I admitted after a while.

“So let’s go!” Christian concluded.

“Hold your horses, I need to freshen up and change from these clothes” I said getting up also. “I can’t wear the ones I had on from yesterday, those were my Pj’s.”

“You can just go home, do whatever you have to do and I’ll wait for you at the front”

“I guess. I just really don’t want to see my uncle but I’m sure he’s gone to work now, if I’m lucky anyway.” I walked to the door.

“Give me ten minutes to get ready, I’ll be there to pick you up.” He said.

Roughly ten minutes, we were on the road. We were actually doing this! Thankfully Rick wasn’t at home when I went to freshen up. I even ended up carrying a few things in case we actually ended up booking a hotel.

I ended up sleeping through most of the journey. As we reached the town, I could recognize a few places that I had been too. Each of those places holding special memories I had spent there.

“Where are we heading to now?” Christian asked after he bought some flowers from a roadside shop and I gave him the directions to my parent’s grave site.

It was a little after one when we got there. Getting down from the car, I couldn’t help feeling a bit…anxious? Scared?

“Let’s go.” Christian said holding his hand out noticing my hesitation.

“Yeah.” I mumbled taking his hands.

He gave my hand a little squeeze and an encouraging smile as I led the way to my parent’s grave. A few feet away, I stopped as I sighted the familiar tombstones right in front of me. Letting go of my hand, I took a deep breath and moved closer so I was right in front of them.

In loving memory of David Woods. A loving father, brother and friend.

In loving memory of Raine Woods. A loving mother, sister and friend.

Survived by their daughter, Kaylee Woods.

The tears welled up in my eyes as I read the writings on the stones. Christian came up to my side and gave me the flowers he bought earlier.

“Thanks.” I said taking them as I dropped on each of their graves.

“I’ll give you some time alone.” He said before leaving.

Sitting down on the thankfully interlocked floor, I let out a sigh.

“Hey mom, hey dad.” I said. “I really miss you guys….”

I felt the tears drop from my eyes down my cheeks as I couldn’t hold them anymore.

“Every day, it still seems unreal how you two are gone. I still get all those nightmares and I know I deserve it. It’s my fault after all.” I sniffed. “I know you guys wouldn’t want me to be sad, you would want me to move on and be happy. And I’m really trying, trying to find some reason why I deserve to be happy. Trying to find some kind of inner peace and happiness.”

“I met someone…..he’s....um special…I really really like him. He’s different, I haven’t met anyone like him.” I laughed slightly. “Heaven knows I didn’t make it easy for him but he still stuck by me. He even brought me here. Mom, you would have really loved to meet him….you too Dad, even though you would try to act like the scary overprotective dad.”

Even while the tears where still streaming down my face, I found myself laughing. Laughing at the thought of how life would be if they were still alive and here with me.

I told them a bit more about other things and people in my life. I chose to believe that they were there with me and were listening. Just like how mom and I always did when we would visit my dad’s grave together.

I looked over at Christian as he started walking towards me from the car.

“You still need more time?” He asked stopping beside me.

I shook my head and got up “I’m done.”

“You sure?” He said wiping some tears off my cheek as he pulled me into a hug.

“Yeah, I feel so much better.” I said hugging him back. I let out a sigh feeling more relaxed than I’ve been all week. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

I smiled and looked up at him. “They would have loved to meet you.”

“I would have loved to meet them too.” He smiled back.

“We should get going, it’s almost four already.” I said pulling out of the hug. “Hotel or back home?”

“Cinema?” He replied with a sheepish smile.

“Huh?” I raised my eyebrow at him.

“We haven’t celebrated your birthday yet.” He said. “Don’t get mad ok, I sort of made a few plans when I went back to the car. I know you’re mourning your parents but it’s still your birthday and I want it to be special.”

I paused a little bit then eventually gave in after much thought.

“I think a second date is due.” I teased and he chuckled.

“Yeah, let’s go have some fun.”
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